In the middle of a GIGS, debating going back to NC

[d11king]

Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and upon recent research for rebound relations and 'grass is greener syndrome', I ran across the site and immediately felt relieved hearing some stories and finally having an understanding of my situation.

 

I'm a 26 male and she's 22, and we've been dating for 3 years. Our relationship was amazing the first year as I set the standards pretty high for myself, but shortly after the first year, I admit I kind of lost myself and who I was to her and it affected everything. I'm a Gemini, she's a Cancwr, so that made everything harder but our foundation was pretty set. Despite all the negatives we always found a way back to each other because we realized and always became aware that nothing was bigger than us. However, I still personally put her through some incredible things as I was trying to learn her, and most importantly, push/lead her into becoming the woman I saw inside of her. Our entire relationship, she did not work nor did she drive, which was a huge issue with me because I always wanted her to learn not to always depend on myself or her mom or anyone else for that matter. That when she turns 23/25/30, she's going to need to learn how to provide for not only herself, but for her family... I was always looking big picture.

 

During the last year of our relationship, she started hanging out with her old best friend from high school, which I didn't like at all, and I expressed how it made me feel but she never took me serious, but I wasn't going to tell her who she could and couldn't hang out with. She told me, she's not there for him, it's his mom, and that she's interning at his moms business (some recording stuff) and I allowed that lie to continue. This was maybe in March, and we ended up breaking up in June, but we kept talking. During this time, and that entire time from March, his name kept coming up, and in October, I eventually cut all contact with her off, a strict NC, and boy did that feel great! I was baptized in September before that breakup, and during the NC, I truly found myself and was tremendously joyous. They were shortly in a relationship, I'm not sure the exact time but idc lol, after 3 years of being in a relationship with someone, to jump right into another is highly disrespectful to me. So I was enjoying the NC, as I knew that eventually one day, she would contact me, because of who we were and how strong our love was. If I was missing her like crazy, I knew she was doing the same.

 

Well she did, and she called me on Thanksgiving, just to wish me a happy day, and I immediately kept the convo short and simple, and we talked for like 2 minutes strictly with the pleasantries, but she immediately calls back and finally tells me how she feels. How she's missed me and loves me and all that other stuff. We caught up on that conversation and talked for like an hour, yet I still wasn't running back or whatever the case may be. I still continued the path that I was on... She calls back that's Monday crying about her weight loss and how she was scared.. I immediately became concerned because I mean hey, I still love her and care about her. I tell her everything's going to be okay and reassure her that I still pray for her and that she has nothing to worry about.

 

She invites me to come to her school to see her that Thursday which I did, and it was amazing seeing and spending time with her. It was emotional as we both cry as she wanted to get some things off of her chest and as I was very vulnerable and still fighting for her. I told her that she needed to let me go and she quickly went on the offensive and defensive and started hitting me with all of her emotions. She claimed for it to be that she needed to get "closure" because the way I immediately stopped talking to her hurt the hell out of her.

 

Well we still kept talking and 2 days later her bum booty boyfriend texts me at 1 in the morning telling me that I needed to fall back... which I did. But I was upset because she didn't say anything about it. I still tried to call her that Monday to hear it from her because she should've respected me enough to tell me that herself.... I go back to 10 days of NC but I'm losing my entire mind that entire time because my feelings came rushing back, and I was ready to be reconciled, and it just ended the way it did so I was crushed. When I first called her the day after her bf text me, the calls went straight to voicemail, so I left it alone. Upon finding out a friend of mine accidently blocked my number and unblocking myself for him, I called her phone to see if she had done something petty and immature and blocked me. I immediately hung up when it rang once.

 

She called back later asking if it was an accident and I explained the situation to her. We caught up in that conversation, but since then we've been talking everyday. She said she doesn't care about the circumstances she can't ignore the fact that she still loves me and that she misses me. We basically now talk as if we were still in a relationship (which is very confusing) outside of the fact that during the day we don't cause she's with him. I obviously feel dumb for even talking to her while she's still with him, but at the same time I'm kind of fighting for her by trying to show her that I'm much better than I was, than he is, and trying to show her that she made a mistake. Yet I'm battling with myself about what the hell im doing and if it's truly worth it.

