teaboy Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Hi, I'm a first time poster but I would really appreciate any advice that you lovely people might offer. A work colleague and I have been exchanging messages with undertones that stem from a conversation we had some time ago. For background, I have a reputation at work for quality footwear and was asked by this colleague to suggest shoe types to go with her outfit. I was happy to spend ten minutes on the web and she was pleased with what I found but suggested that she needed a leather skirt to better suit the type I suggested and she would like help shopping for one. The Jaeger sale meant I found one for her at a very good price and she reserved it at the shop and asked me to collect it for her (I live nearby so was happy to help). Unfortunately it was too big so was returned and not mentioned much afterwards, but at a recent work Christmas party she approached me to ask what I thought of the leather skirt she had chosen to wear and if I was surprised by it. I think this might be her way of hinting that she would like something physical to happen between us but it could also have more to do with shopping than sex. Hopefully the view of a stranger can shed some light on this for me. Best wishes and Merry Christmas Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Yes, she may be interested in you, or you may be right she may just be tapping into your fashion knowledge and simply thinks she has found a kindred spirit to go shopping with... Difficult to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted December 22, 2016 Author Share Posted December 22, 2016 Cheers Elaine. Maybe a more direct conversation with her is called for to find out but I'm sure you would also understand that this may make the working relationship a little awkward. Thanks again for your reply though. It's reassuring to know that I seem to be reading the signs but they just aren't particularly clear. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 If they are not clear then those kind of signals are not there.....I think you are reading way too much into this out of your own feelings for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted December 22, 2016 Author Share Posted December 22, 2016 Cheers Smacking. Perhaps me saying that the signs aren't clear wasn't quite the correct way to express it. She often uses innuendo and even overt sexual references but they seem to be dependent on her mood Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted December 22, 2016 Author Share Posted December 22, 2016 *Smackie Damn this autocorrect function 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 An update to my little saga: whilst doing some shopping in the recent sales I came across a leather skirt similar to the one she asked me to collect for her. Being a helpful kind of chap, I sent her a message about it to and she asked me to get one for her that she would collect it from me at work. So she did (and didn't even wait to get it home to try it on and sent me an office instant message to say it was "a bit tight but it fits ?"), and later received a WhatsApp message to tell me how much she likes the style and that she would probably wear it to the office the next day. I thought she might be teasing me a little but did wear it and sent me an instant message to thank me - to quote her "I love the skirt ?? Thank you". I definitely get the feeling that she is attempting to steam things up a bit, but have niggling doubts because we have to remain professional. Am I still reading too much into this? Link to post Share on other sites
Techmonkey Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 An update to my little saga: whilst doing some shopping in the recent sales I came across a leather skirt similar to the one she asked me to collect for her. Being a helpful kind of chap, I sent her a message about it to and she asked me to get one for her that she would collect it from me at work. So she did (and didn't even wait to get it home to try it on and sent me an office instant message to say it was "a bit tight but it fits "), and later received a WhatsApp message to tell me how much she likes the style and that she would probably wear it to the office the next day. I thought she might be teasing me a little but did wear it and sent me an instant message to thank me - to quote her "I love the skirt Thank you". I definitely get the feeling that she is attempting to steam things up a bit, but have niggling doubts because we have to remain professional. Am I still reading too much into this? Sounds like she might just be a very outgoing and friendly woman. I wouldn't say anything to her unless she gives concrete evidence of some kind that she IS actually interested. If you bring this up just based on some unclear vibe you get from these messages, you risk unnecessarily offending her and potentially embarrassing yourself. Two situations you do not want in your work life. