not sure

[melijade]

hey everyone,

 

so i need some advice. i am new to this board also

i'm in a bit of a situation and need some advice!

its a pretty long story so i will try summarize it down as much as i can.

i met a guy about 8 years ago, we were only friends at the start and then started seeing each other. however over time we drifted and being only 18 at the time we weren't ready to settle down. fast forward 8 years i seen him at an event i go to and i was in complete shock to have seen him after so many years. He said hello to me and i remember my heart racing so fast i went speechless.

Now this is where things get interesting... he had found me on Facebook and he said it was good seeing me after all these years rah rah rah. he told me he was in a relationship and keeping busy with work and all. so i let him be and didn't think anything of it.. after then he kept starting the conversation and messaging me on Facebook ...i never started the conversation as i felt like i shouldn't be getting involved with a man who isn't single.

unfortunately i kept replying and we just got closer.. one day he told me to go over his work to say hello and there was that same connection i had felt 8 years ago. however this time round i wanted him more knowing i couldn't have him

fast forward again i feel bad saying this but we ended up sleeping together and he told me straight up i wasn't the first girl he had cheated on with on his gf...which made me feel worse ( using me right... ) but because im stupid i gave in over and over and was just happy he was around to be honest. after having sex 5 times we slowly drifted and hate myself for this but i feel like because i gave in he doesn't want anything to do with me now.. he barely talks and if i start a conversation he doesn't even reply back half the time. so i keep promising myself if he messages to ignore him... but i just give in and i hate that. When i see him ( i dont tell him im angry that he only took 4 days to reply to a message ) i just give in and all that hatred goes and im happy again.

 

What is wrong with me and i know his just using me ...its so clear. yet when im with him he makes me so happy and i feel good. i dont want to be his sex buddy, just his friend. he assures me im a good friend... but cmon... this is just bad now.

 

help

thanks guys!

love mel x

[whitewitch]

You need to stop contacting this guy in any way, shape, or form. He is bad for your emotional health, and for your self-esteem. Also, it's obvious that he's a pretty **** guy to begin with.. cheating on his partner and all.. so why would you want someone like that in your life?

 

He wanted sex, he got it, and now he doesn't want much else. He's a dick, and I'm sorry it's harsh to hear, but you need to COMPLETELY stop contacting him, pretend he doesn't exist, and move on.

[TheAntiHero]

A lot of people don't have self control, including you.

 

If you had any, this wouldn't be happening.

 

I don't get why you even got on here.

[Redhead14]

hey everyone,

 

so i need some advice. i am new to this board also

i'm in a bit of a situation and need some advice!

its a pretty long story so i will try summarize it down as much as i can.

i met a guy about 8 years ago, we were only friends at the start and then started seeing each other. however over time we drifted and being only 18 at the time we weren't ready to settle down. fast forward 8 years i seen him at an event i go to and i was in complete shock to have seen him after so many years. He said hello to me and i remember my heart racing so fast i went speechless.

Now this is where things get interesting... he had found me on Facebook and he said it was good seeing me after all these years rah rah rah. he told me he was in a relationship and keeping busy with work and all. so i let him be and didn't think anything of it.. after then he kept starting the conversation and messaging me on Facebook ...i never started the conversation as i felt like i shouldn't be getting involved with a man who isn't single.

unfortunately i kept replying and we just got closer.. one day he told me to go over his work to say hello and there was that same connection i had felt 8 years ago. however this time round i wanted him more knowing i couldn't have him

fast forward again i feel bad saying this but we ended up sleeping together and he told me straight up i wasn't the first girl he had cheated on with on his gf...which made me feel worse ( using me right... ) but because im stupid i gave in over and over and was just happy he was around to be honest. after having sex 5 times we slowly drifted and hate myself for this but i feel like because i gave in he doesn't want anything to do with me now.. he barely talks and if i start a conversation he doesn't even reply back half the time. so i keep promising myself if he messages to ignore him... but i just give in and i hate that. When i see him ( i dont tell him im angry that he only took 4 days to reply to a message ) i just give in and all that hatred goes and im happy again.

 

What is wrong with me and i know his just using me ...its so clear. yet when im with him he makes me so happy and i feel good. i dont want to be his sex buddy, just his friend. he assures me im a good friend... but cmon... this is just bad now.

