After 5 months of dating, what should I expect?

[jiglypuff]

So I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months.

 

The first 3 months were good as we just do things as casual because we don't look for a relationship. we just need someone to hang out, to have some fun when we have free time. We still kept seeing other ppl, and even slept with other ppl for the first 2 months. I didn't expect anything from this casual thing.

2 months ago, we both joined a festival in 3 days. He was with his friends (his ex gf was there too - they broke up 1 year ago after a 3 years of relationship. But he never told me that she's his ex gf but she's a good friend), I was with my friends.I asked him to give me a lift there but he told me that he can't because he's going with some friends. So I sorted it out by myself

I bumped into him for the first night he came to say Hi and ask me if I wanna smoke a joint with him, I just said Hi back and got back to my friends. He was with his friends and ex gf. We bumped into each other on the next day then we were together most of the time. He got back 1 day after me, texted me If I got home safe at that night. then want to meet me when he got back. We had a talk, and he said ... we acted like a couple, it's dangerous. He wants to keep it casual.He doesn't want me to think he's ******* or w/e like that after. I was cool. And replied that : I think everything we did was casual. we both had fun, that's what I was looking for. And we talked a lot. A real talk after 4 months together... We just started getting to know each other better from that day.

 

After that, I still play cool. Because of what he said, I still keep seeing 2 other guys. But he doesn't.. He cares more about me, texts me more, spends more time with me and pays attention on things that I said and so on. He's slightly changing that may be he even doesn't know.

The other day he asked me if I remember that i told him I don't want him to sleep with other girls and asked me if I sleep with anyone else, I said No. I might still see other guys but I don't sleep with them. But if I meet someone that i think he's the one, I will tell him then we will go from there. And he said he doesn't do it either, he even doesn't talk to any other girl and doesn't feel like to sleep with any other girl because he has the best sex with me all the time. And we agreed that we are sexually exclusive.

He said he likes me but he's not ready for a relationship because he has a lot of things to do and a relationship may distract him, but he wants to do things to make me happy, he doesn't want to do things that makes me feel bad. He wants me to feel happy, joyful.

 

I feel it very clear or may be it's just illusion that from then, he's getting more into me. For now, we meet a few times a week, he's busy but whenever he has time he always wants to meet me (sometime just for a quick brunch, coffee, lunch). He texted me when he's sick. He took me out with his friends (also his ex gf was there, they are all still hanging out in the same group and gonna open a new bar so it's the reason why he's busy). We danced, we kissed in public when his friends're around. He asked me to go camping with him and he had everything prepared for me. He makes me breakfast, cooks me dinner, let me get into his place without him staying home, shares more about things he's doing, takes me out on dates, holds my hands when we're walking in the street and anything I asked for. To be honest he treats me like a queen. When I plan my holiday, he said he wants me to spend sometimes with him in my long holiday. We also plan to buy couple phones and even bought couple pyjama.

 

When my period came early today, I was at his place, and have no tampons. I went to the bathroom then asked him which date is today. Then I said it was early. It took him a while to get it, and he told me to get comfortable and show him the photos or the brand name so he can know what to buy. Then he left and got back which exactly what I want.

 

Also he's very busy atm and I work full-time so our timetable sometimes doesn't fit well, but he always tries to comfort me by telling me : "I'm very busy now, I can't spend a lot of time with you for now but we will meet and do things whenever I have time." and he really does it.

 

-

Now my friends tell me it's getting serious.

He acts seriously and still says that it's casual. I'm cool with the casual thing but I also wonder if it's getting really serious? And what should I do next, trying to get it back to casual level or carry on with serious vibes? Should I expect something like a relationship from him?

Edited December 21, 2016 by jiglypuff

[smackie9]

It should get to a point where there is a point to being together or it's pointless.

 

It depends on what you want. If you want it to be serious or HOPING for it to become serious, then have that conversation NOW. IMO if you ignore your feelings and keep cool, you are just preventing yourself from meeting someone who has potential to be your BF. Get what I mean? You are denying yourself a real relationship.

[Charmed22]

Lets see.....

 

You go on dates, are sexually exclusive, spend time together getting to know eachtother, you have been introduced to his friends, he is affectionate in public, you are allowed at his place when he isn't home, he cooks for you..... what do you call that??

 

I would call him out on that cause it sounds like a game to me. He doesn't have time for a relationship yet he has time to act like he is in one...I may be biased but I have delt with guys like that and to me its screams childish commitment phobia. Time is precious and if I were you I would stand up for yourself and tell him either it will be casual (meaning the serious vibes has to go) or you will need a commitment.

