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canceled christmas plans + other issues

marcelah

By marcelah
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marcelah New Member

marcelah

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for a long time, about 3 years. His family (sisters, mom and dad) are out of town for christmas, so we had plans to go visit our friends after he gets out of work. On christmas eve, I messaged him that i can't wait to spend christmas with him and he responded saying he is going to spend it at his aunts house and hang out with his friend after that. I made SO many cookies and had his present wrapped already, so I was really disappointed.

 

I didn't show it though because I don't want to make him upset. I ended up spending it with my family. But he didn't even apologize for canceling on me, and he didn't attempt to invite me to his aunts or to hang out with his friends. It hurt me. I don't care for gifts much either, but it was my birthday last week and christmas this week and he doesn't have a single gift for me. He always puts stuff till last minute to the point where its too late to buy a gift. I told him even a card would do, and he just replied with "I'm too lazy". I didn't have too much money to spend this year, but I still got him a gift and a card.

 

He doesn't make plans, and when I try to make a date or plans with him, he thinks I get pushy. So I usually ask and he says "maybe, or idk" and I have to suck it up or else he will get annoyed. It's just getting frustrating. I love him but I am a planner and I see him planning things with other friends and he picks up their calls and answers their messages to hang out, and then when I try to make plans, he just gives me nothing. It makes me jealous of his friends.

 

Will he change? Or is there any way to compromise with him so he can plan sometimes with me? Why does he treat me like this? I've talked to him that I'm a planner and my issues with him not including me with his friends sometimes and he just kind of brushes it off. I'm so confused on what to do. He is two years younger. We are both in our 20's

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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WhatYouWantToHear Established Member

WhatYouWantToHear

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I'm so confused on what to do

 

No you are not. You are not brave enough to do what you know you should.

  • Like 6
Satu Established Member

Satu

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At best, he's inconsiderate.

 

At worst, he's rude and ignorant.

 

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Why are you afraid to make him upset? If my boyfriend cancelled our plans on the very day of Xmas I would be livid and you bet I would be mad and I would tell him how much I am hurt and mad !!

 

Your boyfriend is lazy and he is inconsiderate and NO he won't change. I don't know why you remained in this relationship for 3 years. There is a new year starting, time to clean up and throw out the garbage, go get yourself a real man.

  • Like 9
Satu Established Member

Satu

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Why are you afraid to make him upset? If my boyfriend cancelled our plans on the very day of Xmas I would be livid and you bet I would be mad and I would tell him how much I am hurt and mad !!

 

Your boyfriend is lazy and he is inconsiderate and NO he won't change. I don't know why you remained in this relationship for 3 years. There is a new year starting, time to clean up and throw out the garbage, go get yourself a real man.

 

This.

 

Exactly this.

  • Like 4
bachdude Established Member

bachdude

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Wow, he canceled your Christmas plans??

 

 

Changing Christmas plans like it's no big deal, and no gifts for your birthday or Christmas is not the behavior of a guy who values you as his GF or values your relationship.

 

 

I also sense that you make excuses for him (he's not a good planner, etc.).

 

 

His shrug his shoulders I don't give a rip attitude sucks and says a lot about how he sees you OP.

 

 

There are guys out there who will value you and show it by how they treat you.

  • Like 3
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I would not date a guy like your boyfriend.

 

You are low on his priority list, and I cannot imagine why you tiptoe around your own feeling and needs like this.

 

I would advise you to end the relationship. He's showing you he doesn't care about you very much. Let him go so you can find someone who does.

  • Like 4
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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He's not your boyfriend. He's just a guy you've been hanging out with for three years . . .

  • Like 5
Mystyry Established Member

Mystyry

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After being together for three years, I would personally expect more consideration on all of the issues you mention: holiday plans, birthdays, gifts. It also strikes me as odd that you have family in town and yet, were not planning to spend the holiday with them and your boyfriend, especially since his family was not around and so no usual family time juggling needed to take place. Understanding that it might be a particular situation/relationship with your family that precluded that, but it came across as you are not "there" yet with your BF of three years and at that relationship length, it is unsual.

 

On another hand, you absolutely should be expressing your discontent with his behavior and lack of consideration. It is best when it is done early on to establish expectations and boundaries. You see, when you are afraid to upset him and bring up something important to you, you set a precedent that tells him it is acceptable behavior and you breed resentment in yourself. You say you talked to him about this at certain times previously and see no reaction. That is telling too. He might be the person who does not want or care to change, or does not want or care to change for you. You've been in this for three years. Is there enough positives in your relationship to keep you in, despite this? If the answer is no, then you need to let it go.

  • Like 1
IfonlyIknew Established Member

IfonlyIknew

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This behavior is nothing new I'd imagine. He's too comfortable. You have allowed one too many green lights and he knows you'll still be there. I wouldn't invest any further if I were you.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Just my perspective but this sounds like a FWB not a committed relationship. Are you telling us the whole truth here???

 

 

 

Whatever........this guy doesn't give a rat's butt about you, please dump this chump. He is expecting you to do the dirty work to end this. He won't shed a tear when you do.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 1
butterfly84 Member

butterfly84

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i usually can try to see things from the other person's perspective (meaning your boyfriend's perspective in this case) but i got nothing for this one... if he has been with you for 3 years he knows that you value a card or gift. and i don't care if he is jobless or has no money, paper and markers exist to make someone a card. there isn't an excuse. like others have said i think you know what you have to do, which is hard... but he isn't meeting your needs and when he does stuff like canceling it shows he doesn't care, and you deserve someone more caring that will give you the same level of care as you give out.

Edited by butterfly84
typo
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