Jimmyjackson Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 I'm a guy and honestly I struggle to separate sex and emotions too. I'd rather wait until I found a girl I liked before doing it again, even though I have a high sex drive. I've always felt 'dirty' after one night stands etc. 1
Bromeo Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 Just out of curiosity, since the breakup, how many people have you went on dates/hooked up with? I get the feeling a lot of No Contact people don't try to get to know or sleep another person during this time because of they are hurt or think others won't compare. Seems like if you don't have a new person, all the romantic thoughts would go to the ex, and prolong the healing process. I'm not talking about jumping into a new relationship, but having fun and putting your feet back in the water. I think once you've dated or begun sleeping with others, you'd forget about your ex quicker. Isolating yourself romantically and sexually like No Contacters seem to do makes it no wonder you have trouble moving on I messed up chances with a gorgeous, curly brown haired ER doctor because I wasn't over my ex, and moved too soon. Then I chilled out, went on a couple dates, still wasn't right. After a couple months, I reconnected with an old flame, and had a great time. Still not 100 percent, but it's helping. My ex? She made fun of her new man to me, told me I was handsome, told me I was awful, how I disrespected her, but sent me love songs. So I guess it swings both ways. Lol The current interest is LIGHT YEARS better than my ex, but dem feels are a beeyotch, no? Lol
jamili Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) Wanted to chime in here. I've been dating someone for about 1.5 months now, and I was single for about 1.5 months since the breakup before that. I started dating to "get my mind off my ex". It helps take my mind off my ex sometimes.. but most of the time I feel like it makes me miss my ex more because you start to notice things you really missed about your ex and wish you could have back. It has reminded me of how much I truly loved my ex, that's for sure. During times of intimacy i.e. cuddling, sex, etc. it is even worse, sometimes you feel sick. My advice is don't start dating until you are completely over your ex. Forcing yourself to fall out of love is hard. What keeps me going, personally, is the realization that my ex doesn't love me anymore (proof is she hasn't come back) - when I think about that, it helps me to snuff out the feelings temporarily. It is only temporary, though. On the other hand.... I agree with another poster here when he said it could take years to get over an ex that you deeply loved, and in that time period you could be missing out on someone who might be the "one", especially if your ex never comes back, which is more probable than not. When you are feeling lonely and missing your ex, it is nice to know you have someone who currently cares about you, and someone to talk to and share things with. So, it definitely can help you feel better and move on.. it is better than feeling completely alone, consumed by thoughts and memories of your ex while you stagnate, waiting for her to MAYBE come back to you someday. You could be out there meeting new cool people, and gaining new relationship skills and expertise - which is useful even if she does come back someday. Just don't expect to having feelings for anyone else for a while... you will indeed feel emotionally numb... but those come back with time. Just take it really slow. Edited December 25, 2016 by jamili
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 25, 2016 Posted December 25, 2016 I'm a woman 4 months out from the breakup (2 year relationship) and i've gone on dates with 2 guys. i've been on a third date and we kissed and whatnot, but I honestly am feeling a lot worse because a) I don't have feelings like that for him and b) hooking up makes me feel worse and makes me realize how much I miss my ex. It seems like guys have an easier time finding a bunch of women to date and just casually hook up with. I have a few (former hookups, new dates, and people) but they just don't mean anything to me so I struggle to see the point of seeing them at all. I can get the emotional connection talking to friends (guys, girls) and family, and certainly not from talking to any random guy especially one i'm not in a relationship with (and not ready to be interested in a new relationship at all). As for physical, I can handle that myself! For cuddling/oxytocin purposes, if I'm not into a guy, trying to cuddle turns me off completely. So I am in a bad place and I guess I Just have to grieve, mourn and wait till I forget him more and more. I miss him so much!
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