 

The number one thing I hate in todays dating is that stupid in-between phase between casual and serious, that guys like to be in. It gives them all the benefits of a relationship as well the ability to leave you on a dime and not have to call you an ex. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You deserve more than to be waiting around on the sidelines until he has his crap together. I feel like a real man will risk the distraction to be with someone he wants to be with. Believe me, I waited around for guys too. Its never worth it.

 

Also his ex hanging around all the time is also a red flag too.

Edited December 21, 2016 by Charmed22

[jiglypuff]

It's so annoying when things are in the grey zone.

He brought me around with his crew sometimes that I even can remember some of them now. I haven't brought him to any events with my friends but once I told him my friends want to meet (me) for a coffee. He misunderstood it that friends want to meet him so he was up for it. Seems like he's curious about my personal life more than I am to him but it's not time for me to open it and I do explain it to him that I don't do it if it's just casual dating.

 

He works in the afternoon and evening, sometime in the weekend too while I work from 8am to 5pm. So he always tries to spend time with me whenever he can. We go out or stay in, it doesn’t matter, we just spend time together.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship when we just met but after months being with him, now I feel like I’m ready to be in a relationship again.

 

He’s treating me really well with deep respect

Also, He cares about other guys that I meet and seem to be jealous when he sees the texts I get from them.

A few days ago, there was a guy, who is our mutual friend and also likes me, texted me and asked about the football schedule. He saw it then when I replied to that guy he went quiet, taciturn. It took him a while to get back to normal mode.

Another time, he knows that there’s a guy who’s after me, then he kept asking me about that guy..

Also, after he knows that there’re some guys are after me, he seem to show off “us” in public more.

I don’t wanna push him or have a convo atm because we’re feeling good and I don’t wanna ruin it. May be it’s gonna happen at some point soon.

Just confusing that if it’s a waste of time sice my options are still around. I did went out with them but it doesn’t feel right like when I'm around him.

[angel.eyes]

What do you want? Your posts are all about what he wants and what he thinks of you two.

 

The thing about having all the trappings of something serious with a guy who continually insists that it's casual is that you're generally Ms. Right Now. When he meets a woman he wants a relationship with, to the curb you go with a reminder that what you had was always casual with no expectations. That's fine if that's what you truly want. But I get the impression that you want a relationship with this guy, and are hoping if you play your cards right and don't scare him with expectations, he'll eventually want a relationship with you. That often doesn't pan out in the long-term. You just delay yourself from finding someone who is a better fit by distracting yourself with guys like this.

[Charmed22]

It's so annoying when things are in the grey zone.

He brought me around with his crew sometimes that I even can remember some of them now. I haven't brought him to any events with my friends but once I told him my friends want to meet (me) for a coffee. He misunderstood it that friends want to meet him so he was up for it. Seems like he's curious about my personal life more than I am to him but it's not time for me to open it and I do explain it to him that I don't do it if it's just casual dating.

 

He works in the afternoon and evening, sometime in the weekend too while I work from 8am to 5pm. So he always tries to spend time with me whenever he can. We go out or stay in, it doesn’t matter, we just spend time together.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship when we just met but after months being with him, now I feel like I’m ready to be in a relationship again.

 

He’s treating me really well with deep respect

Also, He cares about other guys that I meet and seem to be jealous when he sees the texts I get from them.

A few days ago, there was a guy, who is our mutual friend and also likes me, texted me and asked about the football schedule. He saw it then when I replied to that guy he went quiet, taciturn. It took him a while to get back to normal mode.

Another time, he knows that there’s a guy who’s after me, then he kept asking me about that guy..

Also, after he knows that there’re some guys are after me, he seem to show off “us” in public more.

I don’t wanna push him or have a convo atm because we’re feeling good and I don’t wanna ruin it. May be it’s gonna happen at some point soon.

Just confusing that if it’s a waste of time sice my options are still around. I did went out with them but it doesn’t feel right like when I'm around him.

 

I feel like you should have that discussion soon. Don't silent yourself because you are afraid that it will ruin it. Be vocal about what you want. If he truly cares about you he will see that he needs to step up or risk losing you. He won't want to take that risk. Despite how much he has going on, he is already acting like you are a couple. If he can't label it than its a problem. If he can't step up than you know where you stand in his mind and it isn't with him.. Why would you want to be with someone who don't want to be with you? Plenty of other guys out there and you sound like a nice attractive woman.

Edited December 21, 2016 by Charmed22

[AllyStrass]

Relationships are hard! It is tough to know when you have the vulnerable 'where are we at?' conversation. Have you thought about where you see the relationship going? Are you wanting to be more serious and exclusive with him?

It sounds like he is respectful of you when he takes you on dates, which is great.

I know these things can be tough, but I always learned through mentors that communication is key. It can bring clarity to how you both are feeling and give you more ease about the relationship. It's okay to say that you feel a bit confused about how things have changed in the relationships recent past.