Butterflying Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) Ages late 30s. Woman has been dating & living with a man 4 years (moved in with him after 4 months). He was going through a divorce. No children. Divorce is final. He still won't allow her to post public photos of them together online (Facebook etc.). As a way to claim her territory she posts suggestive things on his FB page like dinner ideas, vacation plans, or something about their neighbors. Just silly stuff she could text or talk to him in person. He ignores it. He's still in contact with an ex-girlfriend. They haven't been physically intimate. But occasionally have phone sex/ cyber sex. Very flirtatious. Live in different states & only seen each other 2 times in the past 4 years. They broke up prior to current girlfriend moving in. Always send each other birthday gifts. Always call/ text on holidays. Should current girlfriend continue to wait for him to marry her? Not sure if ex-gf is waiting for the same thing. In these cases, who is more likely to end up with the guy? Edited December 25, 2016 by Butterflying
basil67 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Ages late 30s. Woman has been dating & living with a man 4 years (moved in with him after 4 months). He was going through a divorce. No children. Divorce is final. He still won't allow her to post public photos of them together online (Facebook etc.). As a way to claim her territory she posts suggestive things on his FB page like dinner ideas, vacation plans, or something about their neighbors. Just silly stuff she could text or talk to him in person. He ignores it. He's still in contact with an ex-girlfriend. They haven't been physically intimate. But occasionally have phone sex/ cyber sex. Very flirtatious. Live in different states & only seen each other 2 times in the past 4 years. They broke up prior to current girlfriend moving in. Always send each other birthday gifts. Always call/ text on holidays. Should current girlfriend continue to wait for him to marry her? Not sure if ex-gf is waiting for the same thing. In these cases, who is more likely to end up with the guy? Neither is likely to end up with him LOL. He's got two women who are willing to put up with his shenanigans....why would he change it? Even if one of them gets tired of it and leaves, he's still not going to commit to the remaining one because he doesn't care enough about either of these women. Sad that both these women have such low self esteem that they would tolerate his behaviour. 2
GemmaUK Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 I can't understand why either would even want the guy. 4
Author Butterflying Posted December 25, 2016 Author Posted December 25, 2016 Both women now have years of their lives invested in him. The ex-gf has more time, as she was the first relationship he had after ex-wife. But he was not divorced during the two years they dated (wife left him for another man). And the distance was a factor in why they broke up. They claim to be soul mates. Current girlfriend has been living with him 4 years. He says he doesn't want to rush into marriage. Divorce final 3 years. She feels like he needs time. But how much more time should she give? Already living like a married couple. Sharing bank accounts, expenses.
morrowrd Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 I'm betting the ex girlfriend doesn't want him, but enjoys the ego boost of getting him to respond to her flirts even though he's in a relationship. She probably loves thinking about all the resentment and insecurity she's causing the new girlfriend by continuing the communication, the gift giving, the imaginative sex sharing, it gives her power. He is a loser. I feel sorry for the current girlfriend and the best thing she could do is go find somebody else who will give her the attention she deserves. Let's see how the boyfriend responds to that when he can't take her for granted anymore. Then, I'm betting the ex girlfriend disappears leaving him with nothing. 3
angel.eyes Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 He still won't allow her to post public photos of them together online (Facebook etc.). As a way to claim her territory she posts suggestive things on his FB page like dinner ideas, vacation plans, or something about their neighbors. Just silly stuff she could text or talk to him in person. He ignores it. Look, he won't even acknowledge they're together! He's not going to marry her. Right now, she seems focused on winning some competition she thinks she's having with his ex-GF. Hopefully she'll come to her senses soon and realize there's nothing to win in the situation. 2
Author Butterflying Posted December 25, 2016 Author Posted December 25, 2016 I'm betting the ex girlfriend doesn't want him, but enjoys the ego boost of getting him to respond to her flirts even though he's in a relationship. She probably loves thinking about all the resentment and insecurity she's causing the new girlfriend by continuing the communication, the gift giving, the imaginative sex sharing, it gives her power. He is a loser. I feel sorry for the current girlfriend and the best thing she could do is go find somebody else who will give her the attention she deserves. Let's see how the boyfriend responds to that when he can't take her for granted anymore. Then, I'm betting the ex girlfriend disappears leaving him with nothing. Since current girlfriend lives with him, she has more authority, yes? The ex-gf is basically a mistress. If current girlfriend leaves, she gives up all she invested with no guarantee of finding anyone better. She lives comfortably with this man. Combined incomes allow this. But she really wants marriage & it's getting too late for children, even with another man. Just wondering if someday she will wake up & this guy proposes. Or will he leave her for someone else? What if the ex-gf really does want him back? Then her time & investments with him won't be in vain. She wins. It seems whoever leaves him loses. But the longer they allow this to go on, their lives are incomplete. He's the only truly happy one with at least two women waiting for him.
basil67 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Current girlfriend has no authority. He is keeping her a secret so that he can see other women. As for th ex girlfriend, she's just someone to toy with. She's not even a mistress. If current girlfriend thinks she can do no better, then I would have to assume she has nothing much to offer a decent man and is settling for this sleaze bag because no other man wants her. Lastly, if you're suggesting that time spent in a relationship is an investment, I can only say that it is a very poor investment indeed. It is an investment which is unlikely to offer any return.
angel.eyes Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 The current live-in GF is a place warmer until the right woman comes along. That's why he won't even acknowledge her publicly. He wants to make sure that when a woman he's truly interested comes along, he appears free and single. I have a feeling ex-GF isn't doing much. I suspect he's continually engaging her behind the scenes. 1
basil67 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) Why does the girlfriend think she has a chance of marriage and babies with him? And to clarify my previous post, I mean that time spend in *this* relationship is a poor investment. She may as well be throwing lots of money in a wishing well and believing that her wishes will come true. Edited December 25, 2016 by basil67
BaileyB Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Also not sure why either woman would want this guy. Both, has invested too much time on a guy who is not committed to either woman.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Current girlfriend is very foolish and naive if she thinks she has any "authority." She is being played like a darn fiddle, and she needs some standards. Ex-girlfriend or not, this man isn't in love with her. Ex-girlfriend? She is a fun mistress. The one likely to "win" is the one who is stupid enough to fall for it.
veggirl Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 The current "girlfriend" (you?) is only more invested because she inserted herself by moving in after 4 months. Horrible idea. That doesn't make HIM any more invested in her. He very obviously is NOT invested in her.
strawberryshortstack Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 She feels like he needs time. But how much more time should she give? None. Already living like a married couple. Sharing bank accounts, expenses. I highly recommend the current gf opens a bank account in her name and starts separating finances, and then leaves as soon as possible.
elaine567 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Seems to me you are the ex-gf. This guy doesn't love you, and it is a complete waste of your time hanging around waiting for him - hoping. As has been already said he has two besotted woman in his life, he won't want to change anything, not until he meets the "love of his life" anyway, and then both of you will not see him for dust. 2
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 A woman should NEVER wait for a man to "come around". Pffft you are being damn foolish. You know it, I know it and we all know it, that a wedding proposal ain't going to happen. 1
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