Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Was she drunk? Sounds like it to me! I wish I could say she was, but she wasn't. She just seemed to still have some much negativity on her chest towards me, it was crazy. I was trying to be super calm and cool, but nothing worked to allow a friendly sort of re-connection. Seemed like her goal for calling was to vent more anger, not to reconcile even a friendship.
jamili Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Might actually be the same chick!! It definitely sounded as if she was pissed about the breakup and called to rehash everything again and vent more anger. Because she was acting so ****ty, I didn't say call if you change your mind. I basically felt like I tried and now it's whatever. Her attitude was just too stink. It was weird man, I thought she called to be peaceful and friendly, but I was dead wrong. Showing any emotion at all, even anger, is a sign that she still has feelings for you of some kind. She hasn't quite let you go yet, is my guess. This is especially telling if she's still this emotional 3 months after the breakup. Sounds like she's finally facing her feelings about it. I think its pretty common for dumpers to start thinking about the breakup only when several months pass. Just keep giving her space and let that emotion build inside of her. Let her sort that out on her own. Id avoid speaking with her again unless your get a clearer sense of intent to reconcile.
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Are you sure you didn't accidentally pocket-dial? You need to check your phone log to see if your phone dialled out on your behalf. I have a friend who is always 'not' calling me. I have realised now it's just his phone. If you pocket-dialled your ex, you are going to get a strange response from her. I'd just forget it and move on because she doesn't sound interested in starting again.
Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Showing any emotion at all, even anger, is a sign that she still has feelings for you of some kind. She hasn't quite let you go yet, is my guess. This is especially telling if she's still this emotional 3 months after the breakup. Sounds like she's finally facing her feelings about it. I think its pretty common for dumpers to start thinking about the breakup only when several months pass. Just keep giving her space and let that emotion build inside of her. Let her sort that out on her own. Id avoid speaking with her again unless your get a clearer sense of intent to reconcile. I have to admit, I still have very strong feelings for her as well. I just thought our re-connection would turn out differently not lead to not speaking yet again, but that's my only remaining option. I expressed to her openly how I felt, but she acted as if she was completely over me and just called to reinforce that understanding.
Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Are you sure you didn't accidentally pocket-dial? You need to check your phone log to see if your phone dialled out on your behalf. I have a friend who is always 'not' calling me. I have realised now it's just his phone. If you pocket-dialled your ex, you are going to get a strange response from her. I'd just forget it and move on because she doesn't sound interested in starting again. Wasn't a pocket dial, this is not the first time this has occurred. She seems to have a problem contacting me directly when we are going through something as if it gives me power over her or something. I agree, she doesn't seem interested in starting again, but she was on the phone for over 5 hours telling me this...kind of long for someone who isn't interested.
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 That is a long time to spend telling someone they are not interested. She is clearly still upset with you. Even if a person breaks off a relationship, then depending on the reasons, they can still feel hurt that they had to do it. But it is not worth dwelling on. Just sorry that you had this experience out of the blue.
Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 That is a long time to spend telling someone they are not interested. She is clearly still upset with you. Even if a person breaks off a relationship, then depending on the reasons, they can still feel hurt that they had to do it. But it is not worth dwelling on. Just sorry that you had this experience out of the blue. Agreed, you wouldn't be on the phone that long if you're interested in them. I know she still may be hurt, but I tried everything to let her know I'm sorry if I hurt her, but I can't change the past and let's try to move forward. Seems like she's stuck, so there's nothing I can do but continue moving forward. Btw, she'll never say that she called me, she has to say that I called her.
