She left after 17 years.. I'm crushed.

[Marc878]

Support is a godsend in this time.

[Marc878]

Perfect time for you both to get out and go your own way. It'll help having a comrade

[Goondaddy]

Perfect time for you both to get out and go your own way. It'll help having a comrade

 

Well... I couldn't agree more.. In just a few days it's evolved into a "Stringless" platonic relationship. We have established boundaries where the clothes stay on, and that's about it. We've also added into it that if the one we really love comes back, we return to normal friends and do our thing. Dangerous territory, I know. There's already feels there, but if our exes keep dicking around, this is going to be a great thing.

 

In other news, my ex called today, asked me where I was, to which I responded that I was with "Kitty", my breakup buddy (I didn't mention that), enjoying Christmas with her family, and going to a friend's place for a party this evening. She called to offer some bad news about our oldest son (25), but was super-emotional. I kept the call short, but I know she's seen pictures of Kitty and I online hanging out together, as we have many mutual friends, Kitty is actually a friend of hers directly. Talk about weird.

 

Also, saw my ex at a Christmas gathering, and she hugged our youngest son, blew be off, so I went and hung with the guys, but come dinner time, she was across the table from me, kind of making gestures with her eyes at me off and on, there I sat, 65 pounds lighter, wearing my youngest son's jeans, and dressed better than ever. She'd break eye contact nearly every time I looked her way, and gave almost a half-wink with a little eyebrow action.

 

I politely walked her out to her car, gave her a weak-dog hug, and sent her on her way. I'm wishing I were a fly on the wall at her sister's place, something is bugging the heck out of her. I'm wondering if it's the thought of me slamming one of her friends...

 

Either way, assertive, confident, attractive, alpha, it's what I am now, feels good. And to see her uneasy in my presence was even better.

[BluesPower]

Good for you dude...

 

The best revenge is living well. Are you sure you even want her back under any circumstances?

 

I say go with Kitty. I just like her name. With a name like Kitty she has to be a cool chick.

 

Isn't great to hang with a woman that actually digs you? Man it is for me. I just let them love me and love me. I just dig it.

[Bromeo]

Good for you dude...

 

The best revenge is living well. Are you sure you even want her back under any circumstances?

 

I say go with Kitty. I just like her name. With a name like Kitty she has to be a cool chick.

 

Isn't great to hang with a woman that actually digs you? Man it is for me. I just let them love me and love me. I just dig it.

 

This right here. I had spent so long being crushed over my ex, I had lost a big piece of my self confidence and self esteem. I began to feel as if I deserved the ignoring, game playing, and disrespect.

 

I hung out with an old flame, and just enjoyed the time. I played music on her Bluetooth, she cooked dinner. I told jokes and she laughed. I could feel her attraction for me, and there were no games. I slept awesome that night.

 

It's truly cathartic to spend time with someone who wants to be with you. I still think of my ex as we had (from my pov) monstrous chemistry, but she is currently shagging a morlock. Nothing I can do there. Oh, other than post how great life is on my page, which I know she checks. A very passive middle finger. Lol

 

Spend all the time you want with kitty. You owe your ex nothing. And it appears she is still playing games. And post here, it's good to get the feels out.

 

Dave

[elaine567]

She called to offer some bad news about our oldest son (25), but was super-emotional. I kept the call short, but I know she's seen pictures of Kitty and I online hanging out together, as we have many mutual friends, Kitty is actually a friend of hers directly. Talk about weird.

 

She called about some bad news about your oldest son and you cut her short?????

Don't you care about your son?

Seems to me you are more concerned about showing off Kitty and making your ex jealous, than anything else.

[Bromeo]

She called about some bad news about your oldest son and you cut her short?????

Don't you care about your son?

Seems to me you are more concerned about showing off Kitty and making your ex jealous, than anything else.

 

Slow your roll there, he didn't say what the news was, could have already known it, etc.

[Marc878]

No contact is hard but you need to stop answering her calls directly, any texts that aren't kids or business related = no response.

