Ninazee Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 (edited) I really need to know if what i did was right or wrong , i need an advice! I had a crush on my married Boss as she was my friend as well for the past 5 years and i used to tell her everything about me my experiences with females and males and she was interested but didn't want to push for a sexual thing so we were close and we used to talk 24/7 , after her divorce in June we become more close and we had sex regularly after and she liked it and she was happy it . but deep inside she knew that she doesn't believe in having a relationship with a girl and she needs to find a guy for marriage to settle down.she told me that. and because i loved her i told her about a marriage website and she found some guy she likes and she is talking to him over Skype as he is living aboard. after that , jealousy from my side started , she used to tell me everything about him but after we had a fight over him she stopped. things became worse. becz i dont know whats going on and Jealousy and doubt controlled me . but after all i did manage to stay as much as i can with her nd support her because all i care about is to make her happy even if its not with me . Everything was perfect until last week , i told her that i want to stay away because i want to protect my self from getting hurt because when u leave its gona be more hard on me , she said why u keep rushing things and if you are talking about that guy i haven't spoken to him since 10 days and i wont and dont keep analyzing things just go with the flow you dont know whats gonna happen, so i did and we started talking and seeing each other again normally. 3 days ago ; i mentioned we used to talk 24/7 she used to call me morning nd check on me everytime; however i try to call her or send her and she replies that sorry i had a busy day at work and she replies after like 4-5hours!! or she only reply after a long time and she didn't call me . so i felt that the reason was is that she is talking to that guy again . so yesterday she sent me lets go out and i did. and she was very weird ; like we never had a relationship she was talking me as a normal friend , she says : "Just a min i wanna make a call" she was talking to some guy im not sure who but it seems like someone she's dating or talking to " but she didnt even tell me who is that person . the next dy morning i sent her a break up msg, and she replied n a vry cold way her msg was "you will be special person to me and im really sorry to hear that but i would never push you u know that i wish we can stay friends but if that is your decision then i will respect it and remember that you can always call me or talk to me or even see me cz u will always be a special person to me u are and were a great person to me by all means i wish all the best of luck may all ur wishes come true" * the reason i sent the breakup msg is that i felt that she doesn't care about me anymore because she changed with me because of that guy. she used to tell me even if i got married we can still be friends . i told her yeah but u will change she said i will never change. so i felt she did and now she even don't call and reply after 5 hours . Does ths msg means that she was already waiting for this msg to say goodbye? or what? i don't understand Edited December 17, 2016 by Ninazee
Philosoraptor Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Well the first and most glaring issue is the fact that she jumped from a marriage to another relationship... that spells a rebound. On top of that she switched sides of the plate, which also gives another type of excitement while rebounding. So, where is the security in this relationship? You're not happy, she's not happy, she's speaking with other people on the side. Sounds like you are much more invested than her, and she doesn't have much interest in becoming more invested.
Author Ninazee Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Well i agree that it is a rebound but we were talking and close as well before she got the divorce but we didnt have any sexual relationship back then. but what i dont understand now that she just sent that text and she didn't even ask why r u doing that or lets discuss it that what really kills me ??
Been Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Fact of the matter is you had a crush on a married woman and acted on it-zero respect. And why is almost everyone that gets with someone married always almost NEVER does anything intimate till AFTER the divorce? Does it make them look better telling it that way?
Methodical Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 You were an infatuated friend who was in the right place at the right time after your friend's divorce. You briefly shared a friends with benefits relationship. Clearly, you knew the sexual relations would end since she had made it known that she was seeking another male partner. Otherwise, you wouldn't have steered her to a marriage website. You've already acknowledged the pitfall...you became jealous and had doubts about your relationship. At this point, your relationship was basically platonic, was it not? Then, you sent mixed signals. You told her you were distancing yourself so that you wouldn't get hurt when she left. She told you that you were the one rushing/jumping to conclusions bc she hadn't spoken with him for ten days. She suggested the two of you hang out, the way friends do. You expected more, and when she made a call, which also confirmed you were in the friend zone, you got miffed and sent a break up message. Was this a friend dissolution message or lovers? Honestly, she tried to reach out and explain that she was available as a friend and her door would always be open as such. Yes, you had a brief FWB relationship and the benefits ended. She wants to remain friends, you want the benefits. That isn't going to happen. If you can't accept her as a friend, and only a friend, the relationship isn't sustainable. You get upset when she doesn't reply to your messages immediately. Ppl have lives to live. A friend will get back in touch. Perhaps not immediately, but getting bent out of shape over five hours is a little over the top.
Stercrazy Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 You were an infatuated friend who was in the right place at the right time after your friend's divorce. You briefly shared a friends with benefits relationship. Clearly, you knew the sexual relations would end since she had made it known that she was seeking another male partner. Otherwise, you wouldn't have steered her to a marriage website. You've already acknowledged the pitfall...you became jealous and had doubts about your relationship. At this point, your relationship was basically platonic, was it not? Then, you sent mixed signals. You told her you were distancing yourself so that you wouldn't get hurt when she left. She told you that you were the one rushing/jumping to conclusions bc she hadn't spoken with him for ten days. She suggested the two of you hang out, the way friends do. You expected more, and when she made a call, which also confirmed you were in the friend zone, you got miffed and sent a break up message. Was this a friend dissolution message or lovers? Honestly, she tried to reach out and explain that she was available as a friend and her door would always be open as such. Yes, you had a brief FWB relationship and the benefits ended. She wants to remain friends, you want the benefits. That isn't going to happen. If you can't accept her as a friend, and only a friend, the relationship isn't sustainable. You get upset when she doesn't reply to your messages immediately. Ppl have lives to live. A friend will get back in touch. Perhaps not immediately, but getting bent out of shape over five hours is a little over the top. NAILED it! Sorry to be harsh but this response has a lot of insight into the reality of the relationship.
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