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Would it be completely insane to send my ex the book "Attached" for Christmas?

Ilovepizzalady

By Ilovepizzalady
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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I don't care what he thinks anymore about me. If he reads it then it will be good for him, if he doesn't then it's his own continued destruction.

 

They clearly haven't read the book lol

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I am fully aware that I am still attached (I'm working on breaking free) but I think he would benefit from reading it.

 

You don't get it :)

Jimmyjackson Established Member

Jimmyjackson

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I don't care what he thinks anymore about me. If he reads it then it will be good for him, if he doesn't then it's his own continued destruction.

 

Like I said that's your opinion, it's obviously biased. If he decides he wants to read it on his own and go buy it then that's up to him. He might not think he has an issue.

 

You're his ex so of course you're going to think he has problems as you're hurt about it, that's how it will come across if you send it to him.

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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In your mind this is some amazing act of revenge (while also gracious and well-intentioned---how does that work?) but it's just sad. He would probably laugh. He might shake his head. He might show it to his new lady. He could share the picture with friends or perhaps put it on Instagram: "Some people just can't let it go #pathetic #desperate #obsessed"

 

Are you cringing yet? You should be. You have no power over him anymore and no relevance to his life. I assure you he doesn't care what you think. Focus on living well and taking care of yourself, which is the best revenge of all.

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Ilovepizzalady Established Member

Ilovepizzalady

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It's not that people have problems it's basically a guidebook on how to communicate effectively and anyone can benefit from the examples in the book.

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Ilovepizzalady Established Member

Ilovepizzalady

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I guess you guys haven't read it. You should, it's only like $10.

Jimmyjackson Established Member

Jimmyjackson

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I guess you guys haven't read it. You should, it's only like $10.

 

Maybe some people don't feel like they need to or aren't interested. If you read it and got some good information from it then fine, good for you. But please don't post it to your ex, we're only hearing your side of the story. For all we know, your relationship might've ended for different reasons. I know you say you care about him and don't care what he thinks about you, but sending it will only make you look like you can't let go and feed his ego. Like Lana said, he will probably find it funny and show his new girl and his friends etc.

 

Focus on the information you gained from it and use it for yourself, wouldn't sending it defeat the very purpose of addressing attachment issues?

 

Just a thought.

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Ilovepizzalady Established Member

Ilovepizzalady

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No, I'm pretty sure it ended because of us using insecure communication styles. It is really the very reason we had problems. And since he and I were friends before we went out, I saw the same problems in his prior relationship. I feel really bad for him because he keeps wondering why the same things keep happening to him, and this book is totally spot on why in his and my situation, and his prior relationship. I think he would really benefit from reading it. I don't care too much if he thinks I'm pathetic and I know for myself that I would be trying to help him because I care about him. He's not the only one I plan to give the book to, I will give to all my friends because it's just that good.

BlkVelvet Established Member

BlkVelvet

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It's not that people have problems it's basically a guidebook on how to communicate effectively and anyone can benefit from the examples in the book.

 

 

Girl, just do what you want to do. Too many people are "attached" to their ex's opinion of them. Who TF cares what he "thinks" about you sending the book. Sometimes, we do things that make OURSELVES feel better. Eff the ex's funky little opinion about it. And no one knows HOW he actually feels, WHAT your relationship was/is like, NOR do they know what his reaction will be.

 

If you can send the book without any expectation or attachment to a particular outcome, then do it if it will make YOU feel better. This isn't about what the ex "thinks".

 

All this game-playing and "saving face" I see on this board on EVERY SINGLE ISSUE is a bit tired at times. No matter what happens, she'll live. It wont be the end of the world people, lol

Edited by BlkVelvet
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Ilovepizzalady Established Member

Ilovepizzalady

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This book is helping me move on, because I realize how much work it would take for both of us to want to change our styles and communication, so I think just using these going forward will help me find someone better suited.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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If you really care about him, you won't send it. Best case scenario, he finds it offensive. It's not your place to offer him advice anymore. That's overstepping your boundaries. If you're just sending it to him because it makes yourself feel good, that's not a very kind thing to do.

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Ilovepizzalady Established Member

Ilovepizzalady

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My reason for sending it (which I probably won't) is that I want him to have a relationship that works one day.

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BlkVelvet Established Member

BlkVelvet

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People ignore, disappear, and ghost others because it makes them feel good.

 

Do what makes you feel good. Its about you, not him. If it assists in YOUR healing, do it. Sometimes you gotta,be selfish.

BlkVelvet Established Member

BlkVelvet

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This book is helping me move on, because I realize how much work it would take for both of us to want to change our styles and communication, so I think just using these going forward will help me find someone better suited.

 

It is a really good book. I think everyone should read it.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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My reason for sending it (which I probably won't) is that I want him to have a relationship that works one day.

 

Nothing wrong with wanting that for him, but you aren't in a place to offer him advice anymore. It's not appropriate.

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Jimmyjackson Established Member

Jimmyjackson

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People ignore, disappear, and ghost others because it makes them feel good.

 

Do what makes you feel good. Its about you, not him. If it assists in YOUR healing, do it. Sometimes you gotta,be selfish.

 

Well yeah, to feel 'good', ie 'moving on'.

 

Sending a book to an ex would be about 'him', not her.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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My reason for sending it (which I probably won't) is that I want him to have a relationship that works one day.

 

You mean you want to 'fix' him. I am quite sure he doesn't want to be fixed by you.

 

Sending him a book will surely get a chuckle from him and his buddies at your expense, followed by him throwing the book right in the trash.

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fromheart Established Member

fromheart

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I feel like he needs it. I am in the middle of it and it's so spot on.

 

 

The fact that you'd be sending it to your ex after the break up, suggests attachment on your part.

 

Apply these things to yourself and your own healing, its not up to you what path of healing he takes. Let the book apply to you not him. This time is about your own healing.

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Bromeo Established Member

Bromeo

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Pizza,

 

I love this thread. For several months, my ex pushed and pulled me until I thought I was going insane. Read my tale for a good laugh. Lol

 

I often think of some humorously retributive action to take for the months I endured. Know what I do? She can't access my FB, but she can see my profile and background. So I change them to most handsome, awesome pics of me and where I've been that I can find. Funny part is, messenger notified me she was accessing my page through my registered number. So instead of me researching her page, she can see how grand life is without her. Isn't that what FB is for? Lol

 

My pics are a passive screw you, anything active, like sending a book can be misconstrued to seem like you are still holding on.

 

Online hugs, dem feels will get to you. I'm five months out, and still get stabs sometimes. Lol

 

Dave

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