Girl seems to have no sexual attraction to me?

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't know how you can continue on, she's basically told you that she doesn't dig you but she is trying really hard to because you're such a nice guy. How long can she sustain this? I mean if she can't get turned on laying in bed naked with you, it isn't going to happen.

 

Stores take returns.

[Had]

Well, it's done now.

 

I've blocked and removed her from everywhere.

 

Nothing against her personally, I'm not even angry or resentful but it had to be done.

 

Feel a bit guilty for ruining her holidays but it's how it is. Much better than waking up on new year morning feeling like crap because of being rejected physically yet another time.... or even worse, she "agreeing" to have sex but feeling that she is repulsed and cringed by it.... thanks, but no.

 

At the same time, it does feel liberating though.

[strawberryshortstack]

Well, it's done now.

 

I've blocked and removed her from everywhere.

 

Nothing against her personally, I'm not even angry or resentful but it had to be done.

 

Feel a bit guilty for ruining her holidays but it's how it is. Much better than waking up on new year morning feeling like crap because of being rejected physically yet another time.... or even worse, she "agreeing" to have sex but feeling that she is repulsed and cringed by it.... thanks, but no.

 

At the same time, it does feel liberating though.

 

You didn't ruin her holidays. As has already been pointed out, stores take returns. It's probably best that you ended it. I was the woman in this situation a few years ago - I recognized that the man was a great guy, but I just wasn't into him sexually, and no matter how many times I tried, it never happened for me. In my case, though, I recognized the situation for what it was, and broke it off with him myself. We are still friends. Had he recognized it and ended it first, I'd have understood and we'd likely still be friends.

[phineas]

She cant force herself to be lusty for you. You did the right thing by breaking up. The gift thing sounds like a guilt trip.

 

Who gets a second job and puts all sorts of effort into a gift for a guy they can't muster up the desire to sleep with? I call shenanigans.

 

This.

She just doesn't want to be alone for the holiday's.

[butterfly84]

That's good that you guys talked, and it sounds like you made a good decision. You just went ahead and made the decision earlier rather than later... i think you know what was going to happen later down the road but she was still being somewhat optimistic (some people say she just didn't want to be alone - but i am giving her the benefit of the doubt ).

 

At least now you can move on with things and will be available should someone who is more right for you comes along.

[Mystique01]

Oh boy...

 

We did have the conversation, which I will address below. First, some replies your points:

 

- she is not a virgin

- she does not want to wait and get to know people, she's actually one of the more promiscuous types (I do know her from before)

- she is not afraid of me only wanting sex

- she does have experience

 

Anyway, back to what happened:

 

So I asked her with what happened and now she finally opened up and told me that she just didn't "feel it" just yet and that I should be patient with her.

 

Basically she admitted that she wants to be with me because I'm a great guy but overall I'm not the type of guy who she has been dating before. She said she wants to date me because unlike all the previous guys I'm not a scumbag and that I can be trusted.

 

Which is kinda demotivating... she basically indirectly admitted she's not attracted to me but she only wants to be with me because I'm a "great guy".

 

She then said that I should be patient, because during the past few weeks things did improve between us, so things do get better. (which is kinda true).

 

However this still sucks... not sure how I should feel about this whole thing. I'm totally fine with taking things as slow as possible but is it really wise getting into a relationship where the other person is with you because you're a "great guy" vs. genuine attraction right from the start?

 

Quit now?

 

Hmm....well my response was going to be different before I read your more recent posts, but....I'll just say it anyway....

 

 

1. It sounds like she's usually attracted to jerks who treat her badly. That's not a good sign.... But at the same time, people DO change, and maybe that's what she's trying to do.

 

W. I personally wouldn't cut her off just yet. Women DO warm up gradually to good guys who treat them right, even if they aren't initially all that attracted to them. That's not supposed to be an insult, but actually commendable in the fact that there is more than JUST physical attraction that can make a woman attracted to a man. It's deeper than just the physical.

 

Personally?? I think you tried to sleep with her too soon. Yes, some ppl want to jump each other like rabbits after only 3 or 4 dates, but not everybody is like that. She may have just needed a little more time to warm up without pressure for sex.

 

It's clear to me this girl has had some type of abuse/mistreatment in her life or childhood (hence, the attraction to jerks), so I can understand her hesitancy.

 

But I can also understand if you didn't want to wait for her to "come around".

[Had]

Perhaps, but as someone else has pointed out, it's just a question of time until someone shows up who is at the same time a "great guy" but also matches with her preferences when it comes to looks and physical attraction. And then it's game over.

[coolheadal]

Oh boy...

 

We did have the conversation, which I will address below. First, some replies your points:

 

- she is not a virgin

- she does not want to wait and get to know people, she's actually one of the more promiscuous types (I do know her from before)

- she is not afraid of me only wanting sex

- she does have experience

 

Anyway, back to what happened:

 

So I asked her with what happened and now she finally opened up and told me that she just didn't "feel it" just yet and that I should be patient with her.

 

Basically she admitted that she wants to be with me because I'm a great guy but overall I'm not the type of guy who she has been dating before. She said she wants to date me because unlike all the previous guys I'm not a scumbag and that I can be trusted.

 

Which is kinda demotivating... she basically indirectly admitted she's not attracted to me but she only wants to be with me because I'm a "great guy".

 

She then said that I should be patient, because during the past few weeks things did improve between us, so things do get better. (which is kinda true).

 

However this still sucks... not sure how I should feel about this whole thing. I'm totally fine with taking things as slow as possible but is it really wise getting into a relationship where the other person is with you because you're a "great guy" vs. genuine attraction right from the start?

 

Quit now?

 

Why are you tolerating this sort of behavior from her? Your safe for her so she knows that she has full control over her actions with you. If you don't like this situation with her then move on. She told you how things were and you still not sure about it. Don't get stuck into her world, your not happy then tell her this!

 

Listen until you ready to do more or have some sort of meaningful relationship with me then I have no choice then to move on. We can stay friends only for now.. Goodbye!

[TheWhittler]

Perhaps, but as someone else has pointed out, it's just a question of time until someone shows up who is at the same time a "great guy" but also matches with her preferences when it comes to looks and physical attraction. And then it's game over.

 

Sad but true...