kendahke Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I'm definitely not implying that everyone who might own a gun is likely to shoot someone. I have owned guns myself in the past. However... I've also worked with felons in prisons and with armed military personnel. When someone is being called in to be disciplined or dismissed by a superior, the #1 rule is to make sure they don't have their weapons on them. People can do very irrational, uncharacteristic things in times of stress, which is why I am worried that he may lose his temper with me. I highly doubt that he would actually do anything that stupid, but I've seen too many victims to take anything for granted. As for breaking up via text - seriously?? Not realistic in a live-in, long-term relationship. We share bank accounts and bills, have 1 car between the 2 of us, I bought all the furniture in the apartment, all our friends and family know each other... It's not a 'text him goodbye and disappear' kind of situation, and the fact that I only have $500 outside our shared account makes things harder. Does anyone know if I'm legally allowed to take half the money in a shared account? What do you think he would do if you printed out all of the craigslist, ashley madison stuff and told him to explain himself?
Author xra Posted December 19, 2016 Author Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) What do you think he would do if you printed out all of the craigslist, ashley madison stuff and told him to explain himself? I have no idea lol. If I just ask him to explain - he'd probably lie, tell me that he never physically did anything, say that he loves me and that this doesn't change anything, etc. Now, if I tell him that I'm leaving him and/or ask him to move out - I really have no idea what he'd do. He might just not say anything and leave quietly, or he might completely lose his ****. I've seen him punch a dent in a car once, on one of the rare occasions when he lost his temper. Edited December 19, 2016 by xra
umirano Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 The cleaner the cut, the shorter the window of opportunity for anyone to go mad. So, figure out the logistics. Keep it simple. You can take him to court in a year over non-necessities. Evacuate from his life and do the soul searching once you've cleanly separated. Ask your employer to pay you in advance or ask for a loan from your family if cash is tight. 1
Sunlight72 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) If you think its going to be bad have the police or another person there so you can get your things.I agree with this. If you just can't stomach calling the police (which I really urge you to do), have two friends or family or neighbors present and tell him. And keep it real short. Not a conversation. You're going to have to be cool, neutral, business like. After you've told him you're splitting up, let him digest it and reply a little (literally give your friends a time limit, like 4 minutes) then tell him you've gotten him a storage unit and paid the deposit and first month and his stuff is already there waiting for him. Hand him the key to the padlock, and a paper with the address and storage unit number on it so he doesn't need to call later and ask where to go, etc. Arrange a moving company to start 30 minutes after he leaves for the day. When he gets home, Don't play a game with sorting his/your stuff. Give anything he might care about to him right away and be done. This will also send a very clear signal. I believe you indicated in an objective view it's more appropriate for you to stay in the house, is that right? Then you definitely need him to know you are committed to him leaving, and it's way over. Having friends/family/police present will make this very clear to him. Tell him that on "Wednesday" or what ever, but make it a specific day, you can meet him with your friends/family/police at a public place like a courthouse to figure out the money split, etc. Having it written down on paper and handing to him is a good way to do it. You don't need to talk/text on the phone again, ever. It's going to suck, but will be much better with your support right there with you, and it will also show him that other people are aware what's going on so he'll be unlikely to become vengeful after he's mulled it over after leaving. Best Wishes, I'm sorry you're here. Don't soften it, and don't drag it out. Just be done. Edited December 20, 2016 by Sunlight72 1
Sunlight72 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 The most important part of this is to make it all very public and out in the open. And impersonal. It's already done.
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