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Girlfriend said I love you, I ruined the day. I need fixing.

Area57

By Area57
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Area57 Member

Area57

Posted
Posted

Now, this isn't the biggest problem on this forum I have no doubt, but it's mine and I still don't know what to do to make her feel better.

 

I think because of a past betrayal, I am more hesitant to be open to let my hart get hurt again, but I am trying because I want someone who loves me!

 

So, she is very sweet, we have been moving fast tho. So after "love" last night, she looked me in the eye and said I love you in an extremely sincere sounding voice. I said it back and said U had been wanting to since a couple of days ago.

 

I'm not too far along in the relationship and there is a lot of details fro her past I don't know.

 

Anyways......here is the problem. We got up and took a quick shower together. I'm pretty shy under certain circumstances, so I said a really stupid thing. I said exactly this.

 

"you know how some people say that there is a perfect person out there for everyone? I still haven't found one yet. I loved ex gf #1 and #3, but neither of them were a soulmate."

 

so she said. I didn't mean I was IN love with you, i just want that I loved you. I asked her what she meant and she got flustered and said she didn't know.

 

So I felt like she said something in the heat of the moment that she didn't mean sand I kind embarrassed myself saying it back. But I don't really know.

 

I wouldn't drop it for about ten minutes and she just said she din't know what she meant and didn't know the difference between the two and that I was overthinking things. I said I didn't think I ws and that saying you love someone, especially someone with a broken heart is a big thing, and to take it back hurts bad.

 

So we are fighting. What do I do?

 

Thank you

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

After your reaction, it's perfectly understandable that she felt the need to take it back. She would have been absolutely mortified.

 

I would suggest that you send her flowers and a sincere, unreserved apology. Do not blame your broken heart for your reactions. Just tell her that you behaved appallingly and are so very sorry.

  • Like 11
bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted

Wow, dude. I can't imagine a worse thing to say to your GF after she tells you she loves you. And then you fight with her, after you are the one to say such an insensitive thing? Bro, what's the matter with you?

 

 

Well, words can't be taken back, and you pretty much ruined what should have been a very romantic evening.

 

 

She was vulnerable to you and you were an a$%.

 

 

Get her flowers like the other poster said and get on your knees and apologize profusely before she dumps you.

 

 

Seriously, do it now!

 

 

Oh, and while you're out getting flowers (dozen roses minimum - make it 2 dozen), pick up a book on how to talk to women.

  • Like 4
bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted

And one more thing OP.. You need to make it up to her. You had better start planning a date of a lifetime for this flub.

 

 

When you give her flowers, promise you will make it up to her.

 

 

Better get crackin'

  • Like 2
BlackCherry Member

BlackCherry

Posted
Posted

Urgh. Man. She told you she loved you. So you told her about how you felt for your exes. So she figured she'd made a mistake, felt vulnerable and stupid and tried to take it back. And instead of doing damage control you ended up fighting over it!

 

You screwed up. Buy her flowers and tell her you love her (if it's true) and that in your clumsy way you were trying to tell her that you never felt true love with your exes and were trying to say that you could see it might be possible with her (again, if true). Tell her you were an ass.

 

Everyone says dumb things but you gotta damage control asap while she's probably out there rethinking things and wondering whether you really are this much off a doofus .

  • Like 3
anika99 Established Member

anika99

Posted
Posted

From reading your past threads it seems that you and your gf have only been seeing each other for about a month. Neither one of you should be saying I love you, you barely know each other. She doesn't love you. She may be infatuated with you and have romantic feelings for you but that's not love.

 

You should apologize for being insensitive to her feelings but also gently explain that you would like to slow it down and really get to know her first and that she also needs to know you before calling this love.

  • Like 2
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

I would also recommend the sincere apology. That was really out of line. You made her feel you didn't care about her basically and she was probably very embarrassed.

 

I had an ex who did something similar during a fight about getting married. I remembered the stuff he said long past the point where he did and I never felt I could trust things again. When we hit upon another fight showing his insecurity, I ended the relationship.

  • Like 4
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Now, this isn't the biggest problem on this forum I have no doubt,

 

It has to be one of the most <jaw dropping> comment we ever heard on here though lol. You really really put your foot in your mouth didn't you! Sorry for twisting the knife in the wound.

 

I agree with the others an official apology is in order with the biggest bouquet of flowers you can afford and follow Anika99 advice on what to say.

 

Keep us updated.

  • Like 5
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

 

"you know how some people say that there is a perfect person out there for everyone? I still haven't found one yet. I loved ex gf #1 and #3, but neither of them were a soulmate."

 

 

Don't talk about your ex's if you can't come up with a better line than that. That was something you needed to keep to yourself.

 

 

So we are fighting. What do I do?

 

 

I'd suggest stop fighting. And a better apology than what you've mustered so far.

 

And remember: It takes 2 to fight.

deepaction Member

deepaction

Posted
Posted
Now, this isn't the biggest problem on this forum I have no doubt, but it's mine and I still don't know what to do to make her feel better.

 

I think because of a past betrayal, I am more hesitant to be open to let my hart get hurt again, but I am trying because I want someone who loves me!

 

So, she is very sweet, we have been moving fast tho. So after "love" last night, she looked me in the eye and said I love you in an extremely sincere sounding voice. I said it back and said U had been wanting to since a couple of days ago.

