Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Okay, so my girlfriend recently posted a video of he on her hands a knees shaking her you know what with her friends slapping her. (This is not like her and not really how we roll). I was asking her nicely if she could take down the one post off of her snapchat that was of that scenario (considering there was multiple snaps). She responded negatively by saying she can do whatever she wants and i do not control her which is 100% true. In this day and age/ generation its considered cool to be an Independent woman that don't need no man. but in reality the name of the game is loyalty and respect. Thats my opinion when it comes to your significant other and they have a wish. If the scenario was reversed and i did something that she didn't want me to post online or social media id immediately delete it/take it down no questions asked. i even suggested sending the post directly to her friends instead of having it public to all her single guys that she does have on snapchat. Maybe we have different morals and this is the beginning of something not lasting. i need advice/opinions. Ladies, Men please let me know how you you would feel in this situation and react to it.
Mystique01 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Quick question..... Was she fully-clothed during this episode? Or was she in her panties?? (I'm assuming they were slapping her butt??) Before I answer I'll say that one good thing about SnapChat is that your posts only last for 24 hrs anyway (so some ppl could have not even seen it), and you can tell when someone takes a screenshot of your snap, or replays it. 1
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Quick question..... Was she fully-clothed during this episode? Or was she in her panties?? (I'm assuming they were slapping her butt??) Before I answer I'll say that one good thing about SnapChat is that your posts only last for 24 hrs anyway (so some ppl could have not even seen it), and you can tell when someone takes a screenshot of your snap, or replays it. She was clothed sorry to be vague.
mortensorchid Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Oh Lord, what DID we do for entertainment before social networking? Remember a few things - we were doing those things before the invention of the camera phone, the internet, social networking, etc. Now it's just more in your face than it was before (I'm 41, I remember it). Second, we all go through this phase of life - living your life in the tabloids as some crazy party animal. And, like a lot of others, we get ripped to shreds by so called "friends", and then we mature and change. Look at Paris Hilton. We never hear anything about her anymore when we used to hear everything. She gave a statement recently saying she is done living her life in the tabloids and she wants to live a quiet life out of the spotlight. And she is, like we all do. Your gf wants to be bad because she spent her life being good. I went through it myself. If you want to be bad, be bad. Just have some class about it and don't boast. This snapchat thing will get her into trouble, and then she will learn and be classier. Part of growing pains. As to how you feel? It's okay for you to be bothered by it, understandable. But ask her respectfully to not post things like that and then she won't do it. Don't approach with anger or ultimatums or demands or whatnot, because that will make her more angry and embarrassed and hurt. 2
Mystique01 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 She was clothed sorry to be vague. Ok....now I have a better picture. I can't say for sure how you should feel since we didn't see the video...you did. But I'm getting the impression that it seemed a bit risque. I think of you two are exclusively dating each other then she should have acknowledged your concerns. At the same time, I'm wondering if maybe you don't trust her? You mentioned her guy friends..does she have many? Have you gotten the impression that they are into her? Or does she do anything inappropriate that makes you not trust her? You don't want to come off as insecure... But again, maybe you saw something that was questionable and it bothered you. Unless she's a huge flirt or has done some other questionable things in the past, I don't see this one snap to be a huge issue. Sometimes people post dumb stuff they shouldn't be posting when they get around their friends or when they are drunk. Unless she's snapping naked pics or something , I don't think it's that bad. But if my bf had an issue with it, I think for his sake I would take it down.
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Lets just say that I've been dating this girl for 2 years now. and about 6 months ago i found out that she had cheated on me during our second month of our relationship, but i already fell so deeply involve with her that i decided to look past it. it was an old fling, and she diddnt think we would last at the time, so if that clears up my past tension, idk what does lol. I'm glad you agree that you take the post down just for the sake of making him happy.
LD1990 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Find some hot single girls and send them shirtless pics. Make sure your girlfriend sees the conversations the next time you're with her. If she complains at all, throw that "I can do whatever I want, you don't control me" line right back in her face. She wants to play those games, play them better. EDIT: Just saw you posted that she cheated on you at the beginning of your relationship, you should've abandoned ship a long time ago man.
