bisquick Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 There are numerous booked titled, "Make any man fall in love with you," or "Make any man want you" with things explaining how to make it happen. I haven't ever tried the advice from these books on anyone yet. These books make it seem like making a guy fall in love with you is completely in your control and that if he doesn't fall for you, you must have done something wrong or didn't do enough. Recently, I went out on a few dates with this great guy and I felt the dates went well, yet he is not into me. I have had my fair share of dating mistakes and blunders, all from which I have learned from, however, with this guy, left the date feeling confident about how well it went. Unfortunately, he's not into me. And I feel pretty sad cause I feel like maybe it's my fault that he doesn't like me enough. I'm confident in myself and am actually left wondering, "How does he not like me?" Of course, I don't expect every man to like me, but I really thought he would. The fact that he doesn't makes me kind of question what I did wrong. I feel that I praised his efforts, made him feel like a man, am kind, sweet, fun, have a sense of humor, and can hold a good conversation. Have you ever been left wondering "How could this guy/girl not have liked me?" Any stories about this would help. 2
basil67 Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 I've certainly been disappointed, but I've never questioned my own part in it. As you say, not everyone is going to want to date us. The only time I would question it would be if I could never get a second date with anyone - in which case, I'd assume I was doing something wrong when dating. As far as those books go - a big waste of trees if you ask me. They are simply a way for an author to get rich while preying on the needs of someone who's lonely or desperate. 3
Satu Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Those books are not worth the paper they're printed on. When you meet the right man, he'll love you just for being yourself. Take care. 10
HereNorThere Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 You can't take these kind of set backs personally. There's a plethora of reasons why someone may not continue seeing you after a few dates. Sometimes they didn't feel a connection but sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Falling in love has a lot to do with timing. Two people have to be in similar phases in their life or the compatibility just isn't there. No, you can't make people fall in love with you. What you can do is work on yourself and learn from your failures as well as your successes. Don't just date to find a partner, date to get better at dating as well. When you shift your mindset and set out to have fun and meet new and interesting people, you'll notice people want to spend more time with you. Humans are selfish. We're lonely but as soon as someone injects themselves into our bubble, we start to feel engulfed. It's important to give people space and let them naturally come to you. If they feel stressed or obligated, they run like scared little animals. It's paradoxical, but to get a partner, you have to be willing to lose a partner. Daters instinctively know when a person has less options, so make sure you have few. Go on dates with different people and learn from them. It's okay to ask for feedback if a person rejects you as long as you don't take it out on them. I've learned a lot by simply just asking women what went right or wrong and taking the criticism. 2
Erik30 Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 All those books are bs, you can't "make" a guy fall in love with you so it's not your fault. I'm sure there once was someone in your life who really liked you, but you didn't feel the same way and there's nothing he could've done to change that. That's just how dating works, and yeah it sucks when you're really into the person but the feelings are not mutual. Just like all of the "how to get your ex back" books, they're basically scamming people who are having a weak moment. 3
Arieswoman Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 OP, Is it your fault if you can't "make any man fall in love with you"? Nope. I had an auntie who never married. She was pretty, witty, intelligent, had a good job, lots of domestic skills (wallpapering, gardening, making preserves, cooking). She enjoyed theatre, the ballet etc etc. She had several boyfriends but wasn't really fussed. Then she fell in love with a guy who was married (but separated). She moved half way across the country to be near him but it didn't work out. Sometimes it doesn't work but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Although, like my auntie maybe you're looking for love in the wrong places? 1
mikeylo Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 You can't make anyone fall in love with someone but if it was there before , you can reignite it. Sometimes people find love in the most expected places.
vampirebrat Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Have you ever been left wondering "How could this guy/girl not have liked me?" Any stories about this would help. I don't have any stories. I just know that you can't force attraction, you either feel it or you don't. It's noone's fault.
bachdude Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 There are many things one can do to ruin your chances and things you can do to help love along but that is very different from actually MAKING someone fall in love with you.
Sweetfish Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 There are numerous booked titled, "Make any man fall in love with you," or "Make any man want you" Maybe its you? Why is everyone so politically correct? I think everyone is confused because the OP said how to make someone fall in love with you. She is just quoting some dumb random book? Op aren't you just asking why isn't this guy attracted to you and your questioning what you may be doing wrong? maybe its not you? We know nothing about you to truly say about your dating habits and results.