 

I'm not too far along in the relationship and there is a lot of details fro her past I don't know.

 

Anyways......here is the problem. We got up and took a quick shower together. I'm pretty shy under certain circumstances, so I said a really stupid thing. I said exactly this.

 

"you know how some people say that there is a perfect person out there for everyone? I still haven't found one yet. I loved ex gf #1 and #3, but neither of them were a soulmate."

 

 

What! Why would you say that and talk about ex-gf right after that sequence. What is wrong with you man? Come on. Of course she was going to backtrack after all that talk like you are some Don Juan and she was number x... in the girls who loved you. Oh my God.

  • Author
Area57 Member

Area57

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for all the replies. I really didn't realize just how bad it was!

 

FWIW, I am using my brother's account since it is logged in on the computer, so I don't know what he has for past posts.

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted
Thank you for all the replies. I really didn't realize just how bad it was!

 

FWIW, I am using my brother's account since it is logged in on the computer, so I don't know what he has for past posts.

 

I would be surprised if your GF can trust you after this. If I was vulnerable with someone like that, and that was the response I got, I would probably clam up for the rest of the relationship.

  • Like 1
butterfly84 Member

butterfly84

Posted
Posted

i agree with everyone else about apologizing and flowers - i think she will really like that/find it to be sincere. i also think that if you guys have a good relationship maybe after some time passes you will look back on this and be able to chat about it like it was just a bump in the road eventually so keep positive !

 

if you need some cheering up about this whole situation watch the episode of the show The OC called "the countdown" - it deals with this very topic of saying 'i love you' and things just not coming out right.

  • Like 1
Methodical Established Member

Methodical

Posted
Posted
"you know how some people say that there is a perfect person out there for everyone? I still haven't found one yet. I loved ex gf #1 and #3, but neither of them were a soulmate."

 

Ugh! Epic failure in communication. You essentially told her she wasn't the one, and then proceeded to talk about your exes while showering together after screwing. To make matters worse, she had looked you in the eyes and told you she loves you in an extremely sincere voice just prior to your verbal blunder. Afterward, you dogmatically pushed the subject for ten minutes, even after she was flustered. Poor girl. Don't be surprised if she clams up and/or breaks up. You may be able to grovel your way back into her good graces, but it's going to take more than flowers.

  • Author
Area57 Member

Area57

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I appreciate your advice. It's all good now. I apologized and I truly meant it, and i got the flowers.

 

Don't forget tho, if she does love me, she would never break up with me after one stupid comment that was meant to be a compliment.

 

But most important, she knew I was upset at myself this morning a bit, so she said it again, or maybe she just wanted to say it, or hear it back.

 

And FWIW, I didn't call them gf 1 and 2 I used their names.

 

But still, I suck at compliments in a way, but in another way, they are real.

 

Maybe I will post on this forum more, I like her, I don't want to screw this up.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

So glad to hear you sorted it out.

 

Though I am not sure how a compliment was meant to be worked in to what you said ;)

Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

So, she is very sweet, we have been moving fast tho. So after "love" last night, she looked me in the eye and said I love you in an extremely sincere sounding voice. I said it back and said U had been wanting to since a couple of days ago.

 

 

 

"you know how some people say that there is a perfect person out there for everyone? I still haven't found one yet. I loved ex gf #1 and #3, but neither of them were a soulmate."

 

so she said. I didn't mean I was IN love with you, i just want that I loved you. I asked her what she meant and she got flustered and said she didn't know.

 

So I felt like she said something in the heat of the moment that she didn't mean sand I kind embarrassed myself saying it back. But I don't really know.

 

 

 

So we are fighting. What do I do?

 

Thank you

maybe, just maybe she meant that she "loved" what you had just done to/with her? she wouldn't be the first woman to announce, "i love you" right after she got off of the rocket ship and "came" back down to earth, so to speak?

 

and i don't know where you heard that there is a "perfect" person out there for everyone because i've never heard that. i've heard and said to broken hearted people, 'there is someone for everyone out there, there is a pot for every lid", but i don't think anyone every said the word "perfect".

 

discussing feelings while you're naked is a big no no and esp. discussing your feelings, about your exs??!!huge faux pas.

 

the bad news is that you two are fighting over your feelings, the good news is that you both have feelings, for each other.:love:

 

and i don't believe that people need time to "love" each other or anything else. i, for one, loved my babies the moment i saw them, and i've loved ice cream since the first time i discovered it. same with books, beads, scissors, whiskey and cars. anyone can become dear to my heart and i try to let them know as soon as i do.

 

however, when it comes to conducting "love affairs" there's' "i love what you just did to me" and 'i love where this is going" and the big payola, "i.love.you." which usually, and this is why it's so scary and needs time and thought before revealing it, means, i want you, only you, forever, marriage included.

 

on that score, ya, it's too soon.

 

and that's how i'd play it.

 

i'd say: i have feelings for you. i'm so happy with you. i want to see where this is going and you're feelings are safe with me.

 

 

 

good luck

Edited by Miss Clavel
butterfly84 Member

butterfly84

Posted
Posted

 

But still, I suck at compliments in a way, but in another way, they are real.

 

i like this line - you got it right - the most important thing is that you're "you" and real :)

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