 

She wants to come over my family's for Christmas, she wants to go to a Laker game together in January, she wants to go on a date tomorrow, and I will admit, it's flattering and after finding out what GIGS, I'm trying to discern whether she realized it's not all merry but at the same time, she's in a good position. I rap (very talented) and that bum booty boyfriend of hers mom has that music thing and is getting her into modeling (she's very beautiful). So I fight with myself saying what reason does she have to leave but at the same time I know her feelings and our chemistry is true. I'm really struggling with figuring out what to do, and am getting close to going back to NC because it's unfair for me (and her bf) to be in this situation. She's confused, and not sure what she wants yet, but I've always felt as if this was the woman I was to marry and I just need to be patient with her. I don't want to leave because I'm afraid I won't get her back and it's a risk idk if I want to take, but at the same time, it feels prettt demoralizing going through what we go through now, and to hear her mention his name and how she's always over their house working.

 

Can someone please tell me some encouraging words or something lmao

[whatdeww18]

Well it seems you are well informed about GIGS and all that. Just wanted to ask about your ages? In line with everything? Also, you may get some posters who will argue against GIGS and the emotional immaturity which is also part of the answer.

 

What I would say is to stay in no contact. But make sure to let her know that this is not some abrupt NC, just let her know that this is because you both still need some space and she has to figure out her feelings to find out what is what she wants since it is not fair to you or her current bf. She needs to get some time alone to figure out the mess she made...

 

Also, I am not sure if you want to determine the stages of GIGS or what you would like. But I have read a blog that is titled "reverse psychology and rebounds." I suggest you take a read. It talks about how if the ex stays in the picture while the other is in a rebound or relationship, it tends to succeed as the ex serves as an emotional crutch while your ex gets the benefit of a brand new relationship. The new bf will understand how you support your ex and will be able to be there for your ex the way she needs. So, get out of there asap.

 

I think this is one of those cases where you stay in no contact until she starts blowing up your phone saying she wants you back and she made a mistake. If not, you let go. Well I suggest letting go in general, it will make all this so much easier. I know it's hard to get the feelings to go away but she's stringing you along man. She hasn't figured herself out so let her be.

 

Best wishes,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[d11king]

Well it seems you are well informed about GIGS and all that. Just wanted to ask about your ages? In line with everything? Also, you may get some posters who will argue against GIGS and the emotional immaturity which is also part of the answer.

 

What I would say is to stay in no contact. But make sure to let her know that this is not some abrupt NC, just let her know that this is because you both still need some space and she has to figure out her feelings to find out what is what she wants since it is not fair to you or her current bf. She needs to get some time alone to figure out the mess she made...

 

Also, I am not sure if you want to determine the stages of GIGS or what you would like. But I have read a blog that is titled "reverse psychology and rebounds." I suggest you take a read. It talks about how if the ex stays in the picture while the other is in a rebound or relationship, it tends to succeed as the ex serves as an emotional crutch while your ex gets the benefit of a brand new relationship. The new bf will understand how you support your ex and will be able to be there for your ex the way she needs. So, get out of there asap.

 

I think this is one of those cases where you stay in no contact until she starts blowing up your phone saying she wants you back and she made a mistake. If not, you let go. Well I suggest letting go in general, it will make all this so much easier. I know it's hard to get the feelings to go away but she's stringing you along man. She hasn't figured herself out so let her be.

 

Best wishes,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Whoa! That Reverse Pyschology - Rebound thing completely opened my eyes and I'm getting the hell out of here! I really just have to figure out my timing... I'm currently debating whether to go on one last date and show her who I am, so she can carry that memory with her during the NC phase. For example, giving her a perfect "us" date that we would have and then coming to her a few days later and pouring my heart out like, I'm not your boyfriend, so idk wtf I'm doing. I'm making myself look retarded, and I'm not going to continue to make myself look stupid.

 

I could definitely see myself being the emotional crutch, while he gets all the benefits. From her telling me she constantly needs attention, from their fights, to her craving sex with me... after reading that blog that definitely changed my entire perspective. Thank you soooooo much Dewwww. Seriously.

