Remind girl of her ex

[Rimbaud59]

Hey Guys,

 

Was dating a girl who called it off. I'm just wondering just how screwed I am? It came as a surprise because I thought this girl was quite into me. Also, what exactly is going through a girl's head when she says '' You remind me of my Ex loads.'' I'm also going to highlight what I think are her signs that there could be possible attraction. Should I just block this girl and move on, or should I give it a little bit of time - say a month? It sounds like she's just not over her Ex to me - or is that just an excuse? At best I would say it sounds confused. I was also taken aback that she laboured to explain her feelings. Normally I get ghosted or a short text saying no chemistry or whatever.

 

'Hi ***

 

Sorry I haven't texted you sooner I was putting it off as I was thinking bout my feelings about our dates so far. I honestly do like you a lot . I think we are easily compatible as friends but perhaps not romantically? (editor: it's only been a handful of dates - I think this is ludicrous). Which is really annoying since you're nice and kind and gentlemanly and good looking!. But that's just the feeling that I get in my gut. I'd love to genuinely hang out as friends as I have enjoyed getting to know you and you're a great guy. But I don't want to waste your time or mislead you. It doesn't help that you remind me loads of an ex, which isn't your fault but it's very distracting and has put me on my guard, I think. I know it's cliché but I do think of you as a friend now - I hope you think the same etc etc.

------------------

 

So I was thinking that she's elected not to see me because I remind her of an Ex. But at the same time, it sounds like she does like me, physically and as a person. I'm still half thinking that a few weeks will go by and she'll ask me to hang out, if she's being sincere that is. I know, normally, the 'let's just be friends' means she finds you unattractive or doesn't like you in that way, but this girl is talking about romantic compatibility and expressing her annoyance that we are not romantically compatible. The ludicrous thing is, it's only been a handful of dates, so she would have no idea how romantically compatible we were.

 

I'm pretty screwed ain't I

Edited December 18, 2016 by Rimbaud59

[preraph]

If she was truly attracted to you, she wouldn't have written that. She is saying over and over again she's not attracted to you and her throwing in that you're attractive is trying to lessen the blow. In other words, someone will find you attractive, but I don't. Anyone who ever reminded me of an ex, it was a compliment, but of course that depends on what their relationship was like. I don't think that's the main issue though. I just don't think she's attracted to you physically for whatever reason and just doesn't feel the spark. I mean, a guy can be handsome and a woman still not find him attractive to her. Because it's a combination of a lot of things and maybe there is something that is just a personality trait that reminds her of something unpleasant. No way to know.

 

Pay attention to the overall message: only friends is all she's remotely interested in. Sorry to be so blunt. It happens to everyone. Women always try to soften the blow with niceties and it only confuses matters.

[bachdude]

No and no and no.

 

 

She's not digging', bro. Sorry. She is not interested.

 

 

I'm not sure how she can make it ANY clearer.

 

 

And I have to give her this... She is 1 in a 100 that doesn't ghost. So don't make it hard on her. Just take her at her word and stop trying to read between the lines. That is precisely why some women ghost because so many guys just can't take no for an answer. Save your pride, man.

[Rimbaud59]

Oh, so she just flat out lied?

[bachdude]

Oh, so she just flat out lied?

 

Where did she lie?

 

I honestly do like you a lot : I.e. As a person, friend, human being, you're a cool guy, you'd be fun to hang around with, etc

 

Which is really annoying since you're nice and kind and gentlemanly: Same as above

 

and good looking! You've never thought someone was good looking but didn't have any interest in them romantically? It happens. It could be a personality trait or something else

 

You're in denial. Let it go, man.

[CommittedToThis]

HER: It doesn't help that you remind me loads of an ex, which isn't your fault but it's very distracting and has put me on my guard

 

So I was thinking that she's elected not to see me because I remind her of an Ex.

 

After turning this over in my mind while eating a lemon chicken breast sandwich, I would say your conclusion is correct.

 

Did she say how you reminded her of ex? Like, in looks or behavior or both?

 

Bummer situation, indeed, and an unfortunate coincidence. Take it as a sign from the universe it's not meant to take root and flourish, that there are other fertile fields to sow.

[Satu]

Don't date people who still have a head full of their ex.

 

At best, you get to be a rebound.

 

At worst, you get what you got, which is nothing.

 

 

Take care.

[diggershunter]

she says '' You remind me of my Ex loads.''

 

She is not over her ex. So bad that even with you things you do reminds her of ex. Move on. Terrible idea to pursue this woman. Redflag.

[Rimbaud59]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

I told her 'Thanks for letting me know how you felt. I know I can't change your feelings, so I won't try.'

 

She then replied: '' I feel that maybe we are too similar. It's a shame but if we stay friends and hang out maybe things will change some day but I wanted you to know how I felt just now. Thanks for understanding!

 

I then said: ''Thanks, but no thanks. I don't do friendship.'' Let me know if you change your mind.

 

She replied: '' I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

 

Thoughts?

Edited December 19, 2016 by Rimbaud59

[VeveCakes]

thoughts are- stop replying. She was honest with you...you just can't accept it. No need to be a dick to her because she doesnt like you.

[Rimbaud59]

I'm not being a dick by refusing friendship.

[VeveCakes]

I'm not being a dick by refusing friendship.

 

no, your replies to her are dickish.

 

Just let it go...delete her number and move on.

[bachdude]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

I told her 'Thanks for letting me know how you felt. I know I can't change your feelings, so I won't try.'

 

She then replied: '' I feel that maybe we are too similar. It's a shame but if we stay friends and hang out maybe things will change some day but I wanted you to know how I felt just now. Thanks for understanding!

 

I then said: ''Thanks, but no thanks. I don't do friendship.'' Let me know if you change your mind.

