catgirl41 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Hi guys, I'm brand new here/to breakups in general. My love of 2 years broke up with me on my birthday, because his mom suggested he needed to be single. He then dropped out of school and moved across the country the next day. He had been struggling with schoolwork and mental health issues for 2 months, and I had been taking him to counselling, emailing profs for him, cooking for him, talking through it with him. I was really doing my best to help. The whole birthday he was hysterical, he cried and clung to me, saying he didn't want to do this because he still loves me very much, but he needs to heal and be on his own. I didn't cry or beg, I was very respectful of his decision. As he left he said we will get back together in a month, I'll see you then. I never saw this coming. All of our friends are still shocked. He was always the more lovey/clingy one in our relationship. It will be a month in 2 days. I have been doing NC since the day of the breakup. He has not contacted me and he has been posting about him partying and seeing other girls on social media. I'm in so much pain every moment. I feel like I am in limbo between having hope for our future and trying to move on. What direction am I supposed to go from here? I know I should wait for him to reach out to me.. But I feel like I need an answer about what happened and what is going to happen. Thank you so much guys.
DarrenB Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Sorry, but you haven't been doing 'NC' at all, especially not to the potential that you'd benefit from it. Although you say you haven't contacted him and vise versa, you're still snooping over his social media... that's not something you do whilst in the 'NC' phase. You're essentially just lying to yourself. 'NC' includes blocking him from any social networking or media of which you'd be able to contact him from. Going through No Contact isn't just about messaging or calling each other, there's many other different processes. That aside, he has already given you an answer. You stated because his mom wanted him to be single, and he was moving across the country and had some personal issues, therefore I'm assuming either he or someone close to him informed you on that and elaborated on it. I'm unsure what more you could want to know? I understand your skeptical-ism and I empathize, but taking all that into consideration and from what he appears to be on social media, he doesn't sound like someone who knows what he's doing, or he just wanted to finish with you in the most dis-honest way possible. I feel like there's something more than just a couple personal problems or moving away. I think he could have been more honest with you and given you a more insightful reasons, given you claim that the relationship was good etc. It's the most cliche thing to say but it's realistically the only way that you'll move on from an abrupt experience like that. You need to focus on the positives rather than the negatives, there's of course time to grieve but you need to understand that there is no point crying or feeling devastated over someone who can dismiss you out of the blue and not feel anything for you as well. You cannot be in the mindset of moving forward but also thinking 'Oh, he'll come back soon, it's okay I'll continue doing what I'm doing and get him back later', because you might understand after that month you've endured it's probably not going to happen and that being in that exact mindset will leave you incredibly disappointed and more demoralized than you already are. Your life is your life, and ironically your very own life. Make the most of it and don't anticipate the best or the worst for that matter, be your own fulfillment and don't allow yourself to bargain over people who wouldn't bargain over you. Best of luck. 1
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Do you really want to be with someone who breaks up with you... because his freaking mom told him so??? Either way... I think you can do a lot better than this guy. The rest of your story doesn't make it sound like someone who you should be waiting around for as a young, caring, attractive girl.
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 But I feel like I need an answer about what happened and what is going to happen. Thank you so much guys. What happened? He's still growing up. He has no clue what's happening. When you ask him you will get a truckload of BS. And it's not even his fault. He has no idea, but he will tell you anything to make you go away. Or to get you back. But it's nothing reliable or honest. So I suggest you do the opposite. You go actual NC and forget about him. It's really a toxic smoldering mess you want as far away as possible from yourself. But I know, that's likely not what you're going to do. Curiosity will get the better of you, and it's normal. People have told me what I told you and I didn't believe them. We have to experience for ourselves. When we feel the pain is when we learn. Over time it'll get easier. Sorry you're in this. Good luck.
Author catgirl41 Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 Darren, you're right. I realize now I totally haven't been doing real NC. I guess the problem is that I have so little information on what has happened that I don't have the desire to do true NC/move on. I will try to take your advice. Thank you.
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