 

My only regret is that I am deeply in love with her, and I'd really hate to see her get hurt behind this, and not only that, but because she is immature and young and has commitment issues, I don't want to take advantage of her and the GIGS she may have. I will admit though, I do have my fears it would backfire but I guess that's the risk I have to take.

 

Does the date sound like a good idea?

[d11king]

The date happens to be tomorrow night by the way..

[whatdeww18]

Whoa! That Reverse Pyschology - Rebound thing completely opened my eyes and I'm getting the hell out of here! I really just have to figure out my timing... I'm currently debating whether to go on one last date and show her who I am, so she can carry that memory with her during the NC phase. For example, giving her a perfect "us" date that we would have and then coming to her a few days later and pouring my heart out like, I'm not your boyfriend, so idk wtf I'm doing. I'm making myself look retarded, and I'm not going to continue to make myself look stupid.

 

I could definitely see myself being the emotional crutch, while he gets all the benefits. From her telling me she constantly needs attention, from their fights, to her craving sex with me... after reading that blog that definitely changed my entire perspective. Thank you soooooo much Dewwww. Seriously.

 

My only regret is that I am deeply in love with her, and I'd really hate to see her get hurt behind this, and not only that, but because she is immature and young and has commitment issues, I don't want to take advantage of her and the GIGS she may have. I will admit though, I do have my fears it would backfire but I guess that's the risk I have to take.

 

Does the date sound like a good idea?

 

 

Haha of course, glad I could be of help! I know, right? When I read that, I was like wow had no idea. But it does make sense when you think about it. Crazy no? I suggest reading Zorba's post in particular. Unfortunately, my ex isn't in a relationship but it seems like he's looking for one so who knows.... Hoping the 3 years we spent together will bring him back.

 

I would highly advise against the date. I think, as dumpees, we get the fear that our ex will forget us or we have to instill a good memory into our ex before they go. Na, they have a good enough memory of us from the relationship. Why do you think she is contacting you and apologizing? Just let her know that you don't think it is fair to go on a date with her while she is in a relationship. Be that kind and respectful ex that doesn't do that stuff. Not sure if you looked at GIGS stages, but it sounds like she is in stage 3 where the "clouds are lifting." Don't give her the best of both worlds.

 

Furthermore, DO NOT BE EXCITED TO START THINGS RIGHT BACK UP. She left you for another relationship. She needs to earn her spot back as your gf. She has to see what was wrong with the relationship, her faults, and be able to identify them. This takes time, while you are single. Not while in a relationship.

 

I would personally guess, from what smokey bear and wilson x have posted on this thread that she will bounce after the dates or if you take her back too eagerly. Another read I suggest are the stages of GIGS. You don't have to believe GIGS, but it does highlight the fact that taking your ex back too fast will never work in the long run. This is stated by many relationship books. I think smokey bear put it best, let her do the chasing. Let your phone blow up.

 

Best,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[d11king]

Haha of course, glad I could be of help! I know, right? When I read that, I was like wow had no idea. But it does make sense when you think about it. Crazy no? I suggest reading Zorba's post in particular. Unfortunately, my ex isn't in a relationship but it seems like he's looking for one so who knows.... Hoping the 3 years we spent together will bring him back.

 

I would highly advise against the date. I think, as dumpees, we get the fear that our ex will forget us or we have to instill a good memory into our ex before they go. Na, they have a good enough memory of us from the relationship. Why do you think she is contacting you and apologizing? Just let her know that you don't think it is fair to go on a date with her while she is in a relationship. Be that kind and respectful ex that doesn't do that stuff. Not sure if you looked at GIGS stages, but it sounds like she is in stage 3 where the "clouds are lifting." Don't give her the best of both worlds.

 

Furthermore, DO NOT BE EXCITED TO START THINGS RIGHT BACK UP. She left you for another relationship. She needs to earn her spot back as your gf. She has to see what was wrong with the relationship, her faults, and be able to identify them. This takes time, while you are single. Not while in a relationship.

 

I would personally guess, from what smokey bear and wilson x have posted on this thread that she will bounce after the dates or if you take her back too eagerly. Another read I suggest are the stages of GIGS. You don't have to believe GIGS, but it does highlight the fact that taking your ex back too fast will never work in the long run. This is stated by many relationship books. I think smokey bear put it best, let her do the chasing. Let your phone blow up.

