BevHillz28 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I've been talking to and seeing this guy for 4 months. He talks to me every day, asks me about my day, seems interested in my life and sees me a few times a week. We have a lot of fun together and I find myself falling for him. I've noticed that he has been talking to another girl a lot over text. This girl lives in a different state and they only met one time (a little before he met me). I tried to ignore it but I can't anymore because he talks to her when I'm around and I think it's disrespectful to me. I asked him about where we stood a month ago and he said he needed a little more time but he really likes me and hanging out but he takes dating very seriously. He said he doesn't feel like he is leading me on because he wouldn't talk and hang out with me if he didn't like me. He told me he isn't seeing anyone else and wants to be "exclusive." I left it at that but noticed he was still talking to that other girl a lot. A couple weeks later, I told him I was uncomfortable about him texting one other girl consistently because it's seems like a distraction when it comes to progressing things with me and he got defensive and said he had many female friends. I don't care that he has female friends but I know he actually only has minimal female friends that I've met and this person doesn't even live here and he seems to talk to her more than someone talks to a "friend." He hasn't stopped talking to her even though I've been honest about how it makes me feel and my gut feeling is telling me this is more than friendship even though he doesn't visit her or anything. Why would a man talk to a female every single day who doesn't live anywhere near him and is 4 months enough time for him to know he wants to take it to the next level with me? Side note: he has never really had a serious relationship before and he is in his late 20s if that makes any difference..
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Yes that does make a difference.....he likes stringing along multiple women, because he isn't willing to commit. He has given you a song and dance like he has with others. You have invested 4 months on nothing because you still have nothing......dump this chump.
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I don't see anything the matter with this female friend he has on text. You said he's texting her in front of you so he has nothing to hide. Nowadays it's common to make text friends. I have a couple of male friends I met online before meeting my BF. They all met their ladies and are in relationships and I met my BF. These friends and I exchange contacts, sometimes have lunch. It's all platonic. Actually one of my male friend gave my BF a contact and it turned into a full time job offer to my BF. So instead of fighting this female friend why not meet with her? Offer your BF to go on a road trip and have lunch with her. That being said what are the other reasons you think it may be more than friendship?
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 near him and is 4 months enough time for him to know he wants to take it to the next level with me? You are dating 4 months, you are exclusive, what is the next level to you? 1
IfonlyIknew Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I have male friends i text that live out of state but its only to check in to see how were doing, whats new, when are you coming to visit home and things like that, its definitely not everyday. I don't text anyone everyday other than my boyfriend, mom, sister, best friend those that I'm deeply invested in.
Author BevHillz28 Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 Exclusive meant that we are not official and he wouldn't 'label' us as anything but not talking to anyone else either. It didn't make too much sense to me.
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I have male friends i text that live out of state but its only to check in to see how were doing, whats new, when are you coming to visit home and things like that, its definitely not everyday. I don't text anyone everyday other than my boyfriend, mom, sister, best friend those that I'm deeply invested in. I have a male friend that text me good morning every single day. It means nothing. He has been with his girlfriend for 3 years, he is crazy about her, I've been with my BF for 1 year and this friend cheers for me because it took me forever to find my BF. OP : What type of texting they do? Is it about random stuff or he confines in her?
Author BevHillz28 Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 I have a male friend that text me good morning every single day. It means nothing. He has been with his girlfriend for 3 years, he is crazy about her, I've been with my BF for 1 year and this friend cheers for me because it took me forever to find my BF. OP : What type of texting they do? Is it about random stuff or he confines in her? I never looked through to see what they talked about but I did see one time "what are you doing tonight" etc... They talked every day so I am sure he confided in her about some things. It wasn't just a check in "how have you been?" thing. They were not friends for a long or anything - he met her once.
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Exclusive meant that we are not official and he wouldn't 'label' us as anything but not talking to anyone else either. It didn't make too much sense to me. THAT is the heart of your problem. 4 months in and he won't call you his GF it's time to next him. He is wasting your time. A man needs 4-6 weeks to know if he wants to be exclusive GF-BF. It's not rocket science. What he is offering you is a FWB situation.
kidm Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) I think you should be less concerned with the female friend who lives out of state and more concerned with the fact that you've been with him for 4 months and he is unsure about you. You are not asking for marriage here. After 4 months together, he should know if he wants to be in an exclusive committed relationship (i.e. bf/gf) with you. I wouldn't stick around waiting for him to decide. Edited December 22, 2016 by kidm 2
Versacehottie Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I think you should be less concerned with the female friend who lives out of state and more concerned with the fact that you've been with him for 4 months and he is unsure about you. You are not asking for marriage here. After 4 months together, he should know if he wants to be in an exclusive committed relationship (i.e. bf/gf) with you. I wouldn't stick around waiting for him to decide. Yeah, PULL BACK. WAY BACK. Maybe stop dating. It's funny so often on this site lots will jump to the conclusion that people must be cheating (physically, outright dating) but most of the time I think that's not what is going on and people are being too paranoid. However, in your case, while it may not be "cheating" per se, this would not fly with me. It's like having a emotional relationship/connection with probably flirtatious overtones. No. Nope. You have a bit of a dilemma because of the way you've defined your relationship with each other though. It's conveniently in some vague grey zone. Um, no. Not in this scenario do i think this is ok. I think you are more likely to get the response you want from him if you pull back or stop seeing him for the time being rather than pressure him or talk it to death. Basically tell him the limbo grey area doesn't work for you anymore if he asks. Say you are looking for a more serious relationship. Good luck
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