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I'll be seeing my Ex around, so how should i act around her? [UPDATE: Ex reached out]

BrokenBranches

By BrokenBranches
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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BrokenBranches Member

BrokenBranches

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Exactly, you wanted to get your power back...this is how. Don't give her anything to work with, just be polite but very distant.

 

If she enters the room and acknowledges you, respond in kind but that's it. If she asks you how you are, respond with "fine" nothing more and nothing less and don't ask her. Might even get up and refresh your drink or remove yourself from the conversation. This is your house, not her's.

 

I will say though from your last posts, it sounds as though you wanted more than she did and just from the post, sounds as though you were hurt by her not being exclusive with you. Was that the real source of the pain, her not placing you higher on her list? If so, I don't see the need to punish her for being honest with you here.

 

I did want more, but i accepted that we wouldn't be exclusive. It IS a whole jumbled mess because of how strongly it started and she came on to me. It was her who started the "i love you's" and "you're my best friend", so what hurt was being moved further and further down the list. I don't need to be a priority, but just because we're not exclusive doesn't mean we shouldn't be good and respectful towards each other. If she truly valued our friendship, she wouldn't flake or lie like she did. She also should've ended it sooner if she found herself doing those things not for the reasons she gave me. I should've ended it sooner too. I was moved down to a place where i felt like a **** buddy, not even really a FWB. So i don't feel she was completely honest with me. I don't blame her for having certain feelings change, but she still had choices to make on how to treat me. Was i crazy to think that my friend who i've been dating, says "i love you', wants to sleep with me, SAYS she likes hanging out with me, would actually make an effort to hang out? I would see her treating all our other friends well. Even taking them out for a drink, she maybe never did that for me. I think she was in the mindset she didn't have to work for my attention or love because i would be there for her regardless.

 

Sometimes i feel that even if we were just friends, she would've pulled the same things and we'd have a falling out. I say this especially because she did that with like three of her closest friends at different times, while i knew her. Just a complete falling out of their friendship.

Edited by BrokenBranches
preraph Established Member

preraph

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How you should act when you have to run into her is avoid her as much as possible but otherwise with other people, act happy and social. Retain your dignity.

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BrokenBranches Member

BrokenBranches

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How you should act when you have to run into her is avoid her as much as possible but otherwise with other people, act happy and social. Retain your dignity.

 

And other than that avoiding her and ignoring her doesn't make me seem weak and broken? I get how not giving her the time of day helps me retain my dignity and gives her what she deserves. At the same time, i feel like it will just make me appear too destroyed to face her (especially since we have mutual friends). Like if she came over and hung out with my roommates/friends for example, would it make me look worse if i didn't hang out with them or if i did but didn't pay attention to her?

mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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And other than that avoiding her and ignoring her doesn't make me seem weak and broken? I get how not giving her the time of day helps me retain my dignity and gives her what she deserves. At the same time, i feel like it will just make me appear too destroyed to face her (especially since we have mutual friends). Like if she came over and hung out with my roommates/friends for example, would it make me look worse if i didn't hang out with them or if i did but didn't pay attention to her?

Invite other girls over to hang out when she comes over, that'll show her you're not destroyed, and give you someone else to talk to.

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BrokenBranches Member

BrokenBranches

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No doubt a great idea. Unfortunately don't know any other single girls, though i'm trying and not succeeding yet.

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