JKeel88 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 On the 10th I met a woman at a friends birthday party. She (was drunk) initiated sex but I turned it down (gently) because I really liked her, wanted to see her again and wanted to do it right. We went out twice last week. We've had a really good time and I really like her. We haven't had sex yet, mostly because I don't want to screw it up. I usually don't think twice about sex, but it's different with her. I don't want to just throw it around this time. But what I don't know is, how long do I wait? I don't want to wait so long that she thinks I'm not interested, but don't want to rush it either. It feels like she is holding herself back. She has these moments were she "comes on strong" then pulls herself back. A good friend of mine is also a close friend of hers. I casually brought it up and she said something along the lines of "good luck [getting sex] she's slept with like 2 people max". At 28 that's obviously lower than normal, especially compared to my 60ish. She shows all the signs that she wants to, but holds herself back a lot. It seems like the only time she wasn't holding back was when she had a few drinks in her. I'd never have sex with her after she had been drinking, if she loses that much inhibition. I don't want to push her either, though it kind of seems like she needs a push. So how long do you wait on sex to make it have more meaning/make her feel special? Is there a time frame that is too long? She did wonder if I was really into her after I turned her down for sex. I've always just thrown it around like it's nothing. I don't want it to be nothing with her.
winny Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Yeah right, sex is the only way to prove to a woman that you are into her. What is this post seriously Get to know her as a person first... worry about sex later. 1
Sara1989 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Man you only known each other 9 days, you are way overthinking this. What be will be 1
coolheadal Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Too soon! Why are you rushing it let her make the first move and when she's ready not you. Be a gentleman and respect her. If you want sex so badly then don't go out with this girl then.
5x5 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Three dates was enough waiting for my current (2nd) wife before she had sex with me (at her request). We've been together for over 20 years and have been happily married for close to 18 years. Whereas my ex-wife waited around 2 hours of meeting me to have sex with me (at her request). While my third longest sexual relationship partner wouldn't let me in after our first date (not that I was asking). Yet she was happy to have sex with me (at my initiation) following the end of our second date. Most of the rest were on the first or second date, or on the night of whichever party I went to. My most significant "special" relationships, started out no different than the less significant ones. In terms of timing the few who I had sex with, within 15-30 minutes of meeting always turned out to be fleeting encounters. So I figure up to around the fourth date seems a reasonable amount of time to wait. Considering the fact she's been running hot and cold while sober without going all the way, makes me think you were wise to say no when she was inebriated in the first instance. Going hot and cold without having sex at 28, suggests she's playing games, that said talking to her plainly will clear that up one way or another. In my experience if sex doesn't happen early, it isn't going to happen at all. The first date is normally sufficient for all involved to determine if they want to share sex together or not. If you let it go too long like say after the 4th date, you may as well move on.
purrrfectlyflawed Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I agree you are overthinking this. Get to know her more before you think of having sex. There is no rush. It will happen when you both are ready.
Redguitar35 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) In my experience if sex doesn't happen early, it isn't going to happen at all. The first date is normally sufficient for all involved to determine if they want to share sex together or not. If you let it go too long like say after the 4th date, you may as well move on. That's been my experience as well. It sounds shallow, but in my dating history, if sex didn't happen on the first date, it never did. Edited December 19, 2016 by Redguitar35
Newcitygirl Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 My ex said said it would look weird having sex on the first date. Generally I try not to do it on the first date.
kvolm2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 On the 10th I met a woman at a friends birthday party. She (was drunk) initiated sex but I turned it down (gently) because I really liked her, wanted to see her again and wanted to do it right. We went out twice last week. We've had a really good time and I really like her. We haven't had sex yet, mostly because I don't want to screw it up. I usually don't think twice about sex, but it's different with her. I don't want to just throw it around this time. But what I don't know is, how long do I wait? I don't want to wait so long that she thinks I'm not interested, but don't want to rush it either. You seem pretty conflicted here so I'm curious about how you define "wanting to do it right". And what is it about this woman that makes you want to handle the relationship differently than you usually do?
eightytwenty Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Me and my fiance met at a bar. Basically enough time to notice each other and get phone numbers because I was heading out the door with friends. I lived 8 hours away anyways and was going to head home early the next morning. We text and called each other for about a month, we decided for me to stay with him for a weekend. We had sex within 2 hours of me getting there. sooo before the first date I had sex?
Saracena Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 You seem pretty conflicted here so I'm curious about how you define "wanting to do it right". And what is it about this woman that makes you want to handle the relationship differently than you usually do? Agree. I wondered the same. I suspect her holding back has to do with coming on strong (in your other post she apologised for it) on the first date and your reaction to it at that time. She's not sure how to 'pitch' things at this point. You two need to discuss this
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