sandy1234 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Okay so my bf and I have been going out a lillitle bit over a year. Let's say a year and 3 months. Through this year I noticed that he is very outgoing, talkative, funny you name it around his friends. His friends say his the funniest guy they know. Even when my friend first introduced us before we started dating, she said his a funny guy. But to my superise it's been over a year now, when his with me he is not all those things his friends describe him to be. His not talkative and all, his quite and not funny like they all describe him. Even with his mom his not that conversative around her. They get along yes, but not like in a funny interesting way. So my question is why is quite around me?..I know there are some women out there who complain about their bf treating them like one of their friends. I read somewhere where a woman was complaining about how her husband treats her like she is one of his buddies, making jokingly statements like the way he would with his buddies.And it offended her. Back to my story, how does this work? I don't get it. Am complaining about him not treating me like one of his friends, and not being the funny guy that everyone loves.why is he that way around me.It's kind of exhausting dating a quite guy sometimes and at the same time I wouldn't like to date someone who talks a lot.
introverted1 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Hi OP. It's a little hard to understand your post. I'm guessing English is not your first language. Anyway, please tell me if I have it right: you've been dating for over a year and your bf is funny and outgoing with his friends but not with you. With you, he is quiet. He's also quiet with his mom. Is that right? If so, has he always been this way with you? If so, why is this a problem now, 15 months into the relationship? What changed? And why are you asking if he is in love with you? Has he not already told you he loves you? Have you told him you love him? What exactly is the issue? 1
Author sandy1234 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Yes his always been this way with me. I was okay at first because It was the beginning of the relationship. Now it's 15months am getting bored and feel like seeing someone else. His quiteness 15 months into the relationship is making it hard. I want to have fun with him the way he does with his friends to spice things up, but he is not a fun person with me. Only with his friends.
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Okay so my bf and I have been going out a lillitle bit over a year. Let's say a year and 3 months. Through this year I noticed that he is very outgoing, talkative, funny you name it around his friends. His friends say his the funniest guy they know. Even when my friend first introduced us before we started dating, she said his a funny guy. But to my superise it's been over a year now, when his with me he is not all those things his friends describe him to be. His not talkative and all, his quite and not funny like they all describe him. Even with his mom his not that conversative around her. They get along yes, but not like in a funny interesting way. So my question is why is quite around me?..I know there are some women out there who complain about their bf treating them like one of their friends. I read somewhere where a woman was complaining about how her husband treats her like she is one of his buddies, making jokingly statements like the way he would with his buddies.And it offended her. Back to my story, how does this work? I don't get it. Am complaining about him not treating me like one of his friends, and not being the funny guy that everyone loves.why is he that way around me.It's kind of exhausting dating a quite guy sometimes and at the same time I wouldn't like to date someone who talks a lot. Guys are romantic with their girls, not making fart jokes and such. What is your problem exactly? Girls have the weirdest complaints and when there is nothing wrong ... now make some thing up in your mind like he is funnier with his friends? What is wrong with you is the real question here, not what is wrong with him. Are you trying to find an out or something.
Author sandy1234 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 I asked about the love part because he doesn't really say I love you to me. For me, am quiet around people I don't trust or don't feel comfortable with. That's why I'm thinking maybe his more comfortable around his friends but we have going out for more than a year now. Isn't that enough time to loosen up around me? And the comment about my English, yes English is not my first Language. It is my 5th language. So my English may be a little hard to understand but you got most part of what I was saying.
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Now it's 15months am getting bored and feel like seeing someone else. A-ha! My first diagnosis (without seeing this post) was true. I knew it! You are getting bored for whatever reason and now trying to find a reason to say ... because he is doing this, I am feeling this. No no no. This is your want of wanting to stray and go out of the relationship, it has nothing to do with him. He is not abusing you, hitting you, gambling or doing drugs ... no real problem really but 'he is not that funny when he is with you'? Boo-hoo. If you wanna go cheat, do it saying you want to see someone else ... Stop trying to blame the guy.
introverted1 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I asked about the love part because he doesn't really say I love you to me. For me, am quiet around people I don't trust or don't feel comfortable with. That's why I'm thinking maybe his more comfortable around his friends but we have going out for more than a year now. Isn't that enough time to loosen up around me? And the comment about my English, yes English is not my first Language. It is my 5th language. So my English may be a little hard to understand but you got most part of what I was saying. So he's never said ILY or he just doesn't say it as often as you'd like? Do you love him? You say you are bored and that could mean that you have fallen out of love or it could be the natural "settling down" that happens in a relationship. You have to figure out which one it is based on your own feelings and then take it from there. What do you do to make the relationship exciting? Kudos on 5 languages. I can barely manage 2!
