Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Hi all, My ex broke up with me 10 months ago and I still have not moved on, far from it I found out today... Apparantly she has instagram and she has posted some pictures of her being in some other countries in Europe probably for holidays. There is not other guy in the pictures but I can not imagine her going there by herself or with one of her friends because I then would expect her on the photo with those friends. I am trying my best to move on but in my heart I only want her back. We still talk about once every month now. Not knowing makes me feel absolutely terrible. I tried to eat something but it just can't... This is going to be a lonely Christmas...
PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I am trying my best to move on but in my heart I only want her back. We still talk about once every month now. Trying to move on whilst stalking her and talking to her every month. You are shooting yourself in the foot. 3
Jimmyjackson Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Don't ask questions when you fear the answers
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 Don't ask questions when you fear the answers It can't get worse than how I am feeling now though... If she will say yes I will at least know that I should really remove her from my life for good.
PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 If she will say yes I will at least know that I should really remove her from my life for good. And if she says no then you will still be stuck in the same old place you are now, feeling worse and worse every day. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 And if she says no then you will still be stuck in the same old place you are now, feeling worse and worse every day. Why are you doing this to yourself? Because I still feel that somewhere there is hope... I wanted to ask her for a drink somewhere after NYE and see that as kind of my last resort. If she then says no then I will also remove her from my life.
Jimmyjackson Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 It can't get worse than how I am feeling now though... If she will say yes I will at least know that I should really remove her from my life for good. You'll just feel worse, you'll imagine her doing all the things she did with you, with someone else. Imagine she says yes and you can't stop picturing her having sex with him etc? How would that make you feel?
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 You'll just feel worse, you'll imagine her doing all the things she did with you, with someone else. Imagine she says yes and you can't stop picturing her having sex with him etc? How would that make you feel? I am already having those thoughts... Even though I have no idea who this guy COULD be.
PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I wanted to ask her for a drink somewhere after NYE and see that as kind of my last resort. If she then says no then I will also remove her from my life. Okay, go on then. I would recommend you do it now because people make their NYE plans around this time. If you leave it even another day she might have alternate plans.
fromheart Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Hi all, My ex broke up with me 10 months ago and I still have not moved on, far from it I found out today... Apparantly she has instagram and she has posted some pictures of her being in some other countries in Europe probably for holidays. There is not other guy in the pictures but I can not imagine her going there by herself or with one of her friends because I then would expect her on the photo with those friends. I am trying my best to move on but in my heart I only want her back. We still talk about once every month now. Not knowing makes me feel absolutely terrible. I tried to eat something but it just can't... This is going to be a lonely Christmas... And what if you do find out she's with someone? How will that make you feel? A young woman traveling by herself in Europe, yes things are going to be happening with men. That's what happens in life. And if she's single, what will change? You're torturing yourself with these thoughts. Move on for your own sanity. The only way to ever be attractive is to move on and look after yourself. Reaching out to her will actually drive her away further. You must use this time to look after yourself, starting from now.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 Okay, go on then. I would recommend you do it now because people make their NYE plans around this time. If you leave it even another day she might have alternate plans. Well I didn't want to ask her to do something on the day of NYE but some weeks after that. I wanted to ask her in the first week of January.
PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Because you're going against the advice that everyone is giving you. Like I said in my first reply, you're totally shooting yourself in the foot by cyber stalking her and continuing to be in contact with her. The difficulty and pain is a result of YOUR actions... or inactions.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 I screwed this up so bad... I had the absolute perfect woman in my life and I took her for granted... It is so hard to move on where there are just no negative traits that she had. Ten months later and I again get the urge to hurt myself like right after she told me.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 Because you're going against the advice that everyone is giving you. Like I said in my first reply, you're totally shooting yourself in the foot by cyber stalking her and continuing to be in contact with her. The difficulty and pain is a result of YOUR actions... or inactions. That is exactly what it is. My own actions and inactions that made us fall apart. I am 100% to blame for this breakup and that is what makes it even worse. I wish I had been the perfect boyfriend for her but I was not.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 For the 2,5 years we were together I felt trapped because I was not ready to have serious relationship despite her being so perfect. Then I got some bad medical issues which completely changed my perspective on life and relationships. I was finally in that place where I could be the man she always wanted but then it was already too late... It hurts so much.
mamarunner5 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I am sorry you are struggling to get over this relationship. The best advice I can give is to remove her from your social media accounts, and stop checking in with her once a month. I know letting go is hard, but it is the best way after a breakup, cut your ties and move on. Spend some time getting to know who you are, get into a new hobby, and gain some self confidence!
