crushinit Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 He is much younger than I (and I am talking over 25 years) and has shown a bit of interest but not aggressive about it. He is shy. I am not looking to have an affair, however,I am curious if he really is interested because it floors me that such a young guy would have any interest in a much older woman. I do look young for my age and am sometimes thought to be my daughter's sister. We see each other once a week at a recreational sport we both participate in so it is really hard to hold much conversation but he came into the bar afterward when I did with friends and he never has before. He had said previously he was going out afterward but then came in and when I was leaving, he left at the exact same time which I also found suspect. Then I said I thought he was "going out" and he replied I did, I came here now I am going out. You should come with us (he was with a friend not in our sport). So, I am not sure if he is just flirting a bit or actually likes me and is trying to push the envelope. How do you know without coming right out and asking?
VeveCakes Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 What difference does it make, you said you do not want an affair. Do not give this an extra minute of your thought... 3
Mr. Lucky Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I am not looking to have an affair Everything about your post, username included, says differently. Be careful, slippery slope... Mr. Lucky 4
mikeylo Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Why do you care ? Keep walking straight unless you want an affair. 1
stillafool Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 It doesn't matter if he is interested or not, you're married. The fact that you think he thinks you're attractive should have been enough ego boost for you without coming to a forum about it. I think you care more than you want to admit and therefore you need to put your emotions in check. 1
stillafool Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 He is much younger than I (and I am talking over 25 years) and has shown a bit of interest but not aggressive about it. He is shy. I am not looking to have an affair, however,I am curious if he really is interested because it floors me that such a young guy would have any interest in a much older woman. I do look young for my age and am sometimes thought to be my daughter's sister. We see each other once a week at a recreational sport we both participate in so it is really hard to hold much conversation but he came into the bar afterward when I did with friends and he never has before. He had said previously he was going out afterward but then came in and when I was leaving, he left at the exact same time which I also found suspect. Then I said I thought he was "going out" and he replied I did, I came here now I am going out. You should come with us (he was with a friend not in our sport). So, I am not sure if he is just flirting a bit or actually likes me and is trying to push the envelope. How do you know without coming right out and asking? Yes more than likely he is interested in sex with you. There seems to be a lot of this going on lately with young men having sex with women old enough to be their mothers. I know of two such relationships going on right now. I've had men young enough to be my son hit on me lately. I don't know what's going on but since I like you am married I ignore and keep it moving. If you don't take that attitude towards them you will find yourself getting caught up in the fantasy of his youth and put your marriage at risk. TBH, even if I were single I wouldn't go for it because it is sure to end in pain for the older woman. 1
carhill Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Welcome to LS Since people are individuals, sure a young guy can have sexual or romantic interest in an older woman. The people don't even have to be 'young'. We have a whole thread on this topic here. If you're wearing your wedding ring and he's departing from the shared interest as a topic of discussion or contact, especially if he's focusing on you and not your family, meaning he's not asking questions about your husband and children, etc, he's interested in you, personally, sexually or romantically. Men are pretty simple regarding this stuff. If women in your demographic routinely replace spouses early, meaning you line up new men before divorcing old ones, he may already be indoctrinated into hitting on otherwise married women to test the waters and the married part is irrelevant to him. What advice would you like regarding this? 1
Author crushinit Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Thank you for all the responses. Bottom line, the attention is nice, he is kinda cute in that young adorable way and the thought of such a young guy being interested is flattering but I know bottom line for the men, it is just about sex. I have no intention of cheating. Zero. For those asking why I care. Well, it feeds the ego, makes me feel good, validates at my age I am still looked at. Maybe you find that odd. I do not think it is the least bit odd at all to wonder. I am not going to come out and ask him so I came here just for thoughts on it because I cannot imagine such a young kid being attracted to a much older woman and maybe the guys can answer this.... Why would you be attracted to a much older woman when you can get very young hot chicks with tight boobs, skinny six pack abs, long lean legs with no cellulite and beautiful young looking skin..and they are single!!!? I admit, I am surprised. A guy can have sex with a younger woman just as easily as an older one. What am I looking for? Nothing from him because I know even if I was single I would get possibly good sex, a nice body and then Id feel like crap, used and eventually he would be seeing someone else and Id feel bad. No doubt. So not looking for anything from him. Wondering if he was just playing around or truly wanting something. I have no problem flirting and having fun. Looking to hook up and be used is not on my agenda.
