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So you've found the love of your life....but they have kids.

ZayKayWill

By ZayKayWill
in General Relationship Discussion

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

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1 or 2 kids. Would you still do what you could to be with them? Or would you move on?

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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How old are you? How old are they? How do you feel about kids?

 

There is no one size fits all answer to this question.

 

There are lots of happy step parents in the world. There are also lots of people who never want to have kids at all.

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

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Yeah I guess I was more looking for a response from someone in their late 20s who wasn't planning to have kids till mid 30s or so. Guess I didn't realize how general my question was haha.

PrettyEmily77 Established Member

PrettyEmily77

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Going by the thread title alone, if you're contemplating moving on from 'the love of your life' (no less) because they have kids, my guess is that they're not really the love of your life after all...

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

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Going by the thread title alone, if you're contemplating moving on from 'the love of your life' (no less) because they have kids, my guess is that they're not really the love of your life after all...

 

Exactly, right? I'm just asking hypothetically, though. Whether or not you choose to believe me is on you. :)

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I see where you're going.

 

I've said that I would not consider a long distance relationship. Others have countered my stance by asking "but what if they were the love of your life?". My response is that I wouldn't date the person, so I wouldn't know if they were the love of my life.

 

Same answer for you, I guess. If a person has a living situation that wouldn't work for you, then you shouldn't be wasting time dating them. Therefore, if you don't date them, you wouldn't find out if they were the love of your life.

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

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I see where you're going.

 

I've said that I would not consider a long distance relationship. Others have countered my stance by asking "but what if they were the love of your life?". My response is that I wouldn't date the person, so I wouldn't know if they were the love of my life.

 

Same answer for you, I guess. If a person has a living situation that wouldn't work for you, then you shouldn't be wasting time dating them. Therefore, if you don't date them, you wouldn't find out if they were the love of your life.

 

 

So if you were with someone for 3 years, but out of nowhere he had to move, you would dump them? (just asking out of curiosity). I personally would try to see if it could work out eventually. If there was no chance of either one of us moving eventually, though, then yeah I'd sadly just walk away.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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So if you were with someone for 3 years, but out of nowhere he had to move, you would dump them? (just asking out of curiosity). I personally would try to see if it could work out eventually. If there was no chance of either one of us moving eventually, though, then yeah I'd sadly just walk away.

 

If I was with them for three years, I would expect that we'd do what we could to continue to live together. Yes, this may mean uprooting where we currently living.....or the partner not moving away.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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It depends, everyone's situation is different.

 

I have no problem with being the "girl for hamburgers on the weekend" - while he makes sure he spends as much time as possible with his kids. I feel no need to be a step-mom. I don't get some women's obsession with coming and being the new "mom" in the household.

 

I'm sorry, but I hear the stories - especially on my fav podcaster's show of drama with exes, kids resenting step-mum....etc.

 

So, I rather he dedicate his time/attention to his kids and see me when he sees me.

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eightytwenty Established Member

eightytwenty

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If I ever became single....

 

Since I have one child, no I wouldn't mind if the other person has kids. But I'm not going to be the mother and my child already has a dad... So depends on each situation but I'm wouldn't put that as a red flag for someone.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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When I met my ex-husband I was 18 and he had a 3 year old (he was 24). I instantly loved that little girl. My ex-H and I had our own daughter and the girls consider themselves sisters, don't you dare say half-sisters in front of them. This little girl I fell in love with is now 35 and a mother herself. She has always been and will always be special to me.

 

I was raised in a big family and there was no prejudice toward children no matter where they were from. They were just more love to have around.

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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My boyfriend has two kids with his ex-wife. If they had been awful or hated me, it would have been a problem, but instead I gained two great step-kids. They still have their mom and dad but they have been really accepting of me and of their stepdad, and of their new little sister (their mom's daughter) and little brother (their dad and my son).

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IfonlyIknew Established Member

IfonlyIknew

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I'm 31 and in my first relationship with a single dad but I'm also a single mom so it's a little different than your situation. Adding kids to the mix of dating is a whole other ball park but it's very rewarding, it just depends on you and what you want for yourself.

TooRational Established Member

TooRational

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Gloria, what podcast is this? I have my fair share of drama with my ex and I'm curious to hear what they have to say about it.

DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

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They have kids?!

 

SWEET, I have immediate gaming buddies/friends!

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