IfonlyIknew Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 work as in he's at work? Strange. Yeah it's been 2 dates. You don't owe him anything.
Versacehottie Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Thanks for the honest feedback. I'll call him today. It's been a while since I've been on dates. One thing I did ask him is what he's looking for. His response was that he doesn't want to jump right into a relationship, but wants to take things one step at a time. Is this anything to be concerned about? You said he put you on the spot with his questions and comments. Well for a huge majority of guys a question like yours puts them on the spot. That's what i think a big part of your problem is: you seemingly cannot put yourself in the other person's shoes or see things from their point of view. you don't have to agree with their point of view but being able to see things from the other person's position or how they might be viewing things will help you greatly to navigate relationships. I think you called him because a guy/bf is what YOU want not because you've seen the light. I hope i'm wrong. My advice based on your posts alone would be to lighten up and be a little more flexible. Try to HAVE FUN with dating--that is the point of it all. Good luck 2
winny Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 "Yes. Absolutely. I will on my schedule today and get you some solid times of my availability." Wow...!! What is he... some CEO?
winny Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Don't text him anything. Just leave him alone. He'll figure it out. In the meantime, block him and move on. Agree... silence speaks louder than words.
Author Summerdaze Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 (edited) You said he put you on the spot with his questions and comments. Well for a huge majority of guys a question like yours puts them on the spot. That's what i think a big part of your problem is: you seemingly cannot put yourself in the other person's shoes or see things from their point of view. you don't have to agree with their point of view but being able to see things from the other person's position or how they might be viewing things will help you greatly to navigate relationships. I think you called him because a guy/bf is what YOU want not because you've seen the light. I hope i'm wrong. My advice based on your posts alone would be to lighten up and be a little more flexible. Try to HAVE FUN with dating--that is the point of it all. Good luck I asked him what he was looking for, because I was confused as to why he was asking me what I thought about him. He had told me previously that he was interested in taking things one thing at a time, but then was asking me what I thought about him. I didn't understand why he would put me on the spot like that when he had told me he didn't want to jump into a relationship. When he's with me, he's quite sweet and a gentleman. That's another confusing thing. Are you saying I should go out with him again if he asks? I'm not necessarily looking for a long term thing myself, but I don't want to be played around with or get hurt. Edited December 23, 2016 by Summerdaze
Versacehottie Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I asked him what he was looking for, because I was confused as to why he was asking me what I thought about him. He had told me previously that he was interested in taking things one thing at a time, but then was asking me what I thought about him. I didn't understand why he would put me on the spot like that when he had told me he didn't want to jump into a relationship. When he's with me, he's quite sweet and a gentleman. That's another confusing thing. Are you saying I should go out with him again if he asks? I'm not necessarily looking for a long term thing myself, but I don't want to be played around with or get hurt. Phew!!! Omygosh girl, you need to get out of your head. There are so many restrictions and limitations and you expecting and wanting him to be a mindreader. I will tell you this: you need a clear direction of what you want with good intention behind it to get it. Right now your intentions and methods of going about getting what you want seem convoluted and cloudy. (Your posts above where you say you are just gonna call it off are, to me, an example of a knee jerk reaction--on your part). I don't see where he is being any more wishy-washy than you are. Idk, expecting a guy who you've seen twice to spend christmas eve with you and hold him to plans with you after you just had that prior miscommunication seems too much on your part. I just don't get how you got all of what you did and are ANNOYED about it at this stage. It comes as a shock to me that you want a casual relationship, not long term. You are acting like the opposite. You cannot protect yourself fully against other people hurting you. You mix with people, you are always taking that chance. The alternative is that you back yourself so far into a corner that you effectively don't mix with people. That's kinda where you seem to be headed, to me, if you stay on this track and continue to tell yourself that you are 100% right and other people are just out of line. This would be a messed up place to be ultimately To answer your question, he wanted to know what you think of him and the same time as taking things one thing at a time--they are not mutually exclusive. Get into a relationship with anyone and this is on their mind, whether unspoken or spoken. It's really not something to take great offense to. That sounds crazy to me. No one is saying you have to answer the question: just if you don't have enough info yet, say you are still getting to know him. I was going to say you should go out with him but given that you don't really have solid intentions and are scared of most things relationship-wise, and that you don't seem to view anything he does as compatible with you, I would just leave it. I think you have some soul-searching to do honestly (sorry!). Why don't you want a real relationship, just curious? BTW, if you don't want a real relationship, I would venture to say that the casual world of relationships could be just as confusing/hurtful to you. You have serious dating expectations with a casual goal (so you say). Those don't mesh well. Get your expectations in line with what will be offered if you honestly tell the guy/any guy that you don't want long-term. Just an aside, Advanced-level stuff--but it will probably make them come running but you'd have to act more casual and free about things, so forget that. You won't get played around if you don't let yourself. HOWEVER, i think it requires a really strong sense of self. Right now you are doing reactionary bailing for fear of getting hurt. And putting all sorts of odd measures (call me, which now you switched back to texting is ok) on what your expectations are. That's why you have to be careful if you say something like I want a phone call to make a date--then stick to that, not backtrack. That shows the other person that you are inconsistent and will likely lead to bad treatment or worse than you would get if you had not done that. Or toxic, dysfunction if the guy goes with that treatment from you. He sounded sweet enough to me. I don't think you know him well enough to make the assumptions you have made. Anyway, good luck 3
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