Author Mumra Posted January 19, 2017 Author Posted January 19, 2017 - Ex broke up with me about five months ago - Her mother called me a couple days ago trying to get me to contact her (flying monkey?) - I refused! - Ex calls yesterday, but hangs up when I answer. I call right back and no answer... - Ex texts me later and crazily asks me did I call her (gaslighting?) - When I speak to ex, she is bitter/frustrated/angry towards me. Seemingly wanting to vent... - I ask if she misses me and she gets upset bc I asked, says she doesn't feel the same - I ask to start over, she says I don't know - Didn't seem like she wanted to get off of the phone, but after while I got off bc she wasn't being sweet or playful at all - Why the hell did she call then? - Does she sound like a narcissist and was I hoovered? Also, she was lying like crazy and changing past events to fit her own narrative
Sweetfish Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 - Ex broke up with me about five months ago - Her mother called me a couple days ago trying to get me to contact her (flying monkey?) - I refused! - Ex calls yesterday, but hangs up when I answer. I call right back and no answer... - Ex texts me later and crazily asks me did I call her (gaslighting?) - When I speak to ex, she is bitter/frustrated/angry towards me. Seemingly wanting to vent... - I ask if she misses me and she gets upset bc I asked, says she doesn't feel the same - I ask to start over, she says I don't know - Didn't seem like she wanted to get off of the phone, but after while I got off bc she wasn't being sweet or playful at all - Why the hell did she call then? - Does she sound like a narcissist and was I hoovered? Also, she was lying like crazy and changing past events to fit her own narrative This is not enough to know if someone is classified as anything...
preraph Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 She didn't call you. Her MOTHER called you from her phone or wherever! She's obviously trying to get rid of her and palm her off on you. The ex doesn't want you at all it doesn't sound like. I'm sure she's miserable if she's got a mother like that. Jesus, just block them both!! What a bunch of crap.
Author Mumra Posted January 19, 2017 Author Posted January 19, 2017 This is not enough to know if someone is classified as anything... Well can you at least provide what you think of the situation I layed out?
Sweetfish Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Well can you at least provide what you think of the situation I layed out? You didn't really layout a good description of whats going on. What was the relationship like before and what lead to the breakup now. Its just bits of pieces of a crime scene. This erratic behavior is nothing i haven't seen before. To be honest this seems like an ex gf who has troubles in mutiple relationships and has trouble regulating her emotions. My concern is your way of handling the erratic behavior is poor or shows lack of experience. I can read between the lines and assume you did't think women are masters of mind games.. i think you just wanted a female perspective... because this behavior your not familiar with in men and think you'll get better insight with women. My opinion is you love this girl...but your handling the situation poorly. Maybe because the relationship was tense or you connected with her well or what ever, but your getting snaked back into the erractic behavior and its screwing with your judgement, reality, and capability to see the relationship with clear eyes. With the behavior your ex girlfriend exhibits you really need to think... Do you really want to deal with this mess and it looks messy and your making it messier. When ever a guy or girl breaks up with you, the classy thing to do is walk away and thank them for the relationship. Respect that the milk has expired. Do not try to drink more milk. Doing this has an amazing impact on you and your ex. Its the highest level of respect you can gain during a breakup. Any chaos... which can happen after (usually, its a method to resolve the dumpers guilt) by pinning the dumping on you even if you didn't do anything. IGNORE IT. And any intervention in this breakup process just hurts you both. That is why NC is great. You shouldn't even had return the call. Instead of scrambling for your ex... you should be working on you and progressing forward and take the advice you see here... but with a grain of salt. To be honest... judging by your post... your not thinking with a clear mind and good judgement and its because you miss her too much and codepedant on her. You say she is playing mind games and manipulating past events... yet you want to be with her. Its really hard to tell who is the snake and who is the charmer. 1
jamili Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Go hard NC. Don't respond to her, he mother, her father, etc. Just evaporate from life, as if you died. Give it more time. Then see what happens. That's my opinion.
