LD complicates this... He's dating someone else but says it won't go anywhere

[greenmist2k6]

wow, I didn't know they had a ldr board! I posted my situation in Breaking up and Second chances when it first happened, but I think ya'll will more "get" my situation! This is long, but I want to tell you guys EVERYTHING so that maybe you can help me more!! Ya'll are the only ones that can TRULY understand! Please!!

 

Okay, I have been with this guy for a little over 5 months... I am 17 and he is 19. We are from Alabama. He joined the coast guard shortly after we got together and got together and had to go to boot camp (I stuck by his side even though we only got to write letters)and he has been stationed in Maine for about two months now. It was so weird b/c when we were together, everyone just *KNEW* we were perfect for each other and going to get married (Like, i'm talking Friends, both our parents, even some of my TEACHERS all supported us and would ask things like "Can I be in the wedding?") I know we are young, but we both felt like it was meant to be (he was actually the person that initiated our convo about marriage, after he had already told all his friends that he wanted to marry me!).

 

Well, after he had been up in Maine for about A month and a week, his job started getting very stressful. His roomate was in legal trouble and he might be forced to testify against him, his schedule was horrendous, and he had so much work to do even on his off time b/c he had to get qualified (he had like WORKbooks that he had to fill out and memorize so he could go before a BOARD and have them quiz him to get qualified). He was always stressed out and started calling several times a day like always, but not wanting to talk that much, just wasnting to have me on the phone. Then on July 1, he had an off day and had called me and we were talking then he started watching TV and I had been talking to him with little or no response for about 10 minutes, so I asked him if he wanted to call me back, and he said no he just wanted to talk to me, but HE WASNT TALKING! so I got frustrated and he finally turned off the TV and was like "This is my one day to relax and I can't even watch TV..." blah blah blah (I never SAID that I just wanted him to let me GO and call me back when he could TALK- ya know?)

 

so he proceded with his complaint saying I always did that and everything, until I finally said (and I THOUGHT i meant it- but i realize now it was a BIG mistake) well, maybe if I could be there to watch TV with you we wouldn't have to always talk... and I feel like I'm not able to helpyou with your stress any more or anything... Maybe if you just found someone up there that could watch TV with you and actually BE there for you with your stress, then we would get back together anyway... OOOPPPS!!! BIG MISTAKE! He was like "No! Why are you saying this?" and proceded to talk me out of it. I appologized and then he said he had to think... He called me back 20 minutes later and said he thought we needed to take a break, he kept saying it wasnt the end of our relationship, but he just thought it would be better and I'd thank him for it one day. No amount of crying, begging, YELLING or ANYTHING could convince him otherwise... so we're on "BREAK"

 

July 8 I was supposed to go visit him for 4 days with his mom, sister, and her fiance (getting married in DEC and I was SUPPOSED to go to the wedding- i gave up disney world to see him and go to the wedding in DEC) and he had bought my plane ticket ($400 nonrefundable), my hotel room, and a b'day present which was my promise ring. Needless to say, he decided that "maybe you can come up next trip" and I didn't get to go. I think his mom is taking my ticket up there on a later date, but anyways...

 

He called me the 3rd day of the break and we talked for like 15 minutes and he just kept saying, "We will get back together, it's just a break. I promise you! I still love you! I only did it b/c of what you said." And then he called me twice on my b'day that next wednesday, and he's called me everyday (usually a couple or more times a day) since except on sunday when his family was leaving the next day and yesterday b/c they are underway and even when we were together if they were underway he only could call to say "Hey I love you Bye. " But anyway, he sent me a text message one night (about 3 or 4 days ago) saying I miss you and I still love you (I think it was the night he got my letter saying how I was so sorry and I knew we would eventually work it out) and he calls me and says "just thinking about you" etc..

