Author Mumra Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 It sounds like she was developing feelings for you when you felt she went cold, she maybe backed off too hard in order to not come off as clingy, then it backfired, she didn't want to lose you so she got in touch with your mom, maybe she felt your distance with the NC was too much to handle so she put up her wall and is actually hurting but knows that the push pull is too much to handle. Just my thoughts. Your take pretty much sums things up. She called my mom to get me to call. When I called she was cold or as you put it - put up a wall. But I take that "wall" as her being not interested and I back off. This dynamic can be stressful.
basil67 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I am getting some responses that seem not to see that she is immature. Pregnant or anything else, this whole ordeal has been nothing less of manipulative and kind of crazy. I'm getting that you're both immature and manipulative. 2
BlkVelvet Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I'm still trying to figure out why "Ladies" are somehow the "experts" at mind games. You fellas don't do so bad yourselves in that area. I want to give advice, but I just can't seem to get past the title of this thread. It's very distubing. And insulting. 2
DarrenB Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 (edited) Anyone's capable of playing mind games, that being stated there's no real expertise to it. Regardless of gender, personality traits, flaws, attributes etc, anyone can offer you a perspective which cannot be deemed factually correct or incorrect. Basically, be grateful you're even getting a single reply let alone one that holds any value towards your situation. The demeaning thread title aside, i'm sensing you're incredibly hypocritical. You're stating she's immature and manipulative but you even quoted yourself you've fed into the drama on multiple occasions, why does that exempt you from being just as bad? Regardless of how the drama was initiated and by who, you're the one allowing it to continue. Remember that before you make a bunch of assumptions and nonsense. Edited December 28, 2016 by DarrenB
Author Mumra Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I'm getting that you're both immature and manipulative. I'm in agreement. Taking a step back and assessing from outside of the bubble.
Author Mumra Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I'm still trying to figure out why "Ladies" are somehow the "experts" at mind games. You fellas don't do so bad yourselves in that area. I want to give advice, but I just can't seem to get past the title of this thread. It's very distubing. And insulting. Nothing personal. Ladies was included in the title only bc I was asking for advice regarding a female. It wasn't meant to allude to only women playing mind games. Would love your feedback.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Seems to me your were fwbs, she wanted more, you didn't, she went cold, you went cold, she dumped you, you want to continue as "friends" as you still get to sleep with her, she didn't want that, you are now butt sore. Give up. We never made it to gf/bf status so I accepted friendship to f*** with her (we were fwbs anyway).
Poe77 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Seems to me your were fwbs, she wanted more, you didn't, she went cold, you went cold, she dumped you, you want to continue as "friends" as you still get to sleep with her, she didn't want that, you are now butt sore. Give up. Ohhhhhh there was sex involved?...silly me I never realized this...still most of what I said was still valid I think in the end it was just friends...I personally dont think its ever good to have a fwb with some one who you actually consider a friend or hang out with better to just find some one new and keep them at a true distance for that...just makes things easier
Author Mumra Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Seems to me your were fwbs, she wanted more, you didn't, she went cold, you went cold, she dumped you, you want to continue as "friends" as you still get to sleep with her, she didn't want that, you are now butt sore. Give up. You've provided great feedback but you're flying a bit too high with a couple of your statements. After the bu call, I went my own way. I'm fully aware that she wanted more than I could give her and fully accepted her reasoning whether or not I wanted it that way or not. So by no means am I butt sore. Give up - I did after the break up call and went my own way. She was the one that called me after the bu call. I figured that she had thought about things and changed her mind (why else do people call after they break up with you and you don't chase - thought she was genuinely trying to remain friends). By all accounts I was wrong.
Author Mumra Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Ohhhhhh there was sex involved?...silly me I never realized this...still most of what I said was still valid I think in the end it was just friends...I personally dont think its ever good to have a fwb with some one who you actually consider a friend or hang out with better to just find some one new and keep them at a true distance for that...just makes things easier Yes there was sex. But our situation could probably best be described as fwb bc we never officially became gf/bf. But we were not platonic friends prior to getting together.
Author Mumra Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Woman I was dating broke things off with me because I wasn't ready to settle down. I enjoyed our time together, but she wanted to move things a bit faster than I wanted. However, when breaking up with me she mentioned that her previous guys all wanted the same thing as she wanted. Made me to feel as if she was comparing and somehow making me out to be weird/different. I told her that her point was mute as obviously things didn't work out with them. What does it mean when someone begins to compare as I mentioned above?
William Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Happy New Year http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/576206-members-when-posting-updates-your-breakup-read-first Merged two threads from an original four on this breakup. Let's keep the content on this breakup moving forward in this thread. Thanks!
fooloflove Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 She is just bored and seeking for attention, if u give it to her, she will win , therefore ignore the f*ck outta her, if u could, just block her, don't play with her, all u lose is ur damn mind, i've been thru that with a guy, the toxicity just doesn't stop until u stop letting the other person control you.
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Woman I was dating broke things off with me because I wasn't ready to settle down. I enjoyed our time together, but she wanted to move things a bit faster than I wanted. However, when breaking up with me she mentioned that her previous guys all wanted the same thing as she wanted. Made me to feel as if she was comparing and somehow making me out to be weird/different. I told her that her point was mute as obviously things didn't work out with them. What does it mean when someone begins to compare as I mentioned above? The point is actually 'moot'.' I've always compared new partners to exes. It's simply about applying previously learned information. No different to trying new jobs or a new restaurant or anything else in life. Our previous experiences help us learn what we want in our next experiences. Sure, it didn't work out with the previous guys, but they taught her that she can and will find men who are ready to settle down. She knows that if she keeps looking she can find a man who is compatible in personality AND ready to settle down. And lets face it, to a woman who's looking to settle down, a man who rejects it gets an automatic fail. It's not like you'll change your attitude as you get to know each other.
