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Fwb?

Iva0201

By Iva0201
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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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I went on two dates with this guy I met online. In between dates there was minimal texting (only to set up and later confirm dates). On the second date he mentioned few new restaurants that we should go to. He also asked me if I would be open to continuing my education in a different state/city. (He is only temporarily in my city, for the next two years). So, I thought he might be interested.

Then he asked me for a third date -at his apartment, to watch a movie. I knew what it meant but decided to go ahead anyway. Of course, he tried to have sex with me. First, I refused and he seemed ok with it, he said ok, maybe next time when you are more comfortable.

We wnded up having sex. In the morning, he asked me to text him when I get home. He also gave me a book to read and suggested we could discuss it once I was done. I did text him when I got home and he wished me a good day.

The next day (today), he texted me again to ask how I liked the book and said he had few more interesting books to suggest. We exchanged two texts each. Then the conversation died.

 

What is he doing? This doesnt sound like he is too interested. I am curious why he keeps in touch. Is it possible that he is just a bad texter?

Edited by Iva0201
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I don't understand.. it sounds like he's texting just as he did before...Maybe you expected his level of communication to go up after sex? If anything the opposite is more common :S

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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I don't understand.. it sounds like he's texting just as he did before...Maybe you expected his level of communication to go up after sex? If anything the opposite is more common :S

 

True :)

I expected him to actually ghost me completely, because I hot the impression that he was only intrested in sex. If anything, texting is slightly better than before but it is not even close to what it is supposed to be if someone is interested.

I am confused.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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True :)

I expected him to actually ghost me completely, because I hot the impression that he was only intrested in sex. If anything, texting is slightly better than before but it is not even close to what it is supposed to be if someone is interested.

I am confused.

FWB still talk to each other through text. My understanding is that it is just much less frequent than dating/relationship. It all sounds normal to me. :)

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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FWB still talk to each other through text. My understanding is that it is just much less frequent than dating/relationship. It all sounds normal to me. :)

 

So this is definitely fwb situation?

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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So this is definitely fwb situation?

 

 

Oh I'm sorry. I thought you meant it was an established FWB. I agree with you that lacking in communication between dates isn't a great sign he's looking for more ( also consider how big of an issue hid communication habits could be irrespective of his interest in you). Did you guys have the 'what are you are looking for?' discussion?

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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Oh I'm sorry. I thought you meant it was an established FWB. I agree with you that lacking in communication between dates isn't a great sign he's looking for more ( also consider how big of an issue hid communication habits could be irrespective of his interest in you). Did you guys have the 'what are you are looking for?' discussion?

 

No, we did not have that conversation. We went for drinks, date 1. Then, he asked me out for dinner, date 2 and I thought, he must be interested. Then, during the second date he mentioned to see a movie and I thought movie theater. He also asked a lot of questions about myself, and our dates lasted 3 hours.

When he mentioned movie at his apartment, I kind of knew but hoped it would be different. And now, here we are. I am just going to give him his book back and tell him not interested in fwb situation.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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No, we did not have that conversation. We went for drinks, date 1. Then, he asked me out for dinner, date 2 and I thought, he must be interested. Then, during the second date he mentioned to see a movie and I thought movie theater. He also asked a lot of questions about myself, and our dates lasted 3 hours.

When he mentioned movie at his apartment, I kind of knew but hoped it would be different. And now, here we are. I am just going to give him his book back and tell him not interested in fwb situation.

 

No, we did not have that conversation. We went for drinks, date 1. Then, he asked me out for dinner, date 2 and I thought, he must be interested. Then, during the second date he mentioned to see a movie and I thought movie theater. He also asked a lot of questions about myself, and our dates lasted 3 hours.

When he mentioned movie at his apartment, I kind of knew but hoped it would be different. And now, here we are. I am just going to give him his book back and tell him not interested in fwb situation.