Gloria25 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Pretty simple... IMO, if a guy's going through a transitional period (where he doesn't wanna settle down and wants uncomplicated company) an older woman who's got her stuff together is ideal. Check out this Cougarlife commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAmZwtSFHB8 Demi Moore got eight years out of her RL with Ashton Kutcher. But really, do you wanna risk your marriage for good times and flattery? Be careful, cuz you don't wanna fan the flames of your ego boost by this young man and ruin your marriage. Me, I stay in shape and stuff not cuz I'm on the hunt - but cuz I enjoy physical activity, the challenge of staying strong/in shape - and yep, love looking in the mirror and admiring the results of my hard work. I don't need attention from a man (younger, older, or whatever) to validate what I know that I already got. I mean, I usually walk around in baggy clothing (unless I'm looking nice for a dude). But, I don't know, it's not like I'm after younger guys but just have met dude who just makes me go "Awwww...." From day one I saw him in passing - I was in awe. And, it's hard to find guys my age who still take care of themselves and don't look "old". 1
Author crushinit Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 Thanks Gloria for your non judgmental and very thought provoking post. This is exactly what I was looking for. Adult dialogue without the critical words. I agree 100% with your post. I am not going to risk my marriage in any way. I love my husband too much to ever hurt him. Keeping in good shape at my age isnt easy but I do my best (although need to get back to the gym). I want to keep my body in decent shape both inside and out for health reasons as well as not wanting to look much older than I am I walk a lot and am careful with what I eat. I wear Leggings with long shirts a lot or jeans and a normal shirt so its not like I dress sexy in any way! It's nice to think a guy so young may find me at my age attractive. Sure I like an ego boost too. I don't need it and I wasn't looking for it that's for sure. I joke around but I do that with everyone. I have not made one comment that could ever be construed as leading him on and no sexual comments at all. Nothing about how he looks, dresses, nothing about anything personal. I in no way looked for this or showed over interest. I treat him like other guys on the teams. I have had girl friends who have cheated and one was caught. It was very very bad. I luckily know the damage, pain and suffering ALL get from an affair.so I see how easily people are lure din blindly not realizing how unrealistic their beliefs are of how it will go. I have seen women get crazy over an affair, lose reality and believe they are madly in love.....until they got caught and reality slammed them in the face. I dont judge ever because I dont live their life. I had to laugh (sadly) at your comment about men at our age. I agree, very few who look good and keep themselves in shape. Good for you that you work so hard at it yourself. I hope you find a nice man you are attracted to who is a gem. They are hard to find. Merry Christmas. 2
VeveCakes Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Lots and lots of young guys like older women. Nothing new here. If you just want the ego boost then enjoy it....but I wouldn't partake in the flirting and games. I doubt your husband would appreciate that. 1
BluesPower Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 I am happy to tell you... He may be smart enough to understand that older women have much more experience. I am probably about your age and I, no offense, won't even mess with young girls no matter how hot they are. To me they almost always are inexperienced in bed and come with a whole lot of drama that I don't need. I much more prefer a mature woman that knows what she wants in bed. If she is able to tell me what she likes it is some much easier to please her and everyone has a great time. It is pretty simple, you are a hot, sexy, mature woman and he wants a taste. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) I am happy to tell you... He may be smart enough to understand that older women have much more experience. I am probably about your age and I, no offense, won't even mess with young girls no matter how hot they are. To me they almost always are inexperienced in bed and come with a whole lot of drama that I don't need. I much more prefer a mature woman that knows what she wants in bed. If she is able to tell me what she likes it is some much easier to please her and everyone has a great time. It is pretty simple, you are a hot, sexy, mature woman and he wants a taste. Yeah, IMO, a lot of younger girls are getting by on metabolism - then, as they age they fall to the wayside. But, during their youth they're able to snag unsuspecting and naive males who are hormone driven. I mean, when I look at pics of Demi Moore now (and older women who take care of themselves) - they look better, IMO, cuz they are like "sculpted" vs younger women who just are thin cuz they are young and metabolism hasn't started slowing down yet. BTW, I don't have a thing against younger women, but now that I'm older it's funny to look at guys going all gaga over them and put up with a lot of crap to get laid/bask in their presence - only to be miserable years later for making rash decisions (to marry and/or have kids with them) based on hormones and/or loneliness. And yea, not sure if a lot of young guys can handle an older woman who is direct and knows what she wants. I think that with dude I'm a bit much cuz when I speak/approach him I get down to business and don't waffle in what I want. I think that overwhelmed him a bit. Probably he's used to the little games younger girls play to get guys to do their bidding. I don't have time for that...."X" is what I want, are you on board or not? Edited December 22, 2016 by Gloria25 2
