Blackened Heart Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 So I'm in a situation that, well honestly has me a bit confused and I'm not typically. I met this girl in a self defense class that our training school does for free several times a year, and I was one of the instructors for the school. We exchanged numbers and chatted for a while before meeting up again. On the date she was rather shy, she had mentioned prior to being a really shy person, but things progressed, we kissed and such. All throughout she would compliment me on my personality, physical features like my arms and legs, and such. I could easily tell she was very physically attracted to me. However, I didn't want it just going straight into sex, for one she was the shy type and I was already edging things a bit by being forward, but not to the extent of wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. But also, I didn't want to rush thing. By the end of the night, she tells me that she would rather keep things as being friends. That she really likes who I am, my personality, and being around me, and doesn't want the potential friendship ruin by making a relationship. Another point to make which is important, she is visiting over here for just a year before going back to her home country, so I also understand the point of not wanting to get attached to someone that is set to end. And I was actually okay with this. The issue that is now confusing me though, is while saying this and during the second time of meeting, we were very, hmmm touchy I guess is the best way to say it, with one another. I would have my hand on her lap, or she would pull my arm and caress it, or place her hand on my leg rubbing it up and down, feeling the muscles. Again it's very evident she feels a strong physical attraction, and I find her quite attractive too. It just feels a bit confusing as we are in theory suppose to be "friends", not kissing (and we haven't since the talk), but there's obviously that attraction in there. In a way it feels like it's developing towards a FWB type situation, without it really being said. So I'm not really sure what to make of it. A part of me feels like I'm just overthinking the whole thing and should just enjoy the time with her. Because being with her is very enjoyable and a lot of fun, and the affection I give and receive is really warming. Guess trying to see if anyone has been in this kind of situation or have an insight in it...? 1
TheTraveler Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I'm not seeing FWB. All I'm seeing is she wants to be friends. The end. Nothing more, move on 3
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Maybe she has a boyfriend back home. Or perhaps she is seeing someone locally and feels guilty for having let things get to this point. It probably has nothing to with you personally, but down to circumstances. The only times I have ever told a man that I only wanted to be friends was when I really meant it, so I would take her at her word and not pursue it. 1
basil67 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I think she wants to shag you. But not have a relationship with you. 2
cigbunt Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 However, I didn't want it just going straight into sex, for one she was the shy type and I was already edging things a bit by being forward, but not to the extent of wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. But also, I didn't want to rush thing. ... By the end of the night, she tells me that she would rather keep things as being friends. ... And I was actually okay with this ... Again it's very evident she feels a strong physical attraction, and I find her quite attractive too. It just feels a bit confusing as we are in theory suppose to be "friends", not kissing (and we haven't since the talk), but there's obviously that attraction in there. ... Because being with her is very enjoyable and a lot of fun, and the affection I give and receive is really warming. My analysis: you ****ed up by trying not to **** up and not "rush" things. The moment she said you two should be friends, you should have straight up told her that you aren't interested in friendship and tell her to contact you if she changes her mind and never contact her again. Why the hell would you be ok with being "just friends"? Go after what you want, like a man, and state things like they are. She probably lost a lot of respect for you, for being ok with being just "friends". She probably did have a strong physical attraction towards you, but you ****ed up. Move on. Let this be a lesson to always escalate physically, otherwise she will think you are too inexperienced or not ready for sex (which is a big turnoff for women).
Author Blackened Heart Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Why would I be okay with being friends? Umm because I am? Lol. I don't have to bed every woman I meet and date, sometimes it just isn't there. She has a lot in common with me so a friendship I can see happening with no issue. I don't have an issue with it not being a relationship, nor do I have a problem hooking up on a ONS. It's the amount of touching from her that is blurring the whole friend thing. I believe her when she says she doesn't want a relationship and have no illusions of it becoming one. Oh btw, there's being aggressive for sex, and there's forcing yourself on a woman for sex. If I were to "be a man" as you put it, it would have been forcing myself on her, which yes could have likely work, but I'm neither desperate to have sex nor would I ever put a woman in a position she feels she is forced into. 1
Satu Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) Error deleted. Edited December 20, 2016 by Satu
coolheadal Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Listen to her and not what you want. She clearly told you what she wanted from you. TO BE JUST FRIENDS! That means she's not into you in a romantic relationship type nor does she want that from you. So you treat her as a friend and nothing more. Even if she seems like she attracted she has to say that to you before you can even thing otherwise. Do not push this one out because if you do she'll walk away. But some women want to have you as a friend and a special friend like (touchy feeling type) but you really don't want that half on sort of fake relationship or another word would be just hanging out as friends but sort of dating.. This girl is only looking for friendship. Your not the love of her life. There might be someone else she really loves. She doesn't want to hurt you so she told you friends only or friend-zone. So you know what to do next. Go find a real girl who likes you and you then got a chance at that romance relationship. Never settle for just one woman who puts in you the friend-zone.
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