jo-ol Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 M*** was one of my best friends. One day we started to flirt and he invited me for a date. The date was amazing and very romantic (we kiss and hold hands, no sex). Two days after, he told me he didn't want a relationship because he was moving to another city and we would both get hurt. I tried to be friends again but he acted very cold. I got angry and told him to just call me when he was ready to be my friend like before. He never replied and blocked me on Facebook. This was 9 months ago. We never talked again. 3 months ago he asked my roommate how I was doing, she told him I had a very nice boyfriend and my career was going great. He unblocked me but didn't contact me. I immediately block him back. 3 weeks ago I had an amazing achievement in my career and was the cover of the local newspaper. I was so happy I unblocked him, but didn't send any messages. Last week I was going to ski with my BF, my roommate and her BF. It was a couples trip. M*** called her and asked if he could join us. I got shocked and decided to stay home. My BF, my roommate and her BF decided to go anyway. She told M*** to don't go because my BF would punch him... M*** got upset and didn't go. He also told my roommate he scheduled a date, and that was why he was not going to ski anymore. ... I loved this friend very very much, I was devastated when he disappeared from my life. I went to therapy and took pills to sleep for 2 months. It was horribly hard to move on. We still have many friends in common, but it's been months the last time I asked anybody about him. I didn't even knew he was still living in my city. I was totally shocked that he wanted to hang out with us like nothing had happened. At this point I don't even know if I still could be friends with him. I know I mostly moved on but from time to time I'm taken by anger and I still want him to apologize and tell me that he regret. I still think about him a lot. It's almost Christmas and I decided to leave him unblocked until the New Year. If he doesn't contact me, I'm planning to block him forever, even though it hurts so much. What do you guys think? Was he trying to get closer or he simply doesn't care at all? 1
gorf Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 3 months ago he asked my roommate how I was doing, she told him I had a very nice boyfriend and my career was going great. He unblocked me but didn't contact me. I immediately block him back. What do you guys think? Was he trying to get closer or he simply doesn't care at all? The only thing he cares about is: you found a very nice boyfriend (to replace him) and your life and career are going well. So of course he feels inferior and wants back in.. not for you, but to prove his worth to himself. Even though he doesn't care and isn't worth a relationship with. 1
DannyCA Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 M*** was one of my best friends. One day we started to flirt and he invited me for a date. The date was amazing and very romantic (we kiss and hold hands, no sex). Two days after, he told me he didn't want a relationship because he was moving to another city and we would both get hurt. I tried to be friends again but he acted very cold. I got angry and told him to just call me when he was ready to be my friend like before. He never replied and blocked me on Facebook. This was 9 months ago. We never talked again. 3 months ago he asked my roommate how I was doing, she told him I had a very nice boyfriend and my career was going great. He unblocked me but didn't contact me. I immediately block him back. 3 weeks ago I had an amazing achievement in my career and was the cover of the local newspaper. I was so happy I unblocked him, but didn't send any messages. Last week I was going to ski with my BF, my roommate and her BF. It was a couples trip. M*** called her and asked if he could join us. I got shocked and decided to stay home. My BF, my roommate and her BF decided to go anyway. She told M*** to don't go because my BF would punch him... M*** got upset and didn't go. He also told my roommate he scheduled a date, and that was why he was not going to ski anymore. ... I loved this friend very very much, I was devastated when he disappeared from my life. I went to therapy and took pills to sleep for 2 months. It was horribly hard to move on. We still have many friends in common, but it's been months the last time I asked anybody about him. I didn't even knew he was still living in my city. I was totally shocked that he wanted to hang out with us like nothing had happened. At this point I don't even know if I still could be friends with him. I know I mostly moved on but from time to time I'm taken by anger and I still want him to apologize and tell me that he regret. I still think about him a lot. It's almost Christmas and I decided to leave him unblocked until the New Year. If he doesn't contact me, I'm planning to block him forever, even though it hurts so much. What do you guys think? Was he trying to get closer or he simply doesn't care at all? You sound like a successful and intelligent woman, but even just the idea of love can make even the most intelligent person act irrational. I understand you said you were best friends (I'm assuming you knew him for a few years). But you were romantically involved for a total of 3 days? Why are you so stuck on him? He sounds very immature (acting cold for no reason and blocking you) and now he does see what you have and is trying to worm his way back into your life. The problem is you don't really mind that. You admit that you still think about him, you unblocked him in the hopes that he'll contact you, and now you've made a thread asking people what they think. I'm going to assume you've been dating your bf for maybe 6 months (because your bestfriend left 9 months ago)? You don't really love him, he's just a guy that has been able to keep you busy while you're hoping to reconnect with the best friend. It's not fair to him that you're putting so much thought into your best friend while dating him. I think you're more in love with the idea of what could have been, he doesn't deserve a second chance unless he proves to you he's not immature anymore. But has he really matured in the last 9 months or is he just the little boy who wants something that he once had but is now gone? Oh yeah and if you were really "mostly" over him, you wouldn't have bailed on your ski trip with your bf and friends. And you would have completely cut off all contact with him by now instead of giving him some time to reach out. But I think you already know this 2
tinytiger87 Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 OP I have been through a similar situation this year, but eventually I had to come to the realization that the "apology" that I wanted, was never going to come. If it did, it sure as hell wasn't going to be genuine in any way. Sometimes people are just terrible human beings, and there's no way around it. Once I finally realized that, I was able to finally begin the process of healing. I began working out like a mad man, I bought new clothes, I started keeping my apartment in much cleaner condition than I had even before she and I had started dating, and I invested a lot more in my personal appearance. Now, seven months after she and I split up (and almost 6 since I found out she was pregnant with her ex), I am finally at peace with it. I can't ever forget how she cheated on me and got pregnant, but at least some good came out of it in the end. As for advice, block him, and be done with it. I texted my ex several times in fits of rage and demanded an apology or some type of explanation. All you do is make yourself look desperate and give the other person power over you. The constant back and forth makes him realize that he controls you, and you should never give that kind of power to somebody else. Some of the worst things I heard from my ex were when I texted her after the breakup, things that I REALLY did not want to hear. I know its hard, I've been there. But you will be much better off just eliminating that person from your life. No matter what it looks like or what you think, he's already eliminated you from his. Take care, and Merry Christmas! 1
Author jo-ol Posted December 26, 2016 Author Posted December 26, 2016 Why are you so stuck on him? I think you're more in love with the idea of what could have been I think you are right, it's more about the idea of what could have been. I was willing to give us a chance and he cut me without any care or consideration for what we had before. I never ended any relationship (or friendship) like this before, there was always a fade out time to accept that the end was near. I think that's why I got stuck. I'm going to assume you've been dating your bf for maybe 6 months (because your bestfriend left 9 months ago)? You don't really love him, he's just a guy that has been able to keep you busy while you're hoping to reconnect with the best friend. It's not fair to him that you're putting so much thought into your best friend while dating him. Yes, it's been 6 months we are dating. He is above all my expectations, we are great together and I know we can build a strong and beautiful relationship if I stop getting distracted by my illusions. I really want to leave the past behind and focus in what I have now. My BF is the one. I don't want to think about this friend anymore, I really want to move on. Oh yeah and if you were really "mostly" over him, you wouldn't have bailed on your ski trip with your bf and friends. And you would have completely cut off all contact with him by now instead of giving him some time to reach out. But I think you already know this I've been working hard to move on and I did what most people advise: never call or send messages, focus on my career, friendships and family, open my heart for a new relationship, exercise, etc. I even know the whole idea of him is just a fantasy that wouldn't resist the test of reality and time. I just want to truly forget and let it go.
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