DarrenB Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Give up - I did after the break up call and went my own way. You're not, because you're still investing so much time out of your day to over-analyze and make such commotion about a particular predicament that involves her. That's not giving up? Let's be real and genuine for a second, you're looking for false hope or guidance on a reason to contact her and reconcile without looking desperate. 2
Author Mumra Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 She is just bored and seeking for attention, if u give it to her, she will win , therefore ignore the f*ck outta her, if u could, just block her, don't play with her, all u lose is ur damn mind, i've been thru that with a guy, the toxicity just doesn't stop until u stop letting the other person control you. You're 100% right. Her thirst for control by using manipulation is incredible and she gets very upset/frustrated when it doesn't work. 1
Author Mumra Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 The point is actually 'moot'.' I've always compared new partners to exes. It's simply about applying previously learned information. No different to trying new jobs or a new restaurant or anything else in life. Our previous experiences help us learn what we want in our next experiences. Sure, it didn't work out with the previous guys, but they taught her that she can and will find men who are ready to settle down. She knows that if she keeps looking she can find a man who is compatible in personality AND ready to settle down. And lets face it, to a woman who's looking to settle down, a man who rejects it gets an automatic fail. It's not like you'll change your attitude as you get to know each other. Yes you're correct, it is moot. I don't mind comparing at all internally. She wasn't my type either, but I would never outwardly compare her to previous women, who thought hings didn't work out, were more compatible with me. It's a silly/desperate thing to do. If I stated the comparison to her directly, I would be trying to get her to be like the previous women. Sure there's someone out there more suitable for her. I was the first to acknowledge this to her. It wasn't rejection, it was a difference of future outlook and how to reach the finish line.
DarrenB Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 You're provoking each other and acting like adolescents in the process, what more do you need analyzing pal? I've noticed you have a tendency to pick out her flaws, before and after your breakup. So, what about you? I'm sure you've had your faults in your time with her, so what happened to documenting about that? and also, taking into consideration your ignorance I wouldn't be surprised. Want some more analysis? I've also noticed you neglect and ignore the 'male' opinion completely. So I'll give you a last piece of advice before I completely ignore this thread myself and classify it as irrelevant to the brim: Leave her alone, leave each other alone. Stop causing unecessary predicaments and allowing yourselves to disturb each others lives. Finished.
Author Mumra Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 My ex's mom contacted my mom over the holidays. My ex's mom then contacted me and I believe is trying to get us back together. However, it feels like she's trying to probe how I feel but telling me absolutely nothing about how her daughter feels about me. Makes me feel as though my ex isn't talking/thinking/caring about me at all, which doesn't make sense because then why is the mom reaching out to me. She wants me to contact my ex, but why would I if she's giving me no indication or insight that my ex is thinking about me as well or wants me to contact her at all. I don't want to think that the mom doesn't have good intentions, but wouldn't she also tell me how my ex is feeling as well?
preraph Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 She's meddling. I wouldn't want to pursue someone with a mother that intrusive!! You might be stuck with her for life.
Author Mumra Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 She's meddling. I wouldn't want to pursue someone with a mother that intrusive!! You might be stuck with her for life. Yes you are correct, she is. Red flag, isn't it?
Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Ex girlfriend contacted me after 3 months. She broke up with me, by the way. Though she called, she kept telling me that I called which was totally CRAZY! Also treated me as if she was doing me a favor by responding. She was still harping on things I said in the past (somethings I did apologize for while she apologized for nothing), fabricating past events (adding in things that were not actually said). I was trying to remain calm and cool (I didn't want it to turn into an argument), but she seemed determined to be a crazy and weird! I asked if she still had feelings for me and she said she doesn't feel the same. I asked if we could try again she said she doesn't know. I was expecting things to be different since she contacted me, but it wasn't. Did she just call to vent anger and bitterness even after 3 months had passed?
jamili Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Ex girlfriend contacted me after 3 months. She broke up with me, by the way. Though she called, she kept telling me that I called which was totally CRAZY! Also treated me as if she was doing me a favor by responding. She was still harping on things I said in the past (somethings I did apologize for while she apologized for nothing), fabricating past events (adding in things that were not actually said). I was trying to remain calm and cool (I didn't want it to turn into an argument), but she seemed determined to be a crazy and weird! I asked if she still had feelings for me and she said she doesn't feel the same. I asked if we could try again she said she doesn't know. I was expecting things to be different since she contacted me, but it wasn't. Did she just call to vent anger and bitterness even after 3 months had passed? My ex acted very similarly, but that was during the weeks immediately following the breakup. In fact, almost all of her behavior sounds so similar that it makes me wonder if we dated the same woman . But, to me, calling you 3 months later and acting like that... shows me she still isn't over the breakup, and she sounds conflicted. I'd just say, "well if you change your mind gimmie another call.. otherwise, take care", and go back to strict NC.
Author Mumra Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 My ex acted very similarly, but that was during the weeks immediately following the breakup. In fact, almost all of her behavior sounds so similar that it makes me wonder if we dated the same woman . But, to me, calling you 3 months later and acting like that... shows me she still isn't over the breakup, and she sounds conflicted. I'd just say, "well if you change your mind gimmie another call.. otherwise, take care", and go back to strict NC. Might actually be the same chick!! It definitely sounded as if she was pissed about the breakup and called to rehash everything again and vent more anger. Because she was acting so ****ty, I didn't say call if you change your mind. I basically felt like I tried and now it's whatever. Her attitude was just too stink. It was weird man, I thought she called to be peaceful and friendly, but I was dead wrong.
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