 

help

thanks guys!

love mel x

 

What is wrong with me and i know his just using me -- You just want someone . . . and willing to accept less than you really want and need for a relationship.

 

i dont want to be his sex buddy, just his friend. -- That's what you are to him and he's told you that -- he assures me im a good friend -- and he doesn't even treat good friends very well either.

 

we just got closer -- YOU got closer, not him.

 

but i just give in and i hate that. When i see him ( i dont tell him im angry that he only took 4 days to reply to a message ) i just give in and all that hatred goes and im happy again. -- You are addicted to the little highs you get from him. It's like being a junkie. You'll do anything to get a fix and feel like crap between.

 

Give yourself some "methedone" treatment. Forget about this guy. Go no contact and start focusing on YOU and having a full life that doesn't revolve around someone else.

[Gloria25]

You want to be his gf....he wants someone to sleep with besides his gf.

 

You both want different things - maybe you should find someone who wants you to be his gf.

 

Standing on the sidelines and being #2 isn't gonna make him leave his gf. He already told you he's done this to his gf before. So, doesn't matter how much he says you're a good friend, etc...he already told you that he's not leaving his gf and wants to sleep with you and other women.

 

So, you gotta decide if you wanna keep on being his side action.

 

Sorry,

[melijade]

whitewitch: thanks for the reply, no i know. everything you said is right.. i'm just so stupid really.

Edited December 27, 2016 by melijade
forgot a name

[melijade]

Redhead14: i agree, thanks.

[melijade]

TheAntiHero: i just wanted some advice. Isn't that what this forum is for?

[melijade]

so i cut him out of my life ( it wasn't easy ) i think his noticing i am avoiding him. He sends me photos on snapchat trying to start a convo, but i open them and then i dont reply. He wont stop though, i think i am doing the right thing now by just giving him nothing in return. If he has the slightest guilt, he may actually apologize for being a jerk, but till that day i'm staying silent. thanks for everyones advice.

Edited December 27, 2016 by melijade

[Gloria25]

so i cut him out of my life ( it wasn't easy ) i think his noticing i am avoiding him. He sends me photos on snapchat trying to start a convo, but i open them and then i dont reply. He wont stop though, i think i am doing the right thing now by just giving him nothing in return. If he has the slightest guilt, he may actually apologize for being a jerk, but till that day i'm staying silent. thanks for everyones advice.

 

I don't get why you're doing the passive thing. IMO, he should know that you didn't consider what he was doing is Ok, and that he should leave you alone.

 

Why aren't people upfront? Why play passive games?

 

He's probably not gonna stop cuz he thinks he still has a chance cuz you won't tell him to get lost. And, you don't have to be rude about it either. Shoot, you can text or instant messenger him. Just say "Thanks, but no thanks - not interested in what you're looking for". Gee, wasn't that easy? And by texting or instant messenger, you don't even have to look at his face.

[Mr. Lucky]

If he has the slightest guilt, he may actually apologize for being a jerk, but till that day i'm staying silent. thanks for everyones advice.

 

So all it takes is an apology and you'll start up again?

 

Block him via text, email and social media. I guarantee he'll move on to his next victim...

 

Mr. Lucky

[melijade]

I don't get why you're doing the passive thing. IMO, he should know that you didn't consider what he was doing is Ok, and that he should leave you alone.

 

Why aren't people upfront? Why play passive games?

 

He's probably not gonna stop cuz he thinks he still has a chance cuz you won't tell him to get lost. And, you don't have to be rude about it either. Shoot, you can text or instant messenger him. Just say "Thanks, but no thanks - not interested in what you're looking for". Gee, wasn't that easy? And by texting or instant messenger, you don't even have to look at his face.

 

oh he knows what he has done wrong. i did forget to mention i did send him a message stating i am not putting up with his bulls**t and that i deserve better.

[melijade]

So all it takes is an apology and you'll start up again?

 

Block him via text, email and social media. I guarantee he'll move on to his next victim...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

An apology for how his been acting ( snobby ) not for me to give in. I wont have sex with him again as i hate myself already for giving in. He actually messaged me then stating his gf found out about ANOTHER girl he slept with and she told his gf so she left him...

im not replying...