Third date??

[Summerdaze]

I met this guy from online dating. Our first date consisted of meeting at a coffee shop. It went well and so we proceeded to a restaurant for dinner, hung out for a while there and talked non-stop. After the date, he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, and told me to text him that I got home safe. He beat me to it, within 30 mins he had texted me saying he had a great evening and that he hopes I feel the same so we can meet up again. I texted him that I had a nice night.

 

We go on date 2 a week later. I have a busy schedule so it's the earliest we could do. This time we spend the whole day together. Started with mini golf, then coffee, then a movie, then dinner. It was a nice night. He told me in the restaurant that he wanted to hold my hand during the movie but didn't incase it bothered me. He also put me on the spot at the restaurant and asked me what I thought of him. I told him it was kind of awkward to put me on the spot like that and I didn't really reveal my feelings for him. He complimented me, told me I had a really pretty smile. We spent a great deal of time talking about pretty much everything and both said that we were having a nice time. At the end of the night, he again walked me to my car, hugged me goodbye and told me to text him I got home safe. So I did. When I texted him he said "Me too. Had a great day" I texted him saying I had a good day too. He then replies "Up for a third date then?"... I replied yes, but that I would prefer he ask me out for a date over the phone. He said "Good point. Call you tomorrow?" I told him that was fine. Anyway, he never called me the next day. I texted him asking about a name of a movie that he had talked about, and he replied, but never called. He went ahead and called me the following day instead. I missed his call. He then texted me "Tried calling you. You are one tough girl to get a hold of."

 

I texted him back around an hour later and said "Just saw you called. It's getting late. Talk tomorrow?" he replied immediately "Sure"

 

Well that was last night. I was presuming he would call me, and didn't. Does this imply I will be calling him? I would really like to see him again, he seemed quite keen on me but I feel like he's not really taking the lead. By the way, he did pay for all of the 2 dates.

 

Thoughts on where to go from here?

Edited December 22, 2016 by Summerdaze

[TheTraveler]

Thoughts on where to go from here?

 

This is pretty simple. Give him a call/text and setup the next date

[Summerdaze]

Does that come across as desperate? By me saying talk tomorrow (which would be today), I was implying for him to call me

Edited December 22, 2016 by Summerdaze

[winny]

Just text him - "Hey do you want to talk now?"

If he says - "Yes"

then respond back - "Okay call me then.."

[Sara1989]

Does that come across as desperate? By me saying talk tomorrow (which would be today), I was implying for him to call me

 

Hmm I think you may came across difficult, he asked you what you thought of him and instead of flirty banter, you said this "I told him it was kind of awkward to put me on the spot like that and I didn't really reveal my feelings for him"

 

He then asks you out on an third date and you tell him off again, this time for not calling you for a third date. You could have said "That be great lets arrange the date over the phone tomorrow."

 

If I was you, I give him a call but I think you came across a bit negative.

[introverted1]

Since he called you, you should call him back. That is how I would interpret your "talk tomorrow?" comment.

[Versacehottie]

Hmm I think you may came across difficult, he asked you what you thought of him and instead of flirty banter, you said this "I told him it was kind of awkward to put me on the spot like that and I didn't really reveal my feelings for him"

 

He then asks you out on an third date and you tell him off again, this time for not calling you for a third date. You could have said "That be great lets arrange the date over the phone tomorrow."

 

If I was you, I give him a call but I think you came across a bit negative.

 

100% Sara, you are right. OP is being really difficult. I think it's sucking the fun out of things and he could be having second thoughts. Ridiculous that OP said yes to the date via text but then said she would rather he call her. OP, you come across as me, me, me. This guy hasn't done anything wrong that I can see.

[Summerdaze]

Thanks for the honest feedback. I'll call him today. It's been a while since I've been on dates. One thing I did ask him is what he's looking for. His response was that he doesn't want to jump right into a relationship, but wants to take things one step at a time. Is this anything to be concerned about?

Edited December 22, 2016 by Summerdaze

[IfonlyIknew]

It seems things are going against the "flow" of a potential relationship this early on. I would feel a bit uncomfortable if a man asked what I thought of him, but the reply could have came off more uncomfortable than the question. He can't read you and doesn't seem to know where to go as far as leading you right now, I'd call him.

[TheWhittler]

Just pick up the phone and call.

 

He probably thinks you are dating others or not all that bothered or playing really hard to get.

 

Its all very good and well getting on with someone but its boring after a very short time if you can never get hold of them or if they make you do all the work.

[kendahke]

I told him it was kind of awkward to put me on the spot like that

 

this is why he's pulled back like he has.

 

That was too negative an answer.

