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My GF almost has no sex drive and it ruined our relationship but i still love her

warren894

By warren894
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warren894 New Member

warren894

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Backstory. We dated and broke up October 2015. She got a new bf and it didnt work out and she missed me and still loved me. I still loved her and we got back together September 2016.

 

I love her very much. I love spending time with her. Going on dates, cuddling, watching movies, taking trips, etc. She's so much fun to be around. Except there's such a lack of sex. She has no sex drive whatsoever.

 

I tried to explain to her my feelings. Im in love with her and I find her so damn attractive, and I want to be intimate with her. But she says sex isn't everything. I know its not everything but it should be something.

 

She says she wants to do it with me, except when we're about to, she doesn't anymore. She always has an excuse. She'll say "not tonight, but we can this night" and then that night will come and there will be another excuse.

 

Plus, I only got to see her maybe once or twice a week because of school, and she says she doesnt want to use that time to have sex with me. I said we can do other things but I can only see you and I want to be intimate when I can. She still refuses.

 

Its not just sex either. Its anything "sexual". She will let me finger her, but once shes done, she pulls her pants back up and I just sit there frustrated. Its like she has no interest in me at all.

 

Everything about her I love except this one problem and its a big problem. Im super frustrated. Plus, I know couples who are all over each other and I wish we were like that because that how i feel about her.

 

I broke it off for this reason. I told her i cant keep feeling unwanted and having my desires rejected. She just called me a pig and said good luck finding someone who obsessed with sex like I was.

 

I miss her though. A lot and I want to be with her but I know this problem prob will come up again.

 

Should i walk away for good?

eightytwenty Established Member

eightytwenty

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Feels like she's using you for some reason.

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warren894 New Member

warren894

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Ive thought that too. When we first broke up, she started dating a guy like a month after. Then when they broke up, she started texting me right after. Its like she didn't want to be alone and she just chose me becuase she knew I would come back.

PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

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You can have fun and hang out with your friends. What makes a girlfriend different is you have sex with her.

 

No sex = no girlfriend.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Instead of assuming:

 

Best thing to do is approach her one last time, and ask for honestly, have an open discussion,.......so you can finally put this to rest and move on.

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SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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It doesn't sound like she's sexually attracted to you. You can't force her to be sexually attracted to you. If you want sex, it looks like you'll need to find someone else.

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warren894 New Member

warren894

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I've talked to her. She says she finds me attractive and wants to have sex, but when were about to the feeling goes away and she doesn't know why

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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I've talked to her. She says she finds me attractive and wants to have sex, but when were about to the feeling goes away and she doesn't know why

 

I won't go so far as to call her a liar, but when actions don't match up to the words. You have to go with the actions.

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chphan Established Member

chphan

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I've talked to her. She says she finds me attractive and wants to have sex, but when were about to the feeling goes away and she doesn't know why

 

Ever heard of the term action speak louder than words??

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory remark
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Wheremyheartis Established Member

Wheremyheartis

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If she is genuinely interested in you, and is legit losing interest in sex and she isnot using you. Maybe look up on FSAD (female sexual arousal disorder). It is a real thing, and I have a friend with it.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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She can't just take sex off the table and expect you to be fine with it. Sex is an important part of a relationship. If she wasn't willing to work with you to find out why she was so evasive about it, then you did the right thing ending it.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I've talked to her. She says she finds me attractive and wants to have sex, but when were about to the feeling goes away and she doesn't know why

Now you have a decision to make. You can either A) believe her and help her through this mental block or B) leave her be, you are not about to waste anymore time on this. If you were married I would have suggested A, but since you were only BF/GF it would be in your best interest to call it quits and move on.

phineas Established Member

phineas

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Was sex an issue the first time you were with her before you broke up?

joseb Established Member

joseb

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The fact she is calling you a pig and saying good luck finding someone to have sex with suggests to me she is full of **** and using you.

 

Life's too short for this BS, go get a girl that likes you and wants you.

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purrrfectlyflawed Established Member

purrrfectlyflawed

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No sex should be an absolute deal breaker. She's using you. She may like you but she's not attracted to you. Good luck.

Saracena Established Member

Saracena

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The fact she is calling you a pig and saying good luck finding someone to have sex with suggests to me she is full of **** and using you. .

 

An alternative interpretation is that, despite all his assurances she truly believes this is all the OP is after. We must remember we're only privy to his side of things here. The fact she wished him good luck in finding someone to have sex with is fairly indicative of this to me!

 

Out of interest, how old are you two? She sounds young to me.

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warren894 New Member

warren894

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Im 22 and she's 20. 21 next month. What gets me is when I told her how i felt about this, she said her ex bf (the one after me) did the same thing to her He acted like he didnt want to be intimate with her and she had to try all the time. Now she does the same **** to me.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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Maybe she's getting it elsewhere and doesn't need or want it from you.

 

She did dump you once

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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An alternative interpretation is that, despite all his assurances she truly believes this is all the OP is after.

 

If this was the case, surely she would have broken up with him?

joseb Established Member

joseb

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OP, who pays for the trips and tickets?

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Sara1989 Established Member

Sara1989

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Ok its out 3 options

 

1. She is not sexually attractive to you

2.She is a closeted lesbian

3. She is asexual

 

Take your pick.

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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Most of the time there is infection involved most of them just to hide it by not having sex with you. Something to consider too. If your not happy with her just move on. There is nothing that said you have to be with her only. If Sex is so important then find a woman to have sex with and be happy then!

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warren894 New Member

warren894

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Hey guys thanks for your input. I talked with her and she said she doesnt think sex is important and she doesn't enjoy it. I kind of figured that because she wouldnt do anything if we ever did. She would never try new positions or really do any foreplay on me. It was always just missionary. She basically told me she doesnt like having men on top of her thrusting and she only does it just so they'll be happy they got "something".

 

These were all red flags. I cant be with someone who doesnt enjoy sex or never wants to do it or when does, theres no passion or emotion involved. She has some issues she needs sorted out and thats not my problem anymore

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I've been in the game long enough (not just the dating game, but with people in general) that if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. There is something not right about this woman. You may never know what that is or is not, but it's always going to linger if you choose to ignore it.

 

Move on from her.

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