JerryMan Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 okay so this is my story. i met this amazing girl in 2012 and we had an amazing relationship. we had been dating for 4 years and 6 months now. she cheated on me once by giving a guy who was flirting with her a simple peck. this happen during the first few weeks of us dating. she was only 14 tho and i was 15. we were both very young and naive. i forgave her and we went on our relationship constantly growing and loving each other more each day. fast forward 4 years and the biggest downfall happen. recently when we would argue i would get physically aggressive, i would push her and call her names. this happen about 6 times this year. we would argue about dumb things like her texting or talking to guys i didn't approve of. i was a very insecure guy, i would accuse of her doing things she never did and i would be a very needy boyfriend. always wanting her to text me or i would think wrong of her. she told me she wished she had the courage to leave me because i was so abusive. BUT the most i ever did was push her off of me and on two times i slapped the top of her head. thats it tho! i would never leave her bruises or anything that harsh. but i guess this ****ed her up mentally. now fast forward over the summer, she went on vacation to Mexican hometown. now she is 18 btw. she was never the type of girl to drink but this summer she dranked almost everyday with her friends and went to parties. with me finding out about this i got really REALLY mad. i texted her hundreds of times and called her a **** load of times. all which she would ignore and make me only angrier:mad: she got to the point where she would turn her phone off so i wouldn't bother her. now during these times, an old friend she had would calm her down. dancing with her, talking to her, and being there for her while she was mad at me. he would make her happy while i was making her mad. while i made her cry this guy made her laugh. over the next 3 weeks she slowly started gaining feelings for this guy. he was the shoulder she was crying on. when she came back from her vacation in Mexico, we talked and she told me she didn't know how she felt about me anymore. over the next 6 months i tried to get her back on my side. i kept telling her if she left me she would regret it and that she wouldn't find a better person than me. i tried to win her back by being extra sweet ,almost fake appreciation. she noticed this and never took my efforts as real. we hardly kissed or had sex at all. she started acting different around me. she told me she couldn't stop thinking about her guy friend and her feelings towards this guy. now its december and she went back to mexico again to her hometown to do religious related things for christmas. she blocked me from snapchat and i found out she's talking to this guy again. NOW, i just want to know how can i fix this situation?????? i did some research and i found out when girls lose their feelings for their boyfriend its not because of a new guy but because she starts disliking the way their boyfriend acts or his insecureness. all which i am guilty of. most times, the girl thinks she found a better guy but 65% of the time the new relationship ends up in disaster and is known as a 'rebound boyfriend' . i want to know how can i possibly fix this relationship with my girlfriend????? i am willing to change but she won't believe me or it might be too late. how can i convince her to get back with me officially?! to gain her old feelings for me again. to know that this new guy thing is nothing but an illusion due to her anger for me! please i need help. i love her very much and i want her to love me again. please and thank you!!
Satu Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I tried reading that, but it literally hurt my eyes. Paragraphs and punctuation exist for a reason. Take care. 2
Author JerryMan Posted December 26, 2016 Author Posted December 26, 2016 i am sorry my friend! hahaha. i am new to this website. i forgot that you can use punctuation. i hope you can re read and help me. thanks
marcelah Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I don't think you should have been physically aggressive in anyway. Even though she made you mad by cheating or just the fights you had, you should never touch your partner in a negative way. You need to calmly talk it out and if you can't then you need to walk away and give eachother both space. I think because you are pressuring her so much and texting her to the point she turns of her phone, its because she isn't interested in you anymore. You are showing her you are desperate. Why would you want to be with someone who is obviously flirting with another guy and who blocks you on snapchat because she is with him. She is already lying to you by blocking you. I say move on. It's hard, but I think you both would be better off if you moved your seperate ways. You both did wrong in this relationship and you've been through so much but if she cannot be honest with you at this point, there is no basis in the relationship. At this point, you should be happy and stable, not having her flirt with other guys and not you having to text/call her 100's of times to get her attention. 1
Author JerryMan Posted December 26, 2016 Author Posted December 26, 2016 thank you very much for your advice. i will take this into consideration. 1
PinkPampies Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 You sound like a terrible boyfriend. Texting her hundreds of times, pushing her and slapping her head, but "never leaving bruises"? No wonder she left you. She deserves better and you need to get help for your anger and aggression. Leave her alone and work on yourself. 2
Author JerryMan Posted December 26, 2016 Author Posted December 26, 2016 I know this was all my mistakes. I do no longer physically abuse her like that. It seems like i am a bad boyfriend but i have done more good than bad. 99% good and 1% bad . my girl is just one of those girls who focus only on the bad and not the good. i want her to realize this. but i don't know how.
lolablue17 Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I think that you Gf has attempted to signal you that she doesn't love you any more. She just didn't have the guts to leave you. She may love you in some level but she wants out. Even if you stay together, you'll both be miserable (Fighting, cheating). Be a gentleman and let her go amicably. Move on. From what I've read, you need to be far away from her, for youself. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I know this was all my mistakes. I do no longer physically abuse her like that. It seems like i am a bad boyfriend but i have done more good than bad. 99% good and 1% bad . my girl is just one of those girls who focus only on the bad and not the good. i want her to realize this. but i don't know how. You clearly have no idea how damaging abuse is. You are violent with her, yet expect her to focus more on the good times? That's utterly ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it's 6 times a years or 1 time a year. Laying your hands on a woman in anger should never happen. Your flippant attitude about your violence is very troubling. You don't appear to have any insight as to the lasting affects of your behaviour. It's all fine that you don't do it anymore, but do you have even the slightest clue as to what your past abuse has done to her? She is right to want to stay away from you. Until you learn to get yourself and your violent streak under control, you should not be with anyone. Stay single and get some therapy; find out why you give yourself permission to physically and emotionally abuse another person. Please, leave her alone and let her go, so she can heal and find someone who wouldn't dare mistreat her in this way even one time. 5
Satu Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 I know this was all my mistakes. I do no longer physically abuse her like that. It seems like i am a bad boyfriend but i have done more good than bad. 99% good and 1% bad . my girl is just one of those girls who focus only on the bad and not the good. i want her to realize this. but i don't know how. You don't get it. There's no way back from the way you've behaved. Leave her alone. Get some therapy. Take care. 1
Miyoko Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Jerryman, I agree with Satu, I think you should just let her go, move on.
