Too busy to date?

[Iva0201]

I have a general question for guys (girls welcome to participate as well). Would you date a girl who is only available on Monday and Tuesday? The rest of the days she is busy 7am to 10pm.

[HereNorThere]

It's pretty common, so yeah. If you want to date successful, accomplished people, this is something you have to accept.

 

Honestly, it's kind of nice dating someone with a limited amount of time to spend. It makes the time you have together that much more special.

[Gaeta]

No I would not unless I am only interested in killing time with someone and not building anything meaningful.

 

When I was dating my goal was to find a man to build a connection and intimacy that would take us long term. Monday and Tuesday nights is not enough to build such a rapport with someone.

[TheWhittler]

Nope because I am busy on Monday and Tuesday evenings!!!

[Iva0201]

It's pretty common, so yeah. If you want to date successful, accomplished people, this is something you have to accept.

 

Honestly, it's kind of nice dating someone with a limited amount of time to spend. It makes the time you have together that much more special.

 

Thank you. That makes me feel better.

I went on my first date last night (after ending LDR). And he asked me out again this week. I texted that I am only off Mon and Tuesday and maybe we could meet next week. He said sure. I told him "let me know which day works for you." He didnt text back.

Just wondering if he thinks my schedule is a dealbreaker.

Should I suggest to meet tonight? Or to leave it at that. He asked me to go see a movie.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Thank you. That makes me feel better.

I went on my first date last night (after ending LDR). And he asked me out again this week. I texted that I am only off Mon and Tuesday and maybe we could meet next week. He said sure. I told him "let me know which day works for you." He didnt text back.

Just wondering if he thinks my schedule is a dealbreaker.

Should I suggest to meet tonight? Or to leave it at that. He asked me to go see a movie.

 

To be frank, I would be a little hesitant dating someone who wanted to see me every day or 'too often' especially during the initial stages of dating. I'm a busy professional and true single parent and simply have priorities that demand that my time is placed in the most important areas of my life. People dating should appreciate that and, in fact, I find many people are comfortable with that. Someone who wants to see me daily, I would see as someone who doesn't have a life, responsibilities that demonstrates some independence. Now, as the relationship intensifies and becomes more serious, that time-table needs to change so that you do see each other more often, imho.

[Larryville]

For me, I’m not dating anyone who has to pencil me on her freaking calendar to see her. You should never have to make an appointment to be with a significant other. Life is too damn short.

[Iva0201]

For me, I’m not dating anyone who has to pencil me on her freaking calendar to see her. You should never have to make an appointment to be with a significant other. Life is too damn short.

 

But I have to work full time and I go to school. Right now, I am actually off from school but I work 3-10pm and he has standard hours 8-5pm. I wish life was easier.

 

Do I suggest tonight instead?

[Gr8fuln2020]

For me, I’m not dating anyone who has to pencil me on her freaking calendar to see her. You should never have to make an appointment to be with a significant other. Life is too damn short.

 

Eventually, yes. But, if you want relationships to work and/or begin to establish some normalcy, you may have to deal with this. People are busy and when you're a stranger, other priorities should prevail. Everyone is different, of course, for me, I am not interested in meeting every day, but once I see potential, I will ask for more time. People have differing levels of comfort at different times. As life is 'too short', rushing is equally precarious.

 

This thread asks if TOO BUSY TO DATE...well, it seems that dating is taking place, just not in the manner that the other person may/may not want.

[Larryville]

But I have to work full time and I go to school. Right now, I am actually off from school but I work 3-10pm and he has standard hours 8-5pm. I wish life was easier.

 

I get you younger people have this kind of schedule, life happens...

 

If this is you current circumstance they you don’t “date” or get into a relationship. Hang out when you can and enjoy each other. My point is specifically for people who are looking to actually “date.”

[Gaeta]

To be frank, I would be a little hesitant dating someone who wanted to see me every day or 'too often' especially during the initial stages of dating. I'm a busy professional and true single parent and simply have priorities that demand that my time is placed in the most important areas of my life. People dating should appreciate that and, in fact, I find many people are comfortable with that. Someone who wants to see me daily, I would see as someone who doesn't have a life, responsibilities that demonstrates some independence. Now, as the relationship intensifies and becomes more serious, that time-table needs to change so that you do see each other more often, imho.

 

She does not want to see him daily. She is only free Mondays and Tuesdays. She was thinking of offering him tonight otherwise it will be another 6 days before another date.

 

OP, no do not offer him tonight. Let him come up with the idea. He knows you are free tonight.

[Gaeta]

But I have to work full time and I go to school. Right now, I am actually off from school but I work 3-10pm and he has standard hours 8-5pm. I wish life was easier.

 

Do I suggest tonight instead?

 

You need to find someone that fits in your schedule unless you graduate soon. If this guy can't see you on weekends, and can only see you Monday and Tuesday it's not appealing to him. If you are looking for a serious relationship than wait to graduate to date.

[Iva0201]

She does not want to see him daily. She is only free Mondays and Tuesdays. She was thinking of offering him tonight otherwise it will be another 6 days before another date.

 

OP, no do not offer him tonight. Let him come up with the idea. He knows you are free tonight.

 

Gaeta, he did ask for this week. But I immediately said it wouldnt work this week and suggested next one instead. He agreed to next week but I am not sure he is happy about it.

[Miss Peach]

1-2 times per week is fine for me in early dating. I don't know if I would want that long term unless it was a temporary situation.