 

Best,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I believe in the stages... she lost a lot of weight, ALOT of weight. She told me she experimented with heavy drugs early after I committed to NC.

 

I'm not gonna gonna lie Dew, I'm tremendously scared. But we definitely have an unbreakable bond, and how I stayed in the last post, her sexual cravings with me, her desire to pretend as if we are in a relationship, kind of gives me the signal that he's not doing something. He's not fulfilling her the way I did, like he's lacking and just doesn't compare, so I have confidence... but what hinders it, is her relationship with his mom. His mom is her manager and is getting her into modeling, and the way she talked about her it honestly seemed like as if they were best friends and she'd never leave because of his mom haha. I don't know how you females work but it's definitely nerve wrecking.

 

I really don't know what to do, especially being that this is happening too soon and that action would seemingly have to take place immediately. I have a superb weakness for her, so idk how to express to her my pain and then make it seem as if she needs to earn me back.

 

Lmao I wish there was a % of success rate haha.

 

I'm also hoping for you and your boyfriend to reunite. 3 years is definitely a long ass time and definitely slot of investing and I understand what you're going through. So here's to us being reunited with our lovers!!!!

[d11king]

Also, what's wrong with pointing out to her/Him about GIGS?

[whatdeww18]

I believe in the stages... she lost a lot of weight, ALOT of weight. She told me she experimented with heavy drugs early after I committed to NC.

 

I'm not gonna gonna lie Dew, I'm tremendously scared. But we definitely have an unbreakable bond, and how I stayed in the last post, her sexual cravings with me, her desire to pretend as if we are in a relationship, kind of gives me the signal that he's not doing something. He's not fulfilling her the way I did, like he's lacking and just doesn't compare, so I have confidence... but what hinders it, is her relationship with his mom. His mom is her manager and is getting her into modeling, and the way she talked about her it honestly seemed like as if they were best friends and she'd never leave because of his mom haha. I don't know how you females work but it's definitely nerve wrecking.

 

I really don't know what to do, especially being that this is happening too soon and that action would seemingly have to take place immediately. I have a superb weakness for her, so idk how to express to her my pain and then make it seem as if she needs to earn me back.

 

Lmao I wish there was a % of success rate haha.

 

I'm also hoping for you and your boyfriend to reunite. 3 years is definitely a long ass time and definitely slot of investing and I understand what you're going through. So here's to us being reunited with our lovers!!!!

 

So that does definitely sound like a GIGS case where she wanted to explore life and focus on herself and career and got mixed up into dating this guy to expand the career. I know the modeling industry deals a lot with sexual relations and its ties to success... Kind of sad, really.

 

I know you're scared and it's okay to be. No one teaches us how to handle heart break when we're kids. We kind of have to deal with it and come to these sites for advice... And it's not even all that great sometimes. Gotta spend hundreds of hours looking for something similar to our case, and even then, it isn't the same because your ex will act differently than mine haha. I can tell you that a relationship with the mom can mean a lot but for me, I wouldn't let it stand in the way forever. Especially if the pain of not being able to be with the one I want, I would say screw the modeling career.

 

I know that weakness, you really think she's amazing and no one compares, right? That's how my ex is to me. But our ex's broke up with us and if that desire with us is truly strong, they won't let much stand in the way of reuniting with us. Try to stay strong and don't go on that date. I know it's so tempting and I know she is everything. But personally, I think she just wants her fix of the man she misses and will be able to hold onto that while suffering through this relationship and false connection with her manager.

 

I would say let the pain grow in her until she HAS to break up and ask to be with you. I'm sorry, this is probably not what you want to hear. But we have to stay strong, even though we got dumped... Tough, right? The struggles.... That's very sweet of you, thank you I really hope we will work out. Maybe it will, and we can come back and post our success stories in some months!

 

Take care,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[basil67]

No Contact can work both ways. Yes, it can make a person realise that they miss you. But it can also teach a person that they can do without you and really don't want to return. There are no guarantees.

 

But no matter how the NC goes, I agree that you should remove yourself from her life. It's terribly unfair of her to be keeping you on a leash while she has no intention of returning.