 

"Give me a few weeks til I know you a bit better" would have been a more encouraging reply.

 

I don't get the sense from what you've written that you're altogether on board with this and if you're pushing back on him finding out your thoughts, then it may not be worth it to him to continue.

 

You might want to check your phone more often so it doesn't look from the outside like you're really not interested.

 

I did ask him is what he's looking for. His response was that he doesn't want to jump right into a relationship, but wants to take things one step at a time. Is this anything to be concerned about?

 

That's fair play.

 

Should he be concerned about your above remark? They're pretty much the same sentiment... neither of you want to feed into the expectations of the other.

[Summerdaze]

Well that's the thing, it did make me uncomfortable when he asked that. He apologized but told me he doesn't know how to read me

[kendahke]

He told me he doesn't know how to read me

 

which is why he's pulling back. He's already drawn back a nub with you.

[Miss Peach]

I always let the guys do the asking out until they are a BF. But if they call you can call them back - that's courtesy rather than initiating IMO.

 

I don't like him saying he doesn't want a relationship part though. It could be his way of priming a fwb situation. Just see what else he initiates/does going forward.

[SwordofFlame]

OP, it does really seem like you're pretty difficult and perhaps he's not used to dating women that are like that.

 

I say that because he can't seem to read you and you're not making it any easier. You are really cautious which is understandable. But you need to give him some indications that you want this to be more than a platonic friendship, which is what it seems like it is so far. Some guys are mind-readers, but clearly this guy is not. I don't know how experienced he is with online dating, but if he has enough experience, he may think that the chance of this going anywhere may be slim. He may think that he's starting to fall into the friend zone.

 

And the comment about not wanting to rush into a relationship. Just like some women don't want to rush into sex, some men don't want to rush into a relationship. It's not necessarily indicative of him only wanting casual sex or FWB.

[alphamale]

this guy is a loser...move on

[Summerdaze]

So I just called him, it was fine, he says he can do tomorrow, which I'm not available, and then apparently he now has some plans for Christmas Eve, and so forth. He says we can maybe do something Christmas Eve before he has his thing which is at 5pm. I need solid plans. I can't deal with wishy washy. I just said we can go ahead and arrange something by text. I went head and asked him via text if he is still interested in getting together. His response:

"Yes. Absolutely. I will on my schedule today and get you some solid times of my availability."

 

At this point, I think I'm gonna move on. When we went on our second date he told me that he was gonna hang out with this woman friend and her boyfriend, now he's saying he's going to be hanging out with a different friend Christmas Eve. Wth? And then he said I can call him later after I'm done with my thing. I can't deal with this back and forth.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Summerdaze

[IfonlyIknew]

Things could have changed on his end to hang out with others on Christmas eve but my concern is if it was a switch, why didn't he come to you and make plans? Also he said he was going to let you know his solid availability, I say that's better than him cancelling or changing your plans if he told you a certain time right away. Things just aren't flowing smoothly with this one.

[Summerdaze]

I would agree. Should I just text him to let him know I don't think things are gonna work out, and move on? I feel this is too much effort tbh. Even the phone conversation didn't flow, and the 2 times we went on dates he was late both times.

 

Texting something like:

-I really appreciate the opportunity to get to know you, but I should be honest that I don’t see a future together.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Summerdaze

[IfonlyIknew]

I would cut ties. It just seems off between the two of you.

[Summerdaze]

I would agree. Should I just text him to let him know I don't think things are gonna work out, and move on? I feel this is too much effort tbh. Even the phone conversation didn't flow, and the 2 times we went on dates he was late both times.

 

Texting something like:

-I really appreciate the opportunity to get to know you, but I should be honest that I don’t see a future together.

Or

-I don’t see this going in the direction of a serious relationship and that’s what I’m looking for.

??

 

I don't want to get hurt and at this point I feel like this person doesn't want anything serious, or wants me to do the work, which I'm not willing to do. Thoughts?

[kendahke]

I don't want to get hurt and at this point I feel like this person doesn't want anything serious, or wants me to do the work, which I'm not willing to do. Thoughts?

 

Don't text him anything.

 

Just leave him alone. He'll figure it out.

 

In the meantime, block him and move on.

[SwordofFlame]

Don't text him anything.

 

Just leave him alone. He'll figure it out.

 

In the meantime, block him and move on.

 

Agreed. It seems like you two just have completely different expectations when it comes to dating. That's the reason this isn't going to work.

[dumbass2]

Agree with the others. Don't send anything. If he contacts you again, then reply with one of the messages you mentioned.

[Summerdaze]

He sent me a message that says ::work:: I have no idea what that means