Should I pursue a mail order bride?

[mar96]

Hello. I'm a 20 year old American guy living in the US. I'm very interested in Indian women and I'm wondering should I consider getting an Indian/Bengali mail order bride? Or Am I too young? I graduated high school about a year ago and haven't done much since then but I am joining the military soon. I want to do this, but I have zero dating experience, I'm severely unattractive looking, socially awkward, and barely have any friends. Should I do this? If I do this, how long would it be until I would import her into the US after we have first met?

Edited December 18, 2016 by mar96

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Yes, I do think you are too young. By your own admission, you do not have an established career or financial stability to support a wife and family.

 

Instead of seeking professional advice you ask people on a forum which suggests you are already in way over your head.

 

You ask how long it would take to import a woman like she is an Amazon package, which is offensive. You are talking about a human being for goodness sake.

 

Does it matter to you who she is? If she can speak English? Why she wants to leave her country? What do you have to offer her and what exactly do you expect in return?

 

If you are socially awkward, are you prepared to work on that, or do you expect her to live an isolated existence as well? If you are joining the military where will she live and how will she support herself?

 

These are just a sample of the things you need to consider.

 

You also have to deal with all the financial and legal decisions, immigration etc.. etc.. It may take years (if you aren't being conned, that is).

 

If you are genuinely serious, start by seeking legal advice.

[carhill]

Having had experience with international dating back when it was a lot harder than it is now, basically you get more numbers of what you normally date locally, a wider variety and perhaps more interest depending on where.

 

Hotness with the ladies won't matter as much as social and relationship skills.

 

Easy way to find out if you fit in with the demographic is to fly to Delhi or a similar locale there and spend a few weeks immersed. It'll be obvious whether it works or not. If it does, then pursue it. If not, try something else.

 

Lastly, international dating and MOB stuff is expensive. Be prepared for that. Back when I was going to the FSU regularly, I had budgeted about ten grand a year and another 20 for a K1 since that was typical at the time, about 20 years ago. Adjust as appropriate. IDK about India, only been to the airports in transit to somewhere else. Their economy might be better and the women more monied and independent.

 

Good luck and welcome to LS.

[mar96]

Yes, I do think you are too young. By your own admission, you do not have an established career or financial stability to support a wife and family.

 

Instead of seeking professional advice you ask people on a forum which suggests you are already in way over your head.

 

You ask how long it would take to import a woman like she is an Amazon package, which is offensive. You are talking about a human being for goodness sake.

 

Does it matter to you who she is? If she can speak English? Why she wants to leave her country? What do you have to offer her and what exactly do you expect in return?

 

If you are socially awkward, are you prepared to work on that, or do you expect her to live an isolated existence as well? If you are joining the military where will she live and how will she support herself?

 

These are just a sample of the things you need to consider.

 

You also have to deal with all the financial and legal decisions, immigration etc.. etc.. It may take years (if you aren't being conned, that is).

 

If you are genuinely serious, start by seeking legal advice.

 

Thanks I appreciate the answer! I didn't mean how long it would take her to get to me like an Amazon order lol, I would treat and respect her like a human. . I meant how long should I wait to begin the process. I'm sorry, I worded it poorly. If I'm in the military and married, I was assuming that I would have on base housing priviledges, so I would just reside in an apartment. I am serious about this, yes. It seems I do have a lot to think about and I'm glad your post made me more aware of those things. What do you mean by "legal advice?"

Edited December 18, 2016 by mar96

[mar96]

Having had experience with international dating back when it was a lot harder than it is now, basically you get more numbers of what you normally date locally, a wider variety and perhaps more interest depending on where.

 

Hotness with the ladies won't matter as much as social and relationship skills.

 

Easy way to find out if you fit in with the demographic is to fly to Delhi or a similar locale there and spend a few weeks immersed. It'll be obvious whether it works or not. If it does, then pursue it. If not, try something else.

 

Lastly, international dating and MOB stuff is expensive. Be prepared for that. Back when I was going to the FSU regularly, I had budgeted about ten grand a year and another 20 for a K1 since that was typical at the time, about 20 years ago. Adjust as appropriate. IDK about India, only been to the airports in transit to somewhere else. Their economy might be better and the women more monied and independent.

 

Good luck and welcome to LS.

 

 

Thanks I appreciate the answer! Wow, thats expensive!So Indian women may not be as open to this because they have a better economy and independent women?