 

However, if she should return, please lay off all this trying to make her more independent. Doing this is not only patronising, it's showing her that who she is isn't good enough for you. Trying to encourage someone to change is a great way to be on the receiving end of the breakup line "I need to end this because you need someone who meets your needs"

 

That said, accepting someone who is very dependent on you and others for their needs is a tough call. I certainly wouldn't be OK with it. But learning independence is something she has to motivate herself to do. It's not your job. Your job is to love and accept her for who she is or to move on.

 

Think carefully about whether she's truly the person for you.

[basil67]

Also, what's wrong with pointing out to her/Him about GIGS?

 

GIGS implies that a person left a relationship where they were happy for no reason other than they have an idea that something better is out there. With GIGS, the dumpee takes no responsibility for their end of the estrangement and puts all the blame on the person who left.

 

My personal belief is that people don't leave a relationship if they are happy in the relationship. If personal growth is part of the reason for leaving, it stands to reason that when they have finished that personal growth, they will be a different person and want a different type of relationship anyway.

 

As you can probably guess, I am not a fan of the GIGS explanation. I think the term was made in order to have dumpees feel not so bad.

[LD1990]

Like basil67, I'm not a fan of this GIGS nonsense, and I'd advise against putting too much stock in it. GIGS isn't a real condition. It's a term that someone on the internet made up and passed around. It's popular among people who have been dumped because it gives them false hope that their ex will see the light, miss them, and come back.

 

Reconciliation isn't impossible, but it's very rare, and it's not going to happen because your ex reached the 7th stage of GIGS.

 

While there's a tendency to over-complicate things when it comes to relationships, it's generally pretty easy to figure things out when you look at actions instead of words. OP, your ex has a boyfriend. If she wanted to be with you, she'd dump him and get back together with you. She hasn't, which means she doesn't want to be with you. She may like having you around, it probably makes her feel good to know you still want her, but at the end of the day, she's still with him.

 

It's time to have some pride and be selfish. You aren't getting anything out of this arrangement. She, on the other hand, gets to have her cake and eat it too. Cut contact with her. Don't be there to boost her self esteem. That's not your job. If she wants to reconcile, she can dump her boyfriend and work on things with you. Anything short of that is just her playing games with you.

[whatdeww18]

Yea you will see that there are people who are die hard GIGS relaters and then there are others who don't believe it as much.

I am somewhat of a people pleaser, so I tend to stay in the middle and use it with some spins , what can a people pleaser do but stay in the middle, le sigh....

 

The one thing that is amazing about this thread though, is the amount of advice and the variation of it. You have your non-GIGS fans that posted above and I think they have VERY valid points. There are things that we don't do enough of to keep our partner happy. This is where I like to mesh my views, and say that this is when eyes begin to wander and look at the possibility of greener grass. And I would say that the break up is a mix of the burning feeling that the negative aspects of the relationship keep getting bigger while the greener grass is becoming more appealing. I digress... sorry

 

But like everyone has posted. DON'T GO ON THAT DATE! FOR REAL! STAY AWAY! And thank you for the opposing view of saying she doesn't have to earn it. I apologize. I guess I am still a little bit bitter, woops, gotta work on that. But, we do have to recognize that your ex left. And she has to realize that it is you she wants. Otherwise, a reconciliation wouldn't work.

 

The input and all the perspectives are amazing, I'm still learning while it's not my thread haha

 

Thank you everybody,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[d11king]

Thank all of you guys for actually taking the time to read through all of this and actually responding, I genuinely appreciate it. As of right now, I'm one who is in between. As I believe GIGS is definitely something my ex is experiencing, I'm also aware that these things happen in relationships. I did cause her a significant amount of pain during our relationship, so I'm very accepting as far as the situation now goes... I honestly believe it would take an absolute miracle for anything to come to fruition with me and her, as her current boyfriend was 1. A best friend in High School, but they are 5-6 years removed from that. 2. They're both Cancers and according to astrology (which I barely believe in) they are one of the best matches ever and very compatible. 3. The way she talks about him to me makes it seem like she's in a very good situation but there are still things that make me think maybe she's just telling me stuff to get a reaction out of me or to pump him up.

