Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Hello guys, Lately, more and more, I started to feel disgust about the idea/fact, that before me, there were other people well...inside of my girlfriend. I feel really sad. I do not know why suddenly now, but I do know, that only by thinking that other men "marked" her from the in-, and outside, make me wanna vomit. I would like to discuss this and hear others people (both male and female) opinion. Maybe some ideas, maybe how to get rid of those thoughts etc?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 If you have these feelings then you should find a 'confessed' virgin. Make sure you do the virgin test, so you know for sure. Your feelings are not reasonable. That was her past, you are her present. You must be perfect and 'clean.'
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I don't know, I can't relate really. From a physical point of view I can assure you, she isn't "marked" on the inside. And if she's marked on the outside it's probably time for filing a case of domestic violence? Are you talking about her having been mentally influenced by other people? Well we live non-solitary lives normally. We're all influenced by others. And not only through relationships. Jobs, family, free time activities. And so are you marked, tainted or imroved. Time to get off the high horse.
kendahke Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Hello guys, Lately, more and more, I started to feel disgust about the idea/fact, that before me, there were other people well...inside of my girlfriend. I feel really sad. I do not know why suddenly now, but I do know, that only by thinking that other men "marked" her from the in-, and outside, make me wanna vomit. I would like to discuss this and hear others people (both male and female) opinion. Maybe some ideas, maybe how to get rid of those thoughts etc? On this topic, unless you are a virgin, you have no moral superiority over her. You are just as marked for having had sex with other women before her. 2
central Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Were you a virgin when you met her? If not, then you have an unreasonable double standard, and are every bit as "defiled" as you view her. Yes, these feelings are no doubt real for you, but they are irrational and unreasonable. If you can't change your attitude, your only option will be to find a virgin gf next time.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 If you have these feelings then you should find a 'confessed' virgin. Make sure you do the virgin test, so you know for sure. Your feelings are not reasonable. That was her past, you are her present. You must be perfect and 'clean.' Problem is...I do not love anyone else, so other people are not really an option. Well, she was talking about her past and she shows me texts when her exes text her, so its hard to let go.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 I don't know, I can't relate really. From a physical point of view I can assure you, she isn't "marked" on the inside. And if she's marked on the outside it's probably time for filing a case of domestic violence? Are you talking about her having been mentally influenced by other people? Well we live non-solitary lives normally. We're all influenced by others. And not only through relationships. Jobs, family, free time activities. And so are you marked, tainted or imroved. Time to get off the high horse. of course its from a mental point of view. And I cant seem to manage it very well. Yes, I am marked as well, in that sense, but I just do not know how to get over the idea that I am not the first.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Were you a virgin when you met her? If not, then you have an unreasonable double standard, and are every bit as "defiled" as you view her. Yes, these feelings are no doubt real for you, but they are irrational and unreasonable. If you can't change your attitude, your only option will be to find a virgin gf next time. Actually, I was. I know I am probably overthinking, but I cant stop.
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 If being the first matters more to you than being the best, closest, current, the last, potentially, the one who teaches her the most important thing, the one who learns the best from her, then by all means, break up with her.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 If being the first matters more to you than being the best, closest, current, the last, potentially, the one who teaches her the most important thing, the one who learns the best from her, then by all means, break up with her. I do not want to break up with her. But I can not possible be the only one who had same thoughts...
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 No, I don't think you're the only one thinking this way. Many people can be wrong about the same thing over the course of history and simultaneously.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 No, I don't think you're the only one thinking this way. Many people can be wrong about the same thing over the course of history and simultaneously. Thats good...or bad. But I was not able to find a solution yet.
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 The solution is thinking clearly. Being the first is nothing special. There's no value in being the first, or the nth. And if you can't think clearly, the solution is to end the relationship as you will not be happy, and in turn, she will not be happy.
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 In fact, being the first is a problem. Statistically first partners are very rarely our long term partners. You stand a high chance of going through a tough break up when you are someone's first, or they're your first.
Author Irelle Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 In fact, being the first is a problem. Statistically first partners are very rarely our long term partners. You stand a high chance of going through a tough break up when you are someone's first, or they're your first. Well...she was mine first....
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 All right. Now get over yourself. You have a GF. Go have a good time with her. Be nice. Be interesting. Don't let her walk over you, and you will be fine. Don't dwell on the past. Her showing you her texts is very dumb. Did you ask to see them? Don't. If she rubbed them in your face I see an expiry date on this relationship already. Very dumb move. What's in the past is in the past. Your job is to make each other happy. Not to cause mistrust, jealousy and insecurity. That's on both of you. You are both responsible for how your relationship turns out. It's your responsibility to not be an oversensitive wimp and it's her responsibility to make you her sole priority. Ex's texts have no place in this.
GemmaUK Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 You need to start being rational and more secure in yourself instead of the opposite which is what you are currently doing. If you are building this up into an issue that's on you and it will drive her away.
niji Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 You're not the only one who thinks about this - I think usually it's the virgin-until-I-met-you who gives it some thoughts. I thought about it once in a while (read: every few months in the beginning) but it never mattered for more than a few seconds. If there existed a loving relationship, then all things about it, including the sex, should be cherished. I had my share of people I liked and loved before my SO, and I cherish the thoughts and memories with them, but now he's the only one who matters. Even so, I would not erase those memories with previous people, nor would I choose to not meet them - all those memories are part of my life. Ultimately, it's the feelings that matter. Once your GF no longer loves the people she used to, everything about them is wiped out and no longer matters. Trust me, when I thought about the intimacy between me and my ex now, I just feel really indifferent. No regret, no longing; his skin brushing against my skin to me now is the equivalent of a tree brushing against me when I re-imagine, because the feelings are no longer there.
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