I can't get over her no matter what I do

[gesfwejwqrj]

I don't want to tell my whole life story here so I'll try to keep it as abrupt as possible.

 

I'm in college and had my first "girlfriend" recently. Don't know if you can really call it a girlfriend as I only knew her a few months and it was largely a rebound on her part. She was the first person I've ever had intimate contact with and shared mutual affection with. We never had sex (this probably contributed in some way to my feelings about it now) She doesn't live near me anymore.

 

It's been 7 months since I last saw her in person and 5 months since she cut off contact from me after I sought closure. She is with a previous ex-boyfriend now and they're probably going to get married.

 

I think about her every day, almost all the time. What she's doing, what her plans are, whether and how often she ever thinks of me, whether she will ever contact me again and if so how, how she will never know what she did to me, what she did in her past that she didn't tell me about etc. Almost everything I experience I somehow associate with her. It kills me. It's like a haunting that will never go away. I've seen a few different therapists about it, and it tires me because talking about it always leads to dead ends because there's nothing for me to do about it. I get so angry that I'm letting her get away with just throwing me away but there's nothing I can do about it.

 

I stopped checking all of her social media 1 month ago (a big step), but I still can't get over her. I almost feel like the only thing that can help me is to somehow make contact with her again, just so i can experience the feeling of us both acknowledging each others existence again, but I know that deep down there would be no point and it would just make things worse. I feel almost like I need to contact her and just say "I'm really in trouble and you're the only person in the world who can help me."

 

It terrifies me because I almost feel like even if I get in future relationships I will still think about her. And even then, what if I'm in a more serious relationship with someone and the same thing happens? It will be even more intense. I worry that I will never get the opportunity to meet someone like her again in my life.

 

I feel like I'm being so ridiculous in that I can't move on. I just want to be free of this and be able to live my life. I get suicidal (I know I will not act on it though). It pains me so much it's almost like a physical illness.

Edited December 17, 2016 by gesfwejwqrj

[Miss Clavel]

it's over. sorry. but there it is.

 

there is an old saying that when the pain of where you are becomes larger than the fear of moving on, you will move on.

 

you just have to tell yourself, "it's over, thee end" 100 hundred times a day. which means almost all day. it's called a mantra.

 

i could say that she didn't deserve you, these things happen for a reason or even, you can do better. but i won't. because none of that matters.

 

what matters right now is your survival. and anything or anyone that brings you to this point is not good for you.

 

there is something still left for you to find, something left for you to do and someone else to meet. lots of someones.

 

you owe it to yourself to accept that she's gone.

 

if you cannot get over this in 90 days, you might want to seek help in the form of therapy.

 

sometimes you're not "giving yourself away" "you're throwing yourself away".

 

and, imo, she's not good enough for you.

 

which means, you can do better.

 

oops.

 

good luck.

[lostandfound18]

You probably get "everything happens for a reason" a lot, so I won't even say that. It's hard moving on, trust me..I'm in that position right now and it feels like my world is falling to pieces, but you have to keep your head up and know there are people here for you.

[DarrenB]

Unfortunately, as much as you feel it would benefit you, you cannot bestow a cry of help to an ex, or anyone significantly close to them. Ultimately, it'll effect you, it'll effect them, effect the remaining connection and emotional attachment between the two of you and then that'll be it. Then you'll be really stuck in a rut. A lot of people assume an ex, someone who no longer serves any purpose in your life whatsoever, is someone to rely on... they couldn't be more wrong. In some cases, possibly, most cases definitely not.

 

- Go to therapy. Go to your local doctor. Get a diagnosis, to acknowledge specifically what you're dealing with. Sometimes you feel it's PTSD or something, but actually it can be more severe and harming to your emotional and mental state.

 

- Acceptance. I feel as though you still have glimmers of hope for her and you getting back together, in some weird circumstance. In-denial, you know that sort of thing. In any situation, the sooner you accept the fact something is genuinely over, you have more sense of direction of where to progress in coping. Sounds like malarkey but it's genuine. Worked for me anyway.

 

- Dating. Have you tried it since? there's the whole cliche aspect of occupying yourself with typical, routine-like activities but perhaps finding and seeking a new partner might do you well. As Satu would say 'getting back on the high horse'. Now, doing so will probably either allow you to completely emotionally detach from your ex or bring you to reminisce more than you currently already do. It's worth bargaining with though.

 

- Try not to be independent and handle things alone. This is where I went wrong in my healing. I refused to open up to people or be a social activist. What did that do for me? nothing, it made me worse. When you're lonely whilst in a place of mind which is deemed to be dark, ominous and sorrowful the last thing you want is to be dealing with it alone. You need a place of sanctuary but also you need support and guidance. Without it, you might grow stronger down the line but you'll succumb to the solitude. Suicidal thoughts are not something to neglect, period.