 

My only question though now, because I do believe in GIGS, is if I messed up by allowing her back in 2 months after NC? I originally abruptly went into NC, asking her why does she continue to call/text me... we went 2 months without talking, and she recently called on Thanksgiving and after a short NC after that (week and a half) we started talking again... it's been maybe a week and a half and it's almost an all-day thing. She calls me in the morning on my way to work and we talk for maybe 2-3 hours, and again at night... (this all prior to me finding out about GIGS).

 

Assuming the stages of GIGS were true and that NC is the best route, I'm trying to figure out if I've already messed myself up my chances by allowing her back too quickly?

 

I'm getting ready to gently let her know that we can't continue this because she speaks to me as if we're still together and the mind games and confusion is really driving me crazy and not healthy, as I'm no longer progressing as a person but sitting at a standstill waiting... Reading the blog that Whatdew recommended about relationships and reverse pyschology, I can see how the longer I stay in the picture the better it is for her current bf. I'm providing the emotional support that she is desperately seeking, so I send her over to him in a great and fulfilling mood while he reaps the benefits. She still tries initiating sexual conversations, I am guilty of falling into a phone sex encounter (which made me think maybe their sex life isn't satisfying (which also gives me hope lmao)) but that's no longer my job.

 

So main question is did I already mess up my chances? Or do I still have a shot? This is assuming GIGS is true.

 

Also, I'm also deeply in love with her to a point that idc if she were to try to reconcile today, I would take her back with open arms and after I would mention and show her what I found regarding GIGS, to make her aware. Thinking that would backfire but who knows lol

[basil67]

GIGs is about blaming the partner for being a flaky dreamer. And yes, I guess this can be a thing. But GIGS is also about not taking any responsibility for our own contribution to the relationship end. As you caused her significant pain, GIGS is clearly not the case. She left because she was unhappy and knew the grass IS greener elsewhere.

 

Your mistakes were not how you've handled the post breakup. Your mistakes were made before she left.

 

There is no magic formula for getting someone back - especially if we've mistreated them. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. No amount of using NC as a manipulation tactic will make her come back to you.

 

I'm not trying to be mean - just honest. I think it would be good if you stop putting any faith in the idea that what you do now may change her feelings towards you. Best to learn from this and move on. The longer you keep yourself in this limbo, the more pain you are causing yourself.

 

Tell her "being in contact with you but not having you as a girlfriend is causing me too much pain. I must move on without you".

[LD1990]

Here's my thing about GIGS - the general idea is that your ex dumped you because they think they will be better off without you. You can literally apply that logic to every breakup. No one breaks up with their significant other thinking "well, this is it, all downhill from here." Every person that dumps someone thinks they are making the right decision and are going to be better off for it.

 

OP, I'd reckon we've all been where you are. Wondering what you can do to get back the "love of your life." But this isn't some math problem, where:

 

Reconciliation=GIGS+NC^3

 

There's really nothing you can do here. It's like they say in Swingers (great movie especially for breakups, check it out if you haven't seen it), there's nothing you can do to bring her back, you can only do things that make her not want to come back.

 

The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is get space from her and focus on building a kick-ass life. Women are attracted to strong, confident men who don't need a woman in their lives. Be that type of man.

[breakupthrowaway663]

Here's my thing about GIGS - the general idea is that your ex dumped you because they think they will be better off without you. You can literally apply that logic to every breakup. No one breaks up with their significant other thinking "well, this is it, all downhill from here." Every person that dumps someone thinks they are making the right decision and are going to be better off for it.

 

OP, I'd reckon we've all been where you are. Wondering what you can do to get back the "love of your life." But this isn't some math problem, where:

 

Reconciliation=GIGS+NC^3

 

GIGs comes into play when people don't know what's best for themselves, which is common among all of us, regardless if we don't want to admit it. There's a level of uncertainty about everything, and we can get cornered into a thinking something is better because of fear and fantasy.

 

Example: an abusive boyfriend batters his girlfriend into thinking she is worthless and he's the best she can do. She doesn't know what's best for herself even though to outsiders it seems obvious to escape. She sees no other grass. Is the relationship bad though? Yea.

