startingagain15 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 My BF of nearly 2 years is going through a stage of major depression right now. It almost caused us to break up last week, but I'm trying hard to stick it out because I do love him. He went the doctor and they changed up his meds. I've been trying to get him to go to counseling as well. He seems receptive to it, but unable to actually make the step to get it scheduled. I'm doing all I can to support him w/o enabling. Listening, just being there to cuddle, trying to make sure he eats, etc. We are older (40's) so getting his family involved in helping isn't an option, his mother is elderly and his kids are in their teens. So I feel like I'm all he has to share this struggle with. It's overwhelming. It's so hard to try to keep up the communication and participation. He still sends the good morning texts and a couple texts throughout the day, but there's no conversation. I try to start some and he doesn't respond or ask anything about me. He doesn't want to talk about anything, doesn't see anything positive. He still comes over to my place and asks me to come over to his place, but all he does is hold me or I hold him and he usually falls asleep. In his mind life is all negative and bad. He thinks he's a failure and life will never get better. It makes it hard to want to be around him. I also struggle with depression, but am at a pretty good place right now. I don't want to be dragged down by this though either. I'm having him over for Christmas eve dinner, but I'm a little worried his extreme sadness is going to bum out my kids. Anyone dealt with this kind of situation? I can't give up on him, but I so hope he starts to see that life isn't so bad soon.
BluesPower Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Well the meds are not working. If it is just standard depression, often those meds have to be changed out because of in effectiveness. Sometimes as often a every 6 months. Exercise is also a big thing. Make him go to the gym with you or for a long walk. If it does not get better, switch doctors. Here is the deal. There are people that have trouble with "Situational Depression" where when things get rough they get down at some point. You have to watch out for it but it is not a huge deal overall. Then there is "Chronic Depression" or "Clinical Depression". Lots of other types as well. Point is that these types of depression have to be continually monitored for med changes, often require a mood stabilizer, and really need ongoing therapy to deal with the depression. So if he is in the second type of depression, you either need to get him, force him if you have to, to get the right type of meds and keep up with the depression, or get out of the relationship. My STBXW is manic depressive and it has been an ordeal for 26 years that I cannot deal with anymore.
Popsicle Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Tell him to stop being so f*$&!g sad all the time. That it's no fun to be around and kinda selfish.
Author startingagain15 Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Tell him to stop being so f*$&!g sad all the time. That it's no fun to be around and kinda selfish. That's what I'm trying not to do, lol. I would love to say that sometimes, but it wouldn't help. I'm thinking it's a seasonal depression, compounded by the fact that he's finally seeing some things about his divorce that he never really allowed himself to see. He's been divorced for 4 years, but I don't think he's really dealt with the hurt he experienced in it. In our conversations over the past couple weeks I've pointed out some things to him about his failed marriage that he never really came to terms with I guess. And me addressing wanting to move things forward (living together or marriage) recently has made things worse, unfortunately. I'm going to keep working on him getting in to see a counselor. I hope his med change kicks in as well soon, it's only been a few days so I know it could take weeks or more for that. I may need to leave the relationship eventually, and I'm okay with that, but I'm not ready to completely abandon him when he needs help. He's helped me through a lot and he's my best friend. He needs someone to believe in him. 1
Popsicle Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 It's reasonable to want to give him a chance to get out of it. I would give it a try for a couple of months to a year, depending on how long your relationship has been. Yours is fairly short, so I'd give it 3-4 months of trying. After that, if he hasn't improved, then I'd remove myself from that vortex/black hole. 2
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