What is attractive about a man?

[GravityMan]

I don't think it's complicated, OP. While an individual woman's personal preferences (e.g. woman preferring an educated man, woman preferring an outgoing guy, etc.) certainly do matter, any man that...

 

- Carries himself well

- Is secure and has genuine self-confidence and self-respect - doesn't feel the need to prove himself to anyone. Not afraid to express himself.

- Is kind, but also has a backbone. Emotionally stable.

- Willing to take the lead

- Is responsible, assertive and goes after what he wants...but respects others' wishes/boundaries and can handle rejection and/or failure with class and grace

- Has a sense of humor, is friendly, smiles etc. Able to take a joke from others and let it roll off his back (or dish back with something funny). Able to banter and enjoys doing so. Isn't overly sensitive; thick skin. Capable of being spontaneous, playful and witty.

- Treats people and animals well. Mature. Likable in general around all sorts of people. Naturally makes others feel at ease and feel safe. Enjoys life. Is charming and fun to be around. Even around the few people that may dislike him...he still interacts with them in a mature manner. Possesses emotional intelligence, social awareness, tact and competent communication ability (including non-verbal). Handles disagreements, mistakes and criticism gracefully. Isn't condescending, patronizing or pretentious.

- Looks presentable and has at least a basic idea of how to look well put-together (you can look well put-together in a t-shirt and shorts if you put a little thought and effort into it).

- Has interests, passions and direction. Doesn't "go through the motions"...there are things that spark his enthusiasm.

- Has an interesting life. Not afraid to break out of his normal routine from time to time and try new things. Open-minded and intellectually curious. Can think outside the box a bit. Willing to "live a little".

- Has a bit of an edge

- Has self-awareness

- Puts himself out there (duh)

 

...is likely going to attract more than a few women. And BTW, there are PLENTY of "regular folk" out there that have all of the above and then some. Likewise...there are more than a few men out there that are on the quiet side or even mildly shy yet still have all of the above. Heck, there are 15-year old teens out there that have all of the above. You don't have to be a master conversationalist or have a genius-level IQ in order to be an attractive person.

 

Even most men that lack several of the above things will still attract a few women. However, they may have a harder time maintaining a long-term relationship with a woman.

 

That said, nearly all guys will eventually find someone.

[basil67]

I wonder how a guy can look confident eating at a restaurant or how he oozes confidence.

 

It's in the way he interacts with others around him. Does he engage easily, laugh and smile? Does his posture show confidence? (erect, head high, walk comfortably)

[elaine567]

The thing is, that the man must "fit the part", and the part is dictated by what each individual woman is looking for.

Most women have a fair idea of the man she wants to marry, the man she wants to be seen out with, the man she wants to spend her time with.

That man is usually a mash up of all the significant men in her life, she then develops her own taste in men and starts looking for likely candidates.

So whilst we can all go on about class and education and looks and confidence being the be all and end all, that may not be what a particular woman is looking for at all.

Yes, everyone needs to try and improve themselves, but trying to be the "perfect man" is not possible and may not be even desirable in the scheme of things.

If the girl of your dreams is looking for a shy nerdy guy who lacks confidence just like her Dad, then being that confident macho gym rat will do you no good whatsoever.

That is why most are better off just being themselves.

You can't keep up a "better" persona for life, that would be exhausting.

Just go find a woman who thinks that you just being yourself, is adorable.

[rushed]

Things I found attractive about my current boyfriend:

-Gorgeous face

-Plays bass in a band

-Close with his parents

-Incredibly kind to animals

-Intelligent

-Shared my same views regarding social justice

 

Ex-boyfriend:

-Handsome face

-Goofy

-Adventurous

-Outgoing

-Bubble butt

-Musically creative

-Intelligent

 

Other things about other guys I've dated:

-Beautiful faces

-Tall, lean and muscular bodies

-Smells good

-Well dressed

-Can drive a car really well

 

Misc:

-I found out this one guy I was dating placed first in a 10k. Being a runner myself I found that incredibly sexy.

-I was at this guy's house and a Britney song came on and he did a mini dance. Love a guy who can and is not scared to dance.

[MineEyes11]

A lot of these responses make me NOT want to put myself "out there".

[Gaeta]

I wonder how a guy can look confident eating at a restaurant or how he oozes confidence.

 

 

Women of LS, do you think the guys who come off as overly confident externally may actually have a lot of insecurities?

 

 

That's my impression of a lot overly confident/alpha type guys.

 

 

The normal type man who just goes about his business may have fewer insecurities than the guy who oozes confidence.

 

 

What do you think?

 

You mistakenly associate confidence with arrogance and confidence with alpha type. They are not necessarily linked together. Also a lot of people have a wrong idea of what is an alpha male they think it's a man that's dominant and arrogant and it's not.

 

Confidence for me is just a guy that does his own thing and does not question what people and society will think. There is not one arrogant bone in my BF, he is not dominant, but he is very confident. He simply does not second guess himself.

 

Also confidence is not about imposing yourself, you can be confident and be the quiet type. You don't need to talk over people or talk loud or talk all the time to be confident. A man can come across as very confident without opening his mouth. It's just in the way he carries himself. He stands straight up, he looks to make eye contact when he meets you, he does not hesitate to present a hand shake, he does not observe the room around or look at people around for unspoken approval. Women pick on those on an unconscious level.

