Not sure what happened?

[JJS5587330]

Hi all,

 

I really don't want to make this longer then it has to be so I will try and get it all out with as much detail as possible but not make you guys read as much. I mean after reading you guys might just be like the answer is plain as day and I am just upset basically in denial. I *am not going to sugarcoat anything as I want the most accurate responses I can get. Anyways, awhile back I met this girl at Church, wanna say almost a 8 months ago. We never really met met each other and we just went out as a group just over the summer. Long story short I haven't been to Church in awhile but one day I get a random message from Bumble (I am assuming everyone knows what that is) and it reads, "Hi John, its Becky from Church." I was actually very surprised to say the least and it caught me off guard because I don't even remember even swiping her. Long story short we talk and agree to meet each other. First meet Tuesday, December 6th ( I know this cause i checked my phone texts in case anyone thinks I am crazy.)

 

Now we met for coffee cause to be honest this being almost a Church introduction I wasnt sure if she drank, how committed she was, etc.. I mean I like going to Church but I also like having fun. So date went well we actually got food after coffee and a few drinks. Night ends and we immediately agree to hang that coming Sunday. In between we chatted, not too much though cause I am not one to barrage people with texts. There is a time and place for texts but I find it off putting to me and the person to consistently having to text one another unless it is needed. Anyways, Friday rolls around and we are chatting and she mentions she is out with James (another Church friend) and asks me if I want to meet. I oblige and meet them out. I get there, James is wasted to say the least and we kind of just hang and talk. Was another good time, she went home I made sure James got home and that was it. Sunday rolls around for our original plans and we go out and have some fun. Bowling, pool, more drinks, etc... So this was kind of the turning point it was out third date (if you count Friday) and we talked a little more in depth. Told her I liked her she said she like me and she was happy we were getting to know each other better. Great!

 

We don't talk for a couple days, like I said don"t need to be consistently on each others back but we soon chat again and make another date for Friday, this is now the 16th. We agree to go to a Barcade and whatever happens after that happens after that. We end up at another bar having some more drinks nights going great. Its nearing the end I drive her home get out of the car to say goodbyes and we kiss. I don't know who kissed who because we both had a few but it was good. Totally unexpected. I didn't know how to push the envelope because again this is all coming from the Church so to be honest its very hard to judge what direction to go. She gives me a little I enjoy kissing you we stop smile and I leave. It was pretty perfect to say the least. Saturday rolls around and were talking and we agree to go to Church together cause she is checking out new Churches in the area. We went it was fun she had some plans that day so we went our separate ways but nit before agreeing to hang Thursday tonight! She suggested maybe a chill night and she can come see my house. So naturally I am like ok.

 

Now again, we chat a little throughout this week but nothing crazy and now comes the hit. this morning I receive a text...

 

" Hey John. Hope you've been having a great week. So... there's been something on my mind that I need to get out. I just want to say that I think you are genuinely, a truly amazing guy, I have a had a lot of fun hanging out with you and getting to know you. I really do mean that. However, if I am being honest, I think the feelings I am sensing from you you, I am realizing I am not reciprocating. It's honestly nothing that you have done, said, anything like that. At all. I really mean it when I say you're an awesome guy. You've been nothing kind and respectful. I feel like a major jerk because of the timing *of all this and also that I am bringing this up via text. I'm really, really sorry about that. I just didn't know what else to do. Since we made plans to see each other tonight, I thought if we spent more in-person time together dating and went through the holidays and I just let more time pass without saying anything, that really wouldn't be fair. I also want to apologize for anything that maybe came off as giving signals, because I know I did. I think with just the excitement of dating someone new, I sort of let that get ahead of me. Anyway this text is so long. I"m sorry. I hope we can still be friends on some level."

 

Not going to lie this was tough to take to say the least... I respond saying I really didn't expect this, this is a huge surprise to me and that I just didn't understand. I mentioned I know she says I didn't say or do anything but in a way it was hard to believe because everything just made one big U turn it seemed.I just asked that I hope she was being honest with me in the whole thing... She responded with...

 

"I really promise you it wasn't anything that you did. Like you didn't say or do anything wrong. I told you, you've been nothing but nice to me. I guess it's just, when you know, you have that "it" feeling. I don't feel that. There has to be more than just having fun spending time together. I do have fun with you. But that spark or chemistry is what I am missing."

 

Getting better and better right ha..