 

- Having the right mentality and mindset to move forward. It's a myth that getting into a new relationship, turning over a completely new page, starting a new life entirely can benefit you, because sometimes it can be the worst decision you'll ever make, but it's worth the risk. With risk comes reward. You're skeptical, like a lot of us were or are. That's alright, because gradually you will get out of that mindset of grief and begin to see the finer things in life. Things that you are yet to experience because you are being held down by constant thoughts of people, memories that are obsolete.

 

You cannot let someone control your life, especially if they're not even invested in it.

[Aesc]

I don't want to tell my whole life story here so I'll try to keep it as abrupt as possible.

 

I'm in college and had my first "girlfriend" recently. Don't know if you can really call it a girlfriend as I only knew her a few months and it was largely a rebound on her part. She was the first person I've ever had intimate contact with and shared mutual affection with. We never had sex (this probably contributed in some way to my feelings about it now) She doesn't live near me anymore.

 

It's been 7 months since I last saw her in person and 5 months since she cut off contact from me after I sought closure. She is with a previous ex-boyfriend now and they're probably going to get married.

 

I think about her every day, almost all the time. What she's doing, what her plans are, whether and how often she ever thinks of me, whether she will ever contact me again and if so how, how she will never know what she did to me, what she did in her past that she didn't tell me about etc. Almost everything I experience I somehow associate with her. It kills me. It's like a haunting that will never go away. I've seen a few different therapists about it, and it tires me because talking about it always leads to dead ends because there's nothing for me to do about it. I get so angry that I'm letting her get away with just throwing me away but there's nothing I can do about it.

 

I stopped checking all of her social media 1 month ago (a big step), but I still can't get over her. I almost feel like the only thing that can help me is to somehow make contact with her again, just so i can experience the feeling of us both acknowledging each others existence again, but I know that deep down there would be no point and it would just make things worse. I feel almost like I need to contact her and just say "I'm really in trouble and you're the only person in the world who can help me."

 

It terrifies me because I almost feel like even if I get in future relationships I will still think about her. And even then, what if I'm in a more serious relationship with someone and the same thing happens? It will be even more intense. I worry that I will never get the opportunity to meet someone like her again in my life.

 

I feel like I'm being so ridiculous in that I can't move on. I just want to be free of this and be able to live my life. I get suicidal (I know I will not act on it though). It pains me so much it's almost like a physical illness.

 

The easiest way to get over someone, is to find someone new. You won't forget about the pervious relationship, but you'll definitely think considerably less about it. If you are struggling with depression, do something about it. Talk to someone. Regular exercise if vigorous enough will help, because it releases Anandamide inside your brain.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Aesc

[tinytiger87]

OP,

 

focus on you, man. go out and do the things that you want to do with your life. Its hard, I know but the more you stay active and be around other people, the less pain you will feel over time. Find something to channel all of that energy toward, maybe beginning a workout routine, or finding a new hobby. This has helped me immensely in my breakup this year. Ive become a much better housekeeper, always keeping my place immaculate. I cook more, I got a new haircut, new clothes. I joined Planet Fitness and have lost 30 lbs and put on some muscle.

The end result is that my ex and my situation doesn't define me. She moved away to another state but yesterday apparently she was back at my work while I was on my lunch break and I wasn't there. I found out after I came back that she had been there and had about 5 minutes of panic, but after that I was able to laugh it off. She doesn't define me anymore, because of the things that I have done post-breakup. Don't let your ex define you anymore either.

Good luck man, I hope you find your way.

[sorano]

it's over. sorry. but there it is.

 

there is an old saying that when the pain of where you are becomes larger than the fear of moving on, you will move on.

 

you just have to tell yourself, "it's over, thee end" 100 hundred times a day. which means almost all day. it's called a mantra.

 

i could say that she didn't deserve you, these things happen for a reason or even, you can do better. but i won't. because none of that matters.

 

what matters right now is your survival. and anything or anyone that brings you to this point is not good for you.

 

there is something still left for you to find, something left for you to do and someone else to meet. lots of someones.

 

you owe it to yourself to accept that she's gone.

 

if you cannot get over this in 90 days, you might want to seek help in the form of therapy.

 

sometimes you're not "giving yourself away" "you're throwing yourself away".

 

and, imo, she's not good enough for you.

 

which means, you can do better.

 

oops.

 

good luck.

 

noway anyone will get over a bad break up in 90 days. If not go see a therapist? lol. stop it lol