Author crushinit Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Thanks for the input. Interesting how the ego and psyche work. I do not doubt for one second it is all about sex. It usually is! My thoughts are that beyond sex what else is there in that kind of relationship? And yeah Gloria, I think I would annihilate the guy in bed. Not tooting my own horn just agree, we know what we want, we have no problem asking for it and can be quite aggressive which younger guys are most likely not used to and we do not have time for games. The comment about my husband not liking my flirting. Do you think he never flirts? Give me a break. He has done it in front of me and probably not even aware of it. He's oggled women with big boobs. I've witnessed it. That doesn't mean hes going to run out and have an affair. He is a man, he has an ego and it is always based on attention and how he looks to a female and compares to other men. Isn't that kind of normal though, for both men and women?
VeveCakes Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I think it depends on the situation. Everyone has their own degree of what flirting is acceptable. Looking is not flirting. Do you care that your husband flirts? Does he care that you do? If not then fill your boots! Just be careful when playing with fire...you know the saying. Asking about a man you think wants you on a message board...might be going a bit far and thats why I have a hard time believing you are just here to confirm the ego boost. You have already in your head deduced that he would just want you for sex and that you couldn't handle it...so you must have been considering it at some point....no? FWIW....younger men and older women are quite the combination in bed. If you weren't married I would be the first to say GO FOR IT. 3
Author crushinit Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Vevecakes, I can see why you thought that..On the flirting, my husband would not like me flirting but would say for him it was ok because there is no harm. He tends to be a one way guy. You know, its ok for him but not me because "it's different." I do not let it bother me because we all have faults and he really is a great guy. I find it funny sometimes and have to point it out. Like, really buddy? I asked on here because I am not going to ask anyone I know. This has never happened where a much younger man outwardly flirted so I guess it caught me off guard and its one of those things where I told myself he's just playing around....isn't he? I tend to be obsessive so probably why the post and wondering because if I didnt get answers I would be wondering incessantly. I think they have pills for this lol As for the comment about wanting me just for sex and not liking that.....I have had a few friends dabble in or actually have a full fledged affair. One very close married friend was with a younger (not this young) single guy and she got hurt. She ended up in counseling over it because she had much stronger feelings for him than he had for her (in fact I am not even sure he had any feelings for her beyond wanting sex) and he basically called on her when he wasn't busy banging other single girls. Im not sure what she expected being married. It kind of floors me the thoughts women in affairs have with both married and single guys. I got many calls with her in tears and tried gently to tell her this isnt odd at all and maybe she needs to end it if she felt so bad in the relationship. He gave her absolutely nothing but small crumbs of "feel goods" while he got good sex whenever he wanted it. It took her over a year and a half and by the time she was done she had virtually no self esteem left . It was awful watching her go through it and awful to give her advice and her not take it and allow a guy to use her. Another friend was so unhappy in her marriage she had an affair, got divorced, married her AP and had a son. Guess what? She is more miserable than ever! Her husband is a complete jerk. SOOO Yes, I have learned and seen the fall out of affairs. They never end well. Ever. I am going to be very careful. Weird thing is my husband was right there the entire time and just didnt catch it. That too is why I wondered because who blatantly says that while the H is sitting right there? A naive kid? I'll take the ego boost and keep things in check. Thanks for your reply. 1
LexiCat29 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 The honest truth is..the most likely reason he's attracted is that you subconsciously remind him of his mom.