[carhill]

You'll find the same to be true in many parts of the FSU as well, regarding the economy. Though it definitely varies, it's improved markedly from the times I was there. In general, few people, honest and sincere people who make healthy partners, want to pull up roots and leave their families and friends to move halfway around the world. The more any particular lady is comfortable where she is, socially and economically, the less likely she'll be willing to move, all else being equal. Could an extraordinary guy pull her out? Sure! Happens.

 

The costs are easily quantifiable now. Heh, we have the internet. Back when I was traveling, the internet was tough even to find over there, much less do the research as now. I operated from word of mouth from other guys who were over there and posted on an e-mail list at St. John's University on their school server. Archaic However, it got me agency recommendations and apartment rentals and train ticket vendors and a myriad of other considerations all necessary to actually doing it.

 

The single most expensive item each trip was airfare, around 1200-1300 round trip. Due to cost efficiency, you can today fly to DEL from SFO (San Francisco) for about the same price on Air India non-stop.

 

Women like guys who show up. They hate keyboard romeos, in general. Boots on the ground, press flesh and you're golden, all else being equal. I spent enough time in the agencies to see how it worked. My interpreter spent some of her time translating e-mails and letters and I used that time to learn from her and she from me (English) and she did my interpreting generally for free.

 

So, airfare, apartment, transport or driver (I used a driver), food, agency costs if any, costs of dating, entertainment, etc, etc. It all adds up. You can figure all that out in advance. I was shocked that we could get a nice meal for couple dollars at a restaurant (in local Hryvnia or Rubles) or see the symphony for 50 cents or rent an apartment for 50 bucks a week. Still, it all added up.

 

I leave it to others to discourage you. I'm simply posting as someone who's done it and knows numerous ex-pats and people who've married foreign women. You'll see one of the women I dated in my member albums. She was a doctor, and grandmother, who lived in Odessa. She had served in the Soviet military and loved Russia, even though living in Ukraine at the time, and the last thing she wanted was to leave. She had two daughters and one granddaughter when I met her. I ended up meeting and marrying a local (to me) lady so that ended. However, I was looking at a K1 when it did.

 

IDK about Indian women, knowing very few in my life but I can tell you the love of a good Russian woman, and I've known a few, is pretty intoxicating, much more so than any American ladies I've dated, even the one I married. You're young so don't worry about all that stuff. Have a good time and work on those dating skills.

[Sweetfish]

Thanks I appreciate the answer! Wow, thats expensive!So Indian women may not be as open to this because they have a better economy and independent women?

 

If your you say you as ugly as you think you are why not date in your bracket.

 

Second. You think because your bring someone from a 3rd world country or lower economy country that you might have an edge? Not gonna happen.. the chance another handsome dude crosses her path she will bail.

 

Think you need to rethink this

[road]

FSU???

 

 

You are young, too young to go the MOB route.

 

 

Going into the army then get station in the 3rd world and you will meet local woman. Also you may meet a US women that is enlisted where you are serving.

 

 

Get stationed southwest US and spend your off duty time in Southern California and Mexico. You will meet lots of single women. Take your time and get to know them.

[Aesc]

Hello. I'm a 20 year old American guy living in the US. I'm very interested in Indian women and I'm wondering should I consider getting an Indian/Bengali mail order bride? Or Am I too young? I graduated high school about a year ago and haven't done much since then but I am joining the military soon. I want to do this, but I have zero dating experience, I'm severely unattractive looking, socially awkward, and barely have any friends. Should I do this? If I do this, how long would it be until I would import her into the US after we have first met?

Many if not most online "mail order brides" are scams. Buyer beware.

[carhill]

FSU???

 

Oh, sorry, shorthand. Bad habit.

 

FSU/CIS = Former Soviet Union/Commonwealth of Independent States.

 

I visited three, Russia, Ukraine and Uzbekistan. At the time, Belarus was a PTIA to get into and get a K1 out of. It may be different now.

 

------------

 

 

For the OP, noting he mentioned military, that indicates either current service or willingness to serve and, IMO, if aware of the risks, mainly of dying in combat or related work, military is an efficient way to see the world and gain relationship and social skills when single.

 

If interested in Indian women, study the culture and history and different social groups, as India is a big and diverse country. Learn their customs.

 

One small example was, upon meeting a FSU lady, it was common to also meet her parents at the same time. It was customary to bring her mother an odd number of roses. I also would bring her father a bottle of local vodka and sometimes that made for some quite interesting conversation while he shared it with me! A lot of problems of life were solved with vodka. Heh. That's part of why, at the time, Russian women were looking elsewhere for husbands. Alcoholism. Accordingly, they desired to see the propensity of their western date to eschew drinking, or handle his liquor or become a drunk.