 

I basically just said fair enough I am sorry you feel that way. If your feelings change let me know because I really had a great time with you.*

 

And that's a wrap. She said I will and thanks for being cool about it. Ha man as you can see I really don't understand any of it and I am hoping maybe someone can shed some light. I feel like this has been happening way to often and I am tired of being the nice guy and just want to go back to my young dick head self. Excuse my language. All opinions welcome, thanks.

[Redhead14]

Hi all,

 

I really don't want to make this longer then it has to be so I will try and get it all out with as much detail as possible but not make you guys read as much. I mean after reading you guys might just be like the answer is plain as day and I am just upset basically in denial. I *am not going to sugarcoat anything as I want the most accurate responses I can get. Anyways, awhile back I met this girl at Church, wanna say almost a 8 months ago. We never really met met each other and we just went out as a group just over the summer. Long story short I haven't been to Church in awhile but one day I get a random message from Bumble (I am assuming everyone knows what that is) and it reads, "Hi John, its Becky from Church." I was actually very surprised to say the least and it caught me off guard because I don't even remember even swiping her. Long story short we talk and agree to meet each other. First meet Tuesday, December 6th ( I know this cause i checked my phone texts in case anyone thinks I am crazy.)

 

Now we met for coffee cause to be honest this being almost a Church introduction I wasnt sure if she drank, how committed she was, etc.. I mean I like going to Church but I also like having fun. So date went well we actually got food after coffee and a few drinks. Night ends and we immediately agree to hang that coming Sunday. In between we chatted, not too much though cause I am not one to barrage people with texts. There is a time and place for texts but I find it off putting to me and the person to consistently having to text one another unless it is needed. Anyways, Friday rolls around and we are chatting and she mentions she is out with James (another Church friend) and asks me if I want to meet. I oblige and meet them out. I get there, James is wasted to say the least and we kind of just hang and talk. Was another good time, she went home I made sure James got home and that was it. Sunday rolls around for our original plans and we go out and have some fun. Bowling, pool, more drinks, etc... So this was kind of the turning point it was out third date (if you count Friday) and we talked a little more in depth. Told her I liked her she said she like me and she was happy we were getting to know each other better. Great!

 

We don't talk for a couple days, like I said don"t need to be consistently on each others back but we soon chat again and make another date for Friday, this is now the 16th. We agree to go to a Barcade and whatever happens after that happens after that. We end up at another bar having some more drinks nights going great. Its nearing the end I drive her home get out of the car to say goodbyes and we kiss. I don't know who kissed who because we both had a few but it was good. Totally unexpected. I didn't know how to push the envelope because again this is all coming from the Church so to be honest its very hard to judge what direction to go. She gives me a little I enjoy kissing you we stop smile and I leave. It was pretty perfect to say the least. Saturday rolls around and were talking and we agree to go to Church together cause she is checking out new Churches in the area. We went it was fun she had some plans that day so we went our separate ways but nit before agreeing to hang Thursday tonight! She suggested maybe a chill night and she can come see my house. So naturally I am like ok.

 

Now again, we chat a little throughout this week but nothing crazy and now comes the hit. this morning I receive a text...

 

" Hey John. Hope you've been having a great week. So... there's been something on my mind that I need to get out. I just want to say that I think you are genuinely, a truly amazing guy, I have a had a lot of fun hanging out with you and getting to know you. I really do mean that. However, if I am being honest, I think the feelings I am sensing from you you, I am realizing I am not reciprocating. It's honestly nothing that you have done, said, anything like that. At all. I really mean it when I say you're an awesome guy. You've been nothing kind and respectful. I feel like a major jerk because of the timing *of all this and also that I am bringing this up via text. I'm really, really sorry about that. I just didn't know what else to do. Since we made plans to see each other tonight, I thought if we spent more in-person time together dating and went through the holidays and I just let more time pass without saying anything, that really wouldn't be fair. I also want to apologize for anything that maybe came off as giving signals, because I know I did. I think with just the excitement of dating someone new, I sort of let that get ahead of me. Anyway this text is so long. I"m sorry. I hope we can still be friends on some level."

 

Not going to lie this was tough to take to say the least... I respond saying I really didn't expect this, this is a huge surprise to me and that I just didn't understand. I mentioned I know she says I didn't say or do anything but in a way it was hard to believe because everything just made one big U turn it seemed.I just asked that I hope she was being honest with me in the whole thing... She responded with...