 

I understand. If you're not looking for a fwb, I would talk to him about it first in a non-accusatory way. If you tell him what you're looking for, he may be up for it too. Then I would expect him to step his game up a bit. If he's a bad texter he should still be calling or making plans to see you in person. Sorry this happened :(

Edited by Cookiesandough
strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

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No, we did not have that conversation. We went for drinks, date 1. Then, he asked me out for dinner, date 2 and I thought, he must be interested. Then, during the second date he mentioned to see a movie and I thought movie theater. He also asked a lot of questions about myself, and our dates lasted 3 hours.

When he mentioned movie at his apartment, I kind of knew but hoped it would be different. And now, here we are. I am just going to give him his book back and tell him not interested in fwb situation.

 

Yes, he wanted sex. No, that doesn't mean he only wants FWB. The only way to know is to talk to him about wants and expectations. In a non-accusatory way, if at all possible.

 

Out of curiosity, what was the book?

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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Yes, he wanted sex. No, that doesn't mean he only wants FWB. The only way to know is to talk to him about wants and expectations. In a non-accusatory way, if at all possible.

 

Out of curiosity, what was the book?

 

I hope that he wants more but this kind of texting is confusing me.

The book is The Elegant Universe. I was going through his library and singled out this one. He told me to take it home with me and later we can have a discussion about the book.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I saw the Nova documentary of that book. One of my favorites of all time

strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

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I hope that he wants more but this kind of texting is confusing me.

The book is The Elegant Universe. I was going through his library and singled out this one. He told me to take it home with me and later we can have a discussion about the book.

 

It doesn't sound to me like he only wants FWB, but only time will tell, I suppose.

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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It doesn't sound to me like he only wants FWB, but only time will tell, I suppose.

Well, once text per day and no calls after being intimate doesnt sound promising. It is very early but still.

I guess I need to be patient. I really like him but I am also aware it is possible he is not interested in a relationship with me.

Methodical Established Member

Methodical

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True :)

I expected him to actually ghost me completely, because I hot the impression that he was only intrested in sex. If anything, texting is slightly better than before but it is not even close to what it is supposed to be if someone is interested.

I am confused.

 

Everyone is different. To me, ppl go on a few dates to determine if they have similar interests, mutual attraction, chemistry, intellectual compatibility, etc. before becoming exclusive. According to you, his texting has improved but it still doesn't meet your preconceived notion for a person who is interested. From what I can ascertain from your post, his communication is progressively increasing...and even suggesting some reading material he thinks you might find interesting and has thought ahead to future suggestions.

 

I'm confused by your post. Initially, you said you can't understand why he is keeping touch, then later you said he isn't texting "even close to what it is supposed to be." What is your definition of "close to what it is supposed to be?"

strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

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Well, once text per day and no calls after being intimate doesnt sound promising. It is very early but still.

I guess I need to be patient. I really like him but I am also aware it is possible he is not interested in a relationship with me.

 

This is not a clear indicator of only wanting a FWB. He may simply have a different communication style. If this is something you can live with, be patient. If not, then you have the option of moving on.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Another thing I thought of. after 3 dates its expected to be casual and too soon to have the exclusivity talk. But I think if Op is strictly looking for a relationship, as in that is her goal in seeing people, she should make it known ASAP and ask him his intentions too. He might not be sure yet, but if he sees the potential, he should start showing with action. It's not unheard of for a guy to give a book or nice to a woman he slept with or keep in brief contact with her. Any decent guy would do that, imo. But the one text a day, no calling, no arranging next time he can see her would make me a little concerned too if I had just slept with a man and wanted something more. I get guys can be oblivious to how anxious some women feel the day(s) after sex, but in my experience when they're really excited about a woman like they should be at the beginning will want to spend time, talk, get to know you as much as possible. They also want to make sure their on your mind so another guy doesn't come in. It's almost unconscious. So I get OP's concern. People are different, though, and no one knows this guy. So yeah, communicate with him.

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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Everyone is different. To me, ppl go on a few dates to determine if they have similar interests, mutual attraction, chemistry, intellectual compatibility, etc. before becoming exclusive. According to you, his texting has improved but it still doesn't meet your preconceived notion for a person who is interested. From what I can ascertain from your post, his communication is progressively increasing...and even suggesting some reading material he thinks you might find interesting and has thought ahead to future suggestions.

