Author Pugwash Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 Haha I see what you mean. I guess validation in my point is that he shouldn't have to try to gain the support of people on here because we are mostly dumpees, myself included. So he should focus less on appeasing people but focus on gaining perspective? Additionally, trust me, I am trying to hold back my tongue from spewing all the "nice" things I would like to say. But in the end, he is trying to learn from his mistakes and I guess I am just trying to give the benefit of the doubt. I guess I am at that place where I am trying to understand my dumper, and who wouldn't want a dumper to come back and say, "I made a mistake. I want to work on us, together." Now that's up to us if we want them back, hahaha. I wholeheartedly agree, ignoring her was pretty harsh. And I would be really hurt as well. So I guess I was just trying to let him know that he should focus his questions on future steps with the things he's done, and expect there to be bashing? Hahaha I don't know, I tried to be nice . Sorry if I offended, -WhatDEWWWWW I need space and time to gather my thoughts, hindsight is a great thing but at the time I needed to be alone and didn't think to just communicate with her to give me time to get my head sorted over my dads passing just 12 months ago. I really appreciate your words, I just don't get the attitude that some people are taking just because I broke up with her? It doesn't make it any easier on me whether it was my choice or not. If she loved me so much in the first place would she have had to change like she was telling me she would do? She only realized that she hurt me enough by giving out to me constantly and nagging daily, when I took time out to ignore her I done so because you know what?!!! She didn't deserve to be given a chance with at the moment in time, yet fast forward a few weeks and she's in a new relationship I know deep down that both of us probably won't ever get back together, I knew on Friday because she wouldn't meet me in person to talk because when we spoke face to face on Thursday she looked at me like I was her partner and tears began to flow. I reckon had she of spoken to me on Friday as adults and we talked and talked, she possibly would of allowed herself to be let back in by me! We had a very intense relationship, which is extremely demanding and draining "but" with intense love, you can't just find that spark or passion! There was no safety net, with her new relationship judging the guy she is with he represents a safe option because he's punching way above his weight, so in essence he will fall into being her "yes man" and it will all end at some point sooner rather than later because she will get bored. I know her too well.......
umirano Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 pugwash, what I don't understand why you care? You left her, right, you're now where you want to be? Why does it even matter what she does and for what reasons? Wasn't the point of all this to have more time, mental capacity and whatever else for yourself? Why are you throwing it back at her and that relationship? Move on man You've got wide green meadows waiting for you over the horizon, why sticking around on this ruble littered patch of dry, brown grass? 1
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Hold up, who's suggesting I was ever looking to dictate her life Again, "you snooze, you lose" has literally no logic to this in the slightest. I explained that I was going through a really tough time, she never gave me the space I needed. I've let her be too? But it wasn't me telling her I was still heartbroken and madly in love with her last week, it was her telling me! This is what I've the issue with, this girl is still madly in love with me, she will always love me and is still heartbroken! Her words not mine. She will not always love you. I got dumped a bit harshly by a guy and I have no feelings now. So don't expect her to pine over you. Now, the thing is, if you treat her like an option, she will move on and that is what she is doing. Humans are naturally equipped to love many people and move on from heartbreak.
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 It sounds like you are avoidant if you need space instead of support during hard times. Humans depend on each other. She may have needed you during this time you needed space, so that means while your needs were being met by having space, her needs were being ignored. It sounds like a mismatch.
Ilovepizzalady Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 The space and the working out issues has to happen IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Once you pull the plug on the relationship, all security is lost for the dumpee. Do you understand that? They are unable to work out issues with you because you have essentially abandoned the relationship. You have destroyed the trust and security that is essential for working out any issues.
Author Pugwash Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 pugwash, what I don't understand why you care? You left her, right, you're now where you want to be? Why does it even matter what she does and for what reasons? Wasn't the point of all this to have more time, mental capacity and whatever else for yourself? Why are you throwing it back at her and that relationship? Move on man You've got wide green meadows waiting for you over the horizon, why sticking around on this ruble littered patch of dry, brown grass? I'm in a very good place at the minute thankfully It was tough seeing her in a new relationship the past week or so, "but" I will cherish all the good times I had with her over the last few years and swiftly move on. Love is blind, I was blinded by the good moments we had and ignored the bigger picture which was her making me miserable by her nagging, childish temper and selfishness. Thanks for your kind words
Author Pugwash Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 She will not always love you. I got dumped a bit harshly by a guy and I have no feelings now. So don't expect her to pine over you. Now, the thing is, if you treat her like an option, she will move on and that is what she is doing. Humans are naturally equipped to love many people and move on from heartbreak. And I wish her well in that regard. She caused me too much pain and grief to turn the last 2 and a half years into a lifetime of happiness together. There was no "we" in our relationship, it was about her and tbh as much as I do still love her, I'm glad we're apart and I shall move on myself in due course.