 

Every culture is different. Hence, if wishing to meld cultures, knowledge is power. Learn. IMO, the more of the world you travel and immerse in, the more rounded that knowledge and skill will be. The rest, the women stuff, will happen naturally.

[mario_C]

Oh dear.

 

If you are "socially awkward" to the point of friendlessness, you will NOT like the military. But it can be a positive move - it will smash your personal boundaries, teach you to support yourself, and make you a proactive confident young man. (Women love that.) Plus it will send you away from your local burg to see foreign lands, and meet all kinds of interesting, unusual people. (And kill them, as the old "joke" goes.)

 

Also, you're 20. You're in your dating prime. You'll never be as skinny or full-haired or sociable as you are now. Please take advantage of that!

 

And age has nothing to do with the mail order bride business - well, they call it "trafficking" these days. Avoiding that route would simply be "being a decent human being".

[HereNorThere]

You could do the right thing and actually work on yourself instead of taking the easy way out. But hey, if the leader of the free world has a mail order bride, I don't know why you can't as well (except for the being a billionaire part.)

[Davey L]

At your age why go for a mail-order bride? In fact why at any age?

If you want to meet someone from India, or anywhere else, go there. Get work there or if you are in the military seek out postings in that part of the world. Get to know the culture.

Personally I think 20 is a bit young to be choosing a wife. But there's no harm in doing some travelling and learning about the world and you may well meet someone while you are at it.

I myself am in a mixed race marriage - my wife is from Africa - and being from such different cultures does cause some difficulties, things you don't foresee when you're young and naive like I was at your age. You will need some maturity to be able to handle some of the issues that arise from the cultural differences. So again, I suggest do some travelling, develop yourself a bit and gain some life experience, and wait a few years before committing to anything serious.

[BettyDraper]

Hello. I'm a 20 year old American guy living in the US. I'm very interested in Indian women and I'm wondering should I consider getting an Indian/Bengali mail order bride? Or Am I too young? I graduated high school about a year ago and haven't done much since then but I am joining the military soon. I want to do this, but I have zero dating experience, I'm severely unattractive looking, socially awkward, and barely have any friends. Should I do this? If I do this, how long would it be until I would import her into the US after we have first met?

 

You need to be financially stable before looking for a mail order bride. Reputable companies are not cheap and they aren't going to be interested in linking a foreign bride with a man who doesn't have the means to care for a wife. Be warned that mail order brides are often traditional which means that they will expect their husbands to support them and provide a good lifestyle. Indian families are also quite status oriented as well so they aren't going to be keen on sending their daughters to marry an American who doesn't have much.

 

Work on your career and social skills. Control what you can about your appearance. Spend 5 years improving your life and then revisit the idea of a mail order bride. You're very young and you still have years to grow into the man you want to be.

[kiyoma]

You need to be financially stable before looking for a mail order bride. Reputable companies are not cheap and they aren't going to be interested in linking a foreign bride with a man who doesn't have the means to care for a wife. Be warned that mail order brides are often traditional which means that they will expect their husbands to support them and provide a good lifestyle. Indian families are also quite status oriented as well so they aren't going to be keen on sending their daughters to marry an American who doesn't have much.

 

Work on your career and social skills. Control what you can about your appearance. Spend 5 years improving your life and then revisit the idea of a mail order bride. You're very young and you still have years to grow into the man you want to be.

 

From what I know they have this caste system where no one is allowed to marry outside their caste. So he being a Christian, I assume it will be a big problem to get "hot" brides of upper castes whom he fancies. Probably some impoverished slum dwellers from there will be interest to take up whats he is offering.

 

But I'm not sure MOB services operate in India.

[Popsicle]

I have a coworker who was in his mid-20's who did this a couple of years ago. He talked to his MOB for 1 year and went to visit her in the Philippines once or twice during that time. After a year, he brought her over here and of course, they had to get married within 3 months in order for her to stay, which they did. They have been married now for a year and just bought a house. Many young men in the military have families and the military provides housing for you, so this can be done. I think it can be done but not before you join the military. Don't try it before then, not to mention, MOB's are not interested in men who are not somewhat financially stable. They come here to be with men for stability. They can get a bum in their own country.