 

As far as the 25 Year old he's an adult. You can speak with him direct you don't need her in the mix at all.

 

No contact means no contact. It's what you need at this time.

Stop jumping for breadcrumbs.

[Marc878]

IMO she's replaced or dumped you multiple times maybe this is time you took a deep look and figure out why you're still in this.

 

Better alternatives are out there.

 

Why keep going through this scenario. Like a broken record playing the same sad song over and over.

Edited December 27, 2016 by Marc878

[Goondaddy]

IMO she's replaced or dumped you multiple times maybe this is time you took a deep look and figure out why you're still in this.

 

Better alternatives are out there.

 

Why keep going through this scenario. Like a broken record playing the same sad song over and over.

 

Isn't that the truth?

 

As for why I do it? 27 years, lots of life and love together, I'll agree that this is t right, and that I deserve better. As for my son, he got his a$$ thrown back in prison, something we had both warned him about, but she kicked me out of his life for a while, so when he should've been forming himself as a man, he was actually forming himself alone as mom went through another freedom phase.

 

So yes, when she started crying, I cut her short, until she can drop the cop outs that I got again after I posted last night, she's on her own.

 

Yeah, she called about ten pm last night, and we talked a bit, she heard that I was upset about another self-discovery, so I quickly explained it, and before I was really done talking, she said that she was emotionally unavailable, this was all about her now, and that she needed to find herself. I reminded her that this was all a matter of choice for her, she chooses to feel the way she does, she's the one that made it "too late", and I wished her a good night, and ended the exchange.

 

Yeah, kitty is a nickname I gave her because we've been friends over 30 years, and she sent me what was titled "A picture of her (slang for genital region) in sexy panties", it was a picture of a scantily-clad cat in panties.. Hence the nickname. Which goes with her other historically recalled nicknames of cat, catty, and so on..

 

She's a great gal, and I can feel us sliding towards each other, it feels good to get hot again, and we are definitely getting hot. We respect each other, andmy first trip to her parents went quite well, and my friends love her. We're still sticking to the breakup buddy concept because of our feels for our former loves, we don't want to be each other's rebounds, but the way things are looking, she's pretty well a match for me, we like so much of the same stuff, we actually hopped in the truck at 10 pm a few nights back, went and played in the snow, and did some shooting. Stuff only the perfect woman does.

 

I've never had that. So yeah, something wild just might be happening.

[Marc878]

All the continued contact gets you is what?

 

At this time you can't stop yourself.

 

Why?

[Goondaddy]

All the continued contact gets you is what?

 

At this time you can't stop yourself.

 

Why?

 

She'd originally called to discuss our oldest, I'm going back to LC now, as for the Christmas gathering, mutual friends, plans made before we split up. We stuck with that.

 

It's all good though, my feels are elsewhere.

[Goondaddy]

Here's the deal, I've been dating hot and heavy for a couple weeks now, and the ex knows it, now she's decided that we should spend some time together and see what happens. I'm scared as I'd really like to have her back in my life, but things were pretty rocky throughout our previous years.

 

I rented us a motel room on the beach that we both liked, and I figured I'd leave the rest to spontaneity, but I'm a little concerned as to how to handle myself and the situation... Any input would be greatly appreciated, and my breakup post is below in text, it's kind of long, but it speaks volumes about where I was when I posted about a month ago...

 

It's actually been more like a rough 27, she was 17 and I was 19 when this all began..

 

For the first four years, we had a 6-month revolving door relationship, where I'd be replaced every six months by another guy, then it was my turn again, we definitely had a lot of fire and ice, and then we had a 4-year hiatus, where we were friendly, I'd spend time with her son (not mutual, but I stepped up as father), and things were ok...

 

I got in a terrible car wreck in 1999, and had a room full of ex-girlfriends, including her, she stayed well after the others left, and told me that she loved me, and that she thought she'd lost me forever, (My first helicopter ride, woohoo)...

 

So we started talking again, and she told me to come over, at which time one of my "Replacements" was there, and exclaimed "F--- this" and quickly walked out. We had lots of crazy sex for weeks, and a relationship progressed from there.

