Is going on a vacation with a female friend wrong?

[SadSouls]

Okay, so I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 6 months.

 

I have a female friend who I've known for over two decades. I'm currently 23. Nothing has ever happened between us.

 

She has offered to go on a 5 day trip with her. I'd quite like to go, because in my mind I see it as being no different to going on a trip with some of my male friends. But I know that because she's female, it's probably not the same.

 

So my question is, would it be wrong to go with her?

[Fuerza]

I would have to say yes. That's a disaster waiting to happen if you go. Mix some alcohol in there, a relaxed holiday and 2 people wanting some intimacy at the right moment and you'll have your disaster.

 

Go on a holiday with your gf.

[carhill]

Look at it this way....this female friend has been in your life since before you could remember. Barring significant events like a complete fallout or death, she'll likely be part of your life for a long long time, including after both of you get married/coupled and have families of your own. You both have passed through the hormonal stage of sexual reproduction without apparently engaging with each other. That's telling.

 

I had a few close female friends from childhood and my memories after we all went through puberty was, yeah, they changed into women but it was like they were sisters and off the menu. If that's how you and she have felt, express that and go enjoy your time together. You're young and this current dating partner will likely not be rolling you around in old age but the female friend stands a marked chance of being there for you throughout life. If you make the choice to go, or not to go, accept that there will be consequences. Life is like that.

 

Myself, I did stuff, including travel, with female friends, even into our 30's, and their boyfriends or spouses were fine with it because our friendships were long and in some cases, like yours, predated their involvement.

 

IMO, don't share the same room on vacation, if you choose to go. That's respect for privacy, as well as your current dating partner. Boundaries.

[smackie9]

There are things that are not appropriate when you are in a committed relationship and that is one on one activities, including travel, with the opposite sex. It doesn't matter if there is no attraction or nothing has never happened between you two, it's just not appropriate, and is disrespectful to your partner.

 

Your answer would lie within a discussion with your GF, and see if she is OK with it. If not you have two choices...not go, or breakup with your GF.

 

If I were in your shoes I would never think of doing such a thing.

Edited December 25, 2016 by smackie9

[carolann]

Okay, so I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 6 months.

 

I have a female friend who I've known for over two decades. I'm currently 23. Nothing has ever happened between us.

 

She has offered to go on a 5 day trip with her. I'd quite like to go, because in my mind I see it as being no different to going on a trip with some of my male friends. But I know that because she's female, it's probably not the same.

 

So my question is, would it be wrong to go with her?

 

If you're really into your GF and want to keep her, going on this trip with your female friend is not a good idea.

It's really disrespectful to your GF and your relationship and the fact that you're considering it says maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship in the first place.

[marimari]

Yes, it would be wrong to go with your female friend.

[carhill]

OP, when was the last time you and your GF went out/socialized with your old female friend and her spouse or BF, as appropriate? Is your female friend coupled or single?

 

How well does your GF of six months know your female friend?

 

Does your dating partner have male friends? If so, how well do you know them? How do you feel about her associations, as appropriate?

[darkmoon]

go on a trip with your girlfriend, am guessing that she does not like your friend, tbh, my suspicions would be alerted, not at you, but at the friend, who seems to be intrusive, considering you are in a relationship, she should get a boyf of her own

[SadSouls]

Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it.

 

OP, when was the last time you and your GF went out/socialized with your old female friend and her spouse or BF, as appropriate? Is your female friend coupled or single?

 

How well does your GF of six months know your female friend?

 

Does your dating partner have male friends? If so, how well do you know them? How do you feel about her associations, as appropriate?

 

About two weeks ago. They get along pretty well actually.

 

My GF does have male friends, I've not really had the chance to meet them. It's mainly due to the fact that they're in her hometown.

 

If you're really into your GF and want to keep her, going on this trip with your female friend is not a good idea.

It's really disrespectful to your GF and your relationship and the fact that you're considering it says maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship in the first place.

 

I'm not sure I see why it's disrespectful to consider a trip? Maybe I'm wrong though, that's why I'm asking you! I love my girlfriend and think she's wonderful, but it doesn't mean I can't have fun, right?

 

Look at it this way....this female friend has been in your life since before you could remember. Barring significant events like a complete fallout or death, she'll likely be part of your life for a long long time, including after both of you get married/coupled and have families of your own. You both have passed through the hormonal stage of sexual reproduction without apparently engaging with each other. That's telling.

 

I had a few close female friends from childhood and my memories after we all went through puberty was, yeah, they changed into women but it was like they were sisters and off the menu. If that's how you and she have felt, express that and go enjoy your time together. You're young and this current dating partner will likely not be rolling you around in old age but the female friend stands a marked chance of being there for you throughout life. If you make the choice to go, or not to go, accept that there will be consequences. Life is like that.

 

Myself, I did stuff, including travel, with female friends, even into our 30's, and their boyfriends or spouses were fine with it because our friendships were long and in some cases, like yours, predated their involvement.

 

IMO, don't share the same room on vacation, if you choose to go. That's respect for privacy, as well as your current dating partner. Boundaries.