 

She replied: '' I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

 

Thoughts?

 

You are right OP. Are you supposed to be hanging around her like a poor little puppy dog waiting, and hoping for the day when or IF she comes around and wants to date you romantically? It's a sucky position to be in, for sure.

 

Why would she expect you to do that? Maybe all the other guys in her past took her little bread crumbs as she held the carrot up in the air, perpetually out of their reach but kept them hoping like poor saps.

 

I think you are perfectly within your rights to not do friendship with a woman who is pushing you away. It better for you psychologically.

 

And, gosh, it seems like she is playing with your head. I'll push you away by friendzoning you but since you are saying no to friendship I'm going to pull the carrot back out and hold it in front of your nose...

 

"I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

[Satu]

The story has ended, so its time to close the book.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[TheTraveler]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

I told her 'Thanks for letting me know how you felt. I know I can't change your feelings, so I won't try.'

 

She then replied: '' I feel that maybe we are too similar. It's a shame but if we stay friends and hang out maybe things will change some day but I wanted you to know how I felt just now. Thanks for understanding!

 

I then said: ''Thanks, but no thanks. I don't do friendship.'' Let me know if you change your mind.

 

She replied: '' I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

 

Thoughts?

 

She's out the door and onto the next adventure(that doesn't include you)

[Rimbaud59]

You are right OP. Are you supposed to be hanging around her like a poor little puppy dog waiting, and hoping for the day when or IF she comes around and wants to date you romantically? It's a sucky position to be in, for sure.

 

Why would she expect you to do that? Maybe all the other guys in her past took her little bread crumbs as she held the carrot up in the air, perpetually out of their reach but kept them hoping like poor saps.

 

I think you are perfectly within your rights to not do friendship with a woman who is pushing you away. It better for you psychologically.

 

And, gosh, it seems like she is playing with your head. I'll push you away by friendzoning you but since you are saying no to friendship I'm going to pull the carrot back out and hold it in front of your nose...

 

"I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

 

Thanks. This is perceptive. Note that she also writes ''if we stay friends and hang out things might change.''

[VeveCakes]

Thanks. This is perceptive. Note that she also writes ''if we stay friends and hang out things might change.''

 

She is trying to be polite. If she liked you, she wouldn't be ending things.

 

It's not that complicated....

[kvolm2016]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

I told her 'Thanks for letting me know how you felt. I know I can't change your feelings, so I won't try.'

 

She then replied: '' I feel that maybe we are too similar. It's a shame but if we stay friends and hang out maybe things will change some day but I wanted you to know how I felt just now. Thanks for understanding!

 

I then said: ''Thanks, but no thanks. I don't do friendship.'' Let me know if you change your mind.

 

She replied: '' I only meant that, at the moment, I admire your qualities of friendship.''

 

Thoughts?

 

So to recap: you like her and are interested in pursuing a relationship with her. She is not sure she is wanting to pursue a relationship with you because you remind her of an ex. You have not asked her anything more about this to try and understand what her concerns might be. She doesn't shut you down completely but instead offers you the opportunity to continue to get to know one another by developing a friendship. You refuse to be friends. So how will either of you determine if there is any compatibility for a romantic relationship?

[Rimbaud59]

Thank you for the advice, guys.

 

I took the general advice and blocked her from Facebook and from my Android phone. I told her to contact me by Twitter or Email if her feelings change and she changes her mind. I should have told her to drop a voicemail if she wanted to contact me - but I'm sure she'll figure it out.

 

My reasoning:

 

a) Pair-bonding is biological and genetic. If she doesn't like me there's nothing I can do about it. It's probably 95% over anyway.

b) I'm being disingenuous if I hang out as friends. It's also approval seeking so she'll change her mind. It'll also set up a torturous situation - especially if she gets a new boyfriend or still rejects my advances.

c) If she doesn't like me she'll never contact me, if she does she will. There's either attraction in the brain or there's not.

d) she rejected me with impunity, so why can't I reject her with impunity?

 

Thanks for everything, guys.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Thank you for the advice, guys.

 

I took the general advice and blocked her from Facebook and from my Android phone. I told her to contact me by Twitter or Email if her feelings change and she changes her mind. I should have told her to drop a voicemail if she wanted to contact me - but I'm sure she'll figure it out.

 

My reasoning:

 

a) Pair-bonding is biological and genetic. If she doesn't like me there's nothing I can do about it. It's probably 95% over anyway.

b) I'm being disingenuous if I hang out as friends. It's also approval seeking so she'll change her mind. It'll also set up a torturous situation - especially if she gets a new boyfriend or still rejects my advances.

c) If she doesn't like me she'll never contact me, if she does she will. There's either attraction in the brain or there's not.

d) she rejected me with impunity, so why can't I reject her with impunity?

 

Thanks for everything, guys.

 

Wow, you had this stranger 4-ways to contact you? What a world we live in...so, you're not doing NC and moving on, but hoping she'll change her mind. OK.

 

As per your 'd.' Do you know what impunity means? If anything, her response to you and letting you down was responsible and honest. Your response and attempt to 'punish' her is not very mature and your rejection is lukewarm considering you left TWO ways to contact her again....out of FOUR!

[Rimbaud59]

Eh? What are you going on about? I'm not contacting her whatsoever - but I'm leaving the door open. I'm on my phone and Facebook constantly, I'm rarely, if ever, checking Twitter.

 

I'm letting her know that I'm moving on and not going to reach out but I'm welcome to her reaching out to me. It's really not that hard to fathom. Also, if I'm leaving the door open, I'm not rejecting her or punishing her. I was very nice and considerate to her telling her that I liked her a lot and wanted her but I was not going to accept friendship because it's not what I want.