Author JerryMan Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I think that you Gf has attempted to signal you that she doesn't love you any more. She just didn't have the guts to leave you. She may love you in some level but she wants out. Even if you stay together, you'll both be miserable (Fighting, cheating). Be a gentleman and let her go amicably. Move on. From what I've read, you need to be far away from her, for youself. you are right my friend. but i still think there is something between us that can be fixed. i think many people are viewing me in a wrong way. when i 'abused' her , it was not anything for people to get scared about i only pushed her away from me one time and the slap head one was a mistake. i know there isn't an excuse but i feel like i should be forgiven if i am man enough to admit to my mistakes and fix them?
Author JerryMan Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 You clearly have no idea how damaging abuse is. You are violent with her, yet expect her to focus more on the good times? That's utterly ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it's 6 times a years or 1 time a year. Laying your hands on a woman in anger should never happen. Your flippant attitude about your violence is very troubling. You don't appear to have any insight as to the lasting affects of your behaviour. It's all fine that you don't do it anymore, but do you have even the slightest clue as to what your past abuse has done to her? She is right to want to stay away from you. Until you learn to get yourself and your violent streak under control, you should not be with anyone. Stay single and get some therapy; find out why you give yourself permission to physically and emotionally abuse another person. Please, leave her alone and let her go, so she can heal and find someone who wouldn't dare mistreat her in this way even one time. but do you think if i admit to my mistakes and try to win her back in a true compassionate way, i may have a chance? i have been suffering the consequences. i love my girlfriend very much if not i wouldn't be on a website asking people for help. most men would blame the woman and leave. so am i above this typical man and maybe she will see the true man that loves her?
Author JerryMan Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 You don't get it. There's no way back from the way you've behaved. Leave her alone. Get some therapy. Take care. thank you for your help. since i began realizing my mistakes i have controlled my anger very well. i no longer even get angry at things that used to. but that doesn't mean i always lashed out in violence. out of 4 years this never happen until recently. there is no excuse but i feel like people are only focusing on this. if i as a man realize what i have done, isn't that the biggest level of achievement one can have? and not only to realize but to fix it! most men blame the woman but i blame myself. how can i make her realize this?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 (edited) but do you think if i admit to my mistakes and try to win her back in a true compassionate way, i may have a chance? i have been suffering the consequences. i love my girlfriend very much if not i wouldn't be on a website asking people for help. most men would blame the woman and leave. so am i above this typical man and maybe she will see the true man that loves her? No, not even close. A true man that loves her wouldn't be trying to explain away the abuse because there would have been zero abuse to begin with. There wouldn't have even been anything that could be interpreted as abuse. The mere fact that you don't get this is mind-blowing. You completely lack insight. The typical man would not be needing to justify any episodes of aggressive or violent behaviour, because there is no place for either in a typical, healthy and respectful relationship. Based on everything you have written, I don't think you have a chance with her, no. She is done. She doesn't want to be with you. You really have no choice but to let her go. Despite what you seem to think, this is not all about you and what you want. She gets a say too, and she has made it clear she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend anymore. Start behaving more like a man, and less like a selfish and foul-tempered kid. Accept her decision with some dignity and leave the poor girl alone, OP. Edited December 28, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
Author JerryMan Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 No, not even close. A true man that loves her wouldn't be trying to explain away the abuse because there would have been zero abuse to begin with. There wouldn't have even been anything that could be interpreted as abuse. The mere fact that you don't get this is mind-blowing. You completely lack insight. The typical man would not be needing to justify any episodes of aggressive or violent behaviour, because there is no place for either in a typical, healthy and respectful relationship. Based on everything you have written, I don't think you have a chance with her, no. She is done. She doesn't want to be with you. You really have no choice but to let her go. Despite what you seem to think, this is not all about you and what you want. She gets a say too, and she has made it clear she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend anymore. Start behaving more like a man, and less like a selfish and foul-tempered kid. Accept her decision with some dignity and leave the poor girl alone, OP. I am not trying to justify my physical abuse/aggression. I have admitted that there is NO excuse for a man to lay his hands on a women for ANY reason. I am saying that I understand my mistakes. The problem with most people I think is that they dispose of each other easily. This is why I am not giving up easily on someone who I have deeply and truly loved for 4 years. I do respect that she has her own say in this and her decisions but if I can somehow make her forgive me for my past mistakes, then in my own opinion I think both sides will win in the end. Some people deserve to be forgiven and not held a grudge upon. I respect your opinion on this and thank you very much. If you have a response to this I will very much appreciate more insight on this to help me.
LargoLagg Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 girlfriend of 4 years says she has feelings for someone else? All you can do is believe her, and act accordingly. Anything else you do, anything to try and get her, that's going to fail. Also, you can't dump her. Sure, you can tell her you're done, but she's already done that for you. It's sorta like quitting after you've been fired. Your best move is to pack your stuff and go. You don't even have to say goodbye.
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