Annaroyal Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Does time really fix everything? my boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. We are both finishing up our degrees right now and he is also interning for a company so we are both extremely busy. One night we got in an argument and I ended things - we have never broken up before. I asked him to meet up and talk about it a couple days later, thinking he would forgive me since we were both stressed and I didn't mean to end things like that. And he told me that he can't do it anymore, that he is so busy right now with school and that he just needs time. He said he doesn't think he could make me happy. So I suggested we take a break and he declined saying it would just make things harder. We have talked once, he said he misses me every day but he knows we still need time to ourselves. If I hadn't ended things like that, I know for a fact we would still be together, leading up to the breakup we were planning out our travelling for when we were done school, he wasn't expecting this at all. Do I have a chance to get him back? I was worried I was such a lunatic from the birth control I was on so I stopped taking it immediately and I honestly feel like my emotions are back on track. His mom and dad have both reached out to me saying maybe time is what we both need right now. It has been 30 days NC and I'm trying so hard to better myself without him, hanging out with friends, making new ones, going to the gym, studying my brain out, even seeing a counsellor to improve myself. Is there a chance that giving him time will make him consider giving this another try? I think we broke up because I was easily irritated ONLY because I was too dependent on the relationship and him to keep me happy - since I am so busy with school I only made time for studying, and him. When we broke up he kept telling me he loves me so much and that I am the love of his life but he needs time. I've never seen anyone cry this much, I was so confused why he wouldn't take me back but I now understand this breakup was necessary so I could get perspective, I feel as though now I know I need my own life apart from him, but I'm unsure what kind of perspective this time apart is giving him. What can I do to fix this?
basil67 Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I'm so sorry Annaroyal but I think he's probably gone. Your mood issues would have been a big strain on him and he's probably now breathing a big sigh of relief. He would have lost a substantial amount of his feelings for you during this time and most likely won't want to try again. But even if he did come back, how would you deal with the annoying things he does? I'd be surprised if you could happily accept them. 1
BonerFide Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 It sounds like it's over for now. You should carry on with what you're doing. The thing is, arguing in relationships isn't really necessary, you shouldn't have to have ANY blow-out fights at all if communication is healthy. There's a better way to solve every problem than getting heated. If you guys fought all that much it sounds like the communication just wasn't there and you had a lot of problems. I would say for now just move on, do you. Try to spend little time alone. Don't reach out to him or his family, no point it will just hurt you in the long run. You shouldn't speculate what he's thinking because you have no idea so you'll just drive yourself crazy with it. I recommend that you start a journal, use it to vent your frustrations, doubt, anger and disappointment/bitterness. Then your sadness. Let that be the first entry or so. Having a journal is a godsend that stops you from repeating thoughts that can be easy to get stuck into (What is he doing? Will he meet someone else? Is he thinking of me?) but are ultimately impossible to answer. Lastly some hope: there's not a time limit on true love. Some people break up and get back together years later. It sounds like your relationship was unhealthy so you need to face the very real possibility this guy isn't "the one" but if he really is and this was all a mistake, it will happen. What you DON'T need to do is chase it, ask him to take you back, bother him a lot etc. What you DO need to do is look after yourself, give yourself a lot of time and self-appreciation and improve your life. Find out who you are without this guy before you even think about diving back into it.
