justsaysure Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 help! I became friends with somebody I had a fling with after my divorce... he wasn't "ready" for anything, though at one point after a hook up, he said "just so you know, I make an awesome boyfriend" I said "too soon". He was also recently out of a long relationship, and after a few more flings, he ghosted for a few months. Long story short, we became chat and occasional lunch buds. It's been awhile, but he recently sent a playful text and is considering getting into my field and asked if we were hiring. I'm writing this, because I saw a T-shirt, and knew he had to have it. It's in my trunk. what do I do with it? Leave it on his door? wait for him to want to do lunch? Breaking into his house and hiding under his tree as a sexy santa is not an option. Considered it, but I'm too clumsy and would probably break a window coming through the front door.
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Just give him the gift and say...I saw this and thought this is so you.......You are not 12, you are an adult, just enjoy the fact you are going to make his day with this surprise. Don't make it out to be something more than it is. 3
nothingsintheflowerz Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I won't go as far to say "you aren't a child" because I get this can be pretty nerve-wrecking, but realize that if he wants to read more into it, that's on him--just drop it off if you don't want it to be a big deal. send a cool-feeling text, "dropped something off for you, happy holidays!" so you make sure he gets it. relax. Take care. 1
Author justsaysure Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 I'm an adult, but I have a pretty mean poker face... In the field, I'm a dragon. away from the desk, I'm so shy it isn't cute. 1
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 This would be your opportunity to turn a new leaf .....start stepping out of your comfort zone in 2017. 3
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 This is what I do.....put yourself in their shoes....imagine how you would feel if they handed a gift to you in person....wouldn't it feel that more special to you? You have nothing to fear but fear itself Save 1
IfonlyIknew Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 That whole confidence thing, it plays a great role in gift giving. Give it with pure confidence like you said here "I just had to get you this!" That shows it's a firm choice you made and that has respect in itself. 2
Author justsaysure Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 This is what I do.....put yourself in their shoes....imagine how you would feel if they handed a gift to you in person....wouldn't it feel that more special to you? You have nothing to fear but fear itself Save "why are you at my house" and "why are you buying me clothes" comes to mind is it considered stalking? also, going more for the hair tie and the door knob trick
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 lol the way I see it, you guys do lunch and keep in touch for a reason.....if you were barely acquaintances then I would see it as awkward. If you want to date this person then just have that conversation. Ask him where he is at with his life, and what are his long term and short term goals, etc. If you don't have the guts to go after what you want, then you will never live life. If you want change you have to take risks. If it doesn't work out, at least you have the green light to move on and stop wasting your time on something that never was. 1
preraph Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 My opinion, you don't give a gift to someone who you already know doesn't like you as much as you like them and who has already ghosted or taken a step back because he didn't want to go down that road. I think it's going to make him see you as very desperate and then people HATE to feel obligated, and giving a gift to someone in an unbalanced relationship, they're really going to hate it, not feel special or anything. They'll be polite and act happy at the time and then go home and start thinking of ways to pull away from you. 2
Survivor12 Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 Giving it to him as a Christmas gift could be awkward. Since it doesn't sound likely that he will be reciprocating, he could feel like you're putting him on the spot. If you want to give it to him, do it casually--after Christmas & unwrapped. 2
Mystique01 Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 My opinion, you don't give a gift to someone who you already know doesn't like you as much as you like them and who has already ghosted or taken a step back because he didn't want to go down that road. I think it's going to make him see you as very desperate and then people HATE to feel obligated, and giving a gift to someone in an unbalanced relationship, they're really going to hate it, not feel special or anything. They'll be polite and act happy at the time and then go home and start thinking of ways to pull away from you. Right. I hate to say it, but I agree. In addition, maybe it's just me, but in MY personal experience, I've just never seen guys be as appreciative with receiving gifts as I would like them to be. If I'm not in a relationship with the guy, usually guys responses to cards or gifts I've given them have been pretty underwhelming and lukewarm. Almost like they don't really know how to react when they receive a gift from a girl lol. They just act real awkward. At most I've gotten an awkward "thanks.." and that's it lol. Honestly, unless I'm DATING the guy, in a serious relationship with him, or he's a close family member, I never give gifts to guys....especially not first. I don't think they know how to handle it honestly lol. But if he's a really close friend then I'll consider it. Otherwise..... Probably not. I just feel like this is a way for you to try to get him to like you,or remind him that you exist. If he's been pulling away, I don't know if I would give it to him. But that's just mho. 1
Author justsaysure Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 I technically forgot to mention he got me an "early" christmas gift (I posted something I liked on social media, he inboxed me to tell me to buy it, Merry Christmas, and he sent a check) Eitherway, I felt ballsy yesterday and wrapped it up and left it in a stocking on his door knob (He wasn't home) and addressed it to "Mike's lame room mate" from "totally not stalking you". I woke up this morning to a "Thank You!! not stalker" text message 1
kendahke Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 I felt ballsy yesterday and wrapped it up and left it in a stocking on his door knob (He wasn't home) and addressed it to "Mike's lame room mate" from "totally not stalking you". I woke up this morning to a "Thank You!! not stalker" text message Your timing was good. 1
Author justsaysure Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 Your timing was good. I held my breath and said "don't be home... don't be home" and ran to tie it on the door... and checked the rearview after I left.
sid3 Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 I hope it works out for you the way you'd like it to. I think it might be helpful to put things in the proper perspective. He's not a 'crush' pretty sure you know the difference.
Mystique01 Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 I technically forgot to mention he got me an "early" christmas gift (I posted something I liked on social media, he inboxed me to tell me to buy it, Merry Christmas, and he sent a check) Eitherway, I felt ballsy yesterday and wrapped it up and left it in a stocking on his door knob (He wasn't home) and addressed it to "Mike's lame room mate" from "totally not stalking you". I woke up this morning to a "Thank You!! not stalker" text message Oh GOOD!!!! Now THIS is totally different, and would have been VERY important to mention in your original post. If a guy has already given you a Christmas gift, then by all means, buy him a gift in return! Glad it worked out for you!! Keep us posted on whether he makes a move to start dating you or not!
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