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No Contact Rule - Christmas/New Year

Pottig

By Pottig
in General Relationship Discussion

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Pottig Member

Pottig

Posted
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Hey all!

 

Firstly, merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all :)

 

Ok so my issue is quite simple to understand, but I need some advice.

 

My girlfriend (22) and I (23, male) have been in a relationship for 16 months. Long story short, she broke up with me on Tuesday (20th) because she is having a very stressful time at the moment. She has quit her postgraduate course because it hasn't been going well, her parents are quite unfair on her etc. So she said that she needs to "find herself" and isn't strong enough to be in a relationship with me at the moment, but still loves me and has feelings for me.

 

I've taken the whole thing relatively well on the outside. It's tearing me up on the inside, though. As a result, I have begun the No Contact Rule with her. The last time I made contact with her was Tuesday evening, just to ask her to let me know when she got back home safe (she lives an hour away so had to catch the train). I haven't made contact with her for 4 days now. So far so good then.

 

We broke up on good terms. There was no bitterness or resentment. We still love each other. I am sure she is honest when she says she still has feelings for me because she is generally a very honest person. We agreed to remain close friends and in contact (though I knew I would be initiating No Contact with her for a month) because she is having a hard time and needs my support as a friend. I'm very worried about her wellbeing, in fact, because she lets negative events affect her more than they should.

 

This is my problem: given that we are still on good terms/friends and I am avoiding contact with her to give her space, what should I do about sending her a message on Christmas Day and New Year's Day? At the moment my plan on Christmas Day is to wait until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon to see if she wishes me a "Merry Xmas" and then send her one if she doesn't. I feel like not wishing her a happy Christmas is a dick move and suggests that I just straight up don't care about her anymore, but I would also be breaking No Contact.

 

As for New Year's Day, I was planning on wishing her a happy new year at midnight, but have the same problem.

 

So what do you guys think I should do? I miss this girl a lot already and want to rekindle our relationship when she finds herself again. I am only 4 days into No Contact so it hasn't been long enough for her to reach the peak of missing me yet, but don't want to seem needy etc.

 

Thanks :)

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
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Send a text tomorrow that says both Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

 

Someone paranoid could say that sending this text may sound needy but that argument falls apart when there is no follow up by you besides that.

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted

Honestly, since she was the one to break up with you, I would not send anything. It is not a d*** move to not wish her merry Xmas or Happy NY. If she initiates it, then respond in kind. Otherwise, continue NC.

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Pottig Member

Pottig

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Honestly, since she was the one to break up with you, I would not send anything. It is not a d*** move to not wish her merry Xmas or Happy NY. If she initiates it, then respond in kind. Otherwise, continue NC.

 

But don't you think it would taint her view of me at all? Like I said, she ended it on good terms after a 16 month relationship only 4/5 days ago. It's Christmas. I get that she initiated the breakup but doesn't ignoring her as a friend at Christmas seem bitter and/or insulting?

  • Like 1
DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

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Send her seasonal greetings but leave it at that. Don't include anything that involves reconciling with her or making amends. If it was meant to be it will come considerably naturally.

 

A lot of people expect fairytale stories to be created around this time, and that is very, very rarely the case. Go in with the correct mentality and show that you're able to be self-dependent and not completely reliant on her and the relationship. You may just benefit from it that way.

 

Merry Christmas.

  • Like 2
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
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But don't you think it would taint her view of me at all? Like I said, she ended it on good terms after a 16 month relationship only 4/5 days ago. It's Christmas. I get that she initiated the breakup but doesn't ignoring her as a friend at Christmas seem bitter and/or insulting?

 

The ball is in her court. Even if it ended on good terms, she broke up with you. You're not ignoring her by not initiating a greeting to her. If she wished you a Merry Xmas and you didn't respond, THAT would be ignoring.

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Pottig Member

Pottig

Posted
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Send her seasonal greetings but leave it at that. Don't include anything that involves reconciling with her or making amends. If it was meant to be it will come considerably naturally.

 

A lot of people expect fairytale stories to be created around this time, and that is very, very rarely the case. Go in with the correct mentality and show that you're able to be self-dependent and not completely reliant on her and the relationship. You may just benefit from it that way.

 

Merry Christmas.

 

Oh no I don't expect any fairy tales over Christmas. I expect, like me, she hasn't been able to stop thinking about me the past few days, and so will send me a Christmas message tomorrow. But obviously there is no guarantee of that happening. If that is the case then I will just send her a simple, positive, quick reply back and continue with No Contact.

 

Thanks for your advice.

  • Like 1
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Pottig Member

Pottig

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The ball is in her court. Even if it ended on good terms, she broke up with you. You're not ignoring her by not initiating a greeting to her. If she wished you a Merry Xmas and you didn't respond, THAT would be ignoring.

 

I suppose you're right. I did tell her I would give her the space she desires on Tuesday, and so I suppose not wishing her a happy Christmas is just an extension of that. I agree that not responding to her greeting at all would be ignoring. You think if she does message me that I should respond with a simple "Merry Christmas" back and continue with No Contact then?

  • Like 1
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted
I suppose you're right. I did tell her I would give her the space she desires on Tuesday, and so I suppose not wishing her a happy Christmas is just an extension of that. I agree that not responding to her greeting at all would be ignoring. You think if she does message me that I should respond with a simple "Merry Christmas" back and continue with No Contact then?

 

Yes, respond back and no further contact would be my suggestion.

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Pottig Member

Pottig

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Yes, respond back and no further contact would be my suggestion.

 

Thanks for your advice :)

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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Yes, respond back and no further contact would be my suggestion.

 

I suggest the same.

  • Like 1
dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

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IF she contacts you, then reply the same back. Nothing wrong with that, but nothing more. If she doesn't contact you then do not initiate anything because she DID break up with you,

umirano Established Member

umirano

Posted
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Sending a merry christmas text is breaking No Contact. It will defeat it's purpose (which I consider to be your healing and moving on). I advise against it.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Put her in the rear view, buddy....All the crap she''s told you about "finding herself" is most likely BS...She doesn't want to "find" anything...she wants to lose you..

 

If you want to be the putz thats calling her while she rushes you along, fine...but you'd be best served to start the process of erasing her from your memory...

 

TFY

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