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Hmm Two wrongs don't make a right... thanks tho 3
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 ''Baby. I'm not trying to start problems cuz that's the last thing that needs to happen. But with this snapchat post it's kinda getting to me. And it's not even the content anymore. Yea you're on snapchat and your ass is out and your ass is being smacked. But it kinda got to me and the fist thing you told me was "I'm not taking it down" and if you can't have the respect for me as your boyfriend and the decency for yourself idk it's not adding up to me. You have single guys on your snapchat and I'm not even going to say names. I know you felt good cuz you thought you were standing up for yourself. But in reality it was pretty disappointing to because I was trying to make this day perfect and it was. And before that I was begging you to take money for nails because I want you to get them done so you feel good and look good to go to your senior dinner. I'm trying to get you things that you want for Christmas. I'm not throwing anything in anybody's face but I just don't want to be unappreciated because I'm trying here. It was one little thing and by the morning I'll forget it. But next time instead of thinking I can do whatever I want, maybe think damn maybe this is an easy way to make his day. It's the little things that matter. And if you ever told me to do something like that there wouldn't be a question. But again I'm not arguing. It's just sad cuz I feel like my opinion doesn't matter and you'll do what you want despite what I say. Yea I'm only your boyfriend and you don't have to do an damn thing I say cuz that's the new thing right. Independent women doesn't need anybody. But there's this thing that also goes around called loyalty and respect. And that's a thing when you have a significant other. But I know you know that too. I feel like we should both be doing that with ease. I know it's all fun and games and you're just joking with your girlfriends. But next time maybe just send it directly to them. They might be doing that and they can be in relationships and maybe there boyfriends might not even be like me.But all I'm asking is to be showed a little respect despite any circumstances. I asked very nicely and I got a no. I don't think I'm making this bigger then it has to be. You can talk about me and say I'm trying to control you and all that. But in reality all that crap that is in this day and age is bull****. I've learned things through my life and relationships around me and I'm not comparing anybody. But if we can't do this little thing how would something bigger. I love you baby and I'm not mad. I just wanted to let you know how I was feeling. I'll text you in the morning baby. Do good on your test tomorrow. Love you to pieces.''----This is the text i sent to her after i saw the post
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 I understand, maybe you're right. theres not a day that passes that i don't think about it.
Mystique01 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Lets just say that I've been dating this girl for 2 years now. and about 6 months ago i found out that she had cheated on me during our second month of our relationship, but i already fell so deeply involve with her that i decided to look past it. it was an old fling, and she diddnt think we would last at the time, so if that clears up my past tension, idk what does lol. I'm glad you agree that you take the post down just for the sake of making him happy. Ohhh....wow, now THIS certainly puts things in perspective. Yea I can see your hesitation now...especially if you two have been dating seriously for two years, AND she cheated on you a few months I to your relationship. Hmmm.... Like to me that should have been something that was confessed years ago no? ANnyway, yea I agree now... That was disrespectful. I wouldn't even think to post smthg questionable on social media if I have a serious bf. It's just not in good taste. I try to make sure I don't do anything I wouldn't want. My bf doing on his social media page. Honestly, it's more so her response that has me worried more than her actions. Let's face it, sometimes we may get carried away and post stuff that we wish we would have thought twice about before posting (hey...it happens!), but what's really bugging me is her response back to you. Just knowing that my actions hurt my bf would make me take it down,especially if I knew I cheated on him before. You sounded reasonable in your message to her. Sounds like she may be a bit immature. Are you guys in high school? College? You mentioned something about exams and stuff.
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 She is a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college and just completed my first semester. id agree on the immature part. I don't know if i feel stuck in this relationship. I do love her very much and i hope I'm not being too nice. Like that other guy said to get revenge, thats not me. but maybe i need to test the waters a little bit. but i can't imagine throwing what we have away and starting from scratch. Maybe i should have left months ago. Am i in too deep?
LD1990 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Holy sh*t. You're wasting your freshman year of college dating some mouthy high school girl who cheated on you? Look, she doesn't respect you at all and she never did. If she had any respect for you, she wouldn't have cheated on you a whopping two months into your relationship and then covered it up for over a year. You are wasting your time on a girl who is likely still cheating on you. I guarantee you aren't going to look back on this in five years and say "I sure am glad I passed up all that fine college ass to stay with a girl who cheated on me." There is much better out there. Go find it. 7
LargoLagg Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 The fact that she cheated on you almost two years ago makes no difference. It was early, and you decided to let it go. No sense bringing it up now. Also, whatever her intentions were, innocent, fun, looking for guys, whatever, that really doesn't matter either. You can't control that. The real question is how you feel about it. Some guys would love that, but I suspect they don't love their girls. Other guys would hate it, but put up with it because, well, because they value the girl more than themselves. Still other guys would demand that the girl changes her behavior, but you know, that just puts off the day of reckoning and adds some fighting and mistrust. Other guys would dump her either with or without warning. She's already told you to mind your own business. So the real question is where do you stand in this relationship? Are you #1 or #2? Are all your needs being met? Can you live with this? Do you think that's it, or is there more coming down the pike? Which one of those guys above are you? There's a lot of right answers, but only one right answer for you. I will tell you one other thing. You guys are apart and I'm sure she's not happy about that. It's not your fault, it's just the way things are. Even if she hangs in there, and then goes to college somewhere else, that's a lot of separation to look forward to. If she ends up at the same school you are, well, let's just say she's still going to meet a lot of interesting guys in the next few years, and it is likely you two won't last. So, given the signs you're getting, you can wait for it, or you can pick your time and place. If you leave her now, and act like you are the one that wants out and that things just aren't enough for you right now, you just might put her in the kind of "OMG, I just got dumped!" mindset to be able to pick up again in a few years after she's got her ya-ya's out. But not necessarily. Knowing what I know now, I'd get out completely and quickly. But that's me. You might want to squeeze every possible minute you can out of this one.