[mar96]

I have a coworker who was in his mid-20's who did this a couple of years ago. He talked to his MOB for 1 year and went to visit her in the Philippines once or twice during that time. After a year, he brought her over here and of course, they had to get married within 3 months in order for her to stay, which they did. They have been married now for a year and just bought a house. Many young men in the military have families and the military provides housing for you, so this can be done. I think it can be done but not before you join the military. Don't try it before then, not to mention, MOB's are not interested in men who are not somewhat financially stable. They come here to be with men for stability. They can get a bum in their own country.

 

Was he financially stable as he did this? Or was he rich? How did he make this happen? I was thinking of waiting at a later time while I'm in the military if that would help.

[mar96]

Yes, I do think you are too young. By your own admission, you do not have an established career or financial stability to support a wife and family.

 

Instead of seeking professional advice you ask people on a forum which suggests you are already in way over your head.

 

You ask how long it would take to import a woman like she is an Amazon package, which is offensive. You are talking about a human being for goodness sake.

 

Does it matter to you who she is? If she can speak English? Why she wants to leave her country? What do you have to offer her and what exactly do you expect in return?

 

If you are socially awkward, are you prepared to work on that, or do you expect her to live an isolated existence as well? If you are joining the military where will she live and how will she support herself?

 

These are just a sample of the things you need to consider.

 

You also have to deal with all the financial and legal decisions, immigration etc.. etc.. It may take years (if you aren't being conned, that is).

 

If you are genuinely serious, start by seeking legal advice.

 

You have good points. I forgot to add from my last post that being in the military and married, wouldn't I be offered married housing privileges?

[HereNorThere]

Do they have a special mail order bride outlet store? You know, a "scratch and dent" type place where you get a few bucks knocked off if one leg is a little shorter? Like a pair of pants from Ross Dress for Less.

 

Op, this is the worst idea ever on so many levels. First, no one has any business getting married at 20, period. You'll grow and change so much over the next 10 years. Second, most guys aren't that good at attracting women at your age. There's a million reasons but it's mostly man-child 30 something year old guys like me dating those girls because you guys are broke. Third, dude, if you go into the military, you'll become more attractive in nearly every way. Why not wait to you improve and see what you pull then?

 

Just wait it out, dude. It seems hopeless at your age, but that's no excuse to take the easy way out. Spend these years working on yourself and things will get better.

[Popsicle]

Was he financially stable as he did this? Or was he rich? How did he make this happen? I was thinking of waiting at a later time while I'm in the military if that would help.

 

He was not rich and yes you should wait until you have some money saved. There is some expense involved in doing this.

[sandylee1]

You can't be the most unattractive and socially awkward man in the whole of the USA and many of them are married.

 

A MOB will get to the States and leave you once established if you don't have much to offer her.

 

She will find another man if she's good looking.

Edited December 19, 2016 by sandylee1
Typo

[mar96]

Thank you guys for helping me decide what to do. I learned new things I wasn't aware of before. I guess I should work on myself first and see how things will go. Thanks!!

[carhill]

Good luck in your pursuits and the cool thing is, no matter what goes down, there are always more ladies in the world. A never ending supply. Enjoy them. A real asset to life.

[Hodor]

I am from India so I think I can contribute little to this topic.

 

I have never seen or heard anybody taking a MOB from India. I though have heard of couple of people who have got their MOB to India from Ukraine and Thailand.

 

That being said, MOB can easily exist in India. There are loads of Indian girls who will give anything to find a husband abroad. But they generally look for an Indian settled abroad. There are a lot of Indian IT employees, doctors, bankers, etc located abroad and they usually come to India to find a bride.

 

Many typical middle class mom's want their daughter to find such husbands. Finding a Indian settled abroad gives them huge pride and its some kind of achievement. Girl thinks her life is sorted and she will live comfortably but that's not always the case.

 

But remember one thing, no parent will willingly give their daughter if you are not financially stable or in a steady job. Parent's influence matters a lot and many times it is not even up to the girl.

 

Things are changing pretty fast in India. Girls are becoming smarter day by day and parent's outlook is also changing. It would be next to impossible for you to find a upper middle class girl to marry you just for settling abroad. If you are lucky you may find a middle class girl but you shouldn't have any problems finding a low class girl. By call I mean income brackets.

 

India is filled with marriage agency, matrimonial websites, etc. You can register on one and see how it goes. You don't need to go to any special MOB websites. There are some fake profiles but mostly a lot of girls are genuine and actively looking to get married. I have seen people going from strangers to married in 2 weeks.

Edited December 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed website~T

[Jersey born raised]

Your biggest assumption and problem is a MOB s desperate to settle for a sub-standard US. Male. Is that a good start to marriage?