thefooloftheyear Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 because it floors me that such a young guy would have any interest in a much older woman. :lmao:......... Newsflash....A large percentage of guys would fck a warthog if it had tits...Not saying you aren't anything, but please ladies....really?? TFY 1
Author crushinit Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Lexi I do not think he has a mom in the picture. Not sure why. I wondered this a little myself.....I had heard of this before. Dear God. I already mother my own kids I do not need anymore! TFY, I dont believe this. I know plenty of guys who have been hit on and say No way! I think there has to be some attraction, if even a little.....unless they are wearing beer goggles. Maybe I am wrong? P.S. I wasn't hitting on him!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Thank you for all the responses. Bottom line, the attention is nice, he is kinda cute in that young adorable way and the thought of such a young guy being interested is flattering but I know bottom line for the men, it is just about sex. I have no intention of cheating. Zero. For those asking why I care. Well, it feeds the ego, makes me feel good, validates at my age I am still looked at. Maybe you find that odd. I do not think it is the least bit odd at all to wonder. I am not going to come out and ask him so I came here just for thoughts on it because I cannot imagine such a young kid being attracted to a much older woman and maybe the guys can answer this.... Why would you be attracted to a much older woman when you can get very young hot chicks with tight boobs, skinny six pack abs, long lean legs with no cellulite and beautiful young looking skin..and they are single!!!? I admit, I am surprised. A guy can have sex with a younger woman just as easily as an older one. What am I looking for? Nothing from him because I know even if I was single I would get possibly good sex, a nice body and then Id feel like crap, used and eventually he would be seeing someone else and Id feel bad. No doubt. So not looking for anything from him. Wondering if he was just playing around or truly wanting something. I have no problem flirting and having fun. Looking to hook up and be used is not on my agenda. I appreciate your honesty. After reading your post, I immediately thought "ego boost!" More older ladies are keeping better fit, though still a very small percentage, so a young man keeping an eye on you is not a surprise. Also, younger men seem to think that older women will be much more open to sex b/c they are lonely or like you, wanting the attention. 1
stillafool Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I appreciate your honesty. After reading your post, I immediately thought "ego boost!" More older ladies are keeping better fit, though still a very small percentage, so a young man keeping an eye on you is not a surprise. Also, younger men seem to think that older women will be much more open to sex b/c they are lonely or like you, wanting the attention. No it's because younger men think older women are better in bed by being open about what they want coupled with their experience. Also OP wasn't looking for attention but said it was nice getting the attention.
DKT3 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Honestly, you sound like just about every cheating wife before she actually cheated. Keep messing around and something will happen. Affairs and cheating doesn't happen right now for most in long term relationships. Boundaries are crossed slowly, at some point you look up and you're closer to landing in his bed then not. Keep feeding your ego, before you know it you'll be say WTF just happened. 1
stillafool Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Honestly, you sound like just about every cheating wife before she actually cheated. Keep messing around and something will happen. Affairs and cheating doesn't happen right now for most in long term relationships. Boundaries are crossed slowly, at some point you look up and you're closer to landing in his bed then not. Keep feeding your ego, before you know it you'll be say WTF just happened. I do agree with the above OP. You need to stay away from this guy even though I know you don't want to cheat. I don't know how old you are but you said he is 25 years younger. If he is over 30 he may have some seducing skills that you can't resist. You may think you can handle his attention but if stay in his presence you may not want to. It's just best to stay away. The fact that you are even asking shows he's on your mind to some degree already. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 No it's because younger men think older women are better in bed by being open about what they want coupled with their experience. Also OP wasn't looking for attention but said it was nice getting the attention. I'll give you the first point, but my offerings also apply. As per the second, I didn't mean to suggest that the OP was looking for attention, rather, YM think that they want the attention. 1
Recommended Posts