oceansaway Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Very simple answer....YES. Mistresses are difficult to find
Redhead14 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Put yourself in MM's shoes for a minute. You have an easy side relationship with a woman who is willing to work her tail off to impress you in order to keep you around. That likely means she is more sexually available and adventurous in order to cater to your desires. The upside to this as the MM is that you don't have to do any real relationship work. It's all fun and games. You're good enough as it stands and this OW figuratively worships the ground you walk on. Why would anyone walk away from that. To any OW out there in a physical relationship, there is one easy way to find the truth of the matter. Cut the sex off, and demand the MM actually put work into the relationship. See how long they stick around. Exactly, it's an escape from the real responsibilities of a committed relationship and having children . . . the "dailies" of life. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Uh, if a MM just wanted sex, he could pull up and get a prostitute to do the deed w/o the complications of a mistress getting emotionally attached. IMO, it's not some predator/prey thing. Like it or not, when two people come together it's cuz they are feeding a need for each other - whether or not you consider that need healthy or unhealthy. There's also just "something" about another person that draws us to them. In other words, again, if all MM just wanted sex with a warm place to put it, there's ten other prostitutes, escorts, sugar babies, etc. that could do it for him w/o the complications of a mistress. Thing is, the MM goes for "x" woman because there's something about her that catches his eye. It may be her looks, personality, sense of humor - or simply someone showing him attention that he's not getting from his BS. And, oh, not all men can just have sex with some random stranger. Just like women need to have some emotional attachment to the guy they're sleeping with - so do men. My FWB and I used to go out to eat, movies, sleepovers - it wasn't just about him getting sex that his wife wasn't giving him...he enjoyed my company. Oh, and he wasn't preying me or anything - he said on his online ad that he was married from day one. Now, my current interest? I have an odd feeling that he may be grooming me to be his side action - cuz I can't get a good read on him and while he says he doesn't wanna date two people at the same time, he just does some things that make me think he wants me on the side but just won't come out with it. Maybe he's grooming me to be his sub or something else like someone he can control....
Author jah526 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Uh, if a MM just wanted sex, he could pull up and get a prostitute to do the deed w/o the complications of a mistress getting emotionally attached. I think a lot of men don't like the idea of prostitutes either. I actually suggested this to the guy I was involved with and he said "no way". He was also very scared of catching something. I don't know if the mistress necessarily has to be special in any way, other than that it's someone they know and are comfortable with.
Girlfromcali Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Not being loved enough, and being loved too much, both lead to a distorted image of the self. Being 'over-loved' is probably worse, because when it is manifested as narcissism, it can be viewed as a manic defence. "Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic, and you can have it and instantly erase all of the pains I just outlined. Every area of life that lends itself to the possibility that there might be magic, will be seized for their use as magic. If I put on mom’s bra, it will magically give me breasts and I can feed myself. If I pick up daddy’s cordless drill, I will be able to do anything he can do, maybe even marry mom and be her husband." They are always looking for the magic, but they never find it. Take care. Satu, do you know where to find more literature about this online? How would I search it? Yes, he gets bored really easily.
Redhead14 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Uh, if a MM just wanted sex, he could pull up and get a prostitute to do the deed w/o the complications of a mistress getting emotionally attached. IMO, it's not some predator/prey thing. Like it or not, when two people come together it's cuz they are feeding a need for each other - whether or not you consider that need healthy or unhealthy. There's also just "something" about another person that draws us to them. In other words, again, if all MM just wanted sex with a warm place to put it, there's ten other prostitutes, escorts, sugar babies, etc. that could do it for him w/o the complications of a mistress. Thing is, the MM goes for "x" woman because there's something about her that catches his eye. It may be her looks, personality, sense of humor - or simply someone showing him attention that he's not getting from his BS. And, oh, not all men can just have sex with some random stranger. Just like women need to have some emotional attachment to the guy they're sleeping with - so do men. My FWB and I used to go out to eat, movies, sleepovers - it wasn't just about him getting sex that his wife wasn't giving him...he enjoyed my company. Oh, and he wasn't preying me or anything - he said on his online ad that he was married from day one. Now, my current interest? I have an odd feeling that he may be grooming me to be his side action - cuz I can't get a good read on him and while he says he doesn't wanna date two people at the same time, he just does some things that make me think he wants me on the side but just won't come out with it. Maybe he's grooming me to be his sub or something else like someone he can control.... This is an unfair assessment. MM may or may not be intelligent, unsafe, careless people. They just aren't focused on what's important in life. They may be selfish, but not stupid or indiscriminate. They've lost themselves and become desperate for, for lack of a better explanation, immediate gratification. They take the easy road instead of the high road. 5
wmacbride Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 A lot are painting mm as some sort of predator,out lurking around trying to catch their prey of an innocent woman. While that does happen,in most cases, that synopsis is really quite unfair. Unless a mm drags an ow kicking and screaming in to an A ( or lies and says he's not even married), the ow knows what's going on, and she accepts it. She's willing to work hard and overlook his faults to keep him around. I can see how that's intoxicating. Meanwhile, the ow often sees him as some sort of misunderstood guy who would never, ever cheat- unless of course, his bs pushes him into it. I can see how it would be intoxicating to feel like you are enough to encourage a married guy to cheat. It's got the whole"forbidden love" thing going on. 2
BluesPower Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Too add to my earlier comment... As corny as it sounds. I also started cheating because I felt unloved in a situation that was/is hard to get out of. I liked the sex but I am realizing that I loved being loved, how messed up is that, just years of therapy in my future. 1
goodyblue Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Affairs aren't predatory in nature. We are just a bunch of human beings bumbling around trying to be happy. We all know that affairs are wrong and if we are in one or married to someone who had one we tend to make excuses as to why it occurred. People always try to point out that my a was different because we ended up together, it wasn't. In the end we all just want to be happy and that is the basis for any affair. The secrecy, the lying, the adrenaline rush they talk about, all side effects, not the reason. All this trying to figure out why or trying to safeguard a relationship is silly, the only one you can control is you. And if you keep your side of the street clean and your spouse cheats, it's on them. If you aren't pulling your weight in the marriage, no sex, using sex as a weapon, withholding affection, not being emotionally available and your spouse cheats, it is still on them, but you helped make it easier. Of all the responses to this thread I can only see one response from MM so we are all just spinning yarns and it doesn't help. And no, not predatory. Unless all the bs's are married to predators. And you can't just say he wad a predator only then, in that certain instance or at that time. Predatory nature doesn't work that way. 2
lftbehind Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Sadly, from my experience with MM and what I've read here, I think that a majority of them are in it for sex. Sometimes they care for the women some and sometimes they say they do to get what they want. Affairs are best avoided and an no-win situation for most women.
BlueBobby Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 If there is any kind of risk involved, and he comes back more than a couple times than it is more than just sex for him. That is from somebody who has had one night stands in the past and one long term affair where I do love my mistress.
BlueBobby Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 It can even primarily be about sex for him, but if he is putting effort in to make an emotional connection and to meet that person more than a couple times then it is not JUST sexual. I really feel that way.
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