 

I was still pining for an ex (my bad), but she held on to me, brought me through hard times, and then dumped me two years later, that lasted two months, and when I was ready to move on with a gal that I'd been seeing, she swooped in and got me back.

 

We have gone through many hard times, we lost our house 7 years ago because of a crooked landlord, and she'd lost her job months earlier (she hadn't worked since), and during our time living separately with family members, I cheated 5 years ago, I was fed up with her inactivity to improve our situation, so I tried to break up with her, found a gal that I liked, and before I knew it, we were in bed and I was on my way, or so I thought.

 

She used our son (born in 2000) as a weapon to bring me back in, and I allowed it because she promised to also get off of her butt and work, and actually be a partner in our purchasing of a new home, (which I did alone three years ago), so the last five years have been ok, we didn't really fight about much other than her unemployment, and my not spending time with her, which I would explain that I'm resentful of her not working, and she's resentful of the home because she's always there.

 

So, I told her in August, that she should consider either finding a job, or consider living elsewhere, this was a gross miscommunication on my part, because I would have never gone that far, but I had hoped that she would have seen that the issue was of great importance to me, and act accordingly, as she said the same to me back in the first four years, and it was a great motivation to get off my butt and earn my keep.

 

Fast forward to October 27, she's had her new part-time, minimum-wage job for almost two weeks, and she has a look on her face when I got home, I asked during dinner if there was something we needed to discuss, at first she said no, then a moment later, she said yes, finish dinner first, then we can talk.

 

She had told me after dinner that she was leaving, because I didn't spend time with her, I belittled her (to get her to work), and that I didn't respect her time with friends (she would leave at times while I was at work and not be home until late). So the job was apparently taken as a catalyst for her escape, but I don't see her reasons for leaving as being enough for her to leave, and given her track record (why this is so long), makes me wonder if she's looking for greener grass...

 

As of now, I've done some work on myself, lost 60 pounds (I worked for most of it), I have the house, most of her stuff in it still, and our youngest son, she moved to her sister's house, and is socially active and works, she's seen our son 6 times in the last two months. She's had him two nights, she blames her work schedule, but, if she wanted it, nothing would stop her.

 

She has a car here, an old chev, and we were kind of working on it, but I refused to subsidize it because she wasn't working, since she's been working, we have gotten it running and replaced the wiring, but only because I know what I'm doing, and she finally has money to invest. She talks of long-term repairs, stuff that takes months worth of weekends, of her and I working on this thing, but on the other hand tells me that our relationship is over, that she's closed off entirely, and has no interest in reconciliation.

 

We are still on fair terms, I did the begging/bugging thing for six weeks, I've just backed off and worked on myself now, I know the situation is pretty grim, and I've found many issues with myself that I've remedied, but this work that she can't see without interaction. how do I proceed? I'd like to get her back and make things right with her.

 

She obviously has feelings, she says that I'm saying and doing all of the right things, but she can't do it right now. I am lost. Edited to add that she refuses to hold me, and hugs are extremely strong, but one-handed, like she's trying to keep a little distance to keep feelings and chemicals at bay...

[Simple Logic]

Someone once said insanity was doing the same thing over and over again an expecting a different result.

 

Here's the deal, I've been dating hot and heavy for a couple weeks now, and the ex knows it, now she's decided that we should spend some time together and see what happens. I'm scared as I'd really like to have her back in my life, but things were pretty rocky throughout our previous years.

 

I rented us a motel room on the beach that we both liked, and I figured I'd leave the rest to spontaneity, but I'm a little concerned as to how to handle myself and the situation... Any input would be greatly appreciated, and my breakup post is below in text, it's kind of long, but it speaks volumes about where I was when I posted about a month ago...

 

It's actually been more like a rough 27, she was 17 and I was 19 when this all began..

 

For the first four years, we had a 6-month revolving door relationship, where I'd be replaced every six months by another guy, then it was my turn again, we definitely had a lot of fire and ice, and then we had a 4-year hiatus, where we were friendly, I'd spend time with her son (not mutual, but I stepped up as father), and things were ok...