Author bisquick Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) Looking back, I realize that with this last guy I was dating, maybe I didn't sell myself well enough on the first date. I went into the date thinking that I shouldn't have to bring up every piece of information about me in the world and to let him learn things about me naturally and for things to unfold naturally. However, now looking back, I realize that maybe I just didn't do a well enough job at highlighting some major positive qualities about myself that I could have, and because of that, I didn't seem like as great of a catch maybe. I thought that just hanging out and naturally letting the conversation flow would have been enough but I guess it didn't do enough to win him over. I mean basic things like showing giving examples of things in life i've done that show I am kind, caring, give to the community, etc. This is not to say that on the date, I did not exhibit kindness, but we all need to highlight these things with examples of course ... Edited December 23, 2016 by bisquick
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Throughout time, there has been plenty of books out there that has been aimed at women to make women feel guilty that they are not doing enough. How to get a guy and keep him, Settle, the case for settling for Mr. good enough, etc... I remember a friend of mine and I went into a bookstore, and one of the best sellers was ten reasons why it's your fault your not married yet. Again aimed at women. One of the chapters was titled was because you're too slutty and another because you're a slob and another different title was because you're not giving him the sex he needs. This dominating sexist propaganda is aimed at putting women at a disadvantage, telling them that if they haven't got what it takes to secure a man than they are not only missing out on a milestone and not doing it soon enough but somehow love for a man is purely conditional, and the way to a man's heart is by meeting those conditions. Men that have been interested in me I haven't been interested in. And men that I have been interested in haven't been interested in me. It's just the way it is. It's extremely rare to have two people both really into each other. But I have a boyfriend now, who is as equally into me as I am into him. I just find that exceedingly rare. May not be uncommon for everyone but for me, it has been, and no book or magazine article got me closer to him. If you are yourself, and a guy isn't into you, don't blame yourself for being who you naturally are. No one should be blaming you. No woman, man, child, magazine article, book or so -called "love expert." The best advice given to me was to be yourself, do something you love and the rest will follow suit. I finally followed that sound advice and now I am in a relationship, the first in 13.5 years. I didn't read anything that got me there sooner, and nothing will. It just means that you'd be striving for love when you should be just resting in who you are. 1
CobraX Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Looking back, I realize that with this last guy I was dating, maybe I didn't sell myself well enough on the first date. I went into the date thinking that I shouldn't have to bring up every piece of information about me in the world and to let him learn things about me naturally and for things to unfold naturally. However, now looking back, I realize that maybe I just didn't do a well enough job at highlighting some major positive qualities about myself that I could have, and because of that, I didn't seem like as great of a catch maybe. I thought that just hanging out and naturally letting the conversation flow would have been enough but I guess it didn't do enough to win him over. I mean basic things like showing giving examples of things in life i've done that show I am kind, caring, give to the community, etc. This is not to say that on the date, I did not exhibit kindness, but we all need to highlight these things with examples of course ... Listen, the other commenters on this thread are ignorant. Yes you can do things to increase the likelihood of a guy falling in love with you. You can also do things to stop guys from loving you too. To believe that it's all outside your control is ridiculous. It's like believing that a college degree doesn't help you get a job. Self improvement should be your life's work. 1
chumly Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 yes, I can definitely relate to your feelings on the matter. I have people show an interest in me and it seems like they suddenly change their minds about me..yet, I did not change nor did I do anything different. What really baffles me is when I feel there is quite a strong connection with so many common interests and things of that nature. I guess it is only natural to start looking at yourself and wonder if there is something lacking within you. I know that book title is making you feel that way but it really is not you at all..it is something with him/them and by the way, as I tell this to you I am kind of telling it to myself too. I am kind of going through a similar thing with someone myself. This man seemed so very interested in me originally and I kind of felt like our connection grew since we have become facebook friends and now I see even more so how much we really have in common but yet it almost seems like his interest in me is fading. I dont understand it but I just keep telling myself it is not me...it is something with him. Perhaps there are things that I or anybody can do to get people to magically like us more but it almost seems like it is too much work if we have to go to all that trouble! People should like us for who we are. Maybe I am wrong though and maybe that is why I am lonely but anyway, I hope this confusing post helped in some kind of way. Good luck:D and dont worry...you sound pretty awesome in my book! 1
Author bisquick Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Good luck:D and dont worry...you sound pretty awesome in my book! Awww thank you haha. Thanks for the advice 1
Author bisquick Posted December 23, 2016 Author Posted December 23, 2016 Listen, the other commenters on this thread are ignorant. Yes you can do things to increase the likelihood of a guy falling in love with you. You can also do things to stop guys from loving you too. To believe that it's all outside your control is ridiculous. It's like believing that a college degree doesn't help you get a job. Self improvement should be your life's work. I feel in life that there is so much control over our circumstances, that when something doesn't work out, I get mad at myself for mot having done better or knowing better. I wonder if it's because I didn't sell myself well enough...