fromheart Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Does time really fix everything? my boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. We are both finishing up our degrees right now and he is also interning for a company so we are both extremely busy. One night we got in an argument and I ended things - we have never broken up before. I asked him to meet up and talk about it a couple days later, thinking he would forgive me since we were both stressed and I didn't mean to end things like that. And he told me that he can't do it anymore, that he is so busy right now with school and that he just needs time. He said he doesn't think he could make me happy. So I suggested we take a break and he declined saying it would just make things harder. We have talked once, he said he misses me every day but he knows we still need time to ourselves. If I hadn't ended things like that, I know for a fact we would still be together, leading up to the breakup we were planning out our travelling for when we were done school, he wasn't expecting this at all. Do I have a chance to get him back? I was worried I was such a lunatic from the birth control I was on so I stopped taking it immediately and I honestly feel like my emotions are back on track. His mom and dad have both reached out to me saying maybe time is what we both need right now. It has been 30 days NC and I'm trying so hard to better myself without him, hanging out with friends, making new ones, going to the gym, studying my brain out, even seeing a counsellor to improve myself. Is there a chance that giving him time will make him consider giving this another try? I think we broke up because I was easily irritated ONLY because I was too dependent on the relationship and him to keep me happy - since I am so busy with school I only made time for studying, and him. When we broke up he kept telling me he loves me so much and that I am the love of his life but he needs time. I've never seen anyone cry this much, I was so confused why he wouldn't take me back but I now understand this breakup was necessary so I could get perspective, I feel as though now I know I need my own life apart from him, but I'm unsure what kind of perspective this time apart is giving him. What can I do to fix this? Sorry to be so direct here, but you used the most painful thing a lover can do to another as a tool to cope with work and relationship stress. From his point of view, when life gets challenging you're going to dump him. Anyone who has been in the situation where their partner was dumping them and then taking them back, will tell you that with time the dumping becomes more frequent. I've been there, and now when a partner even hints at ending it I'm out the door. The only thing you can do is work on yourself, let him know that you are doing so and then move on with your life. Continue to work on yourself, the gym is a good place to be and counseling can work wonders.
PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Sorry to say that he's made it clear on multiple occasions that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more. There is nothing you can do to "fix" it. He is a free man and can make his own decisions. He has chosen to remain split up rather than try again.
Elizabeth14 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 It still seems like you are still in the past. Let it all go; the hurt, pain, anger. Forgive yourself and him. And accept what you guys may not be back together. You cannot fix the situation. I am also trying to tell myself that. Right now, you just need to accept what happen and let it go. Never know what will happen in the future.. he can come back into your life or not. And I believe you need to be in a place either way is okay.
umirano Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 To posters are spot on anna. I've been the guy in your situation just recently. My ex got out of university and had a really tough career start. I dropped everything I was doing and helped her wherever I possibly could. She was depressed, nagging, fought with her family and roommates but eventually things sorted themselves out. Then I switched jobs and suddenly nothing I did was good enough for her anymore. Instead of supporting me for a change she became arrogant and short tempered and eventually broke up with me. I was upset but a week or two in I realized she did both of us a big favor. Now she hasn't asked me to get back together, but even if, I'd decline for the exact same reason that was posted above. Breakups happen for a reason and whatever the cause - it's very likely not going away over the course of months and in many cases years. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself and eventually a better relationship will come around. It's not a race. Be patient.
Author Annaroyal Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 Ok so our families are very close and I saw him texting my mom saying that he's not sure if i am ready to talk, and that he misses me and wanted to know how I am doing, and that the last month has been extremely tough especially without me (since we are both so busy with school). He texted me the next day just small talk at first asking how my holidays are going, and then asked to meet up after new years because he wants to talk about things?? Is this a good idea?! I personally don't think he would want to meet up just to reiterate the fact that we are broken up, considering he didn't even want to meet to talk after the initial breakup because it just made things more difficult.
Author Annaroyal Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 Ok so our families are very close and I saw him texting my mom saying that he's not sure if i am ready to talk, and that he misses me and wanted to know how I am doing, and that the last month has been extremely tough especially without me (since we are both so busy with school). he also said to her that he really appreciates my family being there for him and I during this difficult time, and that my parents have raised the sweetest most beautiful girl he knows
EvilLawStudent Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Time heals all wounds, trust me it's slow and painful but you will eventually stop caring after a certain point, what you should consider doing in the meantime is keeping a balanced diet, excercising, socialising, fun hobbies and you will be fine.
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