 

I got in a terrible car wreck in 1999, and had a room full of ex-girlfriends, including her, she stayed well after the others left, and told me that she loved me, and that she thought she'd lost me forever, (My first helicopter ride, woohoo)...

 

So we started talking again, and she told me to come over, at which time one of my "Replacements" was there, and exclaimed "F--- this" and quickly walked out. We had lots of crazy sex for weeks, and a relationship progressed from there.

 

I was still pining for an ex (my bad), but she held on to me, brought me through hard times, and then dumped me two years later, that lasted two months, and when I was ready to move on with a gal that I'd been seeing, she swooped in and got me back.

 

We have gone through many hard times, we lost our house 7 years ago because of a crooked landlord, and she'd lost her job months earlier (she hadn't worked since), and during our time living separately with family members, I cheated 5 years ago, I was fed up with her inactivity to improve our situation, so I tried to break up with her, found a gal that I liked, and before I knew it, we were in bed and I was on my way, or so I thought.

 

She used our son (born in 2000) as a weapon to bring me back in, and I allowed it because she promised to also get off of her butt and work, and actually be a partner in our purchasing of a new home, (which I did alone three years ago), so the last five years have been ok, we didn't really fight about much other than her unemployment, and my not spending time with her, which I would explain that I'm resentful of her not working, and she's resentful of the home because she's always there.

 

So, I told her in August, that she should consider either finding a job, or consider living elsewhere, this was a gross miscommunication on my part, because I would have never gone that far, but I had hoped that she would have seen that the issue was of great importance to me, and act accordingly, as she said the same to me back in the first four years, and it was a great motivation to get off my butt and earn my keep.

 

Fast forward to October 27, she's had her new part-time, minimum-wage job for almost two weeks, and she has a look on her face when I got home, I asked during dinner if there was something we needed to discuss, at first she said no, then a moment later, she said yes, finish dinner first, then we can talk.

 

She had told me after dinner that she was leaving, because I didn't spend time with her, I belittled her (to get her to work), and that I didn't respect her time with friends (she would leave at times while I was at work and not be home until late). So the job was apparently taken as a catalyst for her escape, but I don't see her reasons for leaving as being enough for her to leave, and given her track record (why this is so long), makes me wonder if she's looking for greener grass...

 

As of now, I've done some work on myself, lost 60 pounds (I worked for most of it), I have the house, most of her stuff in it still, and our youngest son, she moved to her sister's house, and is socially active and works, she's seen our son 6 times in the last two months. She's had him two nights, she blames her work schedule, but, if she wanted it, nothing would stop her.

 

She has a car here, an old chev, and we were kind of working on it, but I refused to subsidize it because she wasn't working, since she's been working, we have gotten it running and replaced the wiring, but only because I know what I'm doing, and she finally has money to invest. She talks of long-term repairs, stuff that takes months worth of weekends, of her and I working on this thing, but on the other hand tells me that our relationship is over, that she's closed off entirely, and has no interest in reconciliation.

 

We are still on fair terms, I did the begging/bugging thing for six weeks, I've just backed off and worked on myself now, I know the situation is pretty grim, and I've found many issues with myself that I've remedied, but this work that she can't see without interaction. how do I proceed? I'd like to get her back and make things right with her.

 

She obviously has feelings, she says that I'm saying and doing all of the right things, but she can't do it right now. I am lost. Edited to add that she refuses to hold me, and hugs are extremely strong, but one-handed, like she's trying to keep a little distance to keep feelings and chemicals at bay...

[BluesPower]

Yeah, I would not do it...

 

Look, you just have no idea how much she has cheated on you. Those breakups every 6 months were her trying out an new cock. You know that right?

 

Here is the deal. You have given her enough time, just like I did my wife, and her butt is out the door in a few weeks.

 

Just stop trying to be with her, it is never going to work and you will never be happy. Trust me on this. Keep banging kitty.

 

You can't fix crazy...