UltimatePanacea Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Ever since my on and off guy ended things with me ( that was in May) I implemented the No Contact. I went strict 2 months without any type of contact and it was probably the hardest thing for someone emotional like me. So he came back after 2 months! At first i was all excited and happy, thinking that he realized what a mistake he made and that he was ready to start over with me, but the truth is he wasn't interested in dating me. He was only interested in sex. SO he started pushing and pushing, obviously i refused to sleep with him because i no longer felt connected to him at that point. I blame myself for even responding and picking up those phone calls. I was naiive thinking he changed. He hasn't changed a bit, and the only reason he contacted me because he was lonely, bored and horny. Now that i let him know i wasn't going to sleep with him, he stopped talking to me completely...this hurts more than the initial breakup... my message to all of you is that don't be rushed to respond when your ex contacts you. You don't know why they're back. It's probably because they are bored and there is no one else willing to take their crap. They're probably too lazy to find someone new so they come back to you, hoping to take an advantage of you. Don't let him/her in without making sure they are in it for you, and that they genuinely missed you. 5
fromheart Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 There your ex for a reason, something I always remind myself and other people. Yes, they do come back for sex when they're not getting any and its important to state your boundaries. Move on form this, you now know without a doubt that this isn't the person for you. 1
whatdeww18 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I think you have learned why dumpees should stick to the NC rule until we hear a variation of the words, "I made mistake. Let's try to work on us again. Please." Anything short, and it's just bread crumbs, like you said them missing familiarity and being alone. We have to work on ourselves and our healing process and bread crumbs do nothing but reverse MONTHS OF HARD WORK... Unfortunately... And sometimes, we have to realize whatever it is we thought was our old relationship, may not be substantial enough for the dumper to see what they are missing. OP, I wholeheartedly agree. Stay in no contact, until you really hear those words of the dumper wanting to fix the relationship, otherwise, it'll just cause more pain. I hope you aren't thrown too far back in your healing and can come out of this stronger and knowing what you want in a relationship. And don't sell yourself short, there will be someone out there who will, beyond a shred of doubt, FIGHT for the relationship. They will show your self-worth through their actions. Don't give up on love! Best wishes, -WhatDEWWWWW
Frozensushi Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I think you have learned why dumpees should stick to the NC rule until we hear a variation of the words, "I made mistake. Let's try to work on us again. Please." Anything short, and it's just bread crumbs, like you said them missing familiarity and being alone. I dunno. I feel that if you were practicing NC in the most strict sense, there would be no possible way for your Ex to contact you through conventional means. My Ex might have already sent me a million texts and e-mails, but I wouldn't know because I changed my phone number, blocked her on all social media and e-mail. Just like fromheart said, they're your Ex for a reason. I have to agree. Breakups are serious and not just some trivial thing.
krich1187 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I dunno. I feel that if you were practicing NC in the most strict sense, there would be no possible way for your Ex to contact you through conventional means. My Ex might have already sent me a million texts and e-mails, but I wouldn't know because I changed my phone number, blocked her on all social media and e-mail. Just like fromheart said, they're your Ex for a reason. I have to agree. Breakups are serious and not just some trivial thing. See, I have to disagree here with the whole "your ex is your ex for a reason" thinking. If you have been in a relationship before and are married and together for a long time, and have never had some sort of break, consider yourself lucky. I talk to many people that are married, happy, and consider each other soulmates who spent significant time apart. My point is, if the relationship wasn't BAD (and you have to really examine that) then shutting the door is trivial. You have no idea what the future will hold. I do agree that initially, if you were dumped, cut all forms of communication and better yourself, heal, and move on if that is what it comes to. 1
whatdeww18 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 No that is a very valid point. If you really do implement the total no contact, changing your number and having no way of communication, then exactly you won't be getting the bread crumbs and moving on. I left my phone number the same so my ex can contact me if he wishes. I am in the same boat where there was no real definitive reason for the break up such as infidelity, personality clashes, or abuse, etc... It was more along the lines of too much affection in some areas and not enough others, them getting bored, and seeing that there are other options. For me, we were each others' real first love. So I understand that the eye wanders and for some, you just have to experience what's out there. I'm the type where I don't have to but I don't mind going out now and experiencing what else is in store in the dating realm now that I've been broken up with. Maybe I am not experienced enough to know that my ex is the type that will bounce again when things get stale or rough again. I guess what will change that are actions that prove that he will not do that again and moving a mountain or something along those lines. But it's young love, what can I do but not be receptive to someone who begs for me back and realizes they made a mistake. Again I don't know, and I guess it's just something I will leave up to God (or fate) to decide what I need to experience or not. Until then, I left only a single line of communication open, my phone. This by no means I am waiting by my phone waiting for a reconciliation. I am moving on but in some time, if circumstances and forgiveness allow, I would be willing to give an earned shot at reconciliation. Just my thoughts, -WhatDEWWWWW
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