 

I work a 8-5 type job and I've given up trying to seriously date people on other shifts. We just can't get enough time in.

[GunslingerRoland]

That would be fine when you first start dating, but what happens if it works out.

 

You want to take her to a wedding, no you can't, because she's working. You want to plan a weekend getaway, well you can't. You want to go to any sort of social engagement, nope.

 

It's enough to date during the get to know each other phase, but she can never be part of your life.

[Larryville]

Eventually, yes. But, if you want relationships to work and/or begin to establish some normalcy, you may have to deal with this. People are busy and when you're a stranger, other priorities should prevail. Everyone is different, of course, for me, I am not interested in meeting every day, but once I see potential, I will ask for more time. People have differing levels of comfort at different times. As life is 'too short', rushing is equally precarious.

 

This thread asks if TOO BUSY TO DATE...well, it seems that dating is taking place, just not in the manner that the other person may/may not want.

 

1-2 times per week is fine for me in early dating.

 

Ok yes I’m pumping some bias here because I have dated a number of women who I seriously liked BUT time in each instance killed those “potential” relationships. I’m not saying seeing someone every day and this does not factor the other more subtle aspects of the dating dynamic.

 

So the question was…

 

Would you date a girl who is ONLY available on Monday and Tuesday?

For me absolutely not.

 

UNLESS for me she was someone who was AWESOME, hot and I saw some serious LTP worthy of me dealing with the limited circumstances early on and yes this varies with all of us AND it varies with age. I’m too freaking old to be THAT patient.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, he did ask for this week. But I immediately said it wouldnt work this week and suggested next one instead. He agreed to next week but I am not sure he is happy about it.

 

You did nothing wrong, you should not miss work or school for a guy you met only once. You cannot this week so he'll have to be patient, it will inject some anticipation in your dating. Does not matter he is happy or not, he's just a dude you met once ok. :-)

[strawberryshortstack]

I have a general question for guys (girls welcome to participate as well). Would you date a girl who is only available on Monday and Tuesday? The rest of the days she is busy 7am to 10pm.

 

As someone with limited time available herself, this is tricky for me. If the times we are both available coincide, then yes. But flexibility is important, and if the other person is completely unwilling/unable to switch things up when needed, it won't work.

[Iva0201]

I ended up texting him that I would actually be available after certain time today. He replied great and then suggested movie at his place.

This would be actually our third date really (we met for drinks three weeks ago and last night for dinner).

This is not the kind of movie I had in mind. The only reason I could think (other than sex) is that he found it hard to try to kiss me in public. We are inside the restaurant, sitting across the table, and the moment we go out i run to my car be because it is -10 degrees outside. Or am I just finding excuses for him?

[deepaction]

I have a general question for guys (girls welcome to participate as well). Would you date a girl who is only available on Monday and Tuesday? The rest of the days she is busy 7am to 10pm.

 

Why would anyone wants to be a part-time lover?

[HereNorThere]

I ended up texting him that I would actually be available after certain time today. He replied great and then suggested movie at his place.

This would be actually our third date really (we met for drinks three weeks ago and last night for dinner).

This is not the kind of movie I had in mind. The only reason I could think (other than sex) is that he found it hard to try to kiss me in public. We are inside the restaurant, sitting across the table, and the moment we go out i run to my car be because it is -10 degrees outside. Or am I just finding excuses for him?

 

 

OP, quit over-thinking things and enjoy yourself. You'll kill this relationship before it even begins if you keep this up.

 

Good luck and have fun!!!!!

[olivetree]

I ended up texting him that I would actually be available after certain time today. He replied great and then suggested movie at his place.

This would be actually our third date really (we met for drinks three weeks ago and last night for dinner).

This is not the kind of movie I had in mind. The only reason I could think (other than sex) is that he found it hard to try to kiss me in public. We are inside the restaurant, sitting across the table, and the moment we go out i run to my car be because it is -10 degrees outside. Or am I just finding excuses for him?

 

If you're not comfortable going to his house tonight, simply suggest somewhere out in public... like going to the movies as you originally thought was the plan.

[Miss Peach]

I ended up texting him that I would actually be available after certain time today. He replied great and then suggested movie at his place.

 

Most men do this to imply sex.

 

If you're not comfortable going to his house tonight, simply suggest somewhere out in public... like going to the movies as you originally thought was the plan.

 

Totally agree with that. If you don't want to potentially sleep with him, let him know you need to know him better before going to each other's houses. He may run but if he does then you have your answer to what he was after.

[JaeJae]

If a woman lets me in the know beginning that she has limited availability, then I don't have a problem working around her schedule. Most likely she's busy due to work, school, etc. so she has a legitimate reason. Also, I think seeing someone twice a week in the beginning stages of dating is perfectly fine.

 

I think what would also help is to identify if you and the guy you're seeing have an anxious, avoidant or secure attachment style. Also, getting a better idea of one another's love languages will help. Doing so will give you guys a firmer grasp on how to handle expectations and needs in a relationship where a lot of free time is unrealistic.

[phineas]

But I have to work full time and I go to school. Right now, I am actually off from school but I work 3-10pm and he has standard hours 8-5pm. I wish life was easier.

 

Do I suggest tonight instead?

 

he works 8 to 5 on the weekends also?

ya know 10 pm isn't that late for a friday or sat night.

when do you start work sat or sunday?

Edited December 20, 2016 by phineas