 

Another example: Person in a 10 year marriage with kids cheats on his/her spouse and has an affair. This is a fantasy he/she has concocted. Even though the marriage is great, this other person gives him/her a high. Is that really what's best for him/herself? What, do cheaters only cheat because their relationship is bad? That's definitely not the case. Now she has to admit her mistake and probably go through a divorce. Is it all uphill for her?

 

GIGS tries to explain people make decisions thinking something is better out there for them, whether or not that fact is true or not. It's part of the human condition.

 

I think GIGS shows its face more often with unstable people. People who are unhappy because of external factors when they should be building internal stability. So they change those external factors hoping to soothe whatever internal issues they are having. This is a phenomena a lot of us do every day trying to chase happiness. We drink to be happy, do drugs, have affairs, move across the country, switch jobs. It does put a lot of the blame on the dumper, and that's where it gets tricky and should be carefully applied.

 

I personally moved across the country for a career, but once the novelty wore off, I realized I lost an entire friend circle and support system back home. I was fantasizing about this city and put it on a pedestal, and afraid I'd never achieve anything great if I didn't take the job. So much so that I didn't realize what I was losing. I thought I was making a great decision, but I was naive and not a completely developed adult -- still am not. I did the same thing switching majors over and over in college.

 

GIGS will be a thing as long as fear and fantasy can concoct themselves within our minds. It's less a syndrome and more just a fancy way of saying people can make decisions based on a combination of fear and fantasy.

Edited December 23, 2016 by breakupthrowaway663

[d11king]

Thank you guys again for your words and advice... I'm more than likely going to move forward but I still beg to question what her intent is currently?

 

Assuming this isn't GIGS, as basil has stated. I've taken responsibility on my part for what happened in our relationship, but even through that, we still kept pushing strong and maintained for about another year. So if this isn't GIGS and just a normal breakup, what's up with her and these repeated calls? Coming to my family's house on Christmas Day (not my invite, but I don't mind), her asking for matching 'unbreakable' tattoos, her trying to invite herself to a Laker game I'm going to in early January, her still trying to be apart of my life? As I said, we don't speak to each other as friends when we do talk, we still speak as if we are together so the confusion is hella ridiculous. Is this her slowly trying to come back? Is this her trying to keep me here just in case it doesn't work out with her new guy? Is this her trying to set me up for a heartbreak down the road?

 

Like I said I'm going to move forward because these type of games I will not partake in. But if there's someone who may have an idea wth she's trying to do and be able to explain all of this me, I would be truly grateful.

 

Sorry to sound like a complete pansy but I'm just in love and love makes you do stupid things haha.

[VeveCakes]

I don't understand why you are even considering giving this woman the time of day now.

 

She is using you. She wants to come over fro Christmas, she wants to go a Laker game, she wants to model....ALL of that on the dime of others. She doesn't work? Who pays for her to live.... she is using YOU and HIM. She is cheating on both of you. What on earth makes her seem like an attractive partner to you.

 

She basically tossed you aside to get with this new guy but s keeping you around so you will take her out and buy her stuff. Open your eyes man!

 

She can comfortably date two guys at the same time right now, that doesnt say much for gf material. This is ZILCH to do with GIGS.

[d11king]

I don't understand why you are even considering giving this woman the time of day now.

 

She is using you. She wants to come over fro Christmas, she wants to go a Laker game, she wants to model....ALL of that on the dime of others. She doesn't work? Who pays for her to live.... she is using YOU and HIM. She is cheating on both of you. What on earth makes her seem like an attractive partner to you.

 

She basically tossed you aside to get with this new guy but s keeping you around so you will take her out and buy her stuff. Open your eyes man!

 

She can comfortably date two guys at the same time right now, that doesnt say much for gf material. This is ZILCH to do with GIGS.

 

Thank you... I definitely need to stop seeing things from my perspective because I can see myself not fully grasping what's happening. The more people tell me I need to stop being so stupid, the more I'm convinced I'm being dumb af.

[VeveCakes]

Thank you... I definitely need to stop seeing things from my perspective because I can see myself not fully grasping what's happening. The more people tell me I need to stop being so stupid, the more I'm convinced I'm being dumb af.

 

Yes you are lol you seem like a great guy. I am curious though, how does she live eat etc with no income?