 

I'm confused by your post. Initially, you said you can't understand why he is keeping touch, then later you said he isn't texting "even close to what it is supposed to be." What is your definition of "close to what it is supposed to be?"

Sorry about the confusion. I will clarify. Our first date was on Tuesday. I did not hear from him till Friday, when he asked me out for the second date. Then he confirmed the second date on Monday (few hours before schedule time), and I had to cancel because I already made other plans. He apologized and we rescheduled for Monday (dates were far apart becuase I was too busy). Then, I didnt hear from him till Friday when he confirmed the date.

On Monday we went put for dinner, on Tuesday he invited me over to watch a movie. On Wednesday (morning after I stayed over he texted to wish me a good day). And today he asked about my day and how I like the book so far.

So, he went from texting once in three days to once every day (in the last three days). And I never initiated

Edited by Iva0201
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Once every day seems normal for courtship, Iva. So that's a positive sign.Can you clarify a little more? Specifically, is it just one text and he drops off? Or is it one text and you talk back and forth and the conversation dies? Do you feel like he tries to keep the conversation going or do you do carry most of it? I think that matters too.

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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Once every day seems normal for courtship, Iva. So that's a positive sign.Can you clarify a little more? Specifically, is it just one text and he drops off? Or is it one text and you talk back and forth and the conversation dies? Do you feel like he tries to keep the conversation going or do you do carry most of it? I think that matters too.

 

Well, on Wednesday morning I got home and texted him. He replied "try to take a nap if you get a chance today and have a great day (something like that). Today, he said: how is your day going? Are you enjoying the book" I asked how he is doing and told him I like the book. Then he joked about "starting a reading club with me and he would keep suggesting more books. Then he said that his day was great because it is sunny outside. I made a comment that it is nice outsode but also hard to focus at work. And that was it

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

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You are seriously overanalyzing this. The guy is absolutely handling this courtship perfectly. Not smothering you, giving you room to be, connecting with you once in a while, but still being a challenge. It shows because you're wondering about him.

 

In the world of texts and over communication, he's doing a good job.

 

Why aren't you initiating?

Edited by Cali408
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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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You are seriously overanalyzing this. The guy is absolutely handling this courtship perfectly. Not smothering you, giving you room to be, connecting with you once in a while, but still being a challenge. It shows because you're wondering about him.

 

In the world of texts and over communication, he's doing a good job.

 

Why aren't you initiating?

I am not initiating because it's been only three days since we kissed and had sex and I heard only twice from him. Before that he only texted to schedule dates.

And, I should add, we went dutch on the second date. I don't think that is a good sign.

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

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So you're playing a game and evaluating whether he's into you. If you like him reach out. You're not exactly showing interest in him. Him 2 You 0.

 

If you don't like him then move on.

 

Did he pay on the first date? Why didn't you offer to pick up the tab not the second date. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

Show a little interest instead of being aloof.

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Iva0201 Member

Iva0201

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So you're playing a game and evaluating whether he's into you. If you like him reach out. You're not exactly showing interest in him. Him 2 You 0.

 

If you don't like him then move on.

 

Did he pay on the first date? Why didn't you offer to pick up the tab not the second date. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

Show a little interest instead of being aloof.

 

He did pay for the first date but it was two draft beers. I guess less than 15$. Also, I am a student, he has a well paid job (he just started working but still it is a good job).

joseb Established Member

joseb

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I have no idea where you are getting that he is a "bad texter", or that he is only interested in sex or only wants a fwb.

From reading this, I'd say you are the one communicating less.

You never initiate. You don't seem to plan any of the dates.

To be honest, you don't seem that interested.

It's almost like you are willing it to fail.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I agree with above. I thought you were saying he just made some small talk and fell off the map when you tried to contact him but you don't seem to be trying. These days, a lot of people don't believe men should do all the initiating...even at the beginning. So he might be wondering about your lack of communication/how you feel about him too. Just talk to him :)

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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