 

I was so confused that I called his best friend that he tells everything and talked to him about it... He said George was still confident we'd get back together and he still loved me, he just thought we needed this and that I needed to date other people (The only reason i can figure for that is that he is my first long term relationship and he wants me to be sure but maybe I'm just stupid) for a little while. He also informed me that there was this girl up in Maine that George felt guil;ty about hanging out with when we were together but won't feel gui;ty about hanging out with anymore, but it's not going to be anything serious, just friends. Then I talked to the girl (one of our mutual best friends AManda) that hooked us up. She told me that he'd gone on a date with this girl... This was Sunday night, so Monday morning he called me when he was driving home from the airport dropping his family off at 3:55 am just to talk, and we talked for about 15 minutes and then he was going to grab a bite to eat, but before he got off the phone, I asked if there was anyone he was interested in up there as more than a friend and he said "Not really."

 

Well, then 2 or 3 nights ago, he calls and says he needs to talk to me... And that I had to promise not to cry or get mad.I knew what it was about... He told me he had been seeing someone up there, and he wanted to let me know b/c Amanda told him he should. He said it was nothing serious and he swore nothing would come of it. She's in the Air Force. I asked him if he had kissed er and he siad yes once, and he kissed her best friend Christa on a dare once too... I mean I'm okay with this. We are on a break, but he did say he wouldn't sleep with her. He kept saying he still loves me, and that he thinks we WILL not MIGHT get back together but he just doesn't know when. I asked him how he could start dating someone new so soon and he said his ship mates kinda pushed him into it, but dring our conversation he even called me baby and kept saying how much he cared about me. I opened up and told him EVERYTHING I was feeling and how I thought he was sending me mixed signals by telling me it'll work out while he's kissing someone else. He said he wasn't sending mixed signals b/c he swears that's not going anywhere and he still loves me and we'll get back together, but everytime I say anything about him sister's wedding in DEC he doesn't say anything about me going with him, he just says that he'll see me then.

 

I don't know what to do... I know we can work this out, but the LD part really makes it hard... I've just been praying and everyhing- and if anyone else is religious prayers would be great! I still love him so much. Any ideas or thoughts or advice would be appreciate SOOOOOOOO much! I don't know what to do... All I know is that I'm not going to go out LOOKING for someone else but I'm not going to hold myself back if I get asked out, I just don't want anything serious right now unless it's back with him.

[SoftDrink]

you're very young and at two different places in your lives.

 

you said something you didn't mean and it came back to bite you in the ass.

 

personally, i think it's best for both of you to move. maybe parents and friends and teachers think you're "perfect" but that's no reason to start thinking about marriage at 17. neither of you are very stable in this arrangement.

 

i also had a boyfriend who would call and say nothing on the phone. he would also say "no" when i asked him to call me later, when maybe we would have something to talk about. i couldn't stand it, and it made me detest him. he began to be a huge waste of time. he;s gone now, thank goodness. ugh.

 

your "boyfriend" is kissing other girls on "dares." this is either a ridiculously crafted lie or pathetically immature or both. he's also dating someone else--and the only reason he told you is because the other girl wanted you to know, probably less out of concern for you, and more out of concern for herself. now you know she's the one with the upper hand.

 

this relationship sounds like a huge waste of time. move on.

[Lil Honey]

I agree with SoftDrink. Both of you are in different places in your lives (figuratively and literally).

 

He tells you that he loves you. It's possible that he does, but those words are easy to come by. They are a dime a dozen. I am more apt to think that he keeps telling you that to string you along.

 

Both of you are very young. There is not much sense in limiting yourself. You said that he is in the military. What about YOU? What are you doing with your life? Please don't hang your future on an empty "promise" or an assumption. Always, always have something for yourself to fall back on.

 

He said it was nothing serious and he swore nothing would come of it. I asked him if he had kissed er and he siad yes once,

I think "being on a break" is his excuse to be able to date other girls without the guilt. If you are on a break, why does he keep talking to you and vice versa? Could it be to keep you interested so he can take advantage of your feelings at any time?

 

He said that it was nothing serious, but he has already kissed her. Exactly when, how and where is it going to stop from there? Do you think that if he does more with her, he is going to tell you the truth when asked? I don't think so.

[SoftDrink]

as long as he sleeps with her on a dare, it should be okay...

 

oh wait, that's kinda messed up, isn't it...hmmmmmmmm...