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Sorry but you're in the friendzone, i don't see how she's interested. if you want to see her intentions make a move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 Cheers Techmonkey and goldway90 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Be very careful in making a move. I tend to agree with Goldzone about the Friendzoning. I guess you are not going to get a definitive answer unless you dip your toe in the pool. But please be warned that things like this have a nasty way of going south on someone, especially if you make a move on a co worker. It sounds almost like it's a sexual harassment accusation waiting to happen, so think about the risk vs reward, especially if she turns you down. It is not uncommon for the workplace to become an "oppressive" environment for the "offended party" if the overture goes unrequited. Just be careful. I am not a fan of workplace romance because I have seen more than one of these end up really bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 Thanks SR. Rest assured that I'm not about to make a move of any sort for exactly the reasons you mention, and would always leave that in the hands of a lady because I'm a little on the shy side. I'm just looking for opinions from you lovely folks here as to whether or not I might be waiting for a train that doesn't pass through my station 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Shoe and skirt advice... sounds like she thinks of you more like the GBF. Even if you're not G. Just a hunch since 99% of the threads in this forum tend to omit this one minor detail: do either of you have a partner? Or are you both single? If not then apologies for the insinuation... it's just that's usually how threads in this forum go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) I've been with my current girlfriend for over 8 years but we have kind of plateaued for a while. The girl at work has referred to boyfriends occasionally but those periods are generally few and far between. Being complimented on having good taste by a sexually attractive woman, and the occasional comment in instant messages (for example "I'm raining" which I assumed was relating to arousal based on the sexually innuendo she had used during that conversation) has turned my head a little. Edited February 20, 2017 by teaboy Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I've been with my current girlfriend for over 8 years Let's say she's interested, what are your plans? Link to post Share on other sites
Techmonkey Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I've been with my current girlfriend for over 8 years.... Don't do this. If you want to entertain these possibilities, end your current relationship. Regardless of plateau, I'm guessing your current GF doesn't deserve emotional and possibly physical infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I've been with my current girlfriend for over 8 years Yeah thought so. And so what does your GF think about your co-worker's actions? As a female surely she has some great insight and knowledge you could tap into? What a great source of a female perspective! Does she think it's just harmless flirting or does she think it means something more? Oh wait, you didn't tell her, did you??? Look I'll make this simple. Someone who cheats on their girlfriend (physically or emotionally) is not a nice guy. You should either break it off with your girlfriend, become single, and then you can pursue other women as you please. Or you should knock it off with the woman at work and concentrate on your girlfriend instead. These are the only 2 decent options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 I know it will reflect badly on me, but I think it would be very difficult to resist if the opportunity presented itself. I expect that it would then be out of my (and the other girl's) system and consequences likely to be minimal besides my guilty conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I expect that it would then be out of my (and the other girl's) system Really? You think it's OK to treat your GF like this? To cheat on her? Is that how you treat people? People you claim to LOVE? Dude. Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 consequences likely to be minimal besides my guilty conscience. Really?? Minimal consequences of cheating on your gf of 8 years? Yeah...okay. Does this girl at work know you have a gf? From what I've seen, she might flirt with you lightly but isn't crossing the line. You are. You're thinking about it, searching for hidden meaning behind her actions, searching out skirts for her, picking them up! Does your gf know you're doing all these things for a 'colleague'? You need to grow up. You can't treat people this way. Your relationship has plateaued so you're chasing after new skirt instead of fixing it. You think this'll add new spice to your relationship so you can carry on? Either break up with your gf or work on your relationship. Either way, leave the girl at work alone, there is nothing there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teaboy Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 No, I never said and would never think it was OK. I'm painfully aware that it's wrong. Its just a situation that I've never been in before and am having a little difficulty getting a handle on due to the intensity. Thanks for your input though Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 If your relationship with your gf of 8 years is getting boring and she is not really what you want, then end it and pursue other options. You are doing her no favours by sticking around and wasting her time. Cheating with a work colleague is a very bad idea. I am unsure as why you think the consequences of pursuing your co-worker will be minimal... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'm painfully aware that it's wrong. So don't do it. This isn't rocket science you know. If it's wrong then don't do it. That is how you lead a good life. Link to post Share on other sites
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