 

Thanks, this is also how I see it in some ways. I certainly hope we are, but what if I'm no longer with my GF in 6 months. Will I regret not going on this trip? Almost certainly.

 

I would have to say yes. That's a disaster waiting to happen if you go. Mix some alcohol in there, a relaxed holiday and 2 people wanting some intimacy at the right moment and you'll have your disaster.

 

Go on a holiday with your gf.

 

Occasionally I go to clubs with her. We often get drunk, nothing has ever happened. I really, honestly, don't have feelings beyond friendship for her. I don't see how that would change on a trip.

 

I'm more worried that it's not an acceptable action in a relationship. But I maybe wonder that it's because society has engrained in our brains that friends of the opposite sex must mean more than friends. Should I try and challenge that assumption, or is it just how it should be?

[bachdude]

Come on, dude. Seriously? You're going to cut town with another woman on vacation and leave your GF behind?!

 

 

Are you out of your mind?

 

 

So you'd like to go, eh? There are certain sacrifices you need to make if you want a GF. This is one of them!

 

 

Got it?

 

 

Don't even bring it up to your GF because she will be on guard more with your female friend.

 

 

Gads

 

 

Smack you up side the head!

 

 

And one more time!

 

 

Haha

 

 

Bro, drop this and drop it now!

[central]

It depends on your gf's perspective. If she has no problem with it, then go. If she does have a problem, don't go. If you don't care about keeping this gf, go.

 

In my relationship, I'd be able to go, as would my wife - we know we can trust each other, especially when we know their friends. We would veto such a trip if we didn't trust the friend to behave, though.

[kgcolonel]

Easy answer here:

 

Let's say your GF has a guy friend who you only know as well as she knows your girl friend. She calls you and asks about a trip with that guy friend, sharing a hotel room (assuming you'll be sharing the room with the girl friend). What is your very first reaction?

 

Secondly, you'll like say, "I would not tell her that she cant' / shouldn't go", but I'll bet you a month's wages that you'd prefer that she didn't and would indeed have misgivings about it. I'll also bet you'd feel disrespected by her just asking. This is what a "committed" relationship looks like. You pass on things that look like "fun" as you call it, for the sake of the relationship. Time to decide are you all in or not.

 

One additional thought, does your girl friend not have any other girl friends that could have gone with her? Why do you really think she's inviting you? Might want to double check her as to her real feelings about you. Think about it, you now have a GF and the girl friend is potentially on the outside, you have a competition on your hands my friend. Crossroads!!!

Edited December 26, 2016 by kgcolonel

[carolann]

Easy answer here:

 

One additional thought, does your girl friend not have any other girl friends that could have gone with her? Why do you really think she's inviting you? Might want to double check her as to her real feelings about you. Think about it, you now have a GF and the girl friend is potentially on the outside, you have a competition on your hands my friend. Crossroads!!!

 

This is something that the OP needs to consider carefully. Some women get weird once they feel that they are loosing and orbiter. Why would she meet your GF and then decide to invite you on vacation 2 weeks later? Don't be surprised if this friend begins to show more interest in you or gets frisky on one of your drunk/clubbing nights.

[marcelah]

If you are gonna go, include your girlfriend. I'd be mad and wouldn't be okay with that if my boyfriend went. It's a vacation, everyone is usually relaxed and that can lead to things.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, really? You don't already know the answer to this question?

 

I'm sorry, but I would find that inappropriate. Was there a reason your girlfriend wasn't at least invited to go, too?

[elaine567]

Why is your female friend asking YOU to go on the trip?

That is the question you need to ask.

 

NO decent female friend would ask a guy with a LT gf to go on a trip alone with her. She has an agenda.

She either loves you and wants you all for herself, or she is mischief making by trying to cause trouble between you and your gf.

Long term friends can get upset when gf/bfs are given "higher status", they can be jealous of the time their friend now spends with the gf/bf, so will sometimes try to sabotage the new relationship, so they get their friend back.

 

If you are serious about your gf, then DO NOT tell your gf that you are considering going on this trip and politely tell your friend "no". Very few people who are of a monogamous persuasion would see seriously considering going on this trip as a good thing, and for many it would be a deal-breaker. You could lose your gf over this.

 

If you are iffy about your gf then split up with her and you can then go on any trip you want with your friend .

BUT be aware that whilst you see your friend as a "sister", your friend may not see you as a "brother".

[GemmaUK]

OP, if it were me and one of my male friends had invited me on a trip whilst I was seeing someone, even if I was unhappy in the relationship I wouldn't consider taking the trip.

I would view it as disrespectful and inconsiderate towards the man I was dating so it's just something I would never do.

If it made me aware that I was unhappy in the RS I would end the RS because wanting to go on the trip with someone else would seal it for me and make me realise I didn't really want to be in the RS.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm not sure I see why it's disrespectful to consider a trip? Maybe I'm wrong though, that's why I'm asking you! I love my girlfriend and think she's wonderful, but it doesn't mean I can't have fun, right?