 

"I really promise you it wasn't anything that you did. Like you didn't say or do anything wrong. I told you, you've been nothing but nice to me. I guess it's just, when you know, you have that "it" feeling. I don't feel that. There has to be more than just having fun spending time together. I do have fun with you. But that spark or chemistry is what I am missing."

 

Getting better and better right ha..

 

I basically just said fair enough I am sorry you feel that way. If your feelings change let me know because I really had a great time with you.*

 

And that's a wrap. She said I will and thanks for being cool about it. Ha man as you can see I really don't understand any of it and I am hoping maybe someone can shed some light. I feel like this has been happening way to often and I am tired of being the nice guy and just want to go back to my young dick head self. Excuse my language. All opinions welcome, thanks.

 

You just need to accept the fact that you aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. She was enjoying your company, realized she didn't have the same feelings for you and was very honest and upfront about that. That's what she should have done instead of, what people might call, stringing you along -- continuing to date you knowing that you two weren't on the same page. It's not about what you did or didn't do, it's just dating. Dating is a process, not an event. You spend some time with a person to find out if there is "something" there. Some times only one party feels "something". That's not something anyone can control.

[IfonlyIknew]

You're one of the lucky ones actually! She let you know her honest feelings and had compassion. Most people ghost these days. It has nothing to do with anything you did or said either, she's right about that, it's something within her that doesn't feel things match up how they should.

[smackie9]

You can't win them all.....that is why we go out on dates.....to see if the attraction holds, and progresses. Most of the time it does not. I commend you on your response. You didn't lash out like most OPs on here have done.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

I know it hurts, but there will be someone out there for you soon enough. It's all experience. Take care.

[winny]

You are so lucky this girl is respectful of you, your time and feelings, and wrote this detailed text to you. She seems honest and genuine and I think you should stay friends with her. Date other girls and don't wait for her but appreciate and be grateful that she didn't ghost you or manipulate you.

[JJS5587330]

I appreciate the responses and the insight everyone has given. However, it's still a tough pill to swallow. I get the fact that she was straight up with me and with so much detail I couldn't ask for more of an explanation.

 

BUT, still I just don't get that one thing of WHY? I mean the past few weeks of dates have been great! Laughing, joking, goofiness, touchy, conversation was good... I mean for god sakes it was her idea of the plans two days ago to come to my house TONIGHT and then I receive this text TODAY!!!

 

I just cant grasp the what really happened and that is what bothers me because I will never really know. I could see if the date or dates went bad but it never even crossed my mind of it ever being a bad date/dates and this whole thing was just out of left field for me. Bottom line she never gave me a vibe or I never got one that things were approaching this outcome.

 

I basically ranting at this point so I will leave it at that. Thank you everyone and **** on to the next I guess...

[olivetree]

Well, she is on a dating site. So she may have met someone recently where she felt that spark she spoke of, and she realized she just didn't have that with you. And that is why it came on so sudden.

[butterfly84]

hey John - first of all do not go back to being a dick head you're in a good place and keep yourself there.

 

Now for what happened - as a woman i actually understand what she is saying i have had that happen before, but for me it took like a month and it was not pretty either for the guy. But it's just that if you just 'know' inside someone is not ultimately someone you want to date longterm you prefer to stop things sooner rather than later which is more beneficial in the long run. She may have felt you guys were cool for a short thing but maybe her goal is to find someone for the long term and that was her way of preventing either of you from being hurt.

 

And as others have said she actually had decency to explain it to you so that's a good thing! She respects you at least and is up front.

 

It sucks i know but think of how her message has saved you from wasting another few weeks and your interest in her could have grown even more which would have been worse.

[JJS5587330]

I mean I get it trust me. That is a good point, 3 weeks down the road I have more invested. I accept it but I just still cant comprehend the WHY factor of it all... I mean like I said everything was going so well. Nothing in my mind ever pointed to this direction based off the interactions we had together. And if that was the case I don't understand how the dates, interactions, laughs, hugs, kisses, etc... Was all so real. Like I said just doesn't make sense to me.

[winny]

I accept it but I just still cant comprehend the WHY factor of it all...

 

Sometimes you just have to accept that it wasn't meant to be.

Let go... the universe is pulling you in a different direction so don't resist... what you need is available there... so stop wondering and let the universe help you