Author Mumra Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 You didn't really layout a good description of whats going on. What was the relationship like before and what lead to the breakup now. Its just bits of pieces of a crime scene. This erratic behavior is nothing i haven't seen before. To be honest this seems like an ex gf who has troubles in mutiple relationships and has trouble regulating her emotions. My concern is your way of handling the erratic behavior is poor or shows lack of experience. I can read between the lines and assume you did't think women are masters of mind games.. i think you just wanted a female perspective... because this behavior your not familiar with in men and think you'll get better insight with women. My opinion is you love this girl...but your handling the situation poorly. Maybe because the relationship was tense or you connected with her well or what ever, but your getting snaked back into the erractic behavior and its screwing with your judgement, reality, and capability to see the relationship with clear eyes. With the behavior your ex girlfriend exhibits you really need to think... Do you really want to deal with this mess and it looks messy and your making it messier. When ever a guy or girl breaks up with you, the classy thing to do is walk away and thank them for the relationship. Respect that the milk has expired. Do not try to drink more milk. Doing this has an amazing impact on you and your ex. Its the highest level of respect you can gain during a breakup. Any chaos... which can happen after (usually, its a method to resolve the dumpers guilt) by pinning the dumping on you even if you didn't do anything. IGNORE IT. And any intervention in this breakup process just hurts you both. That is why NC is great. You shouldn't even had return the call. Instead of scrambling for your ex... you should be working on you and progressing forward and take the advice you see here... but with a grain of salt. To be honest... judging by your post... your not thinking with a clear mind and good judgement and its because you miss her too much and codepedant on her. You say she is playing mind games and manipulating past events... yet you want to be with her. Its really hard to tell who is the snake and who is the charmer. You are indeed on point with your analysis. I can see the cliff ahead and a miserable existence with this girl, trust me. It's just this addiction to this drama that I am aware of, but incredibly wanting to know more and solve. I don't even think I'm in love bc I knew from long ago she wasn't long term material bc of immature and mental problems, but it's like I'm trying to figure this person out and that is my greatest failure here. It's so weird.
Author Mumra Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Go hard NC. Don't respond to her, he mother, her father, etc. Just evaporate from life, as if you died. Give it more time. Then see what happens. That's my opinion. I totally have to and totally agree.
Ieris Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) When I accepted friendship, she was shocked. Sometimes you have to play the game for the moment, bc your adversary is looking for you to be angry and frustrated by being dumped. Never allow them to have that satisfaction. @Mumra ~ You crack me up.. I do exactly the same thing, when you do something that they don't expect it confuses the hell out of them. You just sit back, play dumb and just watch them go crazy for a bit. Funny thing is she ended things with you yet here she is still clinging on trying to get some attention from you. Finding any excuse to contact you and not wanting to get off the phone. She is just starting to look desperate... It's a pride thing.. I think she wants you but doesn't want to do the begging back. You gave her an opportunity to get back together yet she is playing hard to get. She wants the upper hand which is not happening because you can see through all her antics and beating her at her own game. The more calm and cool you behave the more crazy it makes her look which probably pisses her off even more. This used to happen to me a lot as a teenager, they break up with me and when I act all cool about it they wonder why I'm not begging back. It dents their ego and they hate it. Then finds ways to stay in my life one way or another.. Edited January 20, 2017 by Ieris Correcting Spelling
Miss Spider Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Back in my day, NC wasn't a mind game. It just meant you weren't that interested. Exes "NC'"omg each other was just called "going your separate ways." Seems immature and long-term ineffective to use ignoring someone as a way to get their attention. All you're going to attract with that is a weak-willed, immature person who like a child comes back to talk to you just to see if they can get you. If she "NC"'s you at the beginning of dating that means she's not that into you. She doesn't really like you. Sure, she might get curious why you haven't been chasing after her to feed her ego...or she might reach out to you one day she's bored and no better dating or ego stroke options around. But the fact remains if she liked you, she wouldn't have dropped off the map at the beginning. What are you going to do? Keep playing games for the rest of your relationship to keep her?