 

 

I suspect you've already made up your mind and this post was nothing more than a little search for validation by at least one responder, no?

 

It's about boundaries and consideration to your gf. Did you tell her about the trip? What was her response. Go from there. I would imagine that that would be the ultimate validation/approval....from your gf, right?

[phineas]

no, just no.

 

i'm sure you'd have zero issue with your GF going on vacation with one of her male friends and having fun without you, right?

[SadSouls]

Why is your female friend asking YOU to go on the trip?

That is the question you need to ask.

 

NO decent female friend would ask a guy with a LT gf to go on a trip alone with her. She has an agenda.

She either loves you and wants you all for herself, or she is mischief making by trying to cause trouble between you and your gf.

Long term friends can get upset when gf/bfs are given "higher status", they can be jealous of the time their friend now spends with the gf/bf, so will sometimes try to sabotage the new relationship, so they get their friend back.

 

If you are serious about your gf, then DO NOT tell your gf that you are considering going on this trip and politely tell your friend "no". Very few people who are of a monogamous persuasion would see seriously considering going on this trip as a good thing, and for many it would be a deal-breaker. You could lose your gf over this.

 

If you are iffy about your gf then split up with her and you can then go on any trip you want with your friend .

BUT be aware that whilst you see your friend as a "sister", your friend may not see you as a "brother".

 

Obviously I can't hop into her mind and see how she feels about me. But I don't feel like anything has changed between us, and we've always been best friends and probably always will be.

 

I'm not sure I see why it's disrespectful to consider a trip? Maybe I'm wrong though, that's why I'm asking you! I love my girlfriend and think she's wonderful, but it doesn't mean I can't have fun, right?

 

 

I suspect you've already made up your mind and this post was nothing more than a little search for validation by at least one responder, no?

 

It's about boundaries and consideration to your gf. Did you tell her about the trip? What was her response. Go from there. I would imagine that that would be the ultimate validation/approval....from your gf, right?

 

 

I definitely haven't made up my mind. I'm sitting on the fence, I wanted to see what the majority opinion was on these forums.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I definitely haven't made up my mind. I'm sitting on the fence, I wanted to see what the majority opinion was on these forums.

 

Well, the vast majority is NO. So, don't go....unless you're waiting for the singular one that says it's okay...the response you're really hoping/looking for, no?

 

Again, what does your gf say about this? I mean, if you think it's no big deal, you should have openly brought this up with your gf, right? Unless...of course, you know that it is not a good idea, so you're on here instead of discussing it with your gf. Oh, what does your long-time gf say about this idea...what I mean is, ask here how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. She should be absolutely transparent about this, don't you think?

[central]

The majority view is that it is a bad idea, and the majority of the time, they'd be right. However, your specific situation will determine whether or not it is a viable idea, and that depends on what your gf thinks. If you don't know, discuss it and make sure you ask what she thinks, and not tell her what you'd like to do. Also, could she come along? That could make everything possible that might not be otherwise.

[SadSouls]

Well, the vast majority is NO. So, don't go....unless you're waiting for the singular one that says it's okay...the response you're really hoping/looking for, no?

 

Again, what does your gf say about this? I mean, if you think it's no big deal, you should have openly brought this up with your gf, right? Unless...of course, you know that it is not a good idea, so you're on here instead of discussing it with your gf. Oh, what does your long-time gf say about this idea...what I mean is, ask here how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. She should be absolutely transparent about this, don't you think?

 

Well there have been a couple of responses that say it's fine. But given that the majority do not say that I'm not taking them as the correct answer. I genuinely just wanted to hear other's opinions on the matter.

 

Haven't spoken to my girlfriend about it yet, I didn't want to upset her other nothing if it turned out I was wrong.. which it seems I am.

 

One thing I would say, regarding your "shoe on the other foot" comment, my gf has previously commented about going to see her male friend who lives in another country. It has to work both ways right, if she can I can?

 

The majority view is that it is a bad idea, and the majority of the time, they'd be right. However, your specific situation will determine whether or not it is a viable idea, and that depends on what your gf thinks. If you don't know, discuss it and make sure you ask what she thinks, and not tell her what you'd like to do. Also, could she come along? That could make everything possible that might not be otherwise.

 

I'll discuss it with her, rather than asking her for permission I think. It'll be entirely in her hands.

[Gaeta]

It depends:

 

Is it a 5 days laying on Caribbean beaches or a 5 days in a sky resort. What kind of trip is that? Why is she asking you and not a girlfriend?

 

I am trying to put myself in your situation. If my BF told me he'd like to go on a 5 day trip on some beaches with a female friend you bet I'd be NO YOU'RE NOT, but if it was a sky trip and I know he loves skying and I don't sky I'd be ok with it.

 

I think you need to use some common sense here.

[Fuerza]

Obviously I can't hop into her mind and see how she feels about me. But I don't feel like anything has changed between us, and we've always been best friends and probably always will be.

 

 

Freudian slip? Honestly, this friend of yours has got some balls. She KNOWS you have a gf yet still has the balls to ask you.