Author Pugwash Posted December 26, 2016 Author Posted December 26, 2016 Over the past few days I've become so much happier in myself and I've moved on from what was a toxic relationship, a lot of that was down to reading what you guys posted on here so THANK YOU Of course I will always have feelings for my ex, "but" I'm happy right now and in a good place because I have no-one dragging me down.
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 5/6 weeks really isn't that long after a break up. If she has gotten into a relationship already, it 's probably because she just can't be alone. Anyone will do! (be glad it isn't you anymore) 1
Been Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 What he's saying is her actions don't match her words. People say slot of things. My ex wanted to get married and said all kinds of great things. 2 days after breaking up she was seeing someone. Don't look at what people say-look at their actions. People can say whatever. Remember actions speak louder then words. 1
Author Pugwash Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 5/6 weeks really isn't that long after a break up. If she has gotten into a relationship already, it 's probably because she just can't be alone. Anyone will do! (be glad it isn't you anymore) Yeah I think her attitude was like "he broke my heart, f**k him I'll get in a new relationship no matter how hard it is to ignore it" I think my original few posts were about finding answers about how can someone who was genuinely crushed and brokenhearted just hop into a new relationship in a matter of weeks! I was the one who broke up with her and still I wouldn't be able to even entertain devoting all my time to a relationship, no matter who wanted to be my girlfriend. As I said, all the more baffling is how just 2 weeks ago she told me how she was still heartbroken, still in love with me and that she always will love me yet doesn't feel bad about being in a relationship where it's clearly not for the right reasons. I know we all have different ways of coping and her new life with this guy isn't any of my business but if I can't talk to people on here who can I talk too I just look at her new boyfriend and everyone who has seen it, have asked me is it a joke? Like even her best friends who I've spoken too are like WTF is she doing.
Author Pugwash Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 What he's saying is her actions don't match her words. People say slot of things. My ex wanted to get married and said all kinds of great things. 2 days after breaking up she was seeing someone. Don't look at what people say-look at their actions. People can say whatever. Remember actions speak louder then words. Oh for sure, but when someone begs you for 2/3 weeks to get back with them (I needed space) and when their in a new relationship and still telling you they're still heartbroken and in love with you how can she honestly be doing right by herself and her boyfriend when she still feels like that? If she went off and had a few one night stands that meant nothing, I could understand that because one night stands are meaningless for most people but to get in a relationship when you're still in love and heartbroken with the guy you were engaged too, seems like it's desperation on her part to fill a void left by me? I really wanted to meet her face to face, just to talk as adults and find some closure but even though she demanded closure from her past ex boyfriends (which she always got) she refused point blank to give me closure. Is that a sign perhaps? That maybe if we done too much talking had we met up, her feelings may come back or if i hinted at getting back together she would possibly let her guard down but she's now afraid and too stubborn too? (not saying I want her back btw)
Popsicle Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Pugwash, I have a friend who does what your ex did after a breakup. I am close with her and she shares her thoughts with me often. She jumps right into another relationship after being "so heartbroken" and nearly begging the guy to stay with her. The reason she does this is to ease the pain of them dumping her. It's to refill her ego from the massive void that was created from the breakup. She needs another guy to make her feel good again especially when she feels especially bad. She doesn't know how to self-soothe and is not interested in reflecting on what may have gone wrong in order to learn from it. She just wants her pain and loneliness relieved. With a new and willing man. 2
Author Pugwash Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 Pugwash, I have a friend who does what your ex did after a breakup. I am close with her and she shares her thoughts with me often. She jumps right into another relationship after being "so heartbroken" and nearly begging the guy to stay with her. The reason she does this is to ease the pain of them dumping her. It's to refill her ego from the massive void that was created from the breakup. She needs another guy to make her feel good again especially when she feels especially bad. She doesn't know how to self-soothe and is not interested in reflecting on what may have gone wrong in order to learn from it. She just wants her pain and loneliness relieved. With a new and willing man. You have hit the nail firmly on the head with that comment and it has really opened my eyes. All I got from her were messages, snapchats, some lame drunken phone calls and not once did she drive into see me randomly to fight for our relationship after we broke up. This is what really bugged me, she told me numerous times that "she would change and do anything for me" yet limited herself to not even dragging herself into come see me during those few weeks she was supposedly heartbroken. I have no doubt in my mind, her ego was shot to pieces by being dumped because she has a super high opinion of herself (why I don't know because she's not overly liked and is fake) I will hold my head up high the next time I see her, she can act childish or ignore me like I know she will but hey such is life 1
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