bachdude Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 My guess is he thrives on social situations and needs a bigger "audience" than just one person, such as you or his Mom. He enjoys being the life of the party with many people around but he isn't naturally that way one on one. He is the way he is OP. If he is too quiet in his relationship with you, you could try to talk about it but this sounds like a basic personality trait of his. This being the case, it's probably best left without anyone trying to change him. Trying to change a person's basic personality is a form of rejection and antithetical to love. 1
bachdude Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 A-ha! My first diagnosis (without seeing this post) was true. I knew it! You are getting bored for whatever reason and now trying to find a reason to say ... because he is doing this, I am feeling this. No no no. This is your want of wanting to stray and go out of the relationship, it has nothing to do with him. He is not abusing you, hitting you, gambling or doing drugs ... no real problem really but 'he is not that funny when he is with you'? Boo-hoo. If you wanna go cheat, do it saying you want to see someone else ... Stop trying to blame the guy. Whoa, take it easy, man. She didn't say she was going to cheat. 1
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Whoa, take it easy, man. She didn't say she was going to cheat. Either via cheating or post-relationship, it is clear as a daylight this lady wants to see someone else. She even says it herself (re: "Now it's 15 months, I am getting bored and feel like seeing someone else.") Out of all the issues I've read here (or issues I know from real life), this is perhaps the most NONISSUE -- and to me it seems like she is making problems out of nothing. Like he is laughing more with his friends? That is a problem really? And this became an issue only now, after 15 months? I am just not buying it... First 'he wasn't funny with me' and now 'he doesn't say ILY' which wasn't the issue in the first post. Feels like she is trying to find an out.
bachdude Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) Either via cheating or post-relationship, it is clear as a daylight this lady wants to see someone else. She even says it herself (re: "Now it's 15 months, I am getting bored and feel like seeing someone else.") Out of all the issues I've read here (or issues I know from real life), this is perhaps the most NONISSUE -- and to me it seems like she is making problems out of nothing. Like he is laughing more with his friends? That is a problem really? And this became an issue only now, after 15 months? I am just not buying it... First 'he wasn't funny with me' and now 'he doesn't say ILY' which wasn't the issue in the first post. Feels like she is trying to find an out. First off, saying she feels like seeing someone else doesn't mean she is going to cheat. It just means she feels like ending the relationship and seeing someone else. Back off a little, man... for the love of Pete! I think a partner who isn't very talkative, overly quiet, etc. would be boring to a lot of people. Big deal. Edited December 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) []I just don't see a problem here -- other than a girl who wants out ... making a problem out of nothing to feel better about her current feelings. That is my take. You don't have to agree with it. But the lady is clearly bored, which is the issue here (not the guy), talking about spicing things up or seeing someone else. People often feel that way and use another big thing to end their relationship. The funny part is there isn't any big thing here, as far as I can tell. So I am calling her out. Period. Edited December 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted full quote of edited post and pruned to topical content
RecentChange Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I am not sure what love and humor would have to do with each other. My husband cracks me up, he is a very funny out going guy. It's something that drew me too him. And ya know what, I am out going funny person as well. I have had people say "oh you must make your husband laugh all the time, you crack me up" - and I respond, no he makes me laugh all the time! For is laughter is sharing of joy. I am not sure how your bf is so reserved around you. Do you socialize as a couple out with friends much? Are you funny? Do you share his same sense of humor? 1
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I am not sure what love and humor would have to do with each other. "I am not sure what love and humor would have to do with each other." Exactly!
bachdude Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) [] I thought it was outrageous to accuse her of wanting to cheat[] Edited December 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Prune to topical content 1
RecentChange Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 "I am not sure what love and humor would have to do with each other." Exactly! By that I meant I don't think his lack of humor is a sign that he loves her..... I would find it as a sign of lack of comparability. 2
stillafool Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 OP, how do you act when you're around him? Are you funny and up beat most of the time? Do you have a funny sense of humor? I'm asking because he may be reacting to you.
introverted1 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 By that I meant I don't think his lack of humor is a sign that he loves her..... I would find it as a sign of lack of comparability. I would too, except she said he's always been like this and they've been dating for 15 months. So apparently, at one point she was ok with his personality and now she is bored. Sounds like the bloom is off the rose... 1
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 By that I meant I don't think his lack of humor is a sign that he loves her..... I agree with you on that. Just because he is cracking less jokes with her, one-on-one, does not mean anything about how he feels about her romantically. Completely not related. So trying to tie that to love or 'ILY' (as the title reads) is .. a reach. Which is what I've been saying.
deepaction Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I would too, except she said he's always been like this and they've been dating for 15 months. So apparently, at one point she was ok with his personality and now she is bored. " except she said he's always been like this and they've been dating for 15 months. So apparently, at one point she was ok with his personality and now she is bored. " BINGO!
William Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Folks, let's stay focused on the thread starter's issue and save cross talk for PM. Substantial editing performed. Thanks!
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