thajake Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 why would you be afraid if she is with somebody else? she is not with you in relationship anymore, it means she does what she wants and so should you. if you find out that she is with somebody else than what you want to do? be angry to her?? you have to understand your present position, you are not longer together in relationship and stoking her online is just making your recovery harder, speaking with her monthly just reversing your recovery clock. i myself found that my ex gf was dating within month after break up and had new bf 2 months. She told me that as I was still contacting her but I realised that if she now going to be happy with somebody why I should suffer ? if you love her wish her best of luck with new person, if you love somebody you want best for them it doesn't matter they are with you or not anymore. so be happy for her , respect her choice and cut all ties until you recover. go through the pain , grow and become better person. there is plenty of love in the world.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 Thank you all for your input. I feel horrible and selfish for thinking like this but it hurts to see her happy and see her live in a city where I would also like to live. She doesn't need me anymore and it hurts like hell. I wish I could just be happy for her but I am so selfish that I want her to miss me and think about me when she is doing the things that she is doing. I hate my brain right now...
thajake Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 what you feel is you not missing her but you suffering from attachment trauma. don't worry everybody got through that. there is a light on the other side of the tunnel. you should as well start to love yourself as you don't need your gf for anything if you do that there must have been something seriously wrong with your relationship therefore be happy that is over. check out videos on youtube of this guy, he explains everything what is happening in human psyche and all it is in your mind as you overanalysing everything instead focusing on present and understanding the present and that everything in universe is changing including you and your ex. best is to focus on moving on as this you can control , don't waste your time on things you cannot control such as your ex. she is or not with someone is not your business anymore nor this information is going to change anything. let her go, you are perfectly fine. she had issue as she broke up. my ex broke up with me as it was too hard for her waiting for me as I was away. people are selfish and they will put themselves first so should you.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 what you feel is you not missing her but you suffering from attachment trauma. don't worry everybody got through that. there is a light on the other side of the tunnel. you should as well start to love yourself as you don't need your gf for anything if you do that there must have been something seriously wrong with your relationship therefore be happy that is over. check out videos on youtube of this guy, he explains everything what is happening in human psyche and all it is in your mind as you overanalysing everything instead focusing on present and understanding the present and that everything in universe is changing including you and your ex. best is to focus on moving on as this you can control , don't waste your time on things you cannot control such as your ex. she is or not with someone is not your business anymore nor this information is going to change anything. let her go, you are perfectly fine. she had issue as she broke up. my ex broke up with me as it was too hard for her waiting for me as I was away. people are selfish and they will put themselves first so should you. Thank you for your response. I have actually already seen this video. I agree with what he says about the cause of the problem but it does mean that being aware of the cause of my pain solves it... Thanks again.
thajake Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 thats the whole point if you can understand more what are you going through and learn that actually pain you have is because of your psyche and conditioning about past instead of present than you can move on faster. there are no words no website no person to take a pain away magically in one minute. its a process of healing. be a man understand what break up is , i have been there, millions been there since thousands of years , its not like only you had that experience. there is exit but listen to people here , we support you as we know is painful. focus on positives of the break up , 8 months after you should be already dating new girl but you linger in some kind of hope. I am sorry to say that but the only way is to take the pain use it for something positive read and watch as much as you can how to move on. Forget about that girl , she has changed. she is dating somebody or not is not your business. the more information you get from her the more is going to be painful for you. cut contact and only when you able not think of her for a week at least , than contact her to check out on her. but right now you not eating man. thats not good for your health. show her that you real man and that you can move on fast and become better. watch more videos of that guy , he has 200 videos , it will help you , everything from memory erasing to happiness. his videos were very helpful for my break up.
Author Murmillo Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 thats the whole point if you can understand more what are you going through and learn that actually pain you have is because of your psyche and conditioning about past instead of present than you can move on faster. there are no words no website no person to take a pain away magically in one minute. its a process of healing. be a man understand what break up is , i have been there, millions been there since thousands of years , its not like only you had that experience. there is exit but listen to people here , we support you as we know is painful. focus on positives of the break up , 8 months after you should be already dating new girl but you linger in some kind of hope. I am sorry to say that but the only way is to take the pain use it for something positive read and watch as much as you can how to move on. Forget about that girl , she has changed. she is dating somebody or not is not your business. the more information you get from her the more is going to be painful for you. cut contact and only when you able not think of her for a week at least , than contact her to check out on her. but right now you not eating man. thats not good for your health. show her that you real man and that you can move on fast and become better. watch more videos of that guy , he has 200 videos , it will help you , everything from memory erasing to happiness. his videos were very helpful for my break up. Thank you so much again for your input. You seem like a very good dude! Ex just reached out to me btw...
Been Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 You already know. Would you feel better if she told you she was seeing him while she was with you?Would that make the hurt all the sudden go away? The truth can be like the tip of the iceberg-thier could be things that you never thought of come to surface.
vera345 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I read this and I see it completely differently. You said you two broke up bc you were not ready to take relationship to the next level. If this is what she wanted and you are ready now you should talk to her. In this situation I don't see the difference who was initiator of the break up, the reason is more important. If i were you I would definitely talk to her and tel her how I feel. If she says no, not interested, it will hurt but you can move on. If you still have feelings for her after 10 months I would do that. And I wouldn't worry about that guy or whoever she traveled with.
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