purplehydro Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) Hi. So, a bit ago my best friend and I admitted that we liked each other more than just friends. He asked me out and then we decided to sort of make it official. We both are fairly open with each other and since we'd already been friends for a while we get along pretty well. Everything seemed like it was going to be fine and dandy, but there is an issue. Something pretty bad happened to me when I was little, and it's sort of left me unable to get really close with people. I mean, I can talk to him about stuff. I told him about this. But because I'm so scared, and I struggle with trusting people, I guess I subconsciously distance myself from others. And what happens is because i'm so afraid of feeling bad emotions, I shut myself off, and it ends up blocking out positive emotions, too. And with physical touch, I do the same. I block out any feeling. So, I'm kind of just like a robot with him. And I don't know how to be physically affectionate. I really don't know how it works, because all thats in my brain is really aggressive sexual stuff. And I can't be like that obviously. He already feels that I don't really like him all that much. We talked today and he thought I was going to dump him. But I really really do like him a lot. He's the most amazing guy I've ever known. So I told him I wanted to stay in the relationship basically. But now I'm starting to wonder if that was really selfish of me. I'm such a hassle and a burden, and I don't know if he's really going to get anything out of this relationship. I guess what i'm wondering is...should we even be together? I feel like now I'm just keeping him here but it sucks for him because I can't give him what he wants. And I can get so volatile sometimes...I'm scared I'm just going to end up hurting him over and over again. I'm so terrified of letting him go, though. And he's so supportive of me. But...I feel selfish. Should I just...break up with him? I don't know what to do. I really wanted to go with it, go with the relationship, because I just wanted something good and normal and positive in my life. So I've been kind of distant with him also because I'm just trying to keep it drama free. I didn't want it to be complicated, but when we were talking today he said "but it is complicated". And I'm glad he can admit that, but I'm still in denial of anything being an issue. And I should have said more (I was really quiet the whole time) but I basically just stuffed everything down and made light of it all and now I feel stupid. Edited December 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
DumpedGuy9617 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 If I was you, I would tell him exactly what is going on, so he does not misinterpret what you are feeling. Then, I would seek professional help to talk through your situation. There are others like you and you can come back from it. And if the guy is as good as he sounds, he will understand and take it slow. You don't need to feel like you'll never have a relationship with someone. If you want to, you will. Trust takes time, and it's good to be cautious anyway. I think telling him the issue alone will make the situation better. If I was the guy, I would respect it and understand. I hope it works out for you.
JaeJae Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Have you had therapy for your past issue? Ideally, I would start with that before jumping into the dating world. But, it sounds like you really like this guy, maybe you can try undergoing therapy while seeing him at the same time. Be transparent with him, let him know how you're guarded but that you like him. As long as he has that reassurance and if he's a genuinely good person, he'll make an honest effort to try to make this work with you and be by your side.
mortensorchid Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I think you need professional help with whatever it is/was in your past, first of all. That being said, I would also like to say that in this situation it can be saved only if you and him are willing to do so. YOu're setting yourself up for a disappointment. If he doesn't end it, you will because you seem bent on making something bad happen with him. And if he doesn't end it, you will because that just has to come true. And you'll be even more depressed that you / him ended things the way you did. I tell women all the time "Be a man, not a wimp". I also tell men that as well who do the same thing.
Recommended Posts