[VeveCakes]

• 
  Good hyegeine
  Nice hair that has been styled or cut
  Nice smile
  Confidence
  Honesty
  Opening doors
  Interested in conversation
  Interested in learning about me
  Men with a passion (hobbies etc)
  A clean and well kept house or car (doesn't have to be fancy)
  Knowledge of many things
  Sense of humour
  Relaxed attitude
  Animal lover
  Naughty side
  

[bachdude]

You mistakenly associate confidence with arrogance and confidence with alpha type. They are not necessarily linked together. Also a lot of people have a wrong idea of what is an alpha male they think it's a man that's dominant and arrogant and it's not.

 

Confidence for me is just a guy that does his own thing and does not question what people and society will think. There is not one arrogant bone in my BF, he is not dominant, but he is very confident. He simply does not second guess himself.

 

Also confidence is not about imposing yourself, you can be confident and be the quiet type. You don't need to talk over people or talk loud or talk all the time to be confident. A man can come across as very confident without opening his mouth. It's just in the way he carries himself. He stands straight up, he looks to make eye contact when he meets you, he does not hesitate to present a hand shake, he does not observe the room around or look at people around for unspoken approval. Women pick on those on an unconscious level.

 

I think you have good distinctions here and clarifications.

 

HOWEVER

 

I notice when women describe confidence, much of it focuses on a social confidence (how he carries himself, stands straight up, eye contact, present hand shakes readily), even if the guy is quiet. And that is a form of confidence, no doubt.

 

But I think all of that can be faked too. There are people who are very uncomfortable in social situations but because of job or whatever they have learned to fake it.

 

What I am saying is, confidence goes a lot deeper than someone's social skills. This is a very narrow component of confidence and for me, the least important type.

 

So I am wondering, are there any women who agree with this or is the external, social confidence the most important component of confidence. Or do you gives guys a chance and get to know them better before making a determination on their confidence.

 

There are socially awkward types who are brilliant mathematicians, engineers, carpenters, etc...

[bachdude]

A lot of these responses make me NOT want to put myself "out there".

 

 

I hear ya' bro.

 

 

There really is someone for everyone.

[MineEyes11]

Someone for everyone? I believe there are exceptions to every rule including that one. But that's a particularly unpleasant thought... so people don't want to believe that.

 

I truly believe that most people are deep down are very insecure and that most confidence is in fact faked. To be truthful, when we meet people we are always fake. And I'm not just talking about dating or flirting scenarios either. We like to build ourselves up and be something that we're not to try and impress people. That's just human nature and we all do it whether we like to admit it or not. Of course this will usually be referred to as being the best version of ourselves but that's just another way of saying you're being fake. There are no versions of yourself ....you are either being yourself or you're not. And people usually Have a hard time being honest with themselves about this. I feel like part of having true confidence means that you have to have a certain amount of denial. You can't be completely in tune with reality because truth be told...reality isn't very good. you have to have your own perception of yourself which isn't completely realistic to have confidence. A lot of the advice that I see on here and have heard from other people makes a lot of sense...honestly it does but it doesn't always line op with what I see going on out in the real world. What's happening in the real world for me is this...I make casual conversation with All people just trying to make friends if something leads to flirting with women then I let that happen organically the problem is it never does. When I make conversation it's usually just boring and never really goes anywhere and nobody is very interested in me personally. And when I try to flirt or try to be less boring it usually goes downhill also. I'm just at a loss. And before anybody asks no I don't have Aspergers lol.

 

Of course most people just say that I am the problem and they're probably right but I don't really see what the solution is.

[BluesPower]

MineEyes11 - Your last post is disturbing to me. I don't believe that people are really that way. Yes some or fake. But some people develop discernment about people that allows them to cut through that stuff.

 

As young are you are, it may take time for you to become confident with life and yourself. But I urge you not to take such a dim view of humanity.

 

While I will agree that there are a lot of people out there that have these types of issues, I really think that there are great people out there as well.

 

Maybe over time you will start to feel differently, but who knows. I think that one factor about confidence that was said earlier was to be yourself. I think that is important, the problem is that if being yourself makes you unsuccessful socially and with women, maybe that is not the best course.

 

Maybe if you continue to seek advice and observe people with an open mind with the goal of trying to understand them that would help.

 

For me, when I was young, I was just a hard man overall. I would kick a** first and ask questions later. I was hard on everyone including myself.

 

I still remember how hard I was on my early band mates when we were starting out. I was just such a hard-ass. But we were very successful and even though some of the guys hated me at the time, years later they came to me and thanked me for being hard. The loved the work we did and they loved the success and good times that we had. They said that they knew it would never have happened if I was not such a task master.

 

Later in life I have wondered if I could have achieved the same results with a softer approach, and who really knows. I know later in life I am more confident and more laid back.

 

The thing is that the older I get the more I actually enjoy people and all of their warts and issues. In some ways it makes them interesting.

 

I hope that you may be able to learn how to enjoy people and life more as you get older.

 

There really is a great big world out there full of interesting people waiting for you.