Sweetfish Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 (edited) Throughout time, there has been plenty of books out there that has been aimed at women to make women feel guilty that they are not doing enough. How to get a guy and keep him, Settle, the case for settling for Mr. good enough, etc... I remember a friend of mine and I went into a bookstore, and one of the best sellers was ten reasons why it's your fault your not married yet. Again aimed at women. One of the chapters was titled was because you're too slutty and another because you're a slob and another different title was because you're not giving him the sex he needs. This dominating sexist propaganda is aimed at putting women at a disadvantage, telling them that if they haven't got what it takes to secure a man than they are not only missing out on a milestone and not doing it soon enough but somehow love for a man is purely conditional, and the way to a man's heart is by meeting those conditions. Men that have been interested in me I haven't been interested in. And men that I have been interested in haven't been interested in me. It's just the way it is. It's extremely rare to have two people both really into each other. But I have a boyfriend now, who is as equally into me as I am into him. I just find that exceedingly rare. May not be uncommon for everyone but for me, it has been, and no book or magazine article got me closer to him. If you are yourself, and a guy isn't into you, don't blame yourself for being who you naturally are. No one should be blaming you. No woman, man, child, magazine article, book or so -called "love expert." The best advice given to me was to be yourself, do something you love and the rest will follow suit. I finally followed that sound advice and now I am in a relationship, the first in 13.5 years. I didn't read anything that got me there sooner, and nothing will. It just means that you'd be striving for love when you should be just resting in who you are. LMAO... sexist propaganda? The minute a person writes a book on how women should step up their game its sexiest? With the improvement of the internet and transportation and the stress of having to work to support oneself. Yes, to marry someone now is a different ball game specially with a divorce rate of 50% and the decline of marriages. Edited December 23, 2016 by Sweetfish
Sweetfish Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I feel in life that there is so much control over our circumstances, that when something doesn't work out, I get mad at myself for mot having done better or knowing better. I wonder if it's because I didn't sell myself well enough... Are you being feminine enough?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 LMAO... sexist propaganda? The minute a person writes a book on how women should step up their game its sexiest? With the improvement of the internet and transportation and the stress of having to work to support oneself. Yes, to marry someone now is a different ball game specially with a divorce rate of 50% and the decline of marriages. I haven't come across a book that tells men how they should do more in order to get married. I haven't come across a book that tells men that they need to step up their game, learn to love women and get their s*** together in order to find the right girl. There are plenty of books and articles that advice men on how to get laid at clubs however. So yeah, I'd call it sexism.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 Are you being feminine enough? I think you'll find if she is female that suffices as feminine enough. She doesn't need to like strive in order to find love. Does any guy here check himself before going on a date to see how masculine enough he is or does it come naturally because he is in fact a man? and how do you define either femininity or masculinity? there are no rules about it, and even if there are, there shouldn't be.
CobraX Posted December 23, 2016 Posted December 23, 2016 I haven't come across a book that tells men how they should do more in order to get married. I haven't come across a book that tells men that they need to step up their game, learn to love women and get their s*** together in order to find the right girl. There are plenty of books and articles that advice men on how to get laid at clubs however. So yeah, I'd call it sexism. It's not sexism. It's called sexual dimorphism. The books are designed to get people to buy them. Men are generally looking for sex first... women are more interested in relationships. Besides any woman ever can get laid at a nightclub with ease... so why buy a book about it? The vast majority of men have to put in a significant amount of work just to get a date. Women should be ready to step up their efforts as well. Being pretty isn't enough anymore.
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