Author Mumra Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 @Mumra ~ You crack me up.. I do exactly the same thing, when you do something that they don't expect it confuses the hell out of them. You just sit back, play dumb and just watch them go crazy for a bit. Funny thing is she ended things with you yet here she is still clinging on trying to get some attention from you. Finding any excuse to contact you and not wanting to get off the phone. She is just starting to look desperate... It's a pride thing.. I think she wants you but doesn't want to do the begging back. You gave her an opportunity to get back together yet she is playing hard to get. She wants the upper hand which is not happening because you can see through all her antics and beating her at her own game. The more calm and cool you behave the more crazy it makes her look which probably pisses her off even more. This used to happen to me a lot as a teenager, they break up with me and when I act all cool about it they wonder why I'm not begging back. It dents their ego and they hate it. Then finds ways to stay in my life one way or another.. Seems like even though she called me, she's trying to stage a situation where I am begging and chasing which is untrue. I hate that it has to be a game, but you can never let anyone manipulate you. She cares about winning more than anything positive between us, so knowing that allows me to see through her. I tried my best to make her not feel as though she was being desperate and work together, but she seems to want total control and only me loving, missing, wanting, desiring her. In her world, I'm not another human being who wants to feel wanted as well. Immature and selfish, that's why I just go away when she tried to stage situations for her own big ego.
Author Mumra Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Back in my day, NC wasn't a mind game. It just meant you weren't that interested. Exes "NC'"omg each other was just called "going your separate ways." Seems immature and long-term ineffective to use ignoring someone as a way to get their attention. All you're going to attract with that is a weak-willed, immature person who like a child comes back to talk to you just to see if they can get you. If she "NC"'s you at the beginning of dating that means she's not that into you. She doesn't really like you. Sure, she might get curious why you haven't been chasing after her to feed her ego...or she might reach out to you one day she's bored and no better dating or ego stroke options around. But the fact remains if she liked you, she wouldn't have dropped off the map at the beginning. What are you going to do? Keep playing games for the rest of your relationship to keep her? This is my dilemma. I don't know if it's playing hard to get or if it's just her wanting an ego boost. Definitely don't want this for too much longer. But why would her mom get involved if it was just for games? Seems like alot.
SerPundnes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 She sounds unstable. I would forget about her. Strictly NC.
Author Mumra Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 She sounds unstable. I would forget about her. Strictly NC. I am coming to understand this. Sad as I wish this wasn't the case.
SerPundnes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I am coming to understand this. Sad as I wish this wasn't the case. Yes, sorry to be so harsh, but it's reality. It's hard to accept at first, but you'll get there! No doubts about that! Keep your focus on you, and find ways to better youself/your life situation. Grief for as long as you have to. There will come a time where you'll be thinking "You know what? Screw this!" We're all cheering for you! 1
Author Mumra Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 Yes, sorry to be so harsh, but it's reality. It's hard to accept at first, but you'll get there! No doubts about that! Keep your focus on you, and find ways to better youself/your life situation. Grief for as long as you have to. There will come a time where you'll be thinking "You know what? Screw this!" We're all cheering for you! Thanks alot. It is reality and there's no running from it. The sane mind is trying to make logical sense of inconsistent behavior.
Author Mumra Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 She is just bored and seeking for attention, if u give it to her, she will win , therefore ignore the f*ck outta her, if u could, just block her, don't play with her, all u lose is ur damn mind, i've been thru that with a guy, the toxicity just doesn't stop until u stop letting the other person control you. You seem to see through it so clearly. Do some people have so much time to just try to play games with someone else?
Author Mumra Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Ex contacted me for the new year after a couple of months of no communication. I thought that it would be a peaceful conversation, didn't know which way it would go, but thought it would be positive since we hadn't spoken in a while. I was wrong. She was spiteful and bitter towards me. I kept my cool and ended the conversation after a while. I figured it would be the last we'd hear from one another. She sends me a text on VDay from another phone pretending to be meant for someone else with my name. Also with a cute picture of her niece who she knows I love. Even with that I did not reply. My guard is up now because her last contact was just to vent negatively at me. Not easy to ignore someone on VDay but now it's a must. Am I doing the right thing?
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