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 I don't think people are seeing this from my point of view. She is my best friend and were growing up together. Imagine being with someone for a year and a half and falling in love, then finding out through going through her Facebook messages going way back looking at the date, having being two months into our relationship still talking to her ex and they met up. but i feel like I'm in too deep and i am in love with her... Forgive but never forget right?
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Yea man i hear ya. I'm thinking of maybe leaving her before she leaves to go to college... so next August. idk if thats a good idea either
Author Charlie8967 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 You all are beginning to convince me. But what experience do you have with relationships Anything substantially long? she's helped me throughout everything and i can't imagine days without her
Calmandfocused Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 This has nothing to do with independent women. It's simple: Shes in a commited relationship with you? Her butt is yours whilst in a relationship with you. She's single? Anyone can whip her butt as she pleases. What strikes me here is disrespect and lack of appropriate boundaries. I don't think this is a dumpable offense on the basis she can understand where you're coming from. If she can't or won't that she doesn't feel the same about you as you do about her.
TheWhittler Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I don't think people are seeing this from my point of view. She is my best friend and were growing up together. Imagine being with someone for a year and a half and falling in love, then finding out through going through her Facebook messages going way back looking at the date, having being two months into our relationship still talking to her ex and they met up. but i feel like I'm in too deep and i am in love with her... Forgive but never forget right? Urm that is what I would have said about some of the guys I was "oh so in love with" when I was younger so i understand how you are feeling but... with age comes perspective... We all make mistakes but there is a time to shake your hiney (when you are single) and a time when you only shake it for your significant other... Let her go and shake it where she wants to and stop wasting the best years of your life thinking that being in a relationship is the be all and end all. I am double your age and trust me - its not... 3
DarrenB Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Reminds me of my ex, very similar. I can empathize with you on that one. If she's romantically involved with you there is NO reason that she should be jeopardizing that in any way, especially with some absurd acts whilst being out with friends. I get the whole aspect of having fun with your friends on nights outs and what not, but some things are just not appropriate and I think a lot of people assume those inappropriate things to be deemed sensible or not breaking any boundaries. My ex herself seemed fairly sensible and in fact was whilst in my company, with others... not so much. I don't think it's right and it's a selfish act from their behalf to show and convince you that they're fully interested in you and respect you, but they go out and do the most irresponsible things, things of which you'd never expect them to do with you. Again, I understand that in some cases it's good to just unwind and have a good time, but again there's some things that don't need to be done. If you're exclusively together and that's incredibly evident, I suggest you be direct with her and ask her what she thinks this is between the two of you. You don't need to be made a choice, when romance is involved you should be a priority if not a main priority. 2
butterfly84 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 i don't think her reaction was necessarily an independent woman mindset - but maybe a 'you should like me for who i am' mindeset ? i don't think this is something worth breaking up over, but that's up to you and how you feel over time. if you love this person and they love you too, you can certainly talk this over/come to some compromise. if something like that happens again maybe approach it differently so it won't come off as controlling to her, like start out just talking about the picture or video and why she wanted to post it, then start talking about how it makes you feel? hope that helps some! goodluck. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 1. Being independent is not a 'cool' thing, it's a necessary thing. It's only now that men have a problem with it b/c it weakens their position. I have a daughter and you better believe those traditions and expectations of the past will not be emphasized as she approaches dating/marriage age. 2. This is about respect for your feelings. Simple. 3. She's a HS girl having fun. Not your type of fun, but she isn't doing anything absurdly offensive and unusual (unfortunately). For you to suggest that it's not the way 'we' roll is a bit patronizing and frankly, it seems that it is the way SHE rolls. So, it's also about compatible values. 4. Are you certain you want to continue a relationship with someone as immature as she? Do you have the same/similar short-term goals? After HS, is she going to college? Join you there? I'm not saying to break-up, but this girl is THERE and you are HERE. Is this what you want? 1
bachdude Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Normally after a partner cheats and the other partner finds out and forgives, the offending partner basically goes on "relationship probation", a kind of "parole" where they are on their best behavior and even give up some of their privacy in the form of giving access to email accounts, text messaging,etc. Your GF is putting up pics of her naked rear getting slapped by guys. This wouldn't exactly instill any confidence in the average bro that his GR is walking the straight and narrow! Enough is enough OP. Find a nice GF you feel proud to introduce to Mom. 1
IfonlyIknew Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 She is completely lacking respect for you. I wouldn't dare do something like that in my relationship, so not worth it. Did she think you would like it? She knows you were going to see it. Seems that she didn't care what you thought. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Your GF is putting up pics of her naked rear getting slapped by guys. Actually she was clothed according to the OP and it was her girlfriends, not guys who were slapping her. I think it was likely a fun girls night out, no harm, no foul and something to laugh at rather than get het up over. Also, most people won't state that they think a behaviour is controlling unless it's become a common occurrence and little by little over tiny things they have noticed it happening more often.
Recommended Posts