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he did not thank me for my ecard to him?? i guess hes not interested??

chumly

By chumly
in Friends and Lovers

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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Well, frankly, if you're dealing with something that's so stressful, sending a message over FB doesn't really convey the magnitude of your distress. Nevertheless, he doesn't seem very concerned about it or he would have at least delved for more detail.

 

The "damsel in distress" tactic used via FaceBook kinda gets diluted . . .

 

yes, I agree with this but at least I know for sure now. thanks

SoulCat Established Member

SoulCat

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I am thinking based on this response that he must not be very interested in me romantically at this point?? if he was..I would think he would want to talk to me to help me with my problems. Am I correct in my thinking on this??

 

Just wondering what others think of this?? do you think this is proof that he does not like me romantically at this point??

 

Thanks in advance:)

 

 

Personally I think you're putting way too much stock in his reply.

For starters, it's a typed message so there's no way to tell mood, tone of voice, intent or intonation.

 

He may have just been busy, preoccupied or not in the mood to listen to someone else's troubles at that particular time.

 

 

Also, like a previous poster pointed out, telling someone you're having a crappy week is hardly the way to convey romantic interest.

To do that, you have to be lighthearted, warm and a little flirty. Not down in the dumps and mouthing off about stuff.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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So you think that because he didn't offer to call? How old are you both? A lot of people don't call anymore sadly. Why would he call when you are in the middle of a convo online.

 

Is the same guy in the other threads?

 

actually I did speak of this man on here before. He used to play in a somewhat popular alternative rock band and has a great many females on his facebook and tons of fans. Maybe I am overanalyzing but at one time he seemed so interested in talking to me but I am not getting that from him anymore. He used to tell me I was the sweetest person he has ever known so at one point he definitely liked me as a friend but at this point I am not even sure how he feels about me at all.

 

I guess I was just hoping for a better response to my feeling bad then what he gave me. maybe i am overanaylzing because I like him so much.

 

thanks:o

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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Personally I think you're putting way too much stock in his reply.

For starters, it's a typed message so there's no way to tell mood, tone of voice, intent or intonation.

 

He may have just been busy, preoccupied or not in the mood to listen to someone else's troubles at that particular time.

 

 

Also, like a previous poster pointed out, telling someone you're having a crappy week is hardly the way to convey romantic interest.

To do that, you have to be lighthearted, warm and a little flirty. Not down in the dumps and mouthing off about stuff.

 

 

Thanks so much! i guess you are right. i am probably just overanalyzing because I sadly have nobody else to talk to. I think if i had at least one good friend to talk to I might not be putting so much stock on him now.

 

Thanks again..I always get the best advice from this forum! I really appreciate that!:)

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Men don't have women language translator integrated in them.

 

 

If you needed to chat with him about your bad week than you had to say so. You told him you had a bad week so he heard you had a bad week, nothing more.

 

If you had said you had a bad week and you'd like a kind ear to listen to you THEN he would have offered to call you.

 

Last point: If you have a romantic interest don't treat him like a 'friend'. Wanting to confine your problems to a romantic interest is a one way ticket to friendship city.

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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I agree with you, a highly interested guy takes ANY opportunity to be with you usually. I've heard it described like this by Adam Corolla on Loveline " Men are like cockroaches you just need to open the door a crack and they come scurrying in ."
With respect, ridiculous:

 

Her: Oh, I'm having such a terrible week!

 

Him: Hmm... now seems like the perfect time to see if she's interested.

 

Nope. Doesn't happen that way.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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If you have talked for a while and he has not asked you out then no, I do not think he is interested. Sorry.

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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No I don't see romantic interest here. But as I said, I don't even see caring regarding you being a friend. I just don't think this guy is anything to you, not even a friend. I wouldn't want such an uncaring "Who gives a hoot?" person as a friend. If you told your other (non romantic-interest) friends you were miserable, and they shrugged and told you they hope things get better and otherwise didn't even take a shot at asking you to open up and so on, would you keep them as friends?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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chumly Established Member

chumly

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thanks everyone for the thoughts on this.

 

 

Vevecakes...at one time it seemed like he was interested because he told me that I had all the qualities he was looking for in a woman for life but the thing with him is that he is only interested in having "open" relationships. I am not sure how I feel about that but I understand his reasonings for it. We actually do have uncomfirmed plans to hang out next week but the other problem is that he does not have a car due to his environmental beliefs so that means I would have to go out to him if we were to hang out. I dont mind that though since the town he lives in is such a fun town to visit anyway (Asheville NC)...and it is not that far away..only about 1 1/2 hours away. So in response we do kind of have plans but I am probably going to have to reschedule due to my mindset with that happened yesterday...but overall I am thinking he does not have the same level of interest in me as I do in him plus we are probably looking for different things anyway. okay..thanks for the advice.:)

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Yes I think you are wasting your energy here. You will have do all the travelling, and he wants an open relationship which you are not comfortable with. Spending time with him will only make it harder for you in the long run.

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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

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Hi Chumly,

 

I get the impression from your threads that most of your social life takes place over the Internet. Is this the case? If it is, I would like to urge you to find a way to get together with people in real life more. If you are socially anxious or otherwise uncomfortable getting around new folks, you can get some help with that.

 

When you need support and someone to care when you have setbacks in life, nothing beats a real live friend.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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thankyou both

 

vevecakes...thanks ..yes, I guess you are right about him. A part of me still has an interest in meeting him since we talked for quite a while now and there are certain things about him that I like very very much. I like his way of thinking and doing things even though I dont agree with his relationship desires..I do understand his reasonings behind them though. I think I mostly like the fact that he kept telling me i was the sweetest person he ever met. but I dont want to push myself on someone if they are not really interested enough. I guess I will play it by year and see if he at least tries to message me anytime soon and take it from there.:)

 

 

NuevoYorko...yes, unfortunately most of my friendships are online at this point. part of the problem is that I work from home so dont get the chance to get out as much as I would like. I do attend some meetups but sadly the area I live in does not offer a very large variety of meetups to choose from (it is a small town) and my mom attends all the good ones and with all respect for my mom I dont much care to find friends in her same social circle. That is kind of strange to me..but there is one meetup I try to attend regularly but it is a walking meetup and they cancel the meetup if someone sneezes so again..I am back to square one with my socializing problems. So my answer is to either travel to another state to socialize with people or continue searching online. I am not trying to make up excuses but this is really one of my issues. i am also in my 40s, not married and no kids so again, not really having the opportunity to be around what other people my age would be doing..but yes, I know that getting out and from behind the computer would be my answer but unfortunately even that presents its challenges but I do agree very much with this advice and thanks so much! :)

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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*He does not have a car because of his environmental beliefs. But he's happy for you contribute to ruining the environment with your car coming to see him. Do you not see how ridiculous he is being?

*He won't come and see you

*He wants an open relationship so he can still see his groupies

 

Why bother?

 

And if you need to lean on the shoulder of a man, you don't simply tell him that you're upset. It will generate the standard guy answer just like he gave. Instead, you say "I really need a shoulder to lean on....have you got 10 mins?" And make sure to do this VERY sparingly. Even close friends get annoyed when there is too much leaning on shoulders.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You're putting more into this than he is and now you're mad because that hasn't worked to make him respond. Sounds very desperate. Sent him a car, contacted him twice to be sure he got it. Too desperate, and desperation is a huge turnoff to literally everybody. Don't keep building this one-sided relationship. And don't think pushing yourself on him should elicit a polite response.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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thanks basil67! you are right!

 

I am not sure why I like him so much. Probably because at one point he seemed to like me so much, who would not love to be told they are the sweetest of the sweet all the time and of course the fact that he is an ethical vegan and seems to think very similar to myself in so many ways. It is extremely difficult to find ethical vegans of any sort where I live..so I think this is what is getting to me with him.

 

He did try and chat with me last night..he sent a quick note on FB to see what I was doing. I am guessing he wanted to talk to me. I sent him a quick note back today just to say hello again. He thinks very differently than most so it is possible that he does like me but just does things differently. There were a few times I thought he did not want to hear from me then I would suddenly get a message from him looking for me. like i said, with him he is a bit difficult to figure out since he thinks and does things so differently than most

 

Why is all of this so difficult?? it seems like the ones that I feel like I am connecting with the most dont really pan out the way I would like it too. People start conversations with me all the time and then I dont hear from them again but yet the conversations seemed to go really well. :sick: and then the ones that are really want to meet me are the ones I am least interested in.

 

Well, thanks for the advice. Eventually I will just join the veg dating site again. That is where i have the best luck with connecting with others anyway. I am not having that kind of luck with the mainstream